I may have ruined things with someone who really meant a lot to me for simply sharing my Xbox Live Gamertag....

August 31, 2020

Or me preface this post by saying something. I used to have another Reddit account up until 5 weeks ago, 4 year old account. Now a little about me, I was bullied and picked on a lot as kid, and teen. And never learned to have confidence and self esteem. Issues I still struggle with at 22 years old. I have problems socializing. Used to be very insecure about my looks, but now I’m much more insecure about my boring personality.

I go on dates often, have no problem getting dates on Tinder. I’ve had 4 this past week. Last night too. But it usually ends with me getting ghosted/ no second date. To give an example, I’ve gone out with maybe 50 different girls, probably only gotten 10 second dates, although my body count is 20. (I may be s*** as sex too! Ha). But I’ve no doubt girls have no interest in me cause of my insecurities and issues bleed into my interactions.

And I’ve made many posts on Reddit trying to deal with these issues. I’ve made posts on many dating/and also self improvement posts trying to get advice on my issues of self esteem, confidence, lack of social skills, bad dating life, etc. Reading that Reddit account you’ll know more about me than people do in real life. You’ll know the REAL ME. The ugliest side of me. Amongst those post I also had videos of myself. Videos of me playing guitar, or posting a form check on fitness subs. So it’s easy to ID me.

Here’s where i reveal how f***ing stupid I am. My Reddit account was the same as my Xbox Live gamertag. Now I don’t have many friends, and those that I do I don’t think are Reddit users. So never once did it occur to me they may figure out. I don’t think anybody has, even now. Buts it’s possible with this one girl...

This girl, I dated since February. She’s 19. Right on the first date I knew she was gonna mean a lot to me, and I don’t feel that way ever. We had an amazing relationship (though not official). I was her first kiss, and I took her virginity. Being with her was a a good feeling I never felt before, I didn’t just want sex with her. I enjoyed just being in her presence, holding her, talking to her. I was madly into her. And she into me. I won’t go into much detail about that. But as a person who’s never been in a relationship, never had a girlfriend, she was the closest I had gotten to that. She just... meant a lot to me.

Our last date was Mid July. We played Xbox at my place. She saw my gamer tag, she even teased me about. She was very affectionate that night. Kissing my back and holding me. Our last moments together were touching, when I dropped her off. At this point she knew my gamertag, easy to memorize. She was still texting me the whole week after that last date. Very affectionate, telling me how much she wants to see me. We set a date for Sunday, however that Sunday morning she tells me “hey can I call you? I’ve got something to tell youuu!” I said yeah

So she calls with, and she had this really muffled voice, and tells me she’s really sick. Tells me it can be COVID, or the weather change (we had a random weather change in town that weekend). But that she’s “made the executive decision to postpone are date”, and I said “okay! Well update me what goes on. Let me give you my gamertag so you can add me and we play. I’ll text it to you. I’d like to talk to you more but I can understand with you with that voice haha”. She giggles and say okay and we hang up. I text her my gamertag, and tell her sorry for hanging up and that I truly couldn’t understand her.

To summarize she replied “haha it’s okay. I just wanted to hear your voice since I had been look forward to seeing you all week. I’ll be stuck in my room for a while so if your ever want to call me do so. Stay safe and see you later”

....

That’s as the last time we talked.... and it was 5 weeks ago today. She never updated me whether she had COVID or not. She just hasn’t said a word to me. 2 days later, a voice in my head tells me “she knows your gamertag... what if she can find your Reddit account if she decides to use it to lurk”.

The voice tells me to google my gamertag, and sure enough.... my account was the first search result on there. I deleted my account right away. But seeing as how this girl was bored out of her mind stuck in her room, she could’ve just decided to google my gamertag and find all that... ugliness.

And seeing as how she went from being very affectionate to just deciding not to tell me anything or talk to me anymore or update me... I feel like she found my account and didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I did see however that she did add me on Xbox, but not until the next Friday. That had given me hope... but guess it meant nothing at all. s*** for all I know she could’ve googled my gamertag when she saw it on that last date, and was pretending to be affectionate to let me down easy.

If you’re thinking she’s probably lying about being sick... I don’t think. I saw on FB that her coffee workplace had closed down for a whole week (2 days after she told she got sick, so on Tuesday), to do a deep clean of the place. And as it turns out one my FB friends works there as well, and posted that very same day (Tuesday) that she needs to get tested, that she’s scared.

So yeah... man sorry long for the long post, it’s just that Sunday had become our days of going out, since it was her only day off. So Sunday’s get to to me these days.I keep trying to myself “dude.. no person in the history of the world has every bothered to google someone’s gamertag in order to lurk. That’s weird”.

Then I say “she was so into you One week then practically ghosts you the next. It’s been 5 weeks man, no word, she definitely found that Reddit account and now thinks you’re pathetic”...
Not sure what to think anymore, I just... can’t stand knowing there’s someone out there who knows me like that. I can deal with her not wanting to talk to me cause she found someone better, or she just lost interest... but because she found the Reddit account and knows the true UGLY ME? That’s... an unbearable thought.

August 31, 2020

35 minutes ago, CarAndZam said:

To summarize she replied “haha it’s okay. I just wanted to hear your voice since I had been look forward to seeing you all week. I’ll be stuck in my room for a while so if your ever want to call me do so. Stay safe and see you later”

....

That’s as the last time we talked.... and it was 5 weeks ago today. She never updated me whether she had COVID or not. She just hasn’t said a word to me. 2 days later, a voice in my head tells me “she knows your gamertag... what if she can find your Reddit account if she decides to use it to lurk”.

Um, sure she could have found your gamertag & stopped talking to you because of things she read on your reddit account. BUT much more likely or at least equally likely, is that she asked you to "stay safe & see you later". Right as she worried she was maybe coming down with COVID. And you didn't even check in on her?????

What the heck is up with that? You've been dating Feb-July and you didn't even check in on her? Well that would be a high probability of the reason she disappeared. She was probably hoping that you would check in on her & SHE NEVER HEARD FROM YOU AT ALL. OMG.

She had probably a high likelihood of getting COVID so assume she might have gotten sick or at minimum been quarantined due to her close work with others that did get sick. If she was sick, she probably wasn't contacting anyone. Then maybe 2 weeks or more went by & you never reached out once. Or did you? It doesn't sound like you did.

You kind of self-sabotaged yourself. You presumed one thing which while possible the presuming of it and taking NO action made exactly what you were worried about come true. Even if she had found your reddit account, your best strategy would just have been to man up and face it head on. Call the next day like completely confident. Also she knew you well from feb-july, so some of the worst about you on reddit she might have already seen or suspected. You would have done better facing it head on rather than run in fear, which is what you did. Only way to fix it is to reach out to her. Good luck

August 31, 2020

Hmm, what did you do after she told you that she got sick? Did you contact her in any way? Did you phone or messaged her asking how she was doing at all? Did you go see her even to just stay outside and hear her voice? Did you volunteer with things like grocery or meds delivery? Did you sent "hope you get better soon" messages to her? She asked you to phone her, did you? I would believe it is up up to the healthy one to get and stay in touch. If you all that and she ignored you, then you have no choice but move on, unfortunately. If not, well, this is all on you. If you didn't check on her at all, then SHE is under the impression that you've ghosted her.

Edited August 31, 2020 by Alvi

August 31, 2020

11 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Um, sure she could have found your gamertag & stopped talking to you because of things she read on your reddit account. BUT much more likely or at least equally likely, is that she asked you to "stay safe & see you later". Right as she worried she was maybe coming down with COVID. And you didn't even check in on her?????

What the heck is up with that? You've been dating Feb-July and you didn't even check in on her? Well that would be a high probability of the reason she disappeared. She was probably hoping that you would check in on her & SHE NEVER HEARD FROM YOU AT ALL. OMG.

She had probably a high likelihood of getting COVID so assume she might have gotten sick or at minimum been quarantined due to her close work with others that did get sick. If she was sick, she probably wasn't contacting anyone. Then maybe 2 weeks or more went by & you never reached out once. Or did you? It doesn't sound like you did.

You kind of self-sabotaged yourself. You presumed one thing which while possible the presuming of it and taking NO action made exactly what you were worried about come true. Even if she had found your reddit account, your best strategy would just have been to man up and face it head on. Call the next day like completely confident. Also she knew you well from feb-july, so some of the worst about you on reddit she might have already seen or suspected. You would have done better facing it head on rather than run in fear, which is what you did. Only way to fix it is to reach out to her. Good luck

You’re probably right, yes it would’ve be the right thing to reach out.

But honestly I was driven crazy thinking this girl found that account. You don’t understand the details in that account. There’s so much personal s*** on there. My insecurities, my constant dating failures, details of hatred of myself, my lack of friends, the fact that I can’t get people to like, my lack of confidence. It’s a sad, sad thing to read.

The last thing I wanted to do is text her and have her reply “hey I’m sorry I’m not really interested anymore. Just not feeling anymore, good luck out there” or something like that. Or not reply at all.

also, we weren’t much texters. We’d send a few messages a day. We’d reply in long paragraphs in long periods of times, rather than short messages in short period of time. I remember once we didn’t talk for 3 weeks when the whole quaratine went down at first. Then she hit me up and said she wanted to hang out again.

point is, our communication styles made me feel like it wasn’t important to check in. Doesn’t Matter anymore. It’s too late. All I can hope is that she didn’t find that account

August 31, 2020

6 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Hmm, what did you do after she told you that she got sick? Did you contact her in any way? Did you phone or messaged her asking how she was doing at all? Did you go see her even to just stay outside and hear her voice? Did you volunteer with things like grocery or meds delivery? Did you sent "hope you get better soon" messages to her? She asked you to phone her, did you? I would believe it is up up to the healthy one to get and stay in touch. If you all that and she ignored you, then you have no choice but move on, unfortunately. If not, well, this is all on you. If you didn't check on her at all, then SHE is under the impression that you've ghosted her.

I didn’t do any of those...

so yes this is all on me. Honestly, I’m more concerned about her found that account then this whole thing being over. That sounds like a s***ty things to say... but Jesus you don’t understand what an ugly picture of me that account is. It’s pathetic. I’m ashamed of it. But I needed all the help I could get to improve myself. And I have... even if I’m not quite where I want to be...

August 31, 2020

Have you googled your username?

August 31, 2020

Have you actually tried reaching out to her?

Why don't you do that and be direct and ask her what's going on

August 31, 2020

9 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

Have you googled your username?

Yes, and all my Reddit information came out. All my posts. That is when I realized I had to delete everything. This was a week and 2 days after she found out my gamertag, which was on our last date. I don’t know if she memorized it or not to have looked it up after. It’s a simple gamertag easy to remember.

then the next Sunday I actually gave her the gamertag through text. Deleted the account the 2 days later when I realized the risk. She did add me that same day I gave the gamertag.

If I google now.. the profile comes out but when you click on it you can see anything. Cause it’s deleted.

August 31, 2020

While I understand you were freaking out about the possibility of her seeing your Reddit account and I totally empathize with your low self-esteem, unfortunately your insecurity got the best of you. Put yourself in her shoes. She tells the guy she's been seeing for months that she possibly has covid and doesn't hear from him for three weeks. If the shoe was on the other foot you would be incredibly hurt and think that you were the one ghosted. It probably took her a week to add you on X-box because if she had covid or even the flu all she probably wanted to do was sleep and do something low maintenance like watch TV.

Hopefully she is okay. Reach out to her. At this point you have nothing to lose and if she doesn't respond even though you find out she's okay or has recovered, look at this as a lesson learned and that she is proof that you are capable of attracting women due to your looks and personality. You're young with your whole life ahead of you so as frustrating as it is to make mistakes or not get things right the first time around this it's very common especially in your 20s as you adjust to adulthood.

August 31, 2020

5 minutes ago, FudgeSwirl said:

While I understand you were freaking out about the possibility of her seeing your Reddit account and I totally empathize with your low self-esteem, unfortunately your insecurity got the best of you. Put yourself in her shoes. She tells the guy she's been seeing for months that she possibly has covid and doesn't hear from him for three weeks. If the shoe was on the other foot you would be incredibly hurt and think that you were the one ghosted. It probably took her a week to add you on X-box because if she had covid or even the flu all she probably wanted to do was sleep and do something low maintenance like watch TV.

Hopefully she is okay. Reach out to her. At this point you have nothing to lose and if she doesn't respond even though you find out she's okay or has recovered, look at this as a lesson learned and that she is proof that you are capable of attracting women due to your looks and personality. You're young with your whole life ahead of you so as frustrating as it is to make mistakes or not get things right the first time around this it's very common especially in your 20s as you adjust to adulthood.

Yeah you’re probably right.. I don’t know anymore. Doesn’t matter. It’s too late.

also, she didn’t add me on Xbox a week later. She added me that very same day when we lasted talked on the phone. That Sunday. I just didn’t see the friend request till that Friday. Appreciate the words

August 31, 2020

Why the heck don't you just call her and ask her why she hasn't contacted you in a month?

August 31, 2020

4 minutes ago, CarAndZam said:

Yeah you’re probably right.. I don’t know anymore. Doesn’t matter. It’s too late.

also, she didn’t add me on Xbox a week later. She added me that very same day when we lasted talked on the phone. That Sunday. I just didn’t see the friend request till that Friday. Appreciate the words

I know you are saying it's too late and like I said, she might at this point ignore you because you didn't bother to reach out to her in a time of need, but reaching out is something you need to do otherwise you are going to torture yourself months downs the line with what-ifs. Of course it will hurt if she doesn't respond but it will help you grow from this and anyway, you will be mentally prepared for a lack of response.

I'm sorry I misread the bit about X-box.

August 31, 2020

1 hour ago, CarAndZam said:

You’re probably right, yes it would’ve be the right thing to reach out.

But honestly I was driven crazy thinking this girl found that account. You don’t understand the details in that account. There’s so much personal s*** on there. My insecurities, my constant dating failures, details of hatred of myself, my lack of friends, the fact that I can’t get people to like, my lack of confidence. It’s a sad, sad thing to read.

The last thing I wanted to do is text her and have her reply “hey I’m sorry I’m not really interested anymore. Just not feeling anymore, good luck out there” or something like that. Or not reply at all.

also, we weren’t much texters. We’d send a few messages a day. We’d reply in long paragraphs in long periods of times, rather than short messages in short period of time. I remember once we didn’t talk for 3 weeks when the whole quaratine went down at first. Then she hit me up and said she wanted to hang out again.

point is, our communication styles made me feel like it wasn’t important to check in. Doesn’t Matter anymore. It’s too late. All I can hope is that she didn’t find that account

Are you positive she saw your reddit info? I don't think you have any real proof. You are just assuming she did because she knew your xbox name. You haven't mentioned once that she in fact saw it.

You just assumed it because you made the link and figure she would AND would use it to check out your reddit.

For all you know she is sitting there COVID recovered and wondering why you ghosted her.

All I can say since you don't want to reach out is that you are acting out of fear. You're assuming her reply; you're assuming she won't reply so instead you are just sabotaging everything. I would think someone that has come as far as you did with dating would be past all of this, no? Instead you're sounding like the same guy who just has better game with covering up who he really is, but inside you are the same person---maybe even more scared because you feel like you have something to lose. But then you sabotage and lose it anyway. Is your ego so big that it can't take the hit or find out the real reason you didn't hear from her? When the real reason might be how YOU handled it & you hurt someone you really care about. Try to take the focus off of yourself for a minute...or a few.

BTW, if your communication style made it feel like it wasn't important to check in then the other possible reasons you may not have heard from her is that she realized you two were on different pages when you left her in the dust as soon as she thought she might have COVID; or it was casual at best because communicating regularly wasn't important to either of you. Another thing you might hope instead of "that she didn't find that account" (just being real, it's time to get unselfish for a minute) is that she wasn't greatly affected by COVID or bring it back to someone in her family who was.

I think long term for your dating growth, you might try to work on not having such a fragile ego. I get it that it's potentially embarrassing that all your thoughts were out there for her to see and you don't want her to judge you. Idk, it's so much more attractive when a guy who is already in the game (with her) doesn't act embarrassed by who he is. Just try to push yourself a little that way. yeah, and don't do the double user name thing again!

August 31, 2020

8 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Are you positive she saw your reddit info? I don't think you have any real proof. You are just assuming she did because she knew your xbox name. You haven't mentioned once that she in fact saw it.

You just assumed it because you made the link and figure she would AND would use it to check out your reddit.

For all you know she is sitting there COVID recovered and wondering why you ghosted her.

All I can say since you don't want to reach out is that you are acting out of fear. You're assuming her reply; you're assuming she won't reply so instead you are just sabotaging everything. I would think someone that has come as far as you did with dating would be past all of this, no? Instead you're sounding like the same guy who just has better game with covering up who he really is, but inside you are the same person---maybe even more scared because you feel like you have something to lose. But then you sabotage and lose it anyway. Is your ego so big that it can't take the hit or find out the real reason you didn't hear from her? When the real reason might be how YOU handled it & you hurt someone you really care about. Try to take the focus off of yourself for a minute...or a few.

BTW, if your communication style made it feel like it wasn't important to check in then the other possible reasons you may not have heard from her is that she realized you two were on different pages when you left her in the dust as soon as she thought she might have COVID; or it was casual at best because communicating regularly wasn't important to either of you. Another thing you might hope instead of "that she didn't find that account" (just being real, it's time to get unselfish for a minute) is that she wasn't greatly affected by COVID or bring it back to someone in her family who was.

I think long term for your dating growth, you might try to work on not having such a fragile ego. I get it that it's potentially embarrassing that all your thoughts were out there for her to see and you don't want her to judge you. Idk, it's so much more attractive when a guy who is already in the game (with her) doesn't act embarrassed by who he is. Just try to push yourself a little that way. yeah, and don't do the double user name thing again!

Thanks for the tough love man. I appreciate the words and your absolutely correct. Believe me, at someone who’s too self aware sometimes and too conscious about himself, no one is more aware than me about having a fragile ego. I’ve been hard on myself about it for a while now, and even though I’m aware of it... I’m just too weak to overcome it.

I did mention in another comment, I’m not quite where I’m supposed to be. I’ve improved yes but I’m not near close as I wish I was. At least I can say I’m not that guy anymore whose was a forever alone type virgin borderline incel.

I got rejected a lot. I went on 4 dates this week, got rejected by 3. Hooked up with one. A while back I went on 6 failed dates in a row... so I need to understand why I have such a fragile ego. I’m extremely insecure about my poor social skills, and having this very boring demeanor/personality. I’m not this charismatic and exciting guy women want men to be. Hence why I fail a lot.

You’re right, I have lots of growing up to do. This whole thing was doomed from the start. I don’t think this thing was casual at best. At least for me it wasn’t. Yes we didn’t text much but it made our conversations in person mean more. We talked more and didn’t waste a conversation through a screen. We had cute animal crossing gameplay dates, we played Mario together , we played board games like Jenga and uno together, we went to the movies together. It was amazing, and I would describe it this purely causal sex thing at all.
Again thanks for the touch love. You’re right, I should’ve had more empathy and realize her point of view. It’s too late for me now. All I can hope is that she didn’t find that account. I can live with me having messed it up due to my ego, but I’m not sure how I’m going to come with term with the facts that someone out there knows for who I really am...

August 31, 2020

12 minutes ago, CarAndZam said:

Thanks for the tough love man. I appreciate the words and your absolutely correct. Believe me, at someone who’s too self aware sometimes and too conscious about himself, no one is more aware than me about having a fragile ego. I’ve been hard on myself about it for a while now, and even though I’m aware of it... I’m just too weak to overcome it.

I did mention in another comment, I’m not quite where I’m supposed to be. I’ve improved yes but I’m not near close as I wish I was. At least I can say I’m not that guy anymore whose was a forever alone type virgin borderline incel.

I got rejected a lot. I went on 4 dates this week, got rejected by 3. Hooked up with one. A while back I went on 6 failed dates in a row... so I need to understand why I have such a fragile ego. I’m extremely insecure about my poor social skills, and having this very boring demeanor/personality. I’m not this charismatic and exciting guy women want men to be. Hence why I fail a lot.

You’re right, I have lots of growing up to do. This whole thing was doomed from the start. I don’t think this thing was casual at best. At least for me it wasn’t. Yes we didn’t text much but it made our conversations in person mean more. We talked more and didn’t waste a conversation through a screen. We had cute animal crossing gameplay dates, we played Mario together , we played board games like Jenga and uno together, we went to the movies together. It was amazing, and I would describe it this purely causal sex thing at all.
Again thanks for the touch love. You’re right, I should’ve had more empathy and realize her point of view. It’s too late for me now. All I can hope is that she didn’t find that account. I can live with me having messed it up due to my ego, but I’m not sure how I’m going to come with term with the facts that someone out there knows for who I really am...

lol, i'm a girl so if that helps that is kind of how a girl might see what has gone on in your situation. Also i found it funny that you don't think you have a good personality because your tone through the thread actually is pretty lively and engaging. Like you are probably cooler than you think you are--your brain just needs to catch up.

I'm all about the tough love so here's one little bit though I hope you don't get stuck on it--I feel like though if you are going to do anything like reach out and use words like doomed, it probably something you need to hear: the intel stuff is the kind of thing you want to not let on to people. Because it's kind of a fixation. Like where you can't get out of your own way. Like even your date "stats" for the week. By "rejected" do you mean physically? Maybe some girls--well not maybe because I'm sure--some girls don't want to hook up or get physical on the first date.I think you need to be careful if you spent a lot of time on those type of forums that those type of thoughts have permeated the way you think. In way you think you've overcome the "bad" stuff because even though your "numbers" aren't great, you do hook up now and then. IMO, you need to look for another way to measure your dating success. All of that will only really mean something if it's someone you care to be with & if you feel confident and charismatic without a body count.

If you can't fill this hole within yourself, you are kind of like the same guy except that now and then you have sex with some girls here and there. But when it comes to someone picking you and wanting to be with you for who you really are, you"re the same guy and you don't have that down at all. You're going to have to take a leap that who you are is ok. The leap and taking some good chances is kind of how you fill that hole--or at least build some inner confidence.

I'd say if you "fail" a lot it's probably because you aren't being real. Too many games. Too much posturing. If you don't like YOU, why would someone else? Also I wouldn't necessarily call getting more experience, failing. Depends on your goal. If you are trying to hook up and that's your measuring stick, silly but yes failing. Otherwise, each experience is a chance to get better at being naturally charismatic and working on understanding people better and showing yourself better, in a better light as well.

It sounds like you had something pretty cool with her. I can't imagine why you wouldn't reach out but I would say that is definitely you ego & pride in the way & you could change things by doing what is hard for you, without a guarantee on the outcome (might be good, neutral or bad outcome, who knows).

August 31, 2020

I highly doubt she found the reddit information. Googling someones gamer tag is not exactly something people will think about. Maybe your full name and address but that's it. Even she did I doubt it's something she would just ghost you over. From there relationships are two way streets even with communication. I agree with others that you should have checked in on her. Look after 3 months of dating and being intimate with one another, the whole she has to text first garbage goes right out the window. That's not to say you should blow up her phone, you shouldn't. But it's perfectly okay for you to initiate conversations a few times in a row. What you want to avoid is trying to maintain conversation and communication when they are clearly trying to let it die. If that's what they are trying to do, it's fairly obvious. They will never each out, they won't put any effort into maintaining conversations and so on.

From there you do need to deal with your self esteem. The insecurity is showing in this thread. You really need to get the bottom of why you have low self esteem and deal with it. That might require seeing a therapist and having them help you figure it out. Whether it's depression, generalized anxiety, social anxiety or what.. A therapist can help you pin down exactly what the cause is and exactly how to treat it. Online forums are not the place for that to happen.

I can make recommendations on books to help you build self esteem. How ever building self esteem requires a solid foundation. If there is past trauma (such as bullying) at the foundation of any self esteem troubles you have, then you're going to struggle to maintain and grow self esteem and self worth. Basically at the past trauma will be underneath any self esteem you try build and it will always on shaky ground. Anything shakes it even just a little bit, everything you've built will come crumbling down. I went through this cycle for decades before I finally sat down and dealt with some trauma that happened to me as a child.

That all said, reach out to her in your own way.

Edited August 31, 2020 by Dork Vader

August 31, 2020

You dropped the ball on this one, OP.

She told you she was sick, suggested that you call her - and you never contacted her again. No wonder you haven't heard from her. If I were her, I would be wondering why you never bothered to check in if you knew I was sick or possibly had contracted Covid. I get that wasn't how you viewed you, but it could certainly be how she did.

I also think you're overly paranoid about her searching your gamertag. Might that have happened? Maybe, but I rather doubt it. It wouldn't occur to most people to run a search on it. You're afraid because you're very insecure about what you have posted on Reddit, but you have no clue if your fears are correct. Even if she did decide to stop contacting you, there are a numerous other plausible explanations.

As the others are all suggesting, you very much need to work on your self-esteem now. I understand you've had a bumpy ride through life, and you certainly have my sympathy. Now is your chance to really address those residual hurts and issues and start living life the way you would like - not the way your fears tells you that you should. I think you have nothing to lose by reaching out to this girl. See how she's feeling. Her response will tell you whether or not she's still interested.

August 31, 2020

Ugh. You cared more about her googling your gamertag name than about her health.

You dated her, took her virginity, had a relationship with her, and then... when she's sick, possibly with covid, YOU ghost HER.

So not only did you assume the worst of her -- that she'd find your Reddit (doubtful) and no longer be interested in you -- but you cared so little for her that you didn't even check in to see how she was feeling.

What you did to her is far worse than anything she could have learned on your Reddit. Just imagine the thoughts that must have been going through her head after she had to cancel because she was sick and then never hearing from you again. Can you put yourself in her position, wondering why her bf (labeled or not, that's what you were) dropped out of sight with no explanation? Can you consider what that will have done to her ego, to her insecurities?

Get your house in order before you start dating again, OP.

August 31, 2020

Get off the Reddit toilet.

August 31, 2020

You need to start living in the real world, not the virtual world. Stop wasting your time on Reddit.

Why you never contacted her, only you know. Big big mistake.

Anyway what's done is done. Contact her now and find out what happened. STOP wasting time.

August 31, 2020

9 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

lol, i'm a girl so if that helps that is kind of how a girl might see what has gone on in your situation. Also i found it funny that you don't think you have a good personality because your tone through the thread actually is pretty lively and engaging. Like you are probably cooler than you think you are--your brain just needs to catch up.

I'm all about the tough love so here's one little bit though I hope you don't get stuck on it--I feel like though if you are going to do anything like reach out and use words like doomed, it probably something you need to hear: the intel stuff is the kind of thing you want to not let on to people. Because it's kind of a fixation. Like where you can't get out of your own way. Like even your date "stats" for the week. By "rejected" do you mean physically? Maybe some girls--well not maybe because I'm sure--some girls don't want to hook up or get physical on the first date.I think you need to be careful if you spent a lot of time on those type of forums that those type of thoughts have permeated the way you think. In way you think you've overcome the "bad" stuff because even though your "numbers" aren't great, you do hook up now and then. IMO, you need to look for another way to measure your dating success. All of that will only really mean something if it's someone you care to be with & if you feel confident and charismatic without a body count.

If you can't fill this hole within yourself, you are kind of like the same guy except that now and then you have sex with some girls here and there. But when it comes to someone picking you and wanting to be with you for who you really are, you"re the same guy and you don't have that down at all. You're going to have to take a leap that who you are is ok. The leap and taking some good chances is kind of how you fill that hole--or at least build some inner confidence.

I'd say if you "fail" a lot it's probably because you aren't being real. Too many games. Too much posturing. If you don't like YOU, why would someone else? Also I wouldn't necessarily call getting more experience, failing. Depends on your goal. If you are trying to hook up and that's your measuring stick, silly but yes failing. Otherwise, each experience is a chance to get better at being naturally charismatic and working on understanding people better and showing yourself better, in a better light as well.

It sounds like you had something pretty cool with her. I can't imagine why you wouldn't reach out but I would say that is definitely you ego & pride in the way & you could change things by doing what is hard for you, without a guarantee on the outcome (might be good, neutral or bad outcome, who knows).

Rejected in the sense that I don’t get second dates. Yes sometimes I make a physical move and I get rejected and tell me they don’t want to go all the way. Other times I hook up.

But like 2 nights ago, we agreed we’d eat at a taco place then drink it up at my place. It was a nice diner, but after we done eating and left she cut it short as she said “my friend drank too much and is a bit f***ed so I gotta pick her up.”.

texted her last night and she replied but i can tell she’s not to the convo, and hasn’t replied to my last text. So basically I mostly get rejected in the sense that they’re not interested in going for a second date.

August 31, 2020

As for my self esteem issues, well thanks for the advice guys. But I know what I’ve had to do for a long time and yet I don’t know how to. All I’ve done is to try my best to mask my true self but truth be told I don’t think it’s working and it’s given me a non-congruent personality.

Like I said, was picked on and bullied a lot in school. Add that to a narcissistic mother who’s very manipulative, and a weak father who’s too afraid to stand up to her, (they should’ve gotten divorced a long time ago), then add that to being the weakest man and somewhat of the black sheep of the family and well you get me.

so I never got to outgrow my feeling of inferiority to other people. I’m a 6’4 tall man, yet everybody in the world seems so much bigger. I feel so small, so weak. I find myself comparing myself to other men a lot. Their bodies, how charismatic they seem, how complete their lives how, how it’s easy for them to socialize and probably don’t get rejected a lot like me. Just comparing the fact that they seem like they’ve reached the bare minimum and are more than enough, and I’m not.

I’m always afraid to stand up for myself cause I’m afraid someone will bully me for it. (And even now there’s still many things to bully me about).

August 31, 2020

Trust me on this, "sharing your xbox live gamertag" is the least of your issues.

The thing that really, really puzzles me is that most people know that if someone "means a lot to them", the right thing to do when they tell you they are really sick is to check in on them at some point before 5 weeks goes past (at least via phone). Not only did you NOT know that, you wrote 20 paragraphs on this page talking about everything BUT that.

Have you asked yourself why you don't understand something that most people figure out when they are 10? Are you interested in fixing that? Your relationship with this girl is beyond repair now, but there is still hope for the future if you are willing to change and talk to a therapist.

August 31, 2020

A couple of things:

1. You say you know what you have to do but don't know how. Have you ever had any formal psycho-therapy? Mental health is not like learning to play the guitar. You can't fix yourself over the internet. Go talk to a medical professional to get tools. You have a warped view of the world. At 6'4 you are certainly not small so meet with a professional to readjust your perspective. I get what it's like to have a screwed up view of yourself. I was anorexic. At 5'7 I weighed 105 lbs but cried myself to sleep because I was fat.

2. Journaling is good but laying yourself bare on a public forum like reddit where mean people will berate you & somebody could identify you by your screen name is bad. Either keep your dark thought on a password protected drive on your computer or in a written journal you hide. At the very least come up with different names for different forums. The only place I have the same screen name is across 2 writing platforms.

August 31, 2020

5 hours ago, introverted1 said:

Ugh. You cared more about her googling your gamertag name than about her health.

You dated her, took her virginity, had a relationship with her, and then... when she's sick, possibly with covid, YOU ghost HER.

So not only did you assume the worst of her -- that she'd find your Reddit (doubtful) and no longer be interested in you -- but you cared so little for her that you didn't even check in to see how she was feeling.

What you did to her is far worse than anything she could have learned on your Reddit. Just imagine the thoughts that must have been going through her head after she had to cancel because she was sick and then never hearing from you again. Can you put yourself in her position, wondering why her bf (labeled or not, that's what you were) dropped out of sight with no explanation? Can you consider what that will have done to her ego, to her insecurities?

Get your house in order before you start dating again, OP.

You’re probably right, though underestimate what’s on that Reddit account. It’s ugly..,

But I doubt I’m gonna date anybody serious is this way ever again. Truth be told I think I’m destined to just have a casual dating life with meaningless sex. This is the second I’ve fell for someone and it always ends in disaster. All my fault. I’m insecurities, negative thoughts, and issues are amplified x10 whenever I fall for someone.

i still remember the first date I went out with this girl. I had experience getting ghosted and tbh I had gotten used to being rejected. When the our first date ended, I kind of felt she wasn’t into me. I teared a bit on the way home. I had never cared about someone like that after the first date. Not in this strong way. Then she texted me a few hours later telling me she had a great time, and she wants do it again. I remember being so happy seeing that message. And we had lots of great dates after.

it’s touching remembering this, but it’s a reminder to me that because I was so invested and caring right In the beginning I knew I was gonna sabatoge this whole thing. And I have. Thought I’m impressed with myself it took 5-6 months!

Oh well, I met her on the wrong point in my life.

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I may have ruined things with someone who really meant a lot to me for simply sharing my Xbox Live Gamertag....

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