I may have ruined things with someone who really meant a lot to me for simply sharing my Xbox Live Gamertag....

[Mystery4u]

17 minutes ago, CarAndZam said:

 I barley have friends. People have no interest in keeping a conversation with me. Yes they call me that “good kid” and all, but hardly anybody ever puts an effort in getting to know me or conversing with me. 

No surprises. After reading how she should have been updating you when she is sick, I would not want to be your friend or have anything to do with you either.

[CaliforniaGirl]

17 minutes ago, CarAndZam said:

What sites are you talking about?? 
 

And look, this may disappoint people on here and I will come off as a jerk. But I’m not apologizing. Cause not only is it too late (over a month) but why exactly should I apologize for. 
 

Look it’s become apparent that a lot users here are women. So I understand why many of you are sympathizing with her rather than me. And I know it’s possible that I may have been in a the wrong where and that it may have been who has done the (accidental) ghosting.

but have any of you also thought about they maybe she just lost interest and ghosted me? Did she update me on sickness? Yes her health may been in danger but how exactly do you all expect me to know that when she never updated me on what it turned out to be? When we had that phone call she just told me “I don’t think this COVID, it may just be the weather changes” and that she’ll let me know. 
 

Yes I have my fault in the situation, but I don’t see how she doesn’t either. We still haven’t gotten ridden of the possibility that she did find that account! 

I don't think you're a jerk. But you DID do something wrong, and yes, I'd say the same thing to a woman. I have. Women certainly do similar things sometimes, "I'm going to wait to hear from him" and so on, and yes, people here come down on them for playing games.

BUT that's not usally five weeks AND it's not generally with someone you're supposed to really care about. (It's usually when things are new and uncertain.)

Yes. 

You did something wrong.

That DOESN'T mean you're a jerk. It DOES mean she lay there, sick, and you never bothered to call her. Not one single time. You just literally disappeared for a month. When she needed you.

What sites am I talking about - I should have said what types of subreddits. Not the actual names of them (for your privacy) but if they were red pill or something then yes...I can see dumping a guy over that. (Sorry.) But...it would take kind of a paranoid person to investigate that...would she even think to make that connection? And you have now told us it is *you* who ignored *her.*

Be a grownup. Apologize. She might yell, she might say nothing. But yes, you owe her that much. You left her there alone to struggle with an illness that, though not usually very young people, IS killing people and for others, causing permanent or semi-permanent problems. If you're working on yourself and so on, you're belying that you don't really mean that, if you don't bother to fix this.

[CarAndZam]

12 minutes ago, Mystery4u said:

No surprises. After reading how she should have been updating you when she is sick, I would not want to be your friend or have anything to do with you either.

Well I don’t know what world YOU live in, but when my sister had COVID, She updated all her friends. It was the right thing to do. Me and this girl actually took a month break from Going out in June cause I told her my sister had COVID and I wouldn’t want to risk her health. 
 

hell even when I showed some symptoms in early August of a sickness (turned out to be a bacterial infection) I updated my cousins who I had attended a funeral with that I may have  COVID due to some symptoms, so that they can be check. So I don’t know about, but if I had COVID, I’ll sure as hell will tell my loved ones or even my classmates who I’m attending college with. So that they can get checked. 

[CarAndZam]

24 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I don't think you're a jerk. But you DID do something wrong, and yes, I'd say the same thing to a woman. I have. Women certainly do similar things sometimes, "I'm going to wait to hear from him" and so on, and yes, people here come down on them for playing games.

BUT that's not usally five weeks AND it's not generally with someone you're supposed to really care about. (It's usually when things are new and uncertain.)

Yes. 

You did something wrong.

That DOESN'T mean you're a jerk. It DOES mean she lay there, sick, and you never bothered to call her. Not one single time. You just literally disappeared for a month. When she needed you.

What sites am I talking about - I should have said what types of subreddits. Not the actual names of them (for your privacy) but if they were red pill or something then yes...I can see dumping a guy over that. (Sorry.) But...it would take kind of a paranoid person to investigate that...would she even think to make that connection? And you have now told us it is *you* who ignored *her.*

Be a grownup. Apologize. She might yell, she might say nothing. But yes, you owe her that much. You left her there alone to struggle with an illness that, though not usually very young people, IS killing people and for others, causing permanent or semi-permanent problems. If you're working on yourself and so on, you're belying that you don't really mean that, if you don't bother to fix this.

Oh and yes, full disclosures, they were Red Pilled subreddits. I’m not gonna lie to you and say they weren’t. Red Pill and PUA. I found them back in 2017. My self esteem was extremely low back then, I hated myself so much, I was much more uglier back then, physically I mean, had little to no dating experiences, virgin, blamed people for my problems, “a nice guy”, etc. My issues were way worse then. So the Red Pill helped me get out of that distasteful. Started taking care of myself like being more physically active, decided to do something about my acne, wore better clothing, got rid of the nice guy mentality, helped me figure out why I wasn’t getting dates at all, lost my virginity thanks to it. It helped me grow. I never become a hardcore RP person though. Never got into the women bashing part of it, didn’t care about their politics, anti-feminism ideas. Lots of gross homophobia and transphobia on there as well. But the self improvement aspects of it and being a masculine man aspect really helped (only to an extent) become better at this dating thing, even if I didn’t get to far. But yeah, it stopped me from being this ugly dude who watched movies all day and play  Xbox 24/7. Helped me make my live more interesting and do some hobbies. Like lately, I’ve been learning how to cook. Something I never knew how. I also picked guitar and bike riding as hobby. Began reading more books. Started going out with my cousin and his friends to bars and clubs to put myself out there. 

 

but now I feel like it’s stunted my personal growth. Like it’s doing me worse than better. 

Edited September 1, 2020 by CarAndZam

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sounds like you are pretty brain washed by subreddit hate groups. No wonder you're concerned people could identity you in those hate groups.

Get to a doctor/therapist to deprogram from red pill, pua, etc.

Mentioned this a while back. It's pretty obvious from your writing .

[CaliforniaGirl]

7 minutes ago, CarAndZam said:

Well I don’t know what world YOU live in, but when my sister had COVID, She updated all her friends. It was the right thing to do. Me and this girl actually took a month break from Going out in June cause I told her my sister had COVID and I wouldn’t want to risk her health. 
 

hell even when I showed some symptoms in early August of a sickness (turned out to be a bacterial infection) I updated my cousins who I had attended a funeral with that I may have  COVID due to some symptoms, so that they can be check. So I don’t know about, but if I had COVID, I’ll sure as hell will tell my loved ones or even my classmates who I’m attending college with. So that they can get checked. 

So then she's wrong, you're right, you're getting better all the time largely due to red pill sites, and therefore...what you asking us for?  You already have it all solved so...what was the question again?

You don't need us, you have it figured out, and you were never wrong about this, and if she "knows" about your red pill sites who cares because you deleted them. 

So. All fixed.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Mentioned this a while back. It's pretty obvious from your writing .

Yeah. Right down to the blaming the woman, then ignoring her because she "should" come to him (with COVID???) so it's still all her fault. And the paranoia as well, believing that a girlfriend would see some username on a game, then go Google it.

It sounds very red pill...but the OP says the subreddits helped him and he's right, she's wrong, he's getting better so I'm not even sure what the question was anymore. It seems we're wrong about everything too. Everyone is wrong except the OP. It has to be really hard to live in a world where everyone else is an idiot and you're the only one who knows what's what so maybe that's the OP's problem..he's just lonely, being at the top. 

[CarAndZam]

Just now, CaliforniaGirl said:

Yeah. Right down to the blaming the woman, then ignoring her because she "should" come to him (with COVID???) so it's still all her fault. And the paranoia as well, believing that a girlfriend would see some username on a game, then go Google it.

It sounds very red pill...but the OP says the subreddits helped him and he's right, she's wrong, he's getting better so I'm not even sure what the question was anymore. It seems we're wrong about everything too. Everyone is wrong except the OP. It has to be really hard to live in a world where everyone else is an idiot and you're the only one who knows what's what so maybe that's the OP's problem..he's just lonely, being at the top. 

Nope. Re-read my other comment. I say it only helped me get so far. Yes, it made muuuuuuchh better than the piece of s*** nice guy I was a couple year ago. But I mention now that the subreddits have stunted my personal growth. And never once did I get into the anti feminist-anti woman band wagon red pillers spiral into it. All I needed were the self improvement aspects. I’m not saying in any way that I’m right. I have my fault in this too. I’m just saying the blame doesn’t go 100% to me. I do not think that everybody is wrong and I’m right... I don’t have the confidence to have such a mindset haha. And I having been raised my a narcissistic mother who’s never apologized and thinks is better than everybody else, I’ve promised myself to never be that type of person. 

[Versacehottie]

55 minutes ago, CarAndZam said:

And yes I’ve told about this loop hole. That if you think about something hard enough it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Unfortunately I’m a very deep into this loophole, so many failed dating experiences that have basically confirmed but insecurity and negatives thoughts. Not just dating experiences but social experiences as well. I barley have friends. People have no interest in keeping a conversation with me. Yes they call me that “good kid” and all, but hardly anybody ever puts an effort in getting to know me or conversing with me. 

You are on page 3 here of people who've taken the time to give you great answers, help you and are interested in your story.   People obviously care about you. It's just a matter of your perspective.

[CaliforniaGirl]

15 minutes ago, CarAndZam said:

Nope. Re-read my other comment. I say it only helped me get so far. Yes, it made muuuuuuchh better than the piece of s*** nice guy I was a couple year ago. But I mention now that the subreddits have stunted my personal growth. And never once did I get into the anti feminist-anti woman band wagon red pillers spiral into it. All I needed were the self improvement aspects. I’m not saying in any way that I’m right. I have my fault in this too. I’m just saying the blame doesn’t go 100% to me. I do not think that everybody is wrong and I’m right... I don’t have the confidence to have such a mindset haha. And I having been raised my a narcissistic mother who’s never apologized and thinks is better than everybody else, I’ve promised myself to never be that type of person. 

If you're on a red pill site you're reading that sh*t and having no problem doing so.

If I found out my SO was on a how to abuse your wife site because it helped him learn all about relationships and he really grew from it, but hell, he really never went for the kick-her-in-the-kidneys aspect...no, really!, Jesus, I 'd be running.

Red pill sites are...horrific. Somebody on here posted one. All about roasties (I wished I hadn't looked that up). Front page: a story about how a guy watched an overweight woman eat, he walked by her and oinked and spat on her. Everybody was answering that he was so brave to try that. A few posts down, a guy with Elliot Rodger as his avatar.

And that's where you went to hang out. To learn good stuff, of course.

But what does it matter...this is all her fault. So...You're doing fine. You already ignored her for a month. Just...keep doing that.

Edited September 1, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CarAndZam]

6 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

If you're on a red pill site you're reading that sh*t and having no problem doing so.

If I found out my SO was on a how to abuse your wife site because it helped him learn all about relationships and he really grew from it, but hell, he really never went for the kick-her-in-the-kidneys aspect...no, really!, Jesus, I 'd be running.

Red pill sites are...horrific. Somebody on here posted one. All about roasties (I wished I hadn't looked that up). Front page: a story about how a guy watched an overweight woman eat, he walked by her and oinked and spat on her. Everybody was answering that he was so brave to try that. A few posts down, a guy with Elliot Rodger as his avatar.

And that's where you went to hang out. To learn good stuff, of course.

But what does it matter...this is all her fault. So...You're doing cine. You already ignored her for a month. Just...keep doing that.

You’re practically misquoting me at this point and painting me in a darker simply cause I admitted to reading red pill. Legit I’m saying I have my fault in this situation, s*** even more than her. I’m just I’m not 100% to blame. 
 

and you’re understanding of RP is falsely stereotypical. We’re just a bunch of losers on there trying to get laid or trying to get a girlfriend. But don’t have the social skills to do so. That’s it. It doesn’t advocate to “kick your SO’s kidney” or abuse them. In fact it strongly stresses not ever “break your frame, not show emotion”. Which to me is a flaw cause I feel like becoming an emotionless robot isn’t the answer. But it sure as hell doesn’t advocate being physically abusive. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

14 minutes ago, CarAndZam said:

You’re practically misquoting me at this point and painting me in a darker simply cause I admitted to reading red pill. Legit I’m saying I have my fault in this situation, s*** even more than her. I’m just I’m not 100% to blame. 
 

and you’re understanding of RP is falsely stereotypical. We’re just a bunch of losers on there trying to get laid or trying to get a girlfriend. But don’t have the social skills to do so. That’s it. It doesn’t advocate to “kick your SO’s kidney” or abuse them. In fact it strongly stresses not ever “break your frame, not show emotion”. Which to me is a flaw cause I feel like becoming an emotionless robot isn’t the answer. But it sure as hell doesn’t advocate being physically abusive. 

The physically abusive thing was an analogy.

Is spitting at "fat pigs" who totally deserve it (of course) and laughing at them when they cry abusive, though? Maybe just that spitting part? Apparently It isn't? But anyway, I was illustrating the feeling. Not quoting you.

Re: the site posted on here. It was exactly what I stated. What did I "misunderstand" about big girls being spat at and roasties only being good for a...and how much fun it is to punish them once the chads throw them back? Oinking at fat pigs who deserve it? And everybody clapping? Oh, and Elliott Rodger avatars. That was just on the first page! The rest of the page...I just.couldn't even click because the subject lines were even worse. I looked for like 3 minutes and found all of that. 

What I read is not falsely stereotypical. It is not falsely anything. It is what I read. 

She's done with you whether due to your ignoring her or due to your subreddits. You'll know because you won't contact her. I do not see a question in all of this. Good luck.

Edited September 1, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CarAndZam]

Yeah you’re right I won’t contact. I’m too weak for it. For now. 

well thankfully I know what to do to prevent anything like this happening. Delete Reddit, which is done. Get a therapist, which I can’t afford due to being a part time student in college. So I’ll guess I’ll wait for that one. And lastly get older which apparently helps a neurotic mind such as mine  

 

thanks the advice guys and the tough love!

[ccas93]

you're welcome, and good luck, because you're going to need it.

[CarAndZam]

16 minutes ago, ccas93 said:

you're welcome, and good luck, because you're going to need it.

Wait what.. why do you say that?  lol I feel like a special case now. Like a nut job. But I guess you’ve been down the same road as I have huh? So you probably know what I’m about to go through ..

[ccas93]

6 minutes ago, CarAndZam said:

Wait what.. why do you say that?  lol I feel like a special case now. Like a nut job. But I guess you’ve been down the same road as I have huh? So you probably know what I’m about to go through ..

sorry, I thought you were being sarcastic toward us in your last post. If you feel like you've gotten something out of the advice given, then I retract what I said about needing good luck. However, if you were being sarcastic, then I said good luck because it would will be hard to overcome some of your obstacles if you don't want to listen to anybody. 

Edited September 2, 2020 by ccas93

[Wiseman2]

The problem with hate groups is that they offer false empowerment and solidarity.

Those subreddits and other hate groups tend to appeal to disgruntled and disenfranchised individuals.

So, the net result is you have someone who already has problems and this is then compounded by destructive cult indoctrination.

This was quite evident from your cult-speak and the typical neologisms of that group.

It was kind of like listening to the Hari Krishna at the airport. Just with different cult specific gibberish.

The only way out of this mess is therapy.

 

Edited September 2, 2020 by Wiseman2

[CarAndZam]

8 hours ago, ccas93 said:

sorry, I thought you were being sarcastic toward us in your last post. If you feel like you've gotten something out of the advice given, then I retract what I said about needing good luck. However, if you were being sarcastic, then I said good luck because it would will be hard to overcome some of your obstacles if you don't want to listen to anybody. 

Oh no not at all. I wasn’t being sarcastic whatsoever lol. I meant it. I already deleted the Reddit account, and the other two options...well obviously one I’m taking into considerations and the other I just don’t have choice in the matter don’t I .

 

i actually meant the thank you and tough love. 

[CarAndZam]

11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

The problem with hate groups is that they offer false empowerment and solidarity.

Those subreddits and other hate groups tend to appeal to disgruntled and disenfranchised individuals.

So, the net result is you have someone who already has problems and this is then compounded by destructive cult indoctrination.

This was quite evident from your cult-speak and the typical neologisms of that group.

It was kind of like listening to the Hari Krishna at the airport. Just with different cult specific gibberish.

The only way out of this mess is therapy.

 

Sorry barely seeing this. I don’t know who this Hari person is but I get your point.

 

sadly as I mentioned before, I’m a part time worker and student going to college. I don’t have the money nor time to go to therapy. All I can do for now is delete my social media, limit my phone use, and hope this girl doesn’t reveal the information found on Reddit about me. 
 

I’m glad I come over this realization. As sad as I am about losing her, I guess I’m relieved too. Relieved I’ve discovered this realization thanks to you all, and I guess no I don’t have to worry about losing her anymore. It was like seeing a train slowly crashing for 5 months to be honest.  

[assertives]

12 hours ago, CarAndZam said:

hope this girl doesn’t reveal the information found on Reddit about me. 

How can you be so sure she even found information about you on reddit, or that she even bothered to google you or that even if she did, is someone who'd bothers to spread tales about others, or that she survived covid since you didn't even contact her or heard from her? That's a hell lot of assumptions made. I get that you no longer care about getting back with her, or setting things right with her, but next time, in your next relationship/friendship, don't assume, always clarify and hear from the person themselves. Don't sit there and ruminate over something like it's the truth when in fact, you have no idea if it is. It's a waste of time and energy and can most definitely kill relationships both platonic and romantic ones.

[CarAndZam]

5 hours ago, assertives said:

How can you be so sure she even found information about you on reddit, or that she even bothered to google you or that even if she did, is someone who'd bothers to spread tales about others, or that she survived covid since you didn't even contact her or heard from her? That's a hell lot of assumptions made. I get that you no longer care about getting back with her, or setting things right with her, but next time, in your next relationship/friendship, don't assume, always clarify and hear from the person themselves. Don't sit there and ruminate over something like it's the truth when in fact, you have no idea if it is. It's a waste of time and energy and can most definitely kill relationships both platonic and romantic ones.

Oh she survived haha. I still see her get online on Xbox, and saw she opened a WhatsApp account a week ago. I never had her as a contact there before. Not to mention, she’s still active on Instagram. Even if I ask her if she found my account, or ask her for simply the reason why she cut contact with me, do you really think she’ll confess she found that account? What is she going to say? “Hey Look I’m sorry but I’m no longer interested. I found your Reddit account cause I decided to stalk you though your Gamertag, and saw that you’re a sad pathetic miserable loser who needs TRP to even have some form of a social life/dating, and you can’t even get most girls to like you so why should I?”

i suspect she’ll either never answer, or just tell me something like “look I’m no longer interested. Good luck out there” or “sorry I don’t have time anymore due to school and work, not ready for a relationship”. 
 

or at least that’s how my experiences go. 

[poppyfields]

OP, that makes sense imo.  Let it go, live and learn as my mum would say...

I recall one man I dated for a short time, I discovered by reading a website that I had no idea he was even a member of, that he was a racist, he posted some of the ugliest things I had ever read or even heard, I knew it was him from his avatar.

I was so mortified, I dumped him, he never asked why, but if he had, I probably would have been polite and made something up.

So I get it...

Good luck moving forward...

Edited September 3, 2020 by poppyfields

[CarAndZam]

48 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

OP, that makes sense imo.  Let it go, live and learn as my mum would say...

I recall one man I dated for a short time, I discovered by reading a website that I had no idea he was even a member of, that he was a racist, he posted some of the ugliest things I had ever read or even heard, I knew it was him from his avatar.

I was so mortified, I dumped him, he never asked why, but if he had, I probably would have been polite and made something up.

So I get it...

Good luck moving forward...

Egg-sactly! 
 

Sadly, there’s no way I will ever find out if she found that account. Whether I contact her or not. She won’t admit to stalking me, much less tell me what she found. All I can do is move forward like you said and hopefully forget about it ASAP. 
I will say this, if she found that account, I can take somewhat solace in this: she doesn’t find me to be a monster to completely remove from her life so to speak. Not just cause she hasn’t removed me on Xbox, but because of this:

I found her IG account last week, wasn’t hard. She doesn’t post much but her second to last post was about me I think. That pic contains of a photo of a carnival that came in town back in February. View of the carnival at night. And with a caption saying “somebody else”...

why is that special? Cause that was posted on the night her and I went to the carnival on our third date back on February. She must’ve posted it when I dropped her home. To me that was every touching that she still has it on there. So yeah, at least she doesn’t see me as a monster to erase every trace of her life. I can at least take some solace in that... 

[assertives]

Well, in that case, no love lost since neither of you care enough to take things further or progress things. Moving rapidly on.

2 hours ago, CarAndZam said:

or at least that’s how my experiences go. 

Also, you need to get rid of this kinda thinking. It's not an attractive trait. You are dooming everything to failure before things even have a chance to start. You are still very young, so spend the next couple of years working on yourself, your self-esteem and who you are as a person before you start dating. Like I said earlier, relationships are hard work. It involves sacrifices, and commitment (not just emotional but also resources like time, energy, money, etc), and communicate, communicate, communicate! I cannot stress this enough, good communication is a very important foundation of healthy relationships. Don't wait for the other party to initiate first. You can and should take the initiative.

[CarAndZam]

38 minutes ago, assertives said:

Well, in that case, no love lost since neither of you care enough to take things further or progress things. Moving rapidly on.

Also, you need to get rid of this kinda thinking. It's not an attractive trait. You are dooming everything to failure before things even have a chance to start. You are still very young, so spend the next couple of years working on yourself, your self-esteem and who you are as a person before you start dating. Like I said earlier, relationships are hard work. It involves sacrifices, and commitment (not just emotional but also resources like time, energy, money, etc), and communicate, communicate, communicate! I cannot stress this enough, good communication is a very important foundation of healthy relationships. Don't wait for the other party to initiate first. You can and should take the initiative.

But my experiences confirm this type of thinking. 
You, back in 2017 I dated my first girl. We were both inexperienced, this was me before I found TRP/PUA, considered myself a hopeless romantic. I was actually in a situation not too unlike the one I was in with this girl I talk about in the OP. This other  girl got sick, she hadn’t contacted me in a good while. Back then I was very needy. So after a couple days I contact her, making sure she’s okay and if we’re good. Not sure how the convo went, but I just remember her snapping at me saying something like “I don’t need to tell you anything. I’m kind of sick but I’m dealing with it. You’re not my boyfriend, we’re not a couple. So I’m sorry but I don’t have to tell you what’s up with me”. I apologized, and she kind of just told me she doesn’t feel like talking to me as she still feels in a bad mood. 
 

I felt like s***, felt like I got punished for caring. And decided to dump her the next day. I thought the whole thing was doomed. It had turned out that she didn’t want this. Won’t go into detail but it was a messy breakup. One that neither of us wanted. But in a way I took it as lesson too not care too much and give a girl her space when she’s sick.. so I feel like I may unconsciously applied that situation to my current one. 
me and that girl did get back together... for 3 weeks. Then she dumped me cause she emphasized that she wasn’t ready for  a relationship.... she was in a relationship a few months later with someone else. 

Edited September 3, 2020 by CarAndZam