poppyfields Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Initially when we started talking it seemed we have a lot in common, that was it. I say this without judgment girlnextdoor, you seem to be a lovely woman. But if you truly believe you have a lot in common with this guy, you may want to do some deep introspection or seek counseling cause I agree with bobian and others, this bozo is a complete loser! What could you possibly have in common with him, enough to have considered pursuing this as long as you have? I agree with bobian about the sunglasses, my first thought was that he stole them too. It may even be how he earns his living (shoplifting, stealing) since he has no job. And it doesn't appear he's in any rush to get one soon. Edit: Just read your last, fabulous, happy to hear that! Edited September 1, 2020 by poppyfields
kendahke Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 55 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: o I was about to delete this guy without saying a word and I don’t know if he felt it because he sent me a huge message saying how he feels me distant and is better we only meet when he has a job and money and let’s stay friends for now. This is a tactic scammers use--and yes I know you've met him in person, but that doesn't mean he's not a scammer. When it seems the jig is about up, they flip the script on you to make it sound like it's your fault that you're pulling away--that you aren't investing as much of your time and imagination into the "relationship" as they are. They start with the manipulation of "let's not meet, let's just stay friends for now"---and thinking that them rubberbanding with you--them pulling away to force you to come chasing--is going to get you to give in to what they've been trying to get you to do all this time. When it doesn't work or you call their bluff, they get nasty. Quite frankly, I wouldn't have let him know I cared that much. I'd have put him on block after that and kept it moving. The whole dramatic "telling him off/giving him a piece of your mind" was pure theatrics--you just let him know how much you cared instead of being a wall of indifference. So he blocked you--which means he can unblock you and come 'round with an apology. Have you bothered to put him on block yet? If not, why not? That will inform exactly how much you care and want this relationship. Edited September 1, 2020 by kendahke 1 1
Watercolors Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 girlnextdoor2020 have you deleted him from your Facebook account yet? I know you said you don't have anything personal there. I mean, why keep him connected to you via social media if you're not going to pursue anything with knowing what a con artist he truly is. Just curious. That whole sunglasses thing makes me think he sells them, and was trying to sell you a pair (along with a lot of other "ideas" or cons he was trying to sell you about himself). It's good that you are chatting with other online daters already. I hope you distance yourself from this guy and delete him from your Facebook. There's just not point keeping him as a Facebook friend unless you have plans farther down the road to check in with him to see if he's become legit. 2
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Posted September 1, 2020 58 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I'm glad you feel relieved but I am troubled that you felt it was OK to call a stranger on his BS. Why couldn't you just have taken what he offered -- even if you took it as a lie -- to allow you to let go but leave him with some dignity? Why did you have to be mean & force the issue? I don't even understand why / how you got attached. Before you claim I'm a hypocrite by not leaving you with the last word you are posting on a message board inviting commentary. Even if your last post was not a request for input, think about how you feel in response to my post. If it doesn't feel good. If you are not overwhelmed with joy, think about how much worse you made that guy feel. So far every guy you have posted about you ended up not going on a date with because at least subconsciously you felt something was off. That tells me your intuition is good. Thus I wonder why you need LS to reassure you? After all the BS do you really think I care about how he feels? I was going to delete him without saying anything, but him BS me one last time it was the last straw for me and I told him how it is. Good or bad, it helped me move on. 2
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Posted September 1, 2020 12 minutes ago, kendahke said: This is a tactic scammers use--and yes I know you've met him in person, but that doesn't mean he's not a scammer. When it seems the jig is about up, they flip the script on you to make it sound like it's your fault that you're pulling away--that you aren't investing as much of your time and imagination into the "relationship" as they are. They start with the manipulation of "let's not meet, let's just stay friends for now"---and thinking that them rubberbanding with you--them pulling away to force you to come chasing--is going to get you to give in to what they've been trying to get you to do all this time. When it doesn't work or you call their bluff, they get nasty. Quite frankly, I wouldn't have let him know I cared that much. I'd have put him on block after that and kept it moving. The whole dramatic "telling him off/giving him a piece of your mind" was pure theatrics--you just let him know how much you cared instead of being a wall of indifference. So he blocked you--which means he can unblock you and come 'round with an apology. Have you bothered to put him on block yet? If not, why not? That will inform exactly how much you care and want this relationship. Yes I blocked him already. 1
poppyfields Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 4 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: After all the BS do you really think I care about how he feels? Good or bad, it helped me move on. I agree; whatever you need to do to help you move on, I'm all for that! If he felt offended, he'll get over it. Your first priority is you especially with scammers like him.
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: After all the BS do you really think I care about how he feels? No I don't. But you also strike me as somebody who doesn't care about how any man feels. I perceive an underlying theme in your posts that boils down to: it's your way or the highway & you leave zero margin for error. That level of rigidity guarantees that no one will ever meet your overly exacting standards & increases the chances that you will be alone. You seem like a person with a good head on her shoulders but I also see you doubting yourself. That combo of rigidity & doubt cause me to worry about you. Please don't take this to mean I am endorsing his behavior. On the 1st page of this thread I advised you to cut him lose & tell him he can come back when he gets his s*1t together, understanding that he probably wouldn't do either (get it together or come back). You have good intuition but when you doubt yourself & get even the slightest bit invested even though you know you shouldn't, this is when all the drama starts. Stop putting yourself in that situation. Just "next" the unsuitable ones & move along without fretting about it.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Posted September 1, 2020 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: No I don't. But you also strike me as somebody who doesn't care about how any man feels. I perceive an underlying theme in your posts that boils down to: it's your way or the highway & you leave zero margin for error. That level of rigidity guarantees that no one will ever meet your overly exacting standards & increases the chances that you will be alone. You seem like a person with a good head on her shoulders but I also see you doubting yourself. That combo of rigidity & doubt cause me to worry about you. Please don't take this to mean I am endorsing his behavior. On the 1st page of this thread I advised you to cut him lose & tell him he can come back when he gets his s*1t together, understanding that he probably wouldn't do either (get it together or come back). You have good intuition but when you doubt yourself & get even the slightest bit invested even though you know you shouldn't, this is when all the drama starts. Stop putting yourself in that situation. Just "next" the unsuitable ones & move along without fretting about it. I totally agree with you. This should have stopped at the ‘I do ‘t have a job/money/house/stability’. Come back when you do, until then no conversations. And next. I’ll take this as a lesson to listen to my gut and move on BEFORE I get involved with someone so wrong from the get go. 3
ruby77 Posted September 4, 2020 Posted September 4, 2020 On 8/31/2020 at 11:18 AM, girlnextdoor2020 said: Well this guy did something yesterday that really put me off on top of all the red flags and I don't feel like meeting him anymore. We texted yesterday morning and he said he was going to do something and we talk later. Then I went to bed at 11pm and haven't heard from him since. When I woke up I've had a message from him saying sorry, that he went out for a drink with a friend and his phone ran out of battery and he didn't notice, and he even ran home to charge it but it was too late... I mean, WTF? This just all sounds such a bunch of BS! Together with all the rest of the red flags, I'm out. It's interesting how he has money to meet friends for drinks but not to meet with you. Also, if he has several pairs of designer sunglasses, why doesn't he sell them for some money? Unfortunately, I've experienced a few men like this. I'm not sure what they get out of it, maybe they like the attention or the fact that the girl is there as a backup option but someone who really wants to meet will make it happen.
CaliforniaGirl Posted September 5, 2020 Posted September 5, 2020 (edited) 15 hours ago, ruby77 said: It's interesting how he has money to meet friends for drinks but not to meet with you. Also, if he has several pairs of designer sunglasses, why doesn't he sell them for some money? Unfortunately, I've experienced a few men like this. I'm not sure what they get out of it, maybe they like the attention or the fact that the girl is there as a backup option but someone who really wants to meet will make it happen. He isn't without money. He just wants to get the OP to start sending him some, with the heavy hinting about not having the money to meet her. Coveniently, he also doesn't have transportation, so he doesn't have to can't go see her. Yet he's going out drinking with friends and wearing $400 sunglasses. He has money. It's unlikely the OP is the only woman he's scamming. When she didn't bite as regarded the sunglasses he backpedaled. But guaranteed, in a week or so he'd be telling her his phone broke and he can't afford to get a new one because it's $700 and that kills him because he badly wants to be able to keep talking to her. Then she'd be sending him money to come see her but that night, shockingly, his cousin Jeff is in the hospital and he has to get there instead... He likely has several women in rotation. Edited September 5, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl
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