some_username1 Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 4 hours ago, Velvet teddy said: Because he's being a hypocrite thats why. Unless there is some information missing here. I asked if he had stopped seeing other women, while still seeing her. He didn't answer the question. Unless this woman is a complete tool, there must have been a reason why she did that. Maybe she took the opportunity at hand, since the guy was from a similar culture to her and thought why not. Since (OP) isn't taking me seriously. There is a complete lack of tact on her behalf and no consideration for his feelings. It’s like having an open relationship, even though you are both free to see other people you don’t bring your new partner home to screw in front of your spouse because you are rubbing their nose in it. The other angle that hasn’t been mentioned yet is that surely, exclusive or not, when on a date surely her sole focus should be on her date and vice versa? Encouraging the predatory instincts of another man whilst on a date is seriously tone deaf no matter what your dating status. 1
poppyfields Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) Where did he say they were "just hanging out"? Again I question if people are reading posts, he said they've been "dating" for six weeks! They have not had the "talk" yet but so what? They are dating and sexually intimate! Anyone who has been dating and sexually intimate with someone and accepting of the BS this girl pulled, who claims it's "no big deal" and who wouldn't be bothered, needs to raise their standards. It showed a total lack of respect and lack of integrity as far as I'm concerned. Shyt testing and game playing, again wouldn't surprise me if she made the whole thing up. Edited August 30, 2020 by poppyfields
poppyfields Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) You know IF this "story" is true and we only have HER word on that, it's bad enough that she allowed it to happen, but to make a point of telling him about it on the drive home? Again I ask, what type of person does this? That's what gets me most of all (although the whole thing stinks) and again anyone who would not be bothered by that is either lying to themselves or needs to raise their standards. Edited August 30, 2020 by poppyfields
d0nnivain Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 10 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Again I ask, what type of person does this? The type of person who wants to make her "BF" jealous after he told her that he was still talking to other girls. 1
FMW Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 I think what the "date" did was probably in bad taste. I say probably because maybe she really did see giving the guy her number as a non-romantic gesture, simply meeting a possible new friend based on something they had in common (country of origin). If he had been a woman, there would have been no issue. But since he was a guy it's seen as automatically and unquestionably a romantic/sexual move. She told the OP right away, she didn't hide it. Looking at the whole picture, including the lack of exclusivity of their relationship, I don't think the "date" owes the OP her complete and undivided attention every second, even when they are on a date together. Other people were around, it's normal to have interactions outside of your "date" in that situation. And since they had been kissing, in front of everyone, she was clearly ok with being seen as "with" the OP and not likely to be looking for someone else that night for a potential romantic/sexual possibility. That's the context that goes along with the action. I absolutely understand being unhappy about the situation though. But instead of seeing it as her having committed some major moral infraction, have a conversation about it if you have any interest in continuing the relationship. Get on the same page. She might have some equally unflattering thoughts about something you've done. Don't get on a moral high horse. Talk about it. If you don't like how the talk turns out, don't see her anymore. Of course if you see it as unforgivable and aren't open to any discussion about it then by all means just end it now. 1
amerikajin Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 1 hour ago, some_username1 said: There is a complete lack of tact on her behalf and no consideration for his feelings. It’s like having an open relationship, even though you are both free to see other people you don’t bring your new partner home to screw in front of your spouse because you are rubbing their nose in it. The other angle that hasn’t been mentioned yet is that surely, exclusive or not, when on a date surely her sole focus should be on her date and vice versa? Encouraging the predatory instincts of another man whilst on a date is seriously tone deaf no matter what your dating status. Again, I think this is the problem with dating around. People can lay down all the ground rules they want, but feelings take over. Maybe the OP is just effing around, but he should not assume that others are of a like mind. I mean if it's a case of two people on Tinder and a girl responding to a guy's ad in which he says "Only want sex, no strings attached," that is one thing. Otherwise, I would assume that the person I'm with is looking for the relationship to go somewhere more meaningful at some point. I'm not lecturing, btw. When I was younger, I played this game, too, but pretty much every woman I was with eventually figured it out and moved on. Some were more "graceful" about it than others. People don't like being used.
poppyfields Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: The type of person who wants to make her "BF" jealous after he told her that he was still talking to other girls. It was a rhetorical question D, but thanks for answering and is precisely my point! It was a shyt-test, the OP knows it and she knows it. She did not tell him out of any sense of obligation or honesty, she told him for one reason only, to arouse jealousy. And again it was SHE who asked him if he were seeing other women, four weeks prior to this incident. He answered her question, he did not rub her nose it it the way she did to arouse jealousy, make her see his "value" or anything else. She asked, he answered Edited August 30, 2020 by poppyfields
CaliforniaGirl Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 2 hours ago, some_username1 said: No offence but I have a hard time believing that if a guy you were on a (non-exclusive) date with got another woman’s phone number you would just smile sweetly and say “all’s fair in love and war” to him. I wouldn't but OTOH: 1. If I don't like him enough not to consider no longer doing other guys or even to actually call him my boyfriend then it's less of a slap. I'm not all that hot for him anyway so breaking up (or actually, no longer just dating) isn't a big deal to me and I'm for sure not asking him to have a talk. He just goes; bye. I have a couple other guys right there, what do I care? And... 2. I'm probably not saying he has no integrity, yet holding on and hoping to set new boundaries so we can go forward. Now, I never have slept with more than one person at a time, so to speak, but I can tell you that if I were it would definitely point to: this guy is good for a lay but I'm not hurt if he goes, I can find a lay anywhere. I'm not happy so off I go, what's the reason to stay? This woman obviously does not feel that way...nor does the OP, who would have simply been gone in that case. Somebody in this relationship is bullsh*tting, and frankly, it sounds like it's both of them. If the OP comes back maybe we'll get more information. 1
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