I may have ruined things with someone who really meant a lot to me for simply sharing my Xbox Live Gamertag....

[Acacia98]

On 9/1/2020 at 10:29 PM, CarAndZam said:

Lok it’s become apparent that a lot users here are women. So I understand why many of you are sympathizing with her rather than me. And I know it’s possible that I may have been in a the wrong where and that it may have been who has done the (accidental) ghosting.

but have any of you also thought about they maybe she just lost interest and ghosted me? Did she update me on sickness? Yes her health may been in danger but how exactly do you all expect me to know that when she never updated me on what it turned out to be? When we had that phone call she just told me “I don’t think this COVID, it may just be the weather changes” and that she’ll let me know. 
 

Yes I have my fault in the situation, but I don’t see how she doesn’t either. We still haven’t gotten ridden of the possibility that she did find that account! 

I don't know if you realize this, but one of the easiest ways to tell what sort of a person someone is is to observe how he or she responds to a friend or significant other's illness or experience of hardship or tragedy. The average person experiences sympathy and expresses that sympathy through words and actions. The person who is self-centered and genuinely doesn't care much about the other simply vanishes. He or she may return when the crisis is over or may not return at all.

The folks telling you to reach out and apologize are doing so because they haven't quite put you in that category yet. They think you made a mistake and have the capacity to try to correct it.

As for the question of why you should apologize and not her, listen, you're the one who's on a discussion forum, expressing your misery at the situation. You don't actually know that she read your confessions on that site and doesn't want to hear from you. It's speculation. So the emotionally mature thing to do is to take the initiative and try to salvage a situation that may be partly salvageable. If you fail, you fail. But you gain something in trying. Perhaps some increased self-respect; perhaps some perspective. It's a learning experience. Ultimately, it's your choice, though. No one here can force you to do what you don't want to do.

[Acacia98]

On 9/1/2020 at 11:24 PM, CarAndZam said:

And I having been raised my a narcissistic mother who’s never apologized and thinks is better than everybody else, I’ve promised myself to never be that type of person. 

Just something for you to ponder on: does it occur to you that you might have inherited some ways of thinking from her? I mean, people with NPD don't really believe they're better than everyone else. It may seem that way, but deep down inside, they actually believe they're not good enough. It is very deep insecurity that informs the way they treat others.

[CarAndZam]

14 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

Just something for you to ponder on: does it occur to you that you might have inherited some ways of thinking from her? I mean, people with NPD don't really believe they're better than everyone else. It may seem that way, but deep down inside, they actually believe they're not good enough. It is very deep insecurity that informs the way they treat others.

Hell yeah it’s occurred to me. It’s a damn scary thought, and would mean I have much deeper problems than I think. My mom is a horrible person. Can’t admit when she’s wrong, things everybody is a piece of s*** besides her, manipulating and serial liar, gossips about everybody, is never satisfied, treats my dad like s*** despite that fact that he would do anything for her. She’s just an ugly person. 
and if I have even half her traits it means that I’m destined to die alone to be honest, or have crap relationship forever. 
 

Not sure where I read this but one person said that insecure, shy, anxious people are that way cause they think the word has constant spotlight shining on them, and this comes from narcissistic traits. I strongly related to that phrase. But when you’re 6’4, feel like an ugly ogre all the time, and you’re constantly being picked up and be the one people s*** on in all social circles, it’s hard to thing you’re not in the spotlight all the time. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 minutes ago, CarAndZam said:

Hell yeah it’s occurred to me. It’s a damn scary thought, and would mean I have much deeper problems than I think. My mom is a horrible person. Can’t admit when she’s wrong, things everybody is a piece of s*** besides her, manipulating and serial liar, gossips about everybody, is never satisfied, treats my dad like s*** despite that fact that he would do anything for her. She’s just an ugly person. 
and if I have even half her traits it means that I’m destined to die alone to be honest, or have crap relationship forever. 
 

Not sure where I read this but one person said that insecure, shy, anxious people are that way cause they think the word has constant spotlight shining on them, and this comes from narcissistic traits. I strongly related to that phrase. But when you’re 6’4, feel like an ugly ogre all the time, and you’re constantly being picked up and be the one people s*** on in all social circles, it’s hard to thing you’re not in the spotlight all the time. 

Have you considered therapy? This is a lot to unpack.

[Acacia98]

2 minutes ago, CarAndZam said:

Hell yeah it’s occurred to me. It’s a damn scary thought, and would mean I have much deeper problems than I think. My mom is a horrible person. Can’t admit when she’s wrong, things everybody is a piece of s*** besides her, manipulating and serial liar, gossips about everybody, is never satisfied, treats my dad like s*** despite that fact that he would do anything for her. She’s just an ugly person. 
and if I have even half her traits it means that I’m destined to die alone to be honest, or have crap relationship forever. 
 

Not sure where I read this but one person said that insecure, shy, anxious people are that way cause they think the word has constant spotlight shining on them, and this comes from narcissistic traits. I strongly related to that phrase. But when you’re 6’4, feel like an ugly ogre all the time, and you’re constantly being picked up and be the one people s*** on in all social circles, it’s hard to thing you’re not in the spotlight all the time. 

You have self-awareness. That makes all the difference in the world. It means you can learn what you're doing wrong and change. And you are already doing that, no? 

I bring the issue up, not to make you feel like you're doomed, but to point out that you should be extra vigilant about your thoughts and behavior in relationships.

[CarAndZam]

3 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Have you considered therapy? This is a lot to unpack.

I’m sure at one point I will take therapy, as this thread has convinced me to do so. I was using TRP and constant self Improvement book as a to way better myself. but all I’ve done is improved my looks and lifestyle... it doesn’t seem like anything other than therapy is going to get rid of my emotional issues. I was hoping lifting and meditating every day would help, and it has. But only to an extent and hasn’t gotten me far at all. 
 

but I’ve mentioned before many times I’m a college student in his semester with a part time job. Not only can I not afford it, I won’t have the time do attend sessions. Hopefully when I get my bachelors and get a decent job I will be saving for sessions. 

[CarAndZam]

Maaaajjoorrr update guys. I know this seem so oddly timed, and you all may find it hard to believe. This may sound “wow this story sounds so perfectly timed and constructed” but not I guarantee you all it’s real.

She contacted me !  

just said hey through text , and I said “hey whoa there Put your mask on before you contact me ” 

“oohh well about that, looonngg story . But hey wanted to see if you’re free this weekend and wanted to hang out”. 
 

and said yes and blah and blah, set the date up. Sadly we’re not sure what day we’re going out on and we’ll update each other on that, due to college f***ing us both apparently. But she did end on that note “can’t wait to see you again kid”.

so yeah... well at least I don’t have to worry about that Reddit thing huh I feel like... this was all destiny... like I had to come to the realization that TRP has been holding back, and screwing me over. And that I needed another way to deal with my issues. I’m still gonna have to deal with my issues, but I hope on my journey in ridding myself of TRP, I don’t drive away this girl as I start revealing my emotions and such to her in my true and real way. Because TRP had me not taking when I wanted to, or behaving in a certain way so that I don’t act clingy or needy....

 

im actually still scared.  
 

Anyways just wanted to update you since I took you on this roller coaster this whole time. Wanted to give you all that unexpected ending. I was doing homework and saw her message and f***ing yelled in excitement. Started dancing and s*** not gonna lie. 

Edited September 4, 2020 by CarAndZam

[Noproblem]

LOL

If I was your gf

I will never speak to you again..

 

I was sick and for 5 weeks you stopped talking to me, never bothered to check on me, do something nice for me from afar

 

you are not worth my time!

So, I stop talking to you!