Guerita Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 I'm interested in everybody's opinion about sharing locations. A few years back, an acquaintance of mine told me that she and her husband shared locations to know where they are at all times. I was pretty surprised by that and when I mentioned it to my (now ex-)husband he, too, thought that was weird. Fast forward to today, I asked a friend of mine how she felt about it, and she said she and her boyfriend did it too for safety reasons. She said it had nothing to do with trust issues. My boyfriend drives for a living and sometimes I worry about him when I don't hear back from him for a while, because he usually responds very quickly. So a few months ago I made the suggestion that he shares his location when he's at work, therefore giving me some peace of mind when he doesn't reply. I could see in his face that he wasn't stoked about the idea, he's never started sharing his location, and I didn't bring it up anymore. A couple of weeks ago I took a road trip and shared my location for him to know that I was safe along the way. Now, he's pretty much the only person that lives in my vicinity, I thought it might be a good idea to keep location sharing on just in case something happens to me. What can I say, I like true crime, and I figure if I go missing, it would be helpful for him to know where at least my phone is. I don't expect him to share his location in return, and I also don't think he's hiding something from me. I'm curious to hear why some of you share your location with your significant other, or why you choose not to do so. What are your reasons for either option?
Wiseman2 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 Don't do it. Keep your devices free from that. It's bad privacy and safety policy. Cyber tethering people is just creepy. Make sure all your social media, messaging and other apps have the appropriate privacy settings. 3
smackie9 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 Nope, just nope. When you are with someone long enough, you should know their routine, and no need for gpsing each other. If you are going somewhere, and going to be late when they are expecting you, that's when you notify them. But if you are not seeing each other, and you want to head off to the car wash...come on man, you don't need to tell them everything. 5
Versacehottie Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) One of my friends and her boyfriend do this. I like them both very much & they are very cool, normal people. I know he's a bit on the jealous side. He has his reasons (from previous cheating) but still my friend is not like that at all & they've been together 3 years now. She is literally the opposite of someone who will cheat. TBH, I was shocked when I found out. a) because it was recently--like all 3 of those years did little to build his trust about her specifically b) she & i were hanging out & had to deal with some stuff form him because of the location sharing... which was crazy since he knew exactly where she was going to be, who with; it was an early time of evening & nothing about it dangerous in terms of true danger or toward possible cheating. yet we still had to deal with it because he could track her basically. It's like when is it ever enough??? My friend seemed a tiny bit exasperated but would never let on because she wouldn't embarrass him like that. But trust me, it was a bit embarrassing. c) it's pretty oppressive. not a fan but for some couples if BOTH want it I guess it could be fine. I can almost guarantee that BOTH don't actually want it but that one will give in to appease the one with lack of trust. It's just another tool that masks building real trusts and lets those issues remain. I think a couple needs real trust and monitoring will never be a good substitute. Edited August 30, 2020 by Versacehottie 2
Ruby Slippers Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 For me it would be too much. It's healthy to have some time apart and away without the other knowing exactly where you are. 3
Author Guerita Posted August 30, 2020 Author Posted August 30, 2020 32 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Cyber tethering people is just creepy. That was my initial reaction when my acquaintance told me she was sharing locations with her husband. 33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Make sure all your social media, messaging and other apps have the appropriate privacy settings. I've given up the idea that I actually have some control over protecting my privacy. Big brother is everywhere 18 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Nope, just nope. When you are with someone long enough, you should know their routine, and no need for gpsing each other. Yes, but what if something happens that doesn't follow the routine? Car accident, abduction, arrest... 10 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: I think a couple needs real trust and monitoring will never be a good substitute. Agreed, but what if it has nothing to do with trust, and location sharing is just used as a tool for safety?
Wiseman2 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 Sounds like the kind of thing stalkers and abusers do. GPSs on cars, spyware on devices,etc. It's ok for a parent/ young child thing but 2 adults don't need this. It's also open to misinterpretation. What if they drive through MacDonald's? Then what? Are they craving junk food or flirting with the servers. You'll never know. 3
Mrin Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 In a past very committed relationship I shared my location with my partner. I did this on my own as I am always traveling and wanted her to be able to see where I was to know things like when I'd be home or if she was worried. Wasn't a big deal and she hardly ever used it. Slight tangent: I do share my location at all times with my mom. It sets her mind at ease greatly. Lol. Omg you have no idea. Although now that I am dating again, from time to time I have had to either shut it off temporarily or tell my mom to just not ask any questions about what I'm doing at a specific address. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 5 minutes ago, Guerita said: Yes, but what if something happens that doesn't follow the routine? Car accident, abduction, arrest... In all cases except an abduction, it wouldn't be long before you or someone could notify your emergency contact, and the odds of an abduction are extremely low, not worth being location-tethered to your SO, in my opinion. 4
Versacehottie Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Guerita said: Agreed, but what if it has nothing to do with trust, and location sharing is just used as a tool for safety? I agree with Ruby Slippers. If your significant other is in harms way from any of those truly dangerous things, what does you being able to see where they are have to do with it? The one thing I can think of is the extremely extremely low amount of people that get lost on a hike or car goes over a ravine or something like that. But let's be honest, that's probably not why you are truly considering it....those are the distinctly secondary motives that you've convinced yourself are the real reason you would like it. You are probably operating on the theory that if he has nothing to hide there's no reason against it & it's just for safety. I still wouldn't want to be monitored even when there is nothing to hide. Also if he does get into one of the danger situations that has nothing to do with finding him, how really does you knowing where he is help him? Like what could you do? The other possible occurrences are SOOOOOO rare. And then we just have to go with what the most common use would be: to keep tabs on your partner. That would probably cause MORE problems than any benefit in the 1 in 2 billion chance that the guy gets lost in the woods. Edited August 30, 2020 by Versacehottie 1
mark clemson Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 Different things work for different people. 3
d0nnivain Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) I think it was designed as a safety feature. If I had teens, I might mandate it. Between adults it would have to be by mutual agreement. I would not date a man who asked me for this. If my husband requested it while we were in a foreign country I might say OK for the duration of our stay Edited August 30, 2020 by d0nnivain 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 It has never occurred to me to do this, nor to ask my partner to do so. I think it entirely depends on the couple and their motivations for doing this. If someone's got a trust issue from a past bad experience, then it's opening a huge can of worms and unlikely to do anything but magnify insecurity and enable unhealthy coping mechanisms. 1
Author Guerita Posted August 30, 2020 Author Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: But let's be honest, that's probably not why you are truly considering it....those are the distinctly secondary motives that you've convinced yourself are the real reason you would like it. You are probably operating on the theory that if he has nothing to hide there's no reason against it & it's just for safety. I still wouldn't want to be monitored even when there is nothing to hide. With all due respect, please don't infer that I have any secondary motives. As far as I know I don't know anybody in this forum, and even if I did, I wouldn't be ashamed to say "I want to know where he is, because I don't trust him," but that's not the case. As I said, he drives for a living, and I get uneasy when I don't hear from him because a) he could have been in an accident and b) he could have been arrested because of his belligerent nature. In both cases I'd know that he's either in a hospital or in jail. Regardless, I don't expect him to share his location with me. I hope that these situations don't happen, or that he would be able to reach out to me. Edited August 30, 2020 by Guerita replace word
Wiseman2 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 6 minutes ago, Guerita said: b) he could have been arrested because of his belligerent nature. . Have you addressed this? It seems cybertethering him wouldn't resolve your anxiety about this. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells wondering if a BF got arrested. 1 1
Versacehottie Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 1 hour ago, Guerita said: I'm interested in everybody's opinion about sharing locations. A few years back, an acquaintance of mine told me that she and her husband shared locations to know where they are at all times. I was pretty surprised by that and when I mentioned it to my (now ex-)husband he, too, thought that was weird. Fast forward to today, I asked a friend of mine how she felt about it, and she said she and her boyfriend did it too for safety reasons. She said it had nothing to do with trust issues. My boyfriend drives for a living and sometimes I worry about him when I don't hear back from him for a while, because he usually responds very quickly. So a few months ago I made the suggestion that he shares his location when he's at work, therefore giving me some peace of mind when he doesn't reply. I could see in his face that he wasn't stoked about the idea, he's never started sharing his location, and I didn't bring it up anymore. I'm curious to hear why some of you share your location with your significant other, or why you choose not to do so. What are your reasons for either option? Bolded (2nd item) is from the person who knows you the best. He didn't like the idea. Your question asking both our opinions as well as the "reasons" is insight. Anyway, that's my opinion, similar to your boyfriend's, I suspect he wasn't stoked about the idea for the same reason I said. The most common usage would be to track and monitor & he isn't into it. It's not me you need to convince--you need to convince him if you want him to do it. 1
smackie9 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Guerita said: Yes, but what if something happens that doesn't follow the routine? Car accident, abduction, arrest... They are an adult, not 12 years old. Abduction? seriously? If you don't have the street smarts to know not to go down dark alleyways, etc you shouldn't be out in public. Abductors know to toss the phone...what good is that to you? nothing. Car accident? People call 911, and how do you know if they are in an accident? A GPS won't tell you that. Arrested? They are allowed a phone call. All these things are so rare, not a good excuse to GPS one another. I say having it causes more angst. Like if they just happen to be in the area where their ex lives, when they are actually meeting a coworker for lunch. Just don't go there. Edited August 30, 2020 by smackie9 2
Author Guerita Posted August 30, 2020 Author Posted August 30, 2020 35 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: It's not me you need to convince--you need to convince him if you want him to do it. You need to re-read my original post and understand what it was about. To make it easier for you: 2 hours ago, Guerita said: I'm curious to hear why some of you share your location with your significant other, or why you choose not to do so. What are your reasons for either option?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 My teens will have it as long as they are not paying their own bills, but it's mostly for safety reasons. i was visiting a friend out of state a couple of years ago and she and her local friends all had each other on LIfe360. These were all women in their forties. I have no clue why even one adult would agree to that, let along a whole group of them! I turn my location OFF when I'm out of my house and not connected to my car charger because it drains my battery like crazy. I have an old iPhone and I'm convinced Apple designs their updates to make certain things drain your batteries so you get a new phone. This is another topic, though. I would not share my location on the regular with a romantic partner. Maybe if I was going on a trip or something. I'm also a true crime freak so I get you ;). 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 2 hours ago, Guerita said: My boyfriend drives for a living Many companies track and time their drivers already. For example you can see on an app where your Amazon delivery is. He could put you as an emergency contact in his phone if he wants to. If you want to share your location with friends and family, just so so.
Versacehottie Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 4 hours ago, Guerita said: You need to re-read my original post and understand what it was about. To make it easier for you: lol, you are only proving my point. k, best of luck 1
basil67 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 We (me, hubby, both kids) shared all our locations when the technology was new and we wanted it to track our disabled son in case he got into difficulties (he struggles to use the phone). Turns out that we all really liked it. Our daughter was given the choice of either having a tracking device on her phone or making sure to call us if plans changed. She chose tracking. At 21, she still uses it....and given she does OLD, I think it's wise. I like it because sometimes when I'm out I will come home to find a nice hot cup of tea waiting for me or hubby will be at the front gate ready to help me bring in groceries. Hubby has no objection to it being on his phone either. 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 My husband showed me this once but I was kind of indifferent about it. We were connected or whatever, I think, because I would get alerts but I disconnected things from my side, I think. My husband really doesn't drive in remote places and I feel weird checking where a grown man is. I don't know if he still sees where I'm going from his phone...I don't really think about it. 1
Hotmess118 Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 I've done it for a predetermined amount of time and for specific reasons. As long as both people agree and it doesn't become an unhealthy habit I don't see any problems with it, but it would take a lot of self control if there was trust issues involved.
kismetkismet Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 (edited) My husband and I have our locations shared. We initially did it for safety reasons when he went on a multi-day trek with his friend, but then we just left it on. We almost never check it, but I like knowing that if something happens, he can find me and vice versa. Or if he's worried about me and I'm not answering my phone because I'm in the car, he can check where I am. (We both have anxiety about the other getting hurt, so that may be a factor!) It shouldn't be used for any kind of trust issue though. Like, if one person is very controlling and paranoid they could wind up using it to control/micromanage the other person.. or if one person has cheated in the past, getting GPS isn't going to make your relationship any healthier lol. In that situation I think it would do more harm than good. Edited August 31, 2020 by kismetkismet
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