Going to stay single for a while

[Stringalong]

I've decided not to jump back into the dating pool until after Christmas. It will be lonley but I'm not really in a position to date someone right now until I sort out a few issues in my personal life. I joined a couple meet ups but they haven't started to meet quite yet. 

I was stuck in an unrequited love situation for a long time and then onto a bit of a narcassist who caused some damage to my personal life. My self esteem is damaged now. 

I am going to be lonely and that's inevitable and I'm going to have a hard time staying off this forum in those moments but I am not in a position to date right now. 

I started to drive again and I am going to do long distance for the soul purpose of finding someone compatible with me outside of this city. I mean an hour away in the bigger city. 

I am in a business that makes a substantial amount of money, so my goal is to move downtown Toronto in the next year and start work around that area. 

I feel like complete crap for not seeing the indifference sooner or recognizing that this man found someone he liked much better years ago. I feel quite embarrassed for not being smart enough to avoid all his friends and those flying monkeys. I could have saved myself a lot of pain but instead, I sank into the clutches of his indifference and abuse. 

I think writing about it helps and I'm not one to journal so I thought I could find a forum to release all these horrible, unpleasant emotions to. 

I hope I can reach a point where I look back at this with no pain and the guy itself becomes such a distant memory that I no longer care what his opinion of me is. 

I also feel somewhat unlovable at the start of this no contact and I do feel like I may never have the same desires for a man that I used to have when I was younger. 

I used to never be as shallow and date a person for who they were on the inside. I had once dated a man, everyone in this small town used to tell me he wasn't atractive and that I could do better, but we were such good friends that it was natural. I also thought he was a really good dad and I liked the way he treated his parents. He was reliable and very responsible too, which attracted me to him.

I end up leaving him for someone more attractivr and had no qualities I really liked. He was just really good looking and the relationship was solid for about three months before we started to cause eachother damage. I'm still good friends with the first guy. I should get back to that mentality. 

Truth be told, I would nevertl actually go out with someone like this guy I was insanely attracted to who didn't reciprocate. Men with that many options, don't typically chose someone like me and I was initially going to avoid all the pain this person caused me by doing what I did. 

I need to rant and vent to find myself past this unrequited love situation. I don't enjoy the misery and I'm tired of being hurt every day.

[d0nnivain]

Giving yourself time sounds like a great gift to yourself.  Good for you.

Don't think of it as a time of loneliness.  It's a time of healing. Why would you stay off this forum if it helps you?  that seems silly. 

1 hour away is not long distance.  At best it's geographically undesirable.  Long Distance involves plans or 4+ hour drives. 

Journaling & writing sound like great outlets.  Do re-read what you write periodically.

Meanwhile maybe make yourself a budget & start searching real-estate in Toronto so you have measurable goals. 

[primer]

I have respect for people that choose to stay single for a while and figure themselves out.

How can people really be happy when they immediately jump into new relationships? They are probably settling.

ETA: I totally understand the small-town issues too. That has made me keep to myself a lot. I don't want to be involved in the small town circles.

 

Edited August 31, 2020 by primer

[Ruby Slippers]

Good for you. I've been single for a few months, and in no hurry to date again. I have one major goal I'm planning to accomplish before I start dating. Romance is great, but I've always found certain personal goals much easier to accomplish when I'm single and don't have to factor anyone else into my plans.

Personally, I've reached the point in life where I don't really get lonely anymore, but enjoy time to myself. When I want company, I have great friends and family to hang out with.