Trying to understand this bipolar girl

[Acacia98]

6 hours ago, poppyfields said:

I am Bipolar 2 for years (again not as severe as Bipolar 1) and my information came from my doctors and information they provided me, not Wikipedia.

That said, this thread is not about that, we don't even know what type of Bipolar she's been diagnosed with - 1 or 2.

It doesn't matter, this thread isn't about that, like WC said, it's about what the OP should do about the woman he is attracted to who has been diagnosed with a mental illness. 

You realize he didn't direct his response at you in particular, right? It is true that there's quite a bit of inaccurate info in various folks' posts. And it does matter because these inaccuracies can contribute to OP being misinformed and to folks with mental illness being stigmatised. To be very frank with you, some of the stuff being said and the attitudes being adopted towards the woman are making me wince.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, alphamale said:

where are you folks getting your info on Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2?  90% of it is wrong. Go back to Wikipedia and read up.  I am bipolar 1 and was diagnosed way back in 1989

Wikipedia suggests that Chef Boyardee beefaroni  can be beneficial.

[elaine567]

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/bipolar-disorder/about-bipolar-disorder/

[alphamale]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/bipolar-disorder/about-bipolar-disorder/

yes elaine567, this is very good

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, alphamale said:

yes elaine567, this is very good

Yes, and it supports what my doctors have advised me as well. And the info I provided on this thread.

People are often confused about what hypomania (bipolar 2) is.

It is not full blown mania or psychosis.  If one ever experiences a full blown manic or psychotic episode, the diagnosis changes to Bipolar 1.

Sorry guys I am sensitive about this as again I have been living with BP II for many years.

Sadly, there is still such a stigma.  When people hear Bipolar, they immediately think -  RUN for the hills, crazy, psychotic!

Even a few on this thread posited that.

That is not always the case and is dependent on the type of Bipolar it is, and how it's being treated. 

People with Bipolar (both I and II) can be great partners and lead productive lives!  Many do!  I do and in a great relationship, almost 3 years.

All the OP said was she's been diagnosed with Bipolar, we don't know whether it's I or II and it makes a difference!

I like what Fox Sake and Basil and some others said about the OP's criticism of her art, when HE pushed to see it!

Her reaction to that imo had nothing to do with Bipolar, it was an insensitive thing to say and she was hurt!

So she pulled back to rethink the situation, probably considering if she wanted to continue dating him.

To me, that was understandable and agree with others they are most likely a mismatch.

Edited September 2, 2020 by poppyfields

[DCGurly]

20 hours ago, poppyfields said:

 

It is extremely difficult to have relationships with people with Borderline Disorder, sadly. 

Even friendships. One of my best friends has it. I knew she had it, but she never acted out. One day she talked to me so disrespectfully. I was shocked. I told her I won’t be treated that way. I didn’t talk to her for six months.

[CaliforniaGirl]

All we think we know about this girl's DX is what the OP thinks he remembers her saying, which itself might not be all she has told her diagnostician, so IMO all these mini-arguments do nobody any good - least of all the OP. 

Nobody here can hope to unravel this and win the Informed Poster award because in the bottom line we don't  even know if she IS bipolar (we just know what a total stranger says that another total stranger has said); if so, which type; if which type, then her particular degree and regularity of cycling; how well or poorly medicated she is if she's medicated); what other factors may be contributing and could be triggers...or not (like past abuse, just to throw out one example); whether this woman is actively working on her mental health; or even whether she's exaggerating because she knew she screwed up with the OP (yes, it happens...with and without mental illness).

In the end, none of us know this girl.

Trying to DX someone we do know (or interpret their DX) is dangerous. Trying to interpret a DX that might exist or not, in a total stranger, based on a little (and selective) part of what some person thinks he remembers the person said exactly, is...yeah. I don't know. Beyond that...

Giving info on BP 1, BP 2, saying we're more informed than this or that poster and just arguing, isn't a great idea. My pdoc has given me info about MY presentation, plus the amount of general info she has found relevant to ME. If it were easy as a Wiki page to fully inform anybody and to appy it all to one total stranger wandering out there somewhere then prescribing docs wouldn't need 8 years of school to be able to start informing everybody. They'd just have to go in the internet a lot.

IMO, all of this arguing is likely only feeding the OP's hanging-on (perhaps unhealthily, because it's a rabbit hole thing) more. It actually takes him away from the only part he CAN control: how he wants to be treated, and how long he's willing to play this push-pull with this woman. 

If anyone wants to be informed, please speak to a professional. I've been personally involved in and investigating these issues for 30 years and I wouldn't start telling strangers how to treat another person's mental illness or how to understand another person's mental illness. And "generally informing" someone this invested in just getting a girl back feeds the fire and allows for cherry-picking. Speak to a professional, and as for the OP, you need to decide how you want to be treated, not whom you can save so she'll give you what you want her to give you. You're just tearing yourself to pieces otherwise.

 

Edited September 2, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[Wiseman2]

Good point. He doesn't need to reinterpret or become a scholar on her issues. He needs to watch bad behaviors and cut his losses, regardless of why they are happening.

Edited September 2, 2020 by Wiseman2

[elaine567]

36 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

in the bottom line we don't  even know if she IS bipolar (we just know what a total stranger says that another total stranger has said)

On 9/1/2020 at 3:52 PM, Fabian1609 said:

She confessed me her bipolar condition but told me that she is on meds and under control.

There is a point in this forum that we have to take what the OP says as being true^^^, else it doesn't work.

My marriage is sexless.
Is it? WE don't actually know that.
My husband is cheating on me.
Is he? WE don't actually know that.
My gf left me yesterday.
Did she? WE don't actually know that...
 

[Fox Sake]

39 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

All we think we know about this girl's DX is what the OP thinks he remembers her saying, which itself might not be all she has told her diagnostician, so IMO all these mini-arguments do nobody any good - least of all the OP. 

Nobody here can hope to unravel this and win the Informed Poster award because in the bottom line we don't  even know if she IS bipolar (we just know what a total stranger says that another total stranger has said); if so, which type; if which type, then her particular degree and regularity of cycling; how well or poorly medicated she is if she's medicated); what other factors may be contributing and could be triggers...or not (like past abuse, just to throw out one example); whether this woman is actively working on her mental health; or even whether she's exaggerating because she knew she screwed up with the OP (yes, it happens...with and without mental illness).

In the end, none of us know this girl.

Trying to DX someone we do know (or interpret their DX) is dangerous. Trying to interpret a DX that might exist or not, in a total stranger, based on a little (and selective) part of what some person thinks he remembers the person said exactly, is...yeah. I don't know. Beyond that...

Giving info on BP 1, BP 2, saying we're more informed than this or that poster and just arguing, isn't a great idea. My pdoc has given me info about MY presentation, plus the amount of general info she has found relevant to ME. If it were easy as a Wiki page to fully inform anybody and to appy it all to one total stranger wandering out there somewhere then prescribing docs wouldn't need 8 years of school to be able to start informing everybody. They'd just have to go in the internet a lot.

IMO, all of this arguing is likely only feeding the OP's hanging-on (perhaps unhealthily, because it's a rabbit hole thing) more. It actually takes him away from the only part he CAN control: how he wants to be treated, and how long he's willing to play this push-pull with this woman. 

If anyone wants to be informed, please speak to a professional. I've been personally involved in and investigating these issues for 30 years and I wouldn't start telling strangers how to treat another person's mental illness or how to understand another person's mental illness. And "generally informing" someone this invested in just getting a girl back feeds the fire and allows for cherry-picking. Speak to a professional, and as for the OP, you need to decide how you want to be treated, not whom you can save so she'll give you what you want her to give you. You're just tearing yourself to pieces otherwise.

 

Exactly. I can’t be doing with a pissing contest either. That’s not what LS is about. It’s a place for support and guidance. if people want to share their experiences, it doesn’t nullify anyone else’s personal experiences. And if being bi-polar was black and white then it would be easy for people to diagnose. But it’s not. It’s a multitude of shades and spectrums. No one here is wrong and no one is right. It’s just people’s experiences and educated information- which doesn’t always relate to everyone else’s experiences or diagnosis.

Furthermore this is a chance for him look at himself , instead of thinking all the issues came from her. I tried to point that out in my first  post. There’s lessons for everyone involved and the OP doesn’t exactly sound like the most tactile of people with his actions and words towards someone so sensitive. 
 

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

29 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

There is a point in this forum that we have to take what the OP says as being true^^^, else it doesn't work.

My marriage is sexless.
Is it? WE don't actually know that.
My husband is cheating on me.
Is he? WE don't actually know that.
My gf left me yesterday.
Did she? WE don't actually know that...
 

I know. We do. But when it comes to mental illness, while we have to take a poster’s word for it, it can be pretty dangerous to run with that and “educate” the person/give advice on it.

It’s like someone saying “I have a tender area the bottom of my foot and it hurts when I step, but I don’t see any irregularities in the skin” and then people informing him that cancer doesn’t act that way and that he needs to learn more about plantar fasciitis.  Yeah, probably as a general thing. There might be a hundred of .edu sources to support it. And it still might be cancer or maybe something else altogether. It might be diabetic neuropathy. It might be effects of an undiagnosed mini-stroke.

It’s not about thinking the OP isn’t telling the truth. It’s that it’s like the game of telephone. She has said X to him, we’re hearing that second-hand from him and he may not be recalling it all. Then people are giving their “educated” opinions in all this. 

Recipe for disaster.

Edited September 2, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

33 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

Exactly. I can’t be doing with a pissing contest either. That’s not what LS is about. It’s a place for support and guidance. if people want to share their experiences, it doesn’t nullify anyone else’s personal experiences. And if being bi-polar was black and white then it would be easy for people to diagnose. But it’s not. It’s a multitude of shades and spectrums. No one here is wrong and no one is right. It’s just people’s experiences and educated information- which doesn’t always relate to everyone else’s experiences or diagnosis.

Furthermore this is a chance for him look at himself , instead of thinking all the issues came from her. I tried to point that out in my first  post. There’s lessons for everyone involved and the OP doesn’t exactly sound like the most tactile of people with his actions and words towards someone so sensitive. 
 

 

This!!! ^ (2nd paragraph) ALL this is doing is *taking away from* the OP investigating his part in this, so he can take the next best steps *for his* happiness and wellbeing.

 

[poppyfields]

There is general info out there that is helpful in understanding the disease as well as the differences between BP I and II, that may (or may not) help to extinguish the stigma.  I hope someday the stigma ends or lessens because it definitely sucks, at least for me (at times). 

BUT like you said CAgirl and I also said, we DON'T know what type of Bipolar she has or how it's being treated, which is so important.  

There are just too many variables to make any sort of determination; everyone's experience with the disease/disorder is different.

And only one's doctor can make that determination.

Fox Sakes last post (and previous) was spot on! 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 2, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

On 9/1/2020 at 7:52 AM, Fabian1609 said:

She confessed me her bipolar condition but told me that she is on meds and under control.

I am not sure why anyone is doubting that she actually has the disorder or that the OP is using it as an excuse to remain attached.

I took this^ from OP's original post.  One has to assume she has been properly diagnosed by a medical doctor to make this type of "confession."

But again too many variables such as type and the meds she's been prescribed to make any sort of definitive determination.

 

Edited September 2, 2020 by poppyfields

[CaliforniaGirl]

8 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I am not sure why anyone is doubting that she actually has the disorder or that the OP is using it as an excuse to remain attached.

I took this^ from OP's original post.  One has to assume she has been.properly diagnosed by a medical doctor to make this type of "confession."

But again too many variables such as type and the meds she's been prescribed to make any sort of definitive determination.

 

Because it's one possibility among a zillion others, because it does sometimes happen (with or without mental illness - this isn't a question of stigma), and because mental illness is serious sh*t. Just like any health issue.

It's not IMO on par with advising people whether or not to confront an ex about a Tinder account or how many hours one waits to text a person back, or who pays for the coffee.

What I wonder is the opposite. People doubt motives on here of non-mentally ill people all the time. But not now...?

This continues to take the OP AWAY from resolving this issue for *his* happiness (and lack of constant stress and rejections). That's the other factor.

 

Edited September 2, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

There is a point in this forum that we have to take what the OP says as being true^^^, else it doesn't work.

My marriage is sexless.
Is it? WE don't actually know that.
My husband is cheating on me.
Is he? WE don't actually know that.
My gf left me yesterday.
Did she? WE don't actually know that...
 

Okay, but people DO ask these questions in response to such questions on here.

"Are you sure your marriage is sexless? You literally have sex only once every six months or less? And what's your part in all this? Have you gotten bitchy? Gained weight? Are you sure you're being truthful that it's all his fault?"

"You say your husband is cheating on you. Do you have proof or are you just assuming? What exactly did you see or hear to make you think this?"

"She actually actually left you, she said it's over? What was your part, what did you say first? Nobody 'just' walks out on somebody. You're sure this was out.of the blue? Or were you just ignoring the signs? We need more info."

But...now we're supposed to take the abbreviated words of someone relaying the words as best he recalls of someone else as being accurate, and almost certainly diagnosis X instead of diagnosis Y...which presents as Z ("just correcting you! ") and here's some medical information on that?

And at the same time it's inappropriate or stigmatizing for people to wonder if, among other possibilities, there's any game-playing from the girl's side? How come?

[elaine567]

The whole bipolat thing is moot anyway, she has blocked him on all platforms and that usually means "Leave me alone".
Whether she is mentally ill or not, he needs to listen to what her actions are telling him.

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

The whole bipolat thing is moot anyway, she has blocked him on all platforms and that usually means "Leave me alone".
Whether she is mentally ill or not, he needs to listen to what her actions are telling him.

[Highndry]

15 hours ago, DCGurly said:

Even friendships. One of my best friends has it. I knew she had it, but she never acted out. One day she talked to me so disrespectfully. I was shocked. I told her I won’t be treated that way. I didn’t talk to her for six months.

My ex has BPD. I had never even heard of it until I got involved with her. What I have learned is that these people essentially cannot have any long term relationships, romantic or otherwise, unless they're in extensive treatment. I thought it was odd that she didn't have long time friends, that most of her limited acquaintances were people she had only met recently. She was new to the area when I met her (a few years), so that's what I chalked it up to, but there were no friends from the way back whatsoever.

As I got to know her, I started seeing a pattern as to why. Little details started to leak out about grievances she had with pretty much everybody from her past - her own parents, her old friends, her ex-husband, etc. There was a common denominator - it was always the other person's fault. She had essentially discarded her entire past and was seemingly running away from everything. It took me a while to put it all together because she was very crafty and manipulative. I finally said to her one day "you're running. You're going to run away from me and this, too." She got very defensive. I was right.

[elaine567]

20 minutes ago, Highndry said:

My ex has BPD.

BPD is Borderline Personality Disorder.
This girl has Bipolar Disorder.
They are not the same. 

[Acacia98]

12 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

But...now we're supposed to take the abbreviated words of someone relaying the words as best he recalls of someone else as being accurate, and almost certainly diagnosis X instead of diagnosis Y...which presents as Z ("just correcting you! ") and here's some medical information on that?

And at the same time it's inappropriate or stigmatizing for people to wonder if, among other possibilities, there's any game-playing from the girl's side? How come?

Not "supposed to." You get to think or write what you want. That's what we all do anyway. Personally, I assume an OP is saying the truth unless I see something that causes me to doubt that.

Now, if an OP had posted about having relationship problems with a GF with diabetes and someone else had spoken about a friend with type 1 diabetes and gone on to describe a symptom that was specific to type 2 diabetes (and not type 1), it would make sense for people who had diabetes and were consequently educated on those details to point out the error. It's a factual error and you don't need a medical degree to point it out. And if someone else jumped in with the statement that all folks with diabetes were overweight and proceeded to claim that that made them all unstable relationship partners, that would be very highly problematic. I would hope that someone would respond to that and address the broad generalizations and stigmatization. If yet someone else jumped in and said that their diabetic friend had high blood pressure and then others went on to talk about high blood pressure as something that all folks with diabetes had, I sure hope someone would correct that.

Going back to mental illness, sharing factual information or personal experience could help the OP in subtle/indirect ways. It could help him realize that the condition is more complex than he thought or that he doesn't have the emotional capacity to support someone living with it. It really depends on how his mind works and how he processes the info. 

Edited September 3, 2020 by Acacia98
Adding an explanation

[Highndry]

23 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

BPD is Borderline Personality Disorder.
This girl has Bipolar Disorder.
They are not the same. 

I was responding to this:

On 9/1/2020 at 11:33 AM, poppyfields said:

She may not have been misdiagnosed but it's quite common that Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder co-exist in conjunction with each other.  Not always but it happens. 

I am not a doctor but what you describe, the valuing/devaluing and other behaviors sound like Borderline.

It is extremely difficult to have relationships with people with Borderline Disorder, sadly. 

 

 

16 hours ago, DCGurly said:

Even friendships. One of my best friends has it. I knew she had it, but she never acted out. One day she talked to me so disrespectfully. I was shocked. I told her I won’t be treated that way. I didn’t talk to her for six months.

 

 

Edited September 3, 2020 by Highndry
Trying to remove errant quote, but failing

[Highndry]

Nevermind, finally fixed it.

Edited September 3, 2020 by Highndry

[alphamale]

6 hours ago, elaine567 said:

BPD is Borderline Personality Disorder.
This girl has Bipolar Disorder.
They are not the same. 

indeed

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 9/2/2020 at 2:58 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Wikipedia suggests that Chef Boyardee beefaroni  can be beneficial.

When is it not?