Sheba Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 How upset would you be about a 13 year old boy viewing porn - and I don't mean naked women, but actual graphic pornography - on the internet? What would you do about it?
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 I take it this is your son? What sort of introduction did you give him to sexuality in general, and at what age? He could either be curious over something that to him is a taboo subject, or he is finding that it is supercharging a pleasure center he didn't know he had. You'll want to sit him down and talk to him about why porn is not allowed in your household, and set firm rules about it. Either way - you will want to stop it - not because you want to control his sexuality, but you want him to learn respect for rules in your household. As long as he is under your roof, if porn is a no-no then he needs to respect that and follow your rules on that, with appropriate punishments (which you will need to unwaveringly follow through on). For example: If you catch him, let him know that you understand that he is curious about sex but that the rules of your house do not allow for porn, and he needs to follow those rules or there will be serious repurcussions (warning). If you catch him again, let him know that you understand that he is curious about sex, but that since he has broken your trust you will have to move the computer to a more high traffic area of the house. (level 1 punishment) If you catch him again, let him know that you understand that he is curious about sex, but he needs to respect the rules of the house - and that since he has broken your trust again, the computer will be password protected, and he can only use it under supervision. (level 2 punishment) If you catch him again, tell him that you are disappointed that he has not respected the rules of the house, and that his computer priviledges are revoked for X amount of time. (level 3 punishment) After that, he has to work his way back up in reverse order, gaining more priviledge the more he works to regain your trust. You can't stop a kid that age from being curious about sex. There is nothing wrong with being curious about sex and perhaps you and he will need to talk a bit about that and the difference between healthy sexuality and the fantasy world of porn and how that can have effects on healthy sexuality ranging from titillating to pathological depending on the person. Regardless of that - he needs to know that its a matter of him respecting your rules, and it is not a punishment for his sexual curiosity.
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Internet porn is much more dangerous for young boys than looking at nudey magazines. It's much more 'real' than just pictures. LB gave some great advice. Explain to him the differences between net porn and looking at pictures. He may/may not identify with that but hopefully he will. I'm not saying that looking at the magazines are any better than porn, but there is a big difference of the affect it will have on him.
Lil Honey Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 I'd explain to him why it is inappropriate. Personnally, I shutter to think of my kids getting ideas or values from perfect strangers - especially about important issues. AND especially when these strangers are allowing the ability for a MINOR to access their site. It shows their priorities, their greed and their lack of responsibility. Then, I'd block that type of material with a password.
lilmoma1973 Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Hey Sheba, It is funny you should make a post about this because last yr my ss that was 14 had been viewing porn on the internet for awhile and had seen it in the history files .. I said something to my h about it and he didn't believe me and finally it came out it was true and it had been a struggle noone believed that this pefect son was doing anything.. I had been arguing with my h about this for months and finally he was busted when my daughter found a not so nice pic of a girl in his room ..My daughter was 4 and brings this pic into me and says mommy look what i found in brother's room she went in there to find paper he keeps to draw in there .. I was furious and when h came home nothing was done like usual and im not surprized nothing ever is .. My h gave him a talking to and that was it... As for the picture we found out this boy was bringing them to school and ss said he was going to throw it away .. I felt if he was he wouldn't have brought it in the house .. i didn't buy it one bit!!! He wanted it or he wouldn't have put it in his room..SS started going to church when he was caught so he wouldn't be punished for it after his grounding was over he never went back!! He always was going to something during the week for church and i was furious ... He wanted to use church so that he could still do things .. He milked it for everything it was worth and in turn after groundation was over it didn't matter to him .. I know it is the age but if he was my son things would have been different !! H finally seen he was using church because he was tlaking about getting saved and this and that .. Guess what it is a yr later and he doesn't go to the church anymore and i dona't think he will .. So yeah i think internet porn is far worse than magazines or anything else cause it is visual and it not just pics they use things and do weird things than what magazines have.. Good Luck keep us posted on things
Author Sheba Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 Thank you for your replies. Lucretia, I agree with you entirely. The child in question is my stepson. He lives with us half time. Recently, his mother bought him a lap top which he brings to our house. He used the lap top to visit porn sites - he is well aware I check our household computer often and that computer is in the middle of the high traffic spot of the house. He even knows I keep the computer out in the open to supervise the kids and is well aware of the household prohibition on visiting porn sites. The sites he visited are fetishistic and very disturbing. I shudder to think how jaded he will become without even actually having sex! I am somewhat appalled that he was given a computer with no thought to what sites he might visit - I think that a "Net Nanny" program ought to be installed. In any case, using time off the computer is a perfect consequence and one that will have great meaning to this kid as he spends virtually every waking minute on that lap top! It is hard to be a "co parent" as you are forever comparing your approach to someone else's and wondering who is right when you differ. I am glad that I am not the only one who sees this behaviour as something to be curtailed.
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 His mom should be made aware of what he is doing on his laptop and all of you have to work together with this problem. It is scary how much is out on the net and it has to be controlled, just like TV.
EyeOfTheTiger999 Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 GET HIM OFF THE DAMN COMPUTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Password protect it NOW. The internet is a dangerous place for forming young minds. IMO kids should NOT be online PERIOD!
slubberdegullion Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 The internet is a dangerous place for forming young minds. IMO kids should NOT be online PERIOD! Eye has a good point, because the internet can be a place where evil roams in the dark corners. But the problem is that often kids are asked to go online to do school projects and things of that nature. Password protection is probably your best idea, combined with having the internet access in a common room of the house.
glittergurl Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 Yeah, put that computer in the living room; with the screen facing you or whoever happens to be in the room. I don't have a child (yet), but I've been thinking about the internet and how to manage it when I do; and this is the best solution I came up with. I'd only give the kid his own computer around age 16 or 17. Right when I got my first computer with internet access. I was definitely old and mature enough by then.
Hot Coco Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 Oh Glitter!!!! You make me feel so old! I got my first computer with internet access at 31! Yikes! We didn't have computers when I was a teenager...we had to get our porn the old fashioned way the art section of the library!
Author Sheba Posted October 27, 2005 Author Posted October 27, 2005 Thanks again. The kid has been confronted and told that he will lose access to his laptop and the internet if we ever learn he has gone onto pornographic sites again. I believe he realizes we will carry out this threat and that he does not want to lose his privileges. It is difficult, however, because he is only living with us every second week and we cannot dictate to his mother. He has taken the password protection OFF his laptop (imagine that!) and both my partner and I take it without warning and check the history and the cookies. So far, so good. He is either staying off or being very sneaky. If he is just sneaky, he will get caught and we fully intend to make good on the warning. My own two kids do not, and never have had "private access". As far as I am concerned, they will have to buy their own computers and pay for their own internet service if they want porn access - and they better be doing it in their own house too!
lilmoma1973 Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 Been there done that with ss ... We have caught him for the 4th time viewing porn and h has yet to stick to what he says.. I give up and i mention it and h flies off the handle get all mad and says that we agreed that it wouldn't be mentioned!!! I never agreed to that it was his statement not mine!! If he was my child well he is 15 but anyways he would be grounded from his cell period!! He wouldn't talk to his g/f or go no where for a while.. This boy gets aways with everything he does bad.. I wish my h would be consistant on his punishment instead of letting it go when he shouldn't.. SS has no respect for anything we say or do and has made numerous comments that he won't stick to nothing he says !!! It's true and ss knows this thats why he does whatever cause he knows he will never get in trouble.. I wish h would step up to the plate and be a father and make this teenager mind and quit being in denial of everything he does... I just know that if i had to do again i probably would think twice before being with someone that had a child .. You have to deal with alot!! I love my h and my ss but sometimes i would rather be single!!! Good luck hope it all works out
the corinthian Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 How upset would you be about a 13 year old boy viewing porn - and I don't mean naked women, but actual graphic pornography - on the internet? What would you do about it? I was looking at porn when I was thirteen, but we did not have internet porn then. I had to hunt down the magazines and VHS tapes my father had hidden throughout the house. In my early teens, every single friend of mine did the same thing. What your son is doing is completely normal. If you try to prevent him from getting his porn he will simply find another way to get it. I know I did. Imagine how damaging it would be to your son's development if you, his mother, made a big deal about him looking at porn. Food for thought. Let your boy be a boy. If you have to talk to him about anything, just explain that what he sees in porn is not how real life is.
lilmoma1973 Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 I'm sorry but i don't agree with you.. I think the stuff on the internet makes women look trashy and not respected !! You let your kids do whatever but as for mine they won't be looking at it!! The computer will be shutdown so there will be no access to it when we aren't home!!! I understand that it is normal to be curious but that can lead to other things !! If he is so curious about the human anatomy of a women he can watch discovery !!
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