delani Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 Last night I was videocalling with my boyfriend (long-distance) and was ready to fall asleep because I was very tired. He told me to wake him up in the morning because I would wake up early to go to school. Actually I am really full this month because I am doing a practice and have to work long hours and don't have time even to pee (more than 8 hours) and I have also some other problems. This morning it was raining and I was late and I forgot to call him, though I texted him two times. It is not that I wasn't thinking of him, I just forgot that I had to wake him up. He got mad and very angry at me. I understand him to be mad, but he should understand me too because I have a mess in my head and I am so stressed. I am even going to school with few hours of sleep. What is your opinion?
d0nnivain Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 He should invest in an alarm clock or learn to use the alarm feature on his phone. You aren't his mommy. He'll get over it & if he doesn't drop his whiney butt 7 2
smackie9 Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 Don't beg, or apologize. Just explain you are over whelmed with your schedule and there are going to be times you won't have time to contact him...it is what it is. Then leave it at that. You have more important things to worry about than his temper tantrums. 1 1
Author delani Posted August 28, 2020 Author Posted August 28, 2020 3 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Don't beg, or apologize. Just explain you are over whelmed with your schedule and there are going to be times you won't have time to contact him...it is what it is. Then leave it at that. You have more important things to worry about than his temper tantrums. I told him so and he said "you are overwhelmed with your problmes, I am with you"
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 20 minutes ago, delani said: I forgot to call him, though I texted him two times. It is not that I wasn't thinking of him, I just forgot that I had to wake him up. He got mad and very angry at me. What's the reason he can't set an alarm like everyone else does? Or is this a sh*t-test to "prove" to him that you're thinking of him? I'm guessing it's the latter, in which case, you have bigger problems than a forgotten wake-up phone call. 2
Alvi Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 (edited) He is behaving like a little boy right now throwing a temper tantrum. It is NOT your responsibility of waking him up. He needs to know how to rely on himself in some situations and not on somebody else. No need to shuffle a blame on you. And since you are long distance, don't see how is this your fault at all. 37 minutes ago, delani said: He got mad and very angry at me. He is taking it way too far. In no way this is your fault. He is blaming you for his own screw-up, which is unfair. Do not accept a blame and do not apologize to him. In fact, tell him that he should ask as an adult. If he cannot apologize to you for his behavior, then you need to rethink your whole dating arrangement. Dating a little boy hardly will do you any good in a long run. Is you decide to go forward, would he always blame you for his problems and screw-ups? Edited August 28, 2020 by Alvi more stuff to write 1
lurker74 Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 Of course it is not reasonable for him to be like that. So you tell him, it's not reasonable and you won't stand for being ridiculed for not waking him up and then move on. People all the time get angry about things about which they should not be angry. I am pretty confident you have or will do so as well. The bottom line, though, is do you make up? Does he admit that he was being dumb and it was unfair to take it out on you? It's ok if it takes him a couple of days but eventually he should. And if he doesn't and/or if he gets worse over time, then you have evidence for why it isn't working out. And this is doubly difficult because it's a LDR. When it's long distance, you don't naturally have those moments that smooth over our rough parts. And that's a big reason why LDR are often not successful. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, delani said: Last night I was videocalling with my boyfriend (long-distance) and was ready to fall asleep because I was very tired. Have you met in person? Don't jump through hoops like this as if you're a dog in obedience school. He has an alarm on his phone. Think twice about spending time on anyone like this. Tell a trusted adult about what is going on. He's bad news. Google and read up on Red Flags For Controlling Relationships. Edited August 28, 2020 by Wiseman2 2
Author delani Posted August 28, 2020 Author Posted August 28, 2020 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you met in person? Don't jump through hoops like this as if you're a dog in obedience school. He has an alarm on his phone. Think twice about spending time on anyone like this. Tell a trusted adult about what is going on. He's bad news. Google and read up on Red Flags For Controlling Relationships. We have met in person and also have spent a lot of time together. This relationship didn't started as a long distance one. I decided to move to another country to study and it turned into a long distance.
kendahke Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 2 hours ago, delani said: What is your opinion? He's a grown man. His cell phone has alarm features. He needs to pull up his big boy pants and avail himself of those features.
schlumpy Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 24 minutes ago, delani said: We have met in person and also have spent a lot of time together. This relationship didn't started as a long distance one. I decided to move to another country to study and it turned into a long distance. What do you know about his parental relationship? Did his mom have to march him out of bed in the morning and make he sure he was on time appointments? That could be the problem. Nip that behavior in the bud.
Redhead14 Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 Send him home to his parents so they can finish the job they started.
Watercolors Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 Sounds like he's jealous that you're living abroad pursuing your dreams so he's trying to manipulate you to make you feel bad about being so far away from him. You have zero to apologize for. You are not his mommy or his wake-up service. He can go f*ck himself. 3
Wiseman2 Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 1 hour ago, delani said: We have met in person and also have spent a lot of time together. This relationship didn't started as a long distance one. I decided to move to another country to study and it turned into a long distance. Don't allow cyber-tethering. It's controlling to keep tabs and police if you were alone in the am. Enjoy your studies abroad. End it with him so you're free to date and have fun. 1 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: What's the reason he can't set an alarm like everyone else does? Or is this a sh*t-test to "prove" to him that you're thinking of him? I'm guessing it's the latter, in which case, you have bigger problems than a forgotten wake-up phone call. OP, can you enlighten us on these two questions? 1
Watercolors Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Don't allow cyber-tethering. It's controlling to keep tabs and police if you were alone in the am. Enjoy your studies abroad. End it with him so you're free to date and have fun. Exactly as Wiseman said. He is definitely trying to control you so that you won't prioritize your studies or your social life or work life there, ahead of him. Which mean, he's an immature jerk and you need to seriously consider ending things with him, so that you are 100% stress-free to focus on enjoying your time abroad. Otherwise, I guarantee he will do whatever he can to distract you from enjoying yourself, by constantly attacking you for not paying attention to him instead of the great life you're leading there right now. He is an anchor weighing you down. Time to cut anchor and sail away from him. Find a boyfriend there. You'll have way more fun. And who knows, you may be able to network for a job there too, so that you can either extend your student visa to stay, or come back on a work visa once you finish all your courses. But this so-called boyfriend weighing you down? He's not a good person for you. 1
Author delani Posted August 29, 2020 Author Posted August 29, 2020 (edited) Actually he said that he didn't want to see me anymore and he doesn't feel like I'm his girlfriend because I have been cold. I don't know how he expects me to be warm when he insults me when he gets angry with me. I don't know why he is blaming everything on me. Edited August 29, 2020 by delani
Author delani Posted August 29, 2020 Author Posted August 29, 2020 On 8/28/2020 at 5:19 PM, ExpatInItaly said: What's the reason he can't set an alarm like everyone else does? Or is this a sh*t-test to "prove" to him that you're thinking of him? I'm guessing it's the latter, in which case, you have bigger problems than a forgotten wake-up phone call. I don't know why he didn't set an alarm. Three days before that he asked me to wake him up and I did. This time he got mad and angry
ShyViolet Posted August 29, 2020 Posted August 29, 2020 2 minutes ago, delani said: Actually he said that he didn't want to see me anymore and he doesn't feel like I'm his girlfriend because I have been cold. I don't know how he expects me to be warm when he insults me when he gets angry with me. I don't know why he is blaming everything on me. Oh please, stop wasting your time with this guy. You are better off without this guy. He is immature and controlling and has unreasonable expectations of you. Regarding the wake-up call thing... You are not his Mom, it is not your job to call him to wake him up. He can use an alarm clock or the alarm app on his phone like everyone else in the world. And the way he keeps getting angry at you..... it's just pathetic. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2020 Posted August 29, 2020 3 minutes ago, delani said: Actually he said that he didn't want to see me anymore and he doesn't feel like I'm his girlfriend because I have been cold. I don't know how he expects me to be warm when he insults me when he gets angry with me. I don't know why he is blaming everything on me. In other words, he likely staged this fight so he could break up with you and blame you for it. I don't think this is about the alarm at all, and I would stay away from any guy who freaks out and breaks up with you over something so petty. This isn't the first time he's a been a jerk, is it? Something tells me his behaviour here isn't shocking to you. How were things before this? 1
Author delani Posted August 29, 2020 Author Posted August 29, 2020 2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: In other words, he likely staged this fight so he could break up with you and blame you for it. I don't think this is about the alarm at all, and I would stay away from any guy who freaks out and breaks up with you over something so petty. This isn't the first time he's a been a jerk, is it? Something tells me his behaviour here isn't shocking to you. How were things before this? Actually this isn't shocking at all to me, but I have never imagined that it would go this far just for "a wake up".
Wiseman2 Posted August 29, 2020 Posted August 29, 2020 10 minutes ago, delani said: Actually he said that he didn't want to see me anymore and he doesn't feel like I'm his girlfriend because I have been cold. I don't know how he expects me to be warm when he insults me when he gets angry with me. I don't know why he is blaming everything on me. Sorry to hear that, but it's a blessing in disguise. Now you are free to enjoy studying abroad without having to babysit a jerk.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2020 Posted August 29, 2020 2 minutes ago, delani said: Actually this isn't shocking at all to me, but I have never imagined that it would go this far just for "a wake up". I suspected that. He doesn't sound like he was a good boyfriend, delani. How long had you been dating, and how often did he lose his temper? Was he often trying to find way to get you to "prove" your love to him?
elaine567 Posted August 29, 2020 Posted August 29, 2020 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Now you are free to enjoy studying abroad without having to babysit a jerk. Exactly. Men like this, can really screw up your studies and your career with their moods and their temper tantrums and their break ups that make you feel miserable. Dating is supposed to be easy and fun. If it isn't then you need to let them go and make someone else's life a misery... 2
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