ssm617 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 7 hours ago, VelvetQ said: Thanks again for all the additional feedback. The last time I tried to reach out to her, I did tell her to feel free to text or call me whenever she got a chance. She never got back to me. I sort of feel like I already left that ball in her court, and have tried on multiple occasions to let her know I'm interested, so I feel like I'm beating a dead horse in that regard now. On top of that, while getting her to reach out to me is like pulling teeth, she added another photo to her profile. So, she will make an effort with her profile, but not me. Nope, not worth it. Good idea. Maybe she was just looking for sex and nothing more at the time.
CLS63AMG Posted September 2, 2020 Posted September 2, 2020 On 8/31/2020 at 2:49 AM, Calmandfocused said: Is your friend single op? I would strongly advise that you do not do as suggested above. There are women on this forum who are so habituated to giving men the “I don’t give a damn” attitude that they never get anywhere after a date or two. Don’t follow this advice. Instead just let her know that you’re interested and ask her to let you know when she’s free. Then back off and get busy with life and other women. Finally you seem very focused on what this woman says to you. Forget what she says, this doesn’t hold any relevance at this point. What you need to be focusing on is what she does and her behaviour. I’m sensing that her heart is elsewhere and she’s keeping you on the back burner but only time will tell. This is terrible advice. Do what (the experienced and I assume older) others have already said and just stop reaching out to her. IMO she's multi dating and has at least one other dude on the go, probably more. Keep dating and place this one on the back burner, she'll know why you stopped reaching out and now its up to her on if its worth it to actually put forth some effort to keep it going or not.
CLS63AMG Posted September 2, 2020 Posted September 2, 2020 On 8/31/2020 at 8:29 AM, d0nnivain said: I am a happily married woman with a history of long term relationships before that. This woman may legitimately have a busy social schedule & may be struggling to fit you in but a truly interested woman would give you alternate dates. Also I don't like the fact that she has never answered when you phone her to talk. She only texts. That screams immature & /or hiding something to me (i.e. she's on a date with another man & can't answer). It's not that she's not allowed to date because you too aren't exclusive but it helps to show how far down her list of priorities you are. I would be OK with you opening a conversation about this. Playing games by backing off won't get you answers, nor will it make her chase you. She's definitely all about the gender roles of the guy chases & she gets to sit on her hands acting like some kind of prize. If you can manage a 3rd date, when you are parting tell her to call you. Don't ask. Don't beg. Don't demean yourself. Just say something like "This was fun. Call me when you want to get together again. You don't answer when I call you & you only text me back. So you call me next time." Kiss her lightly & walk away. He isn't trying to patch things up with his wife of 18 years (your projection), he's dealing with a flaky tinder hook up. My lord....
CaliforniaGirl Posted September 2, 2020 Posted September 2, 2020 10 hours ago, CLS63AMG said: He isn't trying to patch things up with his wife of 18 years (your projection), he's dealing with a flaky tinder hook up. My lord.... I think she brought that up as a response to assertion that "women on this site" giving advice probably don't get past a second date (ergo we don't know what we're talking about, we're just habituated to blowing men off). You need to read back through the thread to see the chain of reasoning there.
smackie9 Posted September 2, 2020 Posted September 2, 2020 That's your problem...you got tunnel vision when you met your "type". There were obvious signs that she wasn't interested in anything. That first line she gave you "My ex is....etc, that's her saying I am not seriously looking to date you. When they don't answer your texts, that's because they are avoiding you, not playing hard to get. Sure she slept with you and cuddled...she was using you as her emotional tampon, an escape. No arrows were pointing at "relationship" there. Like I tell people, an interested person does answer your calls/texts, wants to see you again right away, makes time for you, answers your questions honestly...no dodging, no guessing, no assuming needed, no bull crap. So step back, take a good look. No communication for what 3 weeks after the first date, you had to reach out, didn't answer your question in what she is looking for, avoided your texts after your hookup. There you have it. People can still enjoy a quickie and a cuddle without intention of anything serious. Could it be she's not emotionally ready? Still with her ex? Dating someone else? Keeping her options open? Does it any of that really matter? no. Fact is, she's not interested. Move on, date other women. 2
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