Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted August 31, 2020 Author Posted August 31, 2020 (edited) Well this guy did something yesterday that really put me off on top of all the red flags and I don't feel like meeting him anymore. We texted yesterday morning and he said he was going to do something and we talk later. Then I went to bed at 11pm and haven't heard from him since. When I woke up I've had a message from him saying sorry, that he went out for a drink with a friend and his phone ran out of battery and he didn't notice, and he even ran home to charge it but it was too late... I mean, WTF? This just all sounds such a bunch of BS! Together with all the rest of the red flags, I'm out. Edited August 31, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted August 31, 2020 Author Posted August 31, 2020 30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: He's a scammer. Delete and block him. Yes doing that. And you know another thing he did yesterday? He said that a few months ago before returning to his country he had a 3 month job at a sunglasses company, and he brought several sunglasses back with him. He said he'll show me the sunglasses and I can choose one if I like it. Then he showed me the prices of the sunglasses (all around $400). I told him thanks but I'm not interested in buying $400 sunglasses at the moment, and then he said he feels offended I thought he was selling me them! That he doesn't want any money from me, it's a gift! If it's a gift, so why is he telling me the prices??? I felt that he wants to give me something for free but telling me the price, so then I feel likeI OWN him back something. So when we meet I offer to pay the lunch or other stuff. That's how I felt. Manipulation at its best. I'm blocking and deleting. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 5 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Then he showed me the prices of the sunglasses (all around $400). I told him thanks but I'm not interested in buying $400 sunglasses at the moment, and then he said he feels offended I thought he was selling me them! That he doesn't want any money from me, it's a gift! If it's a gift, so why is he telling me the prices??? Because he's dumb enough to think he could actually sell them to you, and backtracked when you said no. He's sketchy. Yes, block/delete. He's not worth it. 4
Acacia98 Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 20 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Your refusal to help when he has explained his situation to you -- being broke at the moment -- shows you have little compassion. You still want to play by old fashioned rules -- the guy drives & the guy pays. You can think that way if you like. It's your choice. But do understand that your old fashioned sexist attitude is contributing to your inability to find a relationship. I realize OP goes on to say it's not about traditional gender roles. But if it were, your advice to her would do the guy more harm than good. Look, people are what they are. A woman who believes the guy should take the lead is not going to suddenly change her gender assumptions overnight, even if you convince her to go out on a date with the guy and take on the bulk of the associated expenses. She will attend that date with her assumptions and beliefs intact, and she will have contempt for the guy because he does not measure up to them. And he will feel it. I think there's something to be said about letting people date within the limits they have set for themselves even if those limits are not identical to ours. 1
Mystery4u Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Yes doing that. And you know another thing he did yesterday? He said that a few months ago before returning to his country he had a 3 month job at a sunglasses company, and he brought several sunglasses back with him. He said he'll show me the sunglasses and I can choose one if I like it. Then he showed me the prices of the sunglasses (all around $400). I told him thanks but I'm not interested in buying $400 sunglasses at the moment, and then he said he feels offended I thought he was selling me them! That he doesn't want any money from me, it's a gift! If it's a gift, so why is he telling me the prices??? I felt that he wants to give me something for free but telling me the price, so then I feel likeI OWN him back something. So when we meet I offer to pay the lunch or other stuff. That's how I felt. Manipulation at its best. I'm blocking and deleting. Maybe next time you will trust your instinct, and listen to the advice of literally everyone, instead of ignoring it all and agreeing to meet anyway. 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted August 31, 2020 Author Posted August 31, 2020 23 minutes ago, Mystery4u said: Maybe next time you will trust your instinct, and listen to the advice of literally everyone, instead of ignoring it all and agreeing to meet anyway. I didn’t ignore anything and I’m very grateful for the advice of everyone. Yes I did agree to meet, but fortunately opened my eyes before doing that. 1
poppyfields Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 28 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I didn’t ignore anything and I’m very grateful for the advice of everyone. Yes I did agree to meet, but fortunately opened my eyes before doing that. I agree, despite good advice, sometimes we just need to find things out for ourselves, that's how we learn. There was no harm done here anyway! No offense to Mystery but seriously, the comment "maybe next time you'll listen...." lol sounds like something my mum would say when I was 10 years old, forgot to wear my rain jacket and caught a cold! We're adults, we make mistakes, we learn from those mistakes. This wasn't even a mistake, you never went to meet him, you never got hurt. Good job girl for knowing what you want and not falling for the BS!! 1
kendahke Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 On 8/29/2020 at 12:14 PM, girlnextdoor2020 said: Well what he said is that in the case of we getting along well and want to date and be together, he wants to find a job first and then do that afterwards. He sounds like he's looking for someone to post up with and let them foot the bill... I'd stop dealing with him because he's grooming you to let him come stay with you--using that "we got so much in common"--you dont' know that. You only know what he's telling you based off of what you're telling him. Both of you are projecting at this point if you haven't even laid eyes on one another. Have you talked to him through facetime/zoom/skype? How do you know the pictures on social media are his and that he didn't steal them from someone else and has created a whole identity using someone else's photos? 1 1
smackie9 Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 Hah he went out with a “friend “.....oh and his phone conveniently ran out of juice...and didn’t realize it...what a load 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 5 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Yes doing that. And you know another thing he did yesterday? He said that a few months ago before returning to his country he had a 3 month job at a sunglasses company, and he brought several sunglasses back with him. He said he'll show me the sunglasses and I can choose one if I like it. Then he showed me the prices of the sunglasses (all around $400). I told him thanks but I'm not interested in buying $400 sunglasses at the moment, and then he said he feels offended I thought he was selling me them! That he doesn't want any money from me, it's a gift! If it's a gift, so why is he telling me the prices??? I felt that he wants to give me something for free but telling me the price, so then I feel likeI OWN him back something. So when we meet I offer to pay the lunch or other stuff. That's how I felt. Manipulation at its best. I'm blocking and deleting. Because his mind is fixed on money, money, money, money, money And also because he's trying to scam you so he's trying in advance to give you doubts he may be scamming you, by pretending he was going to be the one to buy something for you. Which you knew was never going to happen, right? This guy can't afford an Uber but he was going to buy you $400 sunglasses?
Watercolors Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 I hope now you will delete him from your Facebook page. PLEASE do that. Please.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted August 31, 2020 Author Posted August 31, 2020 2 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Because his mind is fixed on money, money, money, money, money And also because he's trying to scam you so he's trying in advance to give you doubts he may be scamming you, by pretending he was going to be the one to buy something for you. Which you knew was never going to happen, right? This guy can't afford an Uber but he was going to buy you $400 sunglasses? He was not going to buy the sunglasses, he already has them.
CaliforniaGirl Posted August 31, 2020 Posted August 31, 2020 2 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: He was not going to buy the sunglasses, he already has them. Are you really still wondering about all this? You haven't dropped him at this point?
Watercolors Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 3 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Are you really still wondering about all this? You haven't dropped him at this point? That's what I've been wondering too. 1
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 6 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: He was not going to buy the sunglasses, he already has them. I would find more enlightened people to chichat with online if you're just killing time. Try researching some groups or clubs with your interests. How about some online courses or one of those learn a language apps? This guy seems like a dullard and a turd,. 2
bobjon Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 WOW, the world builds someone gullible on the daily! Girl, you are desperate and it shows! I cannot even read any more of this! This dude did NOT lose his job to Covid, he never had one! He stole the sunglasses and wants to use them to buy you. No job, no car, no house, not even a citizen........but you want to "give him a chance"...... You should watch the show in the USA called "how to catch a predator"..... I smell loser in this one from here. Why are women so...... ah, forget it..... Nothing in the world will ever change....
Watercolors Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 Or the tv show "90 Day Fiance." But seriously, girlnextdoor2020, why are you dwelling on this guy? He has so many red flags, Black Adder would describe him as, "The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain has long since departed, hasn't he Pence?"
ssm617 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 On 8/30/2020 at 2:45 AM, girlnextdoor2020 said: Because guys are very simple, when they are into you they do not sit down and wait for you to text him, they text you consistently and regularly. They ask when you are free to meet again. They make plans. They show interest. If a guy doesn’t do all these things after I told him on our last date I want to meet him again, it’s because he’s not that into me/is dating someone else. So no I am not texting him. And yes you are right about meeting once but what about next dates? We won’t be able to meet regularly, go out, have dinner, spend time together, etc. So what’s the point really. I agree with this to an extent. However when I am dating a woman, I would like her to sometimes initiate text/email/phone conversations, ask me out on dates as well. It should be a 2 way street as I don't think it should always be a man's responsibility to do these things.
ssm617 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 On 8/30/2020 at 11:16 AM, Watercolors said: I understand and I respect that is your belief/value system. Hear me out though. I would never waste my time driving to meet a guy (anymore). I used to do that and was stood up a few times by the guys. I will never do that again: drive more than 15 minutes to meet a guy somewhere. If he can't come to my city, forget it. It's a preference more than me being sexist and old fashioned. Plus, I feel like its impractical to try to date someone you have to commute long distances to see. I know people do it, and have successful, long distance relationships. But then, you get closer geographically, and the relationship blows up and dissolves. Yes, he told OP he lost his job because of COVID. But how do we know he's even telling her the truth? Based on all the other red flags regarding his behavior and habits, he's a terrible idea, let alone, match, for the OP. Whatever OP decides to do, I hope she's sensible about it. He just sounds like the absolute worst person to date right now. Expecting a man to meet at a place very near where you live instead of meeting halfway seems one sided. I get that you have been stood up. But men have stood up, have met women that were completely dishonest about her appearance etc as well. Thus it is just as much of a risk for a man as it is for a woman.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Posted September 1, 2020 1 hour ago, ssm617 said: I agree with this to an extent. However when I am dating a woman, I would like her to sometimes initiate text/email/phone conversations, ask me out on dates as well. It should be a 2 way street as I don't think it should always be a man's responsibility to do these things. Well that guy I went on two dates with, on the second date he invited me to go next time to his house and try his cocktails... and that’s also the reason I didn’t contact him again. First I’m not sure I want to do that on a third date because going to his house and alcohol we all know what is all about. And second, it would make me look desperate to go to his house. So in this case I prefer not to say anything else.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, bobjon said: WOW, the world builds someone gullible on the daily! Girl, you are desperate and it shows! I cannot even read any more of this! This dude did NOT lose his job to Covid, he never had one! He stole the sunglasses and wants to use them to buy you. No job, no car, no house, not even a citizen........but you want to "give him a chance"...... You should watch the show in the USA called "how to catch a predator"..... I smell loser in this one from here. Why are women so...... ah, forget it..... Nothing in the world will ever change.... I am not desperate and I was talking to other guys too, not just him. Initially when we started talking it seemed we have a lot in common, that was it. But then through more conversations all this dirt started to come out and the more I talked to him the more sh** he was showing. So no I am not talking anymore. Block and delete. Edited September 1, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 5 hours ago, bobjon said: ...You should watch the show in the USA called "how to catch a predator"........ What decade is this?
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) Guys just want to give you an update. So I was about to delete this guy without saying a word and I don’t know if he felt it because he sent me a huge message saying how he feels me distant and is better we only meet when he has a job and money and let’s stay friends for now. So I responded to him and it ended up in a confrontation where I told him that a lot of what he says it’s a bunch of BS. He said he was offended and blocked me. I feel relieved to be honest, and I’m glad I ended up telling him everything I think because it helped me let go of the situation. Edited September 1, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 Just now, girlnextdoor2020 said: Guys just want to give you an update. So I was about to delete this guy without saying a word and I don’t know if he felt it because he sent me a huge message saying how he feels me distant and is better we only meet when he has a job and money and let’s stay friends for now. So I responded to them and it ended up in a confrontation where I told him that a lot of what he says it’s a bunch of BS. He said he was offended and blocked me. I feel relieved to be honest, and I’m glad I ended up telling him everything I think because it helped me let go of the situation. I'm glad you feel relieved but I am troubled that you felt it was OK to call a stranger on his BS. Why couldn't you just have taken what he offered -- even if you took it as a lie -- to allow you to let go but leave him with some dignity? Why did you have to be mean & force the issue? I don't even understand why / how you got attached. Before you claim I'm a hypocrite by not leaving you with the last word you are posting on a message board inviting commentary. Even if your last post was not a request for input, think about how you feel in response to my post. If it doesn't feel good. If you are not overwhelmed with joy, think about how much worse you made that guy feel. So far every guy you have posted about you ended up not going on a date with because at least subconsciously you felt something was off. That tells me your intuition is good. Thus I wonder why you need LS to reassure you?
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