Fabian1609 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 I have known this girl since March of this year. I have to admit that I started to talk with her on Instagram because she is very very pretty but after knowing her more, she is not only pretty but smart and interesting. She is into art which I find very cool. We also shared some things in common. We meet for coffee the first time, then we went to have breakfast and then for drinks. I also need to say that she is pretty unpredictable. She is fire, she doesn’t think things too much and is funny to be around, in the opposite, I overthink a lot and I’m cold. She confessed me her bipolar condition but told me that she is on meds and under control. However, the last month has been a roller coaster with her, she gets offended by everything I say. I made a comment about one of her paintings and she got so upset that stopped talking to me for a week and removed me from all her social media. Then, after a week without her talking to me, we finally started talking again and she was the same sweet and bubbly girl. Until yesterday, when she told me that she was having an episode, she actually cut herself again and this time it was pretty bad, she told me that she can not be in a relationship now and is completely depressed. I mentioned her that we can be friends, she agreed, told me that she loves me. I didn’t respond to that and now, she blocked from every social media. I don’t know what is going on and I don’t know if she is going to come back. Should I just quit to her forever? I want to help her but she doesn’t allow me and is pushing me again.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 She isn't in a place to be anyone's girlfriend, OP. Moreover, you can't help her. However honorable your intentions are, her problems are above your paygrade and not your responsibility. So yes, you should walk away now. She needs the sort of help you cannot provide and your emotions are going to pay the price if you stick around. 6
FudgeSwirl Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 @ExpatInItaly actually said the very first thing I was going to say. It's not that dating people with a mental disorder is not feasible, but in your situation her current instability makes it impossible. I'm sure this has also affected her relationship with her family and friends. It may be a matter of her doctor changes her medication, therapy, or another evaluation to determine if she has been misdiagnosed and has something such as borderline personality disorder. Whatever it may be as much as you want to help, you unfortunately cannot. It's possible she may unblock you and get back in touch but you shouldn't be there waiting after being shunned, illness or not.
Author Fabian1609 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Posted September 1, 2020 11 minutes ago, FudgeSwirl said: @ExpatInItaly actually said the very first thing I was going to say. It's not that dating people with a mental disorder is not feasible, but in your situation her current instability makes it impossible. I'm sure this has also affected her relationship with her family and friends. It may be a matter of her doctor changes her medication, therapy, or another evaluation to determine if she has been misdiagnosed and has something such as borderline personality disorder. Whatever it may be as much as you want to help, you unfortunately cannot. It's possible she may unblock you and get back in touch but you shouldn't be there waiting after being shunned, illness or not. I also think she may have been misdiagnosed or has both. She has terrible relationships with friends and family, terrible impulses and can love you or hate you in one second. Now she got a permission from her psychiatrist to be out of work for 14 days since she hurt herself pretty bad and is having major depression. What hurts me is that she is a good person, she has a good heart and is so so smart. She also suffered of sexual abuse but I’m not the person that can help her, I just hope that she gets better someday.
Mystery4u Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 Been there, done that, nearly an exact scenario with how she behaves, was also sexually abused when young, as well as self harming. I also thought the same, that I could be the one to help her and make her better. Biggest mistake ever. When she blocked me for the 5th time I was actually glad, and I hope I never see or talk to her again. You cannot help her. She needs to help herself. Get out now while you can. 1
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Fabian1609 said: Should I just quit to her forever? I want to help her but she doesn’t allow me and is pushing me again. Yes you should quit her. She's a badly behaved little drama queen who is using a medical condition as an excuse for rudeness. It's not your job to "help" some person you just met. If somebody needs medical help they should get it from a trained medical professional. You wishing her well is kind & sympathetic. Nothing more is required of you. Save yourself. If you have white knight syndrome wanting to rescue the beautiful damsel in distress you are going to have lifetime of these unsuitable whackos. Edited September 1, 2020 by d0nnivain 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) I too am bipolar but if I acted the way you described I'd fully expect my date/friend/whatever to tell me to go f*** myself. Edited September 1, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl Left out part of a sentence 6
smackie9 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) Yes run for the hills....you don't figure them out because you can't unless you are a working, licenced psychologist. Plus "helping her" is codependency...another wrong way to go. Look up "shining or white knight syndrome". Edited September 1, 2020 by smackie9 2
FudgeSwirl Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 1 hour ago, Fabian1609 said: I also think she may have been misdiagnosed or has both. She has terrible relationships with friends and family, terrible impulses and can love you or hate you in one second. Now she got a permission from her psychiatrist to be out of work for 14 days since she hurt herself pretty bad and is having major depression. What hurts me is that she is a good person, she has a good heart and is so so smart. She also suffered of sexual abuse but I’m not the person that can help her, I just hope that she gets better someday. I understand. A disease should never define a person so I also hope she takes the proper measures to feel better.
ShyViolet Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 You need to run from this situation. You haven't even known this girl very long, so you are not invested. She is way too mentally unstable to date or have any sort of relationship. She knows that and she even told you that herself. You can't help her, you're not a therapist or psychiatrist.
Fox Sake Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, Fabian1609 said: I have known this girl since March of this year. I have to admit that I started to talk with her on Instagram because she is very very pretty but after knowing her more, she is not only pretty but smart and interesting. She is into art which I find very cool. We also shared some things in common. We meet for coffee the first time, then we went to have breakfast and then for drinks. I also need to say that she is pretty unpredictable. She is fire, she doesn’t think things too much and is funny to be around, in the opposite, I overthink a lot and I’m cold. She confessed me her bipolar condition but told me that she is on meds and under control. However, the last month has been a roller coaster with her, she gets offended by everything I say. I made a comment about one of her paintings and she got so upset that stopped talking to me for a week and removed me from all her social media. Then, after a week without her talking to me, we finally started talking again and she was the same sweet and bubbly girl. Until yesterday, when she told me that she was having an episode, she actually cut herself again and this time it was pretty bad, she told me that she can not be in a relationship now and is completely depressed. I mentioned her that we can be friends, she agreed, told me that she loves me. I didn’t respond to that and now, she blocked from every social media. I don’t know what is going on and I don’t know if she is going to come back. Should I just quit to her forever? I want to help her but she doesn’t allow me and is pushing me again. What did you say about her artwork? I feel like this was the start of something going wrong. That seemed to be the turning point in your story as well as her saying she felt you were critical. Not having a go at you here, and I could be way off, you’ve obviously been left hurt and confused, but I get the feeling that with you trying to “help” her, what actually happened was you were critical of her in your approach and pointed out flaws in her character or areas of her life she should address. Or something to that effect. Just food for thought for you. We can’t figure her out but there’s a chance for you to try and figure out what you could have done or anything you need to reflect on with yourself. Art is also often a reflection of a part of them. A piece of their soul, so to speak. Paintings either touch you or they don’t. Any constructive criticism or otherwise by someone so sensitive, is taken as a direct insult to the person, not the work itself. Especially given her BP. Edited September 1, 2020 by Fox Sake Autocorrect 4
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Fabian1609 said: the last month has been a roller coaster with her, she gets offended by everything I say. I made a comment about one of her paintings and she got so upset that stopped talking to me for a week and removed me from all her social media. Then, after a week without her talking to me, we finally started talking again and she was the same sweet and bubbly girl. Until yesterday, when she told me that she was having an episode, she actually cut herself again and this time it was pretty bad, she told me that she can not be in a relationship now and is completely depressed. Unfortunately this is also the not so very very pretty reality of bipolar disorder. Unfortunately you can't fix her. Eventually it will crash and burn after she puts you through the roller coaster ride from hell for a while. It would be best to cut your losses because she is quite unstable. Edited September 1, 2020 by Wiseman2 1
poppyfields Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Fabian1609 said: I also think she may have been misdiagnosed or has both. She has terrible relationships with friends and family, terrible impulses and can love you or hate you in one second. Now she got a permission from her psychiatrist to be out of work for 14 days since she hurt herself pretty bad and is having major depression. What hurts me is that she is a good person, she has a good heart and is so so smart. She also suffered of sexual abuse but I’m not the person that can help her, I just hope that she gets better someday. She may not have been misdiagnosed but it's quite common that Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder co-exist in conjunction with each other. Not always but it happens. I am not a doctor but what you describe, the valuing/devaluing and other behaviors sound like Borderline. It is extremely difficult to have relationships with people with Borderline Disorder, sadly. Edited September 1, 2020 by poppyfields
CaliforniaGirl Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 55 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Yes run for the hills....you don't figure them out because you can't unless you are a working, licenced psychologist. Plus "helping her" is codependency...another wrong way to go. Look up "shining or white knight syndrome". Yes, this is a thing (white knight syndrome). I think it's at least partially based on the person doing the "saving" thinking his or her SO will then be dependant, and grateful, and will not leave. It's a sign of insecurity, OP, and honestly, I'd be leaving her side of it alone (and running) and instead, wondering what was up with *me*, that I was so interested in pursuing it.
CaliforniaGirl Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 6 minutes ago, poppyfields said: She may not have been misdiagnosed but it's quite common that Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder co-exist in conjunction with each other. I am not a doctor but what you describe, the valuing/devaluing and other behaviors sound like Borderline. It is extremely difficult to have relationships with people with that disorder, sadly. IMO the whole diagnosing one's ex thing is just another way of not letting go...and a way of making excuses to give her another chance...and being "the only one who understands" so she will somehow end up grateful and will return...again, JMO. 1
poppyfields Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 6 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: IMO the whole diagnosing one's ex thing is just another way of not letting go...and a way of making excuses to give her another chance...and being "the only one who understands" so she will somehow end up grateful and will return...again, JMO. Agree but he said she has already been diagnosed by a psychiatrist with Bipolar. He mentioned possible misdiagnosis and I was only suggesting that, given the behaviors he described, it's possible that she also suffers from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) as they sometimes co-exist in conjunction with each other. I also have Bipolar (Biploar II which is less severe than Bipolar I) so I am quite familiar with the symptoms and the co-existence of Borderline. I only mentioned it as a possiblity, I have no idea, only her doctor can properly diagnose. 1
Watercolors Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Fabian1609 said: I also think she may have been misdiagnosed or has both. She has terrible relationships with friends and family, terrible impulses and can love you or hate you in one second. Now she got a permission from her psychiatrist to be out of work for 14 days since she hurt herself pretty bad and is having major depression. What hurts me is that she is a good person, she has a good heart and is so so smart. She also suffered of sexual abuse but I’m not the person that can help her, I just hope that she gets better someday. She sounds more borderline personality disorder maybe with SOME bipolar 1 mania. My former roommate was diagnosed with both and she was a nightmare to live with. She went into a bipolar episode last June (crashing down, energy-wise) that lasted an entire year. She was fired from her job when I moved in to rent a room in her house. In fact, her husband divorced her after being married to her for 15 years because she pretty much neglected him and their autistic son and was constantly fired from her jobs. He got fed up with her just retreating to their bedroom for years upon years, to do nothing (not even take care of their son). Now, she won't even pay him child support (and she has the money). When her mother lay dying in assisted living, she refused to leave her bedroom to go say her goodbyes. Same when her dad died. And she refused to leave her bedroom to attend her own mother's funeral. She collected on the life insurance b/c it was automatically deposited to her bank account. But I'm telling you, people who are bipolar (sorry to offend anyone on LS who is) are very difficult to live with. Read up on bipolar 1 and 2 mania as both can progress to where the person becomes delusional with psychosis and hallucinates. Yeah sure she's attractive, artistic and intelligent. But she has a serious mental illness that not even she can regulate (it will get worse with time) because most people with borderline or even bipolar cannot control themselves or their disease's progression, even when they take medication. If you want to become her caretaker, and put all of your emotional and social and sexual needs secondary to hers, then stay with her. You're role will evolve into a parental figure where you follow her around to deal with all the chaos she creates in her life and yours. Yes, the chaos she creates will bleed into your life. If you want to sacrifice your happiness to take care of her, then stay with her. But that's ultimately what happens to significant others of people with bipolar disorders. Edited September 1, 2020 by Watercolors 1
elaine567 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 39 minutes ago, Fox Sake said: Art is also often a reflection of a part of them. A piece of their soul, so to speak. Paintings either touch you or they don’t. Any constructive criticism or otherwise by someone so sensitive, is taken as a direct insult to the person, not the work itself. Especially given her BP. Agreed, She bared her soul ad got criticised for it.. 1
Watercolors Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 I have artists in my family. They are used to having their art forms criticized by the public and by friends and family. But they are not destroyed by the criticism. Someone who throws a tantrum because a boyfriend doesn't like a painting they created, is really immature, mental illness or no mental illness. Get over it. If you create art, not everyone is going to understand what you create or appreciate it. Then, you are creating art not for yourself, but for others. 1
elaine567 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) As she has been professionally diagnosed as Bipolar and is on meds then I do not think any armchair psychiatric diagnosis by lay people is really necessary or helpful. Edited September 1, 2020 by elaine567 1 3
CaliforniaGirl Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 23 minutes ago, elaine567 said: As she has been professionally diagnosed as Bipolar and is on meds then I do not think any armchair psychiatric diagnosis by lay people is really necessary or helpful. It's not. It just keeps the OP in the same cycle of "trying to understand" her, in a bid for getting her back. It won't work, OP. You're going to be sad, disappointed and probably even feel betrayed after you've done all this psych investigating and she just dumps you again. 1
poppyfields Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 38 minutes ago, Watercolors said: Read up on bipolar 1 and 2 mania as both can progress to where the person becomes delusional with psychosis and hallucinates. The psychosis and hallucinations you describe relate to Bipolar 1 not 2. In fact, it's how doctors differentiate between 1 and 2, whether or not the mania is so extreme it escalates to psychosis. There is mania with Bipolar 2 but much less severe than Bipolar 1. I have Bipolar 2, have for many years. I am not even on meds anymore, I manage my mood swings on my own through diet, exercise, Yoga and other things. I have never had a psychotic episode and if I ever do, my diagnosis will change to Bipolar 1. This info comes straight from my doctors. Edited September 1, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Nuntius Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: Agreed, She bared her soul ad got criticised for it.. Most artists of any kind, professional or recreational, are going to have their work criticized or rejected at some point. Even bestselling authors have been rejected by publishers early in their careers before they'd made a name for themselves and would have never made it if they allowed the rejection and criticism to get the best of them. It doesn't sound like the OP was being malicious with whatever comment he made so her overreaction (not talking to him for a week, blocking him on social media) is not appropriate for the situation and seems to be part of her erratic, bipolar condition.
basil67 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Watercolors said: I have artists in my family. They are used to having their art forms criticized by the public and by friends and family. But they are not destroyed by the criticism. Someone who throws a tantrum because a boyfriend doesn't like a painting they created, is really immature, mental illness or no mental illness. Get over it. If you create art, not everyone is going to understand what you create or appreciate it. Then, you are creating art not for yourself, but for others. There's a difference between being an 'artist' and being 'into art'. The first being professional and the second being amateur. The first puts their work out for public consumption and the inevitable criticism. The latter does it because it's a hobby....and in the case of the latter, it doesn't matter if they have a mental illness or not - the basic rule of "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" applies. Seriously. If the person in the foreground is a bit wonky, compliment the texture of the leaves on the tree. Edited September 1, 2020 by basil67 1
Maldives Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 I tried being friends with a guy with bipolar just platonic and after two yrs of trying I gave up I found it too much for me. And yes they are very sensitive and easily offended. I gave up in the end to answer your question you have a choice you don't have to be with this girl if it's not for you
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