Redguitar35 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 I have never been in a long term relationship before and haven’t dated since Spring 2018. I met a girl on my social media for my photography and after some chatting she said she wanted to hang out. I told her I couldn’t because I’m around elderly family fairly frequently and didn’t want to put them at risk but that I really wanted to. She’s also in that age range where there are the most active cases in my state. Haven’t heard from her since. Now I feel really down about it. If I’d met her I would’ve worried about exposure to COVID. On the other hand I feel like I am missing out on someone really nice for the first time in forever. My luck with dating is the worst ever. I’m so depressed about this I can barely function. I don’t know what the right decision was. I just feel really depressed and hopeless. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 Reach back out to her! Ask her for a phone date or a Zoom date if you're still not comfortable meeting in person. There are ways to be safe on an actual date, though. Meet in a park with masks and stay 6 feet apart and just chat. But, reach back out to her. This doesn't have to be the end of it. 6
Author Redguitar35 Posted August 30, 2020 Author Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: Reach back out to her! Ask her for a phone date or a Zoom date if you're still not comfortable meeting in person. There are ways to be safe on an actual date, though. Meet in a park with masks and stay 6 feet apart and just chat. But, reach back out to her. This doesn't have to be the end of it. I will but she may not be receptive. What’s also Frustrating is I polled people I know before I made the decision and nobody was helpful. They all just said, “it’s up to you” “risk versus reward” “ah, the age old question: sex vs death Haha.” Or otherwise dodged my question. Then when I made the decision I kept second guessing ever since. I’m really struggling. Edited August 30, 2020 by Redguitar35
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 1 minute ago, Redguitar35 said: I will but she may not be receptive. But she may be! You'll never know if you don't try! 1
poppyfields Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) Redguitar, don't let fear drive your ship. You've been running for too long, time to stop. Reach back out, meet at a local park, get ice cream! Take a risk, an emotional risk. If you are not willing and too fearful of doing that, you might as well be living under a rock. Take a chance!! Edited August 30, 2020 by poppyfields 2
Wiseman2 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Redguitar35 said: I will but she may not be receptive. What’s also Frustrating is I polled people I know before I made the decision and nobody was helpful. They all just said, “it’s up to you” “risk versus reward” “ah, the age old question: sex vs death Haha.” Or otherwise dodged my question. Then when I made the decision I kept second guessing ever since. I’m really struggling. It took some courage on her part to suggest it. Either you are interested or you're not. You don't have to feel bad if you were just not that interested. Edited August 30, 2020 by Wiseman2 2
Guerita Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 I agree with the other commentators, reach out to here. Suggest to meet virtually or just tell her that you'd like to meet up later, just not at this point due to the pandemic (which makes you very responsible by the way, and you should give yourself some credit for it!). If she's not receptive, she may not have been that interested in the first place and not worth being so depressed over. 1
poppyfields Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Either you are interested or you're not. You don't have to feel bad if you were just not that interested. Don't think he'd be feeling depressed if he "were just not that interested." He said he's afraid he missed out on someone really nice. That's interest. Edited August 30, 2020 by poppyfields 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 2 hours ago, Redguitar35 said: I will but she may not be receptive. What’s also Frustrating is I polled people I know before I made the decision and nobody was helpful. They all just said, “it’s up to you” “risk versus reward” “ah, the age old question: sex vs death Haha.” Or otherwise dodged my question. Then when I made the decision I kept second guessing ever since. I’m really struggling. To be fair, people can't make decisions on your behalf. You're over-thinking this. Get in touch with her and see if she'd like to meet now that things have (hopefully) stabilized in your area. Maybe she doesn't reply, or declines. .And then? What do you fear will happen next? 2
Wiseman2 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 Start chatting on social media again and meet up for a low key coffee.
DarrenB Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 @Redguitar35 No harm in reaching out again. Life's too short for 'what if' moments - make it into a reality. 2
Author Redguitar35 Posted August 30, 2020 Author Posted August 30, 2020 6 hours ago, Guerita said: I agree with the other commentators, reach out to here. Suggest to meet virtually or just tell her that you'd like to meet up later, just not at this point due to the pandemic (which makes you very responsible by the way, and you should give yourself some credit for it!). If she's not receptive, she may not have been that interested in the first place and not worth being so depressed over. She got back to me and that’s basically what she said, she understood the burden I carry being in contact with people who are at risk and she knows that makes the decision hard. She’s a special person :/ 2
Velvet teddy Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Redguitar35 said: She got back to me and that’s basically what she said, she understood the burden I carry being in contact with people who are at risk and she knows that makes the decision hard. She’s a special person What are you going to do? Don't worry, even if this doesn't work out. You'll find someone else. At the moment you're being responsible and taking care of your family. So dont stress! Edited August 31, 2020 by Velvet teddy 2
FudgeSwirl Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 That's fantastic that after taking everybody's advice on her to contact her, you did. As a couple of users suggested you should ask her to go on a virtual date with you. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 Do you live with your parents or grandparents? Perhaps it's the other way around. You're depressed and that why you rejected her.
Author Redguitar35 Posted August 31, 2020 Author Posted August 31, 2020 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Do you live with your parents or grandparents? No, but they live pretty close and we have dinner together all the time. Quote Perhaps it's the other way around. You're depressed and that why you rejected her. Why do you keep trying to suggest I’m not interested in her? If I wasn’t I would not have made this thread. I want to spend time with her, I just have the burden of this virus looming over everything that complicates my decision. 1
Mystery4u Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 3 minutes ago, Redguitar35 said: Why do you keep trying to suggest I’m not interested in her? If I wasn’t I would not have made this thread. I want to spend time with her, I just have the burden of this virus looming over everything that complicates my decision. All you are doing is making excuses. You can still meet and keep a distance. You can have a virtual date. Stop portraying yourself as a hopeless victim, it's really embarrassing.
Author Redguitar35 Posted August 31, 2020 Author Posted August 31, 2020 9 hours ago, Velvet teddy said: What are you going to do? Don't worry, even if this doesn't work out. You'll find someone else. At the moment you're being responsible and taking care of your family. So dont stress! I don’t know what I will do. I’m going though the scenarios in my mind, trying to decide whether I will take the chance and live with the risks or keep self isolating. 1
Author Redguitar35 Posted August 31, 2020 Author Posted August 31, 2020 4 minutes ago, Mystery4u said: All you are doing is making excuses. You can still meet and keep a distance. You can have a virtual date. Stop portraying yourself as a hopeless victim, it's really embarrassing. Was that last line necessary? It’s really ugly on your part. This is supposed to be a supportive community, and you should not insult people or ridicule their concerns.
FMW Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 1 hour ago, Redguitar35 said: I just have the burden of this virus looming over everything that complicates my decision. We're all in that situation and have to make those decisions, things are just really weird and unsettling right now. Maybe keep in touch with your older family members by telephone but actually see them in person less often. That would allow you to have in-person dates. At least to start with you could have in person dates only every few weeks, allowing 14 days (the general quarantine period) after the date before seeing your family again, then right after that have another date. You'll at least get an idea then if this particular girl really is someone you could see having a future with. I know that sounds weird, but as I said, the times are weird. We can't have everything the way it was before so we have to be creative and learn to adapt.
kendahke Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 You can meet up with her, but stay away from your family members for 14 days til you know you haven't been infected.
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 Covid is presenting dating challenges, so let it go.
beentheredonethat77 Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 (edited) What i hear in your posts is a lot of painful indecision. I have someone in my life who is like this and they can be quite tormented with procrastination and regret over decisions -- constantly asking others for advice on what they'd do and twisting over every decision big and small. They are seeing a good therapist and doing better... I feel for you but i also know its a difficult time for everyone and just as an unbiased honest opinion reading your posts, there is a lot of extra pain and anguish you mount on yourself that isn't necessary. I say this respectfully as im generally an advocate for therapy -- maybe see a therapist and work on right-sizing problems and keeping things into perspective and maybe work on any underlying issues for the depression? I think right now the millions of people who have lost jobs, businesses, loved ones during this pandemic wish their main issues were dating dilemmas (i say this to myself too as we all need a reminder). Edited August 31, 2020 by beentheredonethat77 1
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, beentheredonethat77 said: What i hear in your posts is a lot of painful indecision. I have someone in my life who is like this and they can be quite tormented with procrastination and regret over decisions -- constantly asking others for advice on what they'd do and twisting over every decision big and small. They are seeing a good therapist and doing better... I feel for you but i also know its a difficult time for everyone and just as an unbiased honest opinion reading your posts, there is a lot of extra pain and anguish you mount on yourself that isn't necessary. I say this respectfully as im generally an advocate for therapy -- maybe see a therapist and work on right-sizing problems and keeping things into perspective and maybe work on any underlying issues for the depression? I think right now the millions of people who have lost jobs, businesses, loved ones during this pandemic wish their main issues were dating dilemmas (i say this to myself too as we all need a reminder). I am not a believer or an advocate of therapy due to previous negative experiences with the mental health care system. Thank you for the suggestion but that is not something I’m open to. As an INTP personality, canvassing opinion is very much part of my decision making process. Since I weigh options and perspectives, others may see that as inconsistent or as blocking the decision making process. Others may become frustrated when I want to keep options open, especially folks who would rather decide and act quickly. But yes this has been very difficult time for me, which is not negated by the fact that others are facing greater difficulty in other areas. A relationship is something I very much desire and have never had, and for people like me this pandemic has introduced yet another roadblock to happiness that is demoralizing for those of us who have struggled so long with dating. No one has the right to say our issues are not as important as others’. Edited September 1, 2020 by Redguitar35
ssm617 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 16 hours ago, Redguitar35 said: I don’t know what I will do. I’m going though the scenarios in my mind, trying to decide whether I will take the chance and live with the risks or keep self isolating. You could ask her out and do a simple low risk activity. Such as having ice cream or pizza at an outdoor place.
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