szechuanhorse Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 I'm in my late 20s and in the UK (so is the woman) and I matched with this woman in early August. We messaged on and off (I had a few app issues where I was getting kicked out randomly and not being able to log in). Last week I asked about meeting up for drinks but she told me she's gone abroad to see her cousin and their family on a quiet island where they live for a small holiday and will be back in two weeks but she'd love to when she is back. So we switched numbers. My question is, how to go about communication in this void of two weeks before we meet. I don't want to burn out with all the typical pre-date convo/1st date talk by then. But I also don't want to sound like I'm not interested and slow conversion. Any tips? Or similar experiences? She actually hasn't replied in 24 hours so maybe shes looking to slow down the convo so there isn't a burnout.
Wiseman2 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 Don't over text. Reply when she texts. Are you on any of her social media?
Author szechuanhorse Posted August 30, 2020 Author Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Don't over text. Reply when she texts. Are you on any of her social media? Oh yeah I'm not the type to keep texting if there isn't a reply. I want to keep interest but same time I just don't want a back and forth for two weeks via texting, kinda kills that spark and that mystery if you know what I mean Only so much banter and that you can do. No we don't follow each other on socials, just texting Edited August 30, 2020 by szechuanhorse
CaliforniaGirl Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 This is such a tough question and seems to be sort of an epidemic, if you will, of SM and the ability to.contact anyone else literally at any time. Nobody really knows whether to text or not, how quickly to respond, etc. Honestly if you have nothing invested her and haven't even been on a date...well, she said she'll be back in two weeks. And you already responded. Do you really need to text her again during that time unless she contacts you? Again...normally I'm not for just ignoring someone but in this case, well, you haven't even been out one single time yet. She's telling you clearly she isn't available for two weeks. Shouldn't you be contacting one another after she gets back? 2
FudgeSwirl Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 It's normal when someone goes away for business or holiday to not hear from them often. If you are replying when she texts, then you are good in terms of communication and it shows you are interested. When it gets closer to the two weeks being up you can ask how her trip has been and then work to set up a more concrete date. If she complies, fantastic. If she requests that you wait until she gets home, take it from there. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 Keep it light, pithy & infrequent. Somewhere near the middle but on a work day texting her something along the lines of Hope you are having fun on your trip. Make me jealous while I'm a work. Send me a tropical photo. She should respond to that with some nice scenery but you may get a picture of her. Closer to when she's scheduled to get back, send her a reminder: Have a safe trip home. Let me know when you settle back in. I would still like to grab a drink. 2
introverted1 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 Does she definitely have text service where she is now? Or are you using something like Whatsapp?
smackie9 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) You asked her out, she said in two weeks....leave a text saying you look forward to meeting her, and to contact you when she gets back. That's it. You let her enjoy her visit with her family and don't reach out, you leave that up to her. In the meantime you go out with other women. Edited August 30, 2020 by smackie9 3
Watercolors Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 Why don't people actually use their phone to call each other anymore? All this texting nonsense back and forth, and the game playing over texting. You know, back in my day, we just called each other on the phone. Since she is on a small island for the next 2 weeks with her family, I'm sure she has a cell signal. Just call her on the phone for god sake. 1
poppyfields Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 18 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Honestly if you have nothing invested her and haven't even been on a date...well, she said she'll be back in two weeks. And you already responded. Do you really need to text her again during that time unless she contacts you? This!^ Let this go for two weeks and reconnect upon her return and schedule a time to meet. Let things happen organically. Don't try to force anything during these two weeks out of fear or anxiety. Do your own thing, live your life. Reconnect when she returns.
CaliforniaGirl Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 1 hour ago, Watercolors said: Why don't people actually use their phone to call each other anymore? All this texting nonsense back and forth, and the game playing over texting. You know, back in my day, we just called each other on the phone. Since she is on a small island for the next 2 weeks with her family, I'm sure she has a cell signal. Just call her on the phone for god sake. Because the internet was created for introverts. I am one, so I'm not making fun of anyone. But people who can't communicate well or are afraid to find even a minute or two between having to answer someone is less scary than having to talk in realtime, and not having to talk on the phone removes the possibility of a shaky or nervous voice, stumbling over words, or whatever. In addition, you don't have to actually pay attention. You can literally just walk away for a minute, an hour or.a day. You never have to have actual communication skills. People will tell you, "Texting is easier." Bullchit. Barring an actual communication handicap, literally nothing short of lying in bed in a coma could possibly be easier than literally pushing a button and starting to speak. 2
introverted1 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 Also, the phone is far more intrusive - you are expected to answer right then. Texting is far more relaxed as it lets the recipient answer at will. These two aren't an established couple -- they haven't even met! -- so him barging in on her with a call while she is on vacation with family isn't the way to go, imo. 2
Author szechuanhorse Posted August 31, 2020 Author Posted August 31, 2020 I understand the whole don't contact her until nearer the time she returns but at the moment she seems to be asking questions about me and all that, I can't just cut off contact by saying "hey enjoy your holiday, see you when you're back" and all that stuff. If someone sent that to me, I'd be thinking they don't really want to get to know me, or at least make the effort to. If she was send short replies with no questions then it'd be different
CaliforniaGirl Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 3 hours ago, szechuanhorse said: I understand the whole don't contact her until nearer the time she returns but at the moment she seems to be asking questions about me and all that, I can't just cut off contact by saying "hey enjoy your holiday, see you when you're back" and all that stuff. If someone sent that to me, I'd be thinking they don't really want to get to know me, or at least make the effort to. If she was send short replies with no questions then it'd be different She's contacting you? Well then of course you can answer her. Why wouldn't you? I mean I thought you were saying she's on vacation and busy but you didn't know if you should interrupt her vacation. 2
poppyfields Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 (edited) On 8/30/2020 at 1:51 PM, CaliforniaGirl said: Because the internet was created for introverts. I am one, so I'm not making fun of anyone. But people who can't communicate well or are afraid to find even a minute or two between having to answer someone is less scary than having to talk in realtime, and not having to talk on the phone removes the possibility of a shaky or nervous voice, stumbling over words, or whatever. To add to your list^, it avoids the other person talking over you, interrupting you, monopolizing the conversation, waiting on hold when they get another call coming in, etc etc etc! I hate the phone and will only do it when it's absolutely necessary. I have much better, and actually more substantive conversations with people via the written word - text or email, preferably email. I am also an introvert. Not to mention, if someone isn't responding to a text, what makes you think they're gonna answer their phone? Everyone has caller ID so they'll know it's you calling. And if they are not answerng your text, they sure as hell aren't gonna answer your phone call. Edited August 31, 2020 by poppyfields 1
ssm617 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 On 8/30/2020 at 3:19 PM, Watercolors said: Why don't people actually use their phone to call each other anymore? All this texting nonsense back and forth, and the game playing over texting. You know, back in my day, we just called each other on the phone. Since she is on a small island for the next 2 weeks with her family, I'm sure she has a cell signal. Just call her on the phone for god sake. I'm not opposed to 15 minute call before a first date/meeting. But it's not mandatory. I don't like long conversations because sometimes people can ramble on and on. I like texting because it's more convenient. I can respond at my own pace and it's easier for multitasking. If I am working out, I can reply to a text between sets. If I am watching TV, I can respond to a text during commercials etc. Besides I don't think the method of communication will change a person's interest level. If they aren't interested, they won't answer a phone call, text, Facebook post, or an old fashioned letter sent by mail.
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 7 hours ago, ssm617 said: I don't think the method of communication will change a person's interest level. 90% of communication is not verbal. All of that subtext is lost in text (& email, or letter writing) If I like somebody but all he can do is text my interest will fade fast. I like quick witted people for whom I am more then an after thought during commercials or between sets 2
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 17 hours ago, szechuanhorse said: I understand the whole don't contact her until nearer the time she returns but at the moment she seems to be asking questions about me and all that, I can't just cut off contact by saying "hey enjoy your holiday, see you when you're back" and all that stuff. If someone sent that to me, I'd be thinking they don't really want to get to know me, or at least make the effort to. If she was send short replies with no questions then it'd be different So? Just reply to her texts and emphasize that you look forward to seeing her. 5
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 18 hours ago, szechuanhorse said: I understand the whole don't contact her until nearer the time she returns but at the moment she seems to be asking questions about me and all that, I can't just cut off contact by saying "hey enjoy your holiday, see you when you're back" You misunderstood. If the traveler reached out that is awesome! Chat away. When you are the one staying at home we were advising you that you not pester the person on vacation & be OK with less communication than when the person is local. You are getting the brass ring. Carry on. 4
poppyfields Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 2 hours ago, d0nnivain said: 90% of communication is not verbal. All that subtext is lost in text (email and letter writing). Agree which is why I prefer in-person communique. But we are discussing text versus phone call; a phone call is also verbal, wherein the subtext can be lost like body language, facial expressions, which is a big part of communication. With a phone call, agree you can hear tone of voice but that doesnt trump all the negatives like being talked over, interrupted, the other person monopolizing the convo, not allowing you a word in, being kept on hold while they take another call etc. I am glad the phone works better for you, but that doesn't mean it's the right mode for everyone.
poppyfields Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) To add, @d0nnivain, I will say this to your point, I had a great time last weekend Face Timing with my sis. We could see each other and that was nice! Her kids and hubby were away so no interruptions! She did talk over me a few times and interrupted me, but for the most part we had a great and fun convo! But the regular phone I can't do other than quick calls when necessary. Edited September 1, 2020 by poppyfields
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 With the advent of technology the video call is superior to voice & text. I'm not opposed to text for quick communications. I can't stand people who try to run a relationship off it. If two people enjoy their text only interactions & are happy, good for them. I don't see that happening. I see it making folks miserable 2
poppyfields Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 38 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: With the advent of technology the video call is superior to voice & text. I can't stand people who try to run a relationship off it. If two people enjoy their text only interactions & are happy, good for them. I don't see that happening. I see it making folks miserable Agree with first paragraph in some instances (not all), but I thought we were discussing communication between in-person dates, or between exchanging numbers and first date. Not running their entire relationship off it. Or using text as their only source of communication. Maybe I misunderstood, but even if they did, no skin off my nose, that's their business. To say you can't stand people who do this is a bit harsh imo. Edited September 1, 2020 by poppyfields 1
ssm617 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, d0nnivain said: 90% of communication is not verbal. All of that subtext is lost in text (& email, or letter writing) If I like somebody but all he can do is text my interest will fade fast. I like quick witted people for whom I am more then an after thought during commercials or between sets If I called a woman back after I finished my workout, watching a TV show, eating dinner etc, it doesn't mean I think a woman is an "afterthought" because I didn't immediately stop what I was doing and answer her call. Same thing can apply with texting. Just saying there are situations when texting can be more feasible than talking on the phone. The only advantage a phone call has over a text is that I can hear the voice tone of another person. But overall I think the negatives (such as rambling on a long phone call) outweigh the positives. Also as mentioned others, there are other non-verbal communications that I can't determine by phone or text such as body language and facial expression. Yes I know you mentioned video call in a later post. But the original comparison was phone call vs text. Edited September 1, 2020 by ssm617 1
poppyfields Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) I think texting is highly misunderstood for many people. To suggest someone is an "afterthought" during commercials or between sets, holy cow! As I said, some of the best (deep, substantive) conversations I have conducted over text and email, I have friends all over the world with whom a phone call is just not feasible. My boyfriend and I also prefer communicating this way when he travels. My heart still skips a beat when I see an email from him! I don't judge those who prefer phone, to each their own; I wish others would afford those who prefer text or email the same courtesy. Edited September 1, 2020 by poppyfields 2
Recommended Posts