girlnextdoor2020 Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 (edited) I met this guy online and we started talking non stop immediately. He said he is looking for something serious, wants to find the right person, etc. He lives about 45 min away from me and he told me that he lost his job due to Covid and is now looking for a new job. I told him that I'm not very into texting non stop and asked what is his availability to meet. He said he cannot meet right now because he is basically broke from losing his job. He also said he wants to find a job first and then we can meet, and that he wants to come to where I live to meet. We became friends on Facebook, and he is legit and he has all his family there too, and is there as single, but I'm not 100% sure he is telling the truth. I mean, I could drive there or we could at least meet half way for a coffee (there's a direct train from where he lives). Also, yesterday he told me he went for a job interview that took him 3 hours to get there! Anyway, I feel a connection to him but it's all online and trough texting and I don't like it. I told him I like to meet in person and get to know the real person and I don't like to create an idea of someone and talk for ages and then we meet and is totally different. What a waste of time! I also think that if that's his situation and he wants something serious, why is he looking for someone on OLD now? Shouldn't he be figuring out his life and his job instead of dating? Unless he is just looking for sex and/or attention and is not telling me the truth. Anyway what do you advise me to do in this case? I don't want to insist and push for me to go there if he doesn't want it. He also shows no interest of meeting up now. Should I just tell him hey when you are ready to meet let me know, in the meantime I don't want to talk much? Maybe this shows we are not a match, because I told him what I want and he basically said no and wants me to do as he wants, as in continuing to talk online. Edited August 28, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020
Maldives Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 Mmmm hard to say could be he is embarrassed by his financial circumstances although if it was me and woman insisted I'd still go but that's just me if I was broke U can still do something like go for a walk or sit Ina park etc something that doesn't cost anything or much 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted August 28, 2020 Author Posted August 28, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Goodguy05 said: Mmmm hard to say could be he is embarrassed by his financial circumstances although if it was me and woman insisted I'd still go but that's just me if I was broke U can still do something like go for a walk or sit Ina park etc something that doesn't cost anything or much Well I didn't insist because I don't like to do that when I see the other side is not keen. But yes you are right, there are plenty of things do without spending money and especially on a first time meeting up we could just go for a walk. He prefers to wait until he is ok financially, and to me I don't like to talk online for ages without meeting. Any way what I am doing is continuing to talk to other guys and go on dates. Edited August 28, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020 1
Gaeta Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 (edited) Tell him you understand and to call you when he's got his life back on track, if you happen to still be single then you'll be glad to meet him. This guy is hiding the real reason why he's not meeting you. My little finger is telling me there is someone else he's waiting for, maybe an ex or another woman he favors over you. Don't allow him to use you as a chear leader, you have other things to do than to entertain a man on text while he figures himself out. Edited August 28, 2020 by Gaeta 7
BaileyB Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 You certainly can tell him to call you when he is ready... I’m not sure I would be that patient. I would tell him that I’m interested in seeking someone who wants to meet/date and if he is not that person, I would be moving on... 2
Wiseman2 Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 Unfortunately it sounds like he's bored if he's texting 24/7 non-stop. Don't get involved with this or waste your time on people who don't want to meet or tell you upfront about their job or financial woes. That's not dating or connecting on any meaningful level . Learn to identify red flags sooner. It doesn't matter if it's social media profiles seem real 2
d0nnivain Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 Delete him off social media. It was bad that you added him before you met. Tell him to call you when he gets a job. Then leave him be
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted August 28, 2020 Author Posted August 28, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately it sounds like he's bored if he's texting 24/7 non-stop. Don't get involved with this or waste your time on people who don't want to meet or tell you upfront about their job or financial woes. That's not dating or connecting on any meaningful level . Learn to identify red flags sooner. It doesn't matter if it's social media profiles seem real There were more red flags. After we started talking we realised we have a lot in common and he was starting to fantasise/project on me, saying maybe one day we'll be watching films on the sofa and having a life together, etc. I told him to hold his horses and that I don't like to fantasise online with people I haven't met yet, and he said he understands and is stopping doing that. He did stop, but that to me was a red flag. Then he also said that if we get along well and end up in a relationship he can try to find a job where I live instead... to me that was a red flag too. What does he want next, move to my house? It seems that he is a bit lost in his life and is trying to find a woman who has a job, a house, stability, so he can feed on that. I might be wrong, but that's what feels like. I even thought that he might even have a girlfriend but is looking for a back-up, because sometimes he doesn't say anything for hours and says it's because he is out and about and doesn't have Internet on his phone, or goes spend the night at one of his cousins, etc. I mean, this guy is full of red flags: he doesn't have a job at the moment, is broke, he said his ex cheated on him, he also said he doesn't like or relate to his mom but moved back to her house when he lost his job... wow! If that all is true he should be focusing on sorting out his life, not dating! That's why it makes me feel he is looking for a woman to help him, but that's not what I want. I want a man who is in a good place in his life at all levels, just like I am. Edited August 28, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020
Mystery4u Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 3 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I mean, this guy is full of red flags: he doesn't have a job at the moment, is broke, he said his ex cheated on him, he also said he doesn't like or relate to his mom but moved back to her house when he lost his job... wow! If that all is true he should be focusing on sorting out his life, not dating! That's why it makes me feelhee is looking for a woman to help him. Trust your instinct. NEXT. 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted August 29, 2020 Author Posted August 29, 2020 Ok so I told this guy I don’t feel comfortable talking online for ages and that is weird he doesn’t want to meet. I was about to tell him I am going to stop communication until he is ready to meet when he said he is going to arrange a way to get money and come where I live next week so we can meet in person. He said he is serious and not hiding anything and he wants me to see that in person. So I told him ok let’s do that and meet next week. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and see if he really comes next week. If yes fine we’ll meet and see how it goes. If he arranges an excuse, it’s goodbye from me.
smackie9 Posted August 29, 2020 Posted August 29, 2020 If it was sooooooooooooo important to be financially ready before meeting someone, a responsible person wouldn't be on OLD site hitting up people. Something is not right. I say he's one of those that talks a big talk and has nothing to show for it. 5
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted August 29, 2020 Author Posted August 29, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, smackie9 said: If it was sooooooooooooo important to be financially ready before meeting someone, a responsible person wouldn't be on OLD site hitting up people. Something is not right. I say he's one of those that talks a big talk and has nothing to show for it. Exactly. That is weird. He said he was looking for people near where he lives, and we only matched because I have been on holidays recently and I passed where he lives. But even if he meets someone where he lives, he still needs money to date the person. So that's why I was wondering if he is looking for just sex, or looking for a financially stable woman who can give him what he lacks at the moment. Because being broke without a job is not the best time to meet someone. Edited August 29, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020
Gaeta Posted August 29, 2020 Posted August 29, 2020 49 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: he said he is going to arrange a way to get money and come where I live next week so we can meet in person. If he doesn't have money to drive to meet you then he doesn't have money to date, period.
Wiseman2 Posted August 29, 2020 Posted August 29, 2020 On 8/28/2020 at 3:20 AM, girlnextdoor2020 said: He lives about 45 min away from me and he told me that he lost his job due to Covid and is now looking for a new job. He said he cannot meet right now because he is basically broke from losing his job Huge red flag. Why is he online if he can't date? 4
poppyfields Posted August 29, 2020 Posted August 29, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Ok so I told this guy I don’t feel comfortable talking online for ages and that is weird he doesn’t want to meet. I was about to tell him I am going to stop communication until he is ready to meet when he said he is going to arrange a way to get money and come where I live next week so we can meet in person. He said he is serious and not hiding anything and he wants me to see that in person. So I told him ok let’s do that and meet next week. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and see if he really comes next week. If yes fine we’ll meet and see how it goes. If he arranges an excuse, it’s goodbye from me. First off, I really admire your ability to be so direct with him, and state your boundaries as well as you did! When I did OLD, I wish I had that ability, would have saved a ton of time talking with losers or men only wanting a chat buddy. What I don't understand is why you are still open to meeting him with so many red flags? There is a saying ."choose wisely from the get-go and avoid confusion, disappointment, hurt, pain later." Given all these red flags, do you think he's the wisest choice for you? Serious question. Edited August 29, 2020 by poppyfields
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted August 29, 2020 Author Posted August 29, 2020 15 minutes ago, Gaeta said: If he doesn't have money to drive to meet you then he doesn't have money to date, period. Money to drive? He doesn't even have a car... His story is that he was living abroad, lost his job due to Covid, spent many months trying to get above water with paying rent, etc, then his Visa expired and he had no choice to come back to his country with no money left.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted August 29, 2020 Author Posted August 29, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, poppyfields said: First off, I really admire your ability to be so direct with him, and state your boundaries as well as you did! When I did on line, I wish I had that ability, would have saved a ton of time talking with losers or men only wanting a chat buddy. What I don't understand is why you are still open to meeting him with so many red flags? There is a saying ."choose wisely from the get-go and avoid confusion, disappointment, hurt, pain later." Given all these red flags, do you think he's the wisest choice for you? Serious question. I am serious in meeting and being in a relationship with the right man, so I believe that the right man will understand and respect my boundaries, so is easy for me to put them. The reason I am so open to meeting him with so many red flags is because we do have a lot in common in the way we think, values, etc. Our conversations just flow for hours and that is so rare to find. Also, he was living abroad and lost his job due to Covid and had to come back to his country. I just wonder if he is telling the truth and is a genuine guy and I end up passing on him. I don't know, many people had their lives turned completely upside down due to Covid and lockdown and etc. A couple who is a good friend of mine had to close down their coffee shop now after so many years open because of all this. That's why I told him honestly and openly how I feel, and I agree to meet ONCE to see how he is. In person I can easily tell if someone is genuine or a PUA, their vibes don't lie. Edited August 29, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020
Gaeta Posted August 29, 2020 Posted August 29, 2020 So, he doesn't have a car and no money. How will he date you? I understand that some people lost a lot during the covid but don't you think they should get busy getting their head out of the water before seeking a relationship? If you start dating from here how will be able to sustain traveling to you? Are you ready to pay for travel? restaurants? movies? etc. I don't know why you'd be willing to meet someone in his position. 1 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted August 29, 2020 Author Posted August 29, 2020 10 minutes ago, Gaeta said: So, he doesn't have a car and no money. How will he date you? I understand that some people lost a lot during the covid but don't you think they should get busy getting their head out of the water before seeking a relationship? If you start dating from here how will be able to sustain traveling to you? Are you ready to pay for travel? restaurants? movies? etc. I don't know why you'd be willing to meet someone in his position. Well what he said is that in the case of we getting along well and want to date and be together, he wants to find a job first and then do that afterwards.
CaliforniaGirl Posted August 29, 2020 Posted August 29, 2020 On 8/28/2020 at 5:05 AM, BaileyB said: You certainly can tell him to call you when he is ready... I’m not sure I would be that patient. I would tell him that I’m interested in seeking someone who wants to meet/date and if he is not that person, I would be moving on... IMO it's this simple. Why tiptoe around it? Just tell him (if he contacts you again)...done.
CaliforniaGirl Posted August 29, 2020 Posted August 29, 2020 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Well what he said is that in the case of we getting along well and want to date and be together, he wants to find a job first and then do that afterwards. Nah. He's keeping you in the hook in case some other girl doesn't work out. It's Bye Felipe time. 1
Ami1uwant Posted August 29, 2020 Posted August 29, 2020 2 hours ago, smackie9 said: If it was sooooooooooooo important to be financially ready before meeting someone, a responsible person wouldn't be on OLD site hitting up people. Something is not right. I say he's one of those that talks a big talk and has nothing to show for it. Last time I checked OLD sites you prepay. Which would have been precovid and pre losing job
Wiseman2 Posted August 29, 2020 Posted August 29, 2020 2 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Well what he said is that in the case of we getting along well and want to date and be together, he wants to find a job first and then do that afterwards. Nonsense. He can find a job right now. He's sounding you out as a sugar mama/free ride. Why chat with someone who is going on and on about his money, transportation and employment woes? 2 1 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted August 29, 2020 Author Posted August 29, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Nonsense. He can find a job right now. He's sounding you out as a sugar mama/free ride. Why chat with someone who is going on and on about his money, transportation and employment woes? He made no comments or asked anything about having me as a sugar mama/free ride. He also has no idea how much money I make, if I own a house, etc. And no my purpose in life is not to be a sugar mama to anyone so that is out of the question. But yes you are right is not nice to hear someone talking about all that. I make good money and do financial investments and deal with large sums of money everyday, so hearing someone saying they don’t even have money for a train ticket is completely out of my reality. What worries me is more of the fact he built nothing in his life up until now. Meaning he could have lost his job, but have no savings, no investments, nothing? That worries me. Edited August 29, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020 1
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