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Date gave her phone to another guy

Romano10

By Romano10
in Dating

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assertives Established Member

assertives

Posted
Posted

You and her are just dating casually. So easy come, easy go. "Boundaries" are only reserved for people who you are interested in seeing exclusively. If what she does irks you, or you don't think highly of her values, just drop her and move on to others. End of story.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, Romano10 said:

I'm not controlling at all but in my book this is a big no. Nothing to do with her dating other guys but what she did specifically on that night. Perhaps boundaries were not set so we'll have a discussion and see how it goes from there.

What would you like to happen from here, OP?

Agree to date exclusively, or? 

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Caauug Established Member

Caauug

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 8/28/2020 at 1:16 PM, Romano10 said:

one of the dudes (same culture as my date) approached her to ask for her phone number.

Was it a pick up attempt? or just a contact attempt? Is your date and other dude an expat? If they are expats, it might be handy for her to keep in contact if there is not many of them around.

Reason I point this out, I am an Expat and dual national. I need a passport from my birth country to visit. The easiest way for the application is to get 2 citizens of that country to sign that they know me. I don't know anyone here that can sign. Previously I have been able to go to the local court show all required documents they  fill in and stamp the forms, and I just pay them. I can not do that now, they are trying to limit that way. The last time I got the passport sounded dodgy and was really an out right lie but I was following the consulate's instructions. 

I have since found someone else in town, I have offered contact but she has delayed as she is about ready to give birth. Understandable.... I just need one more.... The next nearest person I know of that can sign is 700kms away and I have only met them on FB....  Passport is good for 8 more years. 

I do not know your date's nationality status if it even applies to keep in contact..... 

Maybe it's time to decide if you want her full time or not at all....

 

Edited by Caauug
date not GF.
  • Like 1
Watercolors Established Member

Watercolors

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, Caauug said:

I do not know your GF's nationality status if it even applies to keep in contact..... 

Ah, but she is not his girlfriend, according to him. She's just one of many girls he's multi-dating. IF she were his girlfriend, then her exchanging phone numbers with that guy from her culture, while he was in the bathroom, could be perceived as odd if she was attracted to said-guy. BUT, the OP hasn't chosen to be exclusive with her as he's shared here. 

At 6 weeks, if you are not exclusive then you have no right to be offended OP, by her choice of exchanging numbers with someone she connected to. You can't have your cake and eat it too, and that's what you are attempting to do (and poorly, might I add). 

  • Like 4
Caauug Established Member

Caauug

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

Ah, but she is not his girlfriend, according to him. She's just one of many girls he's multi-dating. IF she were his girlfriend, then her exchanging phone numbers with that guy from her culture, while he was in the bathroom, could be perceived as odd if she was attracted to said-guy. BUT, the OP hasn't chosen to be exclusive with her as he's shared here. 

My mistake.... "Date" 

I will try to change...

  • Like 1
Velvet teddy Established Member

Velvet teddy

Posted
Posted (edited)
23 hours ago, Romano10 said:

Wow it really amazes me. First I told her I was seeing other people at the BEGINNING. I never brought it up on my own and never flirted in front her. This is why no one has integrity anymore in 2020 and relationships go to s*** very quickly. What she has done is completely inappropriate, exclusive or not. This is not a context where we were at a party and she befriended another guy. It was a straight up pick up while I was in the picture and she went with it. Thats just bad.

I don't agree with what she did. But must have been an underlying reason for it. 

You told her you  were seeing other people, at the start, ok...

But then whats happened since? Did you stop engaging with other women because of her, or have you continued? If you have, then you have no right to question her. 

If you haven't, you need to COMMUNICATE this. And decide what you want.

Six weeks in, you should know if you want her exclusively or not. If you don't, let her go, if you do, then tell her. 

I have a feeling this is more about your bruised ego than anything else though. 

Edited by Velvet teddy
  • Like 2
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Watercolors said:

At 6 weeks, if you are not exclusive then you have no right to be offended OP, by her choice of exchanging numbers with someone she connected to.

I see your point, but did she have to rub his nose in it by telling him about it?

The only reason he told her about the other women he was dating was because she asked. 

What was he to do, lie to her? No, he told her the truth and like I said in my previous post, it was her choice to continue dating him and having sex with him.

I still think it's wrong and disrespectful to allow other men to hit on you and give them your number while on a date, but I see your point. 

My main issue at this point is her decision to tell him about it.

There was no reason for that other than to gauge a reaction, elicit jealousy - a shyt test.

And for that, I think he has every "right" to be offended.

Multi-dating is fine, but for cripes sake keep your business private!

Unless the other person asks like she did.  And he told her the truth, he is multi-dating.

Romano did not ask, she offered it up when there was no reason to, huge difference.

Edited by poppyfields
some_username1 Established Member

some_username1

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Hey Romano, I'm seekng this a bit differently from some of the others, and here's why. 

Sure okay you told her you were seeing other women (two) but only after she asked!  What were you supposed to do, lie to her? 

Course not, you were honest and told her the truth, and it was her choice to continue dating you AND having sex with you.   So that's on her.

You did not rub her nose in it, or flaunt what you were doing, she asked a question, and you answered it, honestly and sincerely. 

What she did was much different, very wrong and not something one does while out on a date, especially someone they like and respect. 

By allowing another man (and don't give a rat's * if they belong to the same culture), to flirt with her, hit on her, attempt to pick her up and then give that same man her number was blatant disrespect.  I mean like totally blatant!

And my sense this is what annoys you and pisses you off NOT because you're jealous of the other guy or because she, like you, is keeping options open.

Am I wrong about that? 

If she is out somewhere by herself or with her friends, and she wants to give her number to another guy, fine!  Have at it!  You're not exclusive, she is within her rights to do that.  As are  you.

But to do that while on a date with you?  And then tell you about it?  Good gawd, I don't think so!

I cannot believe some of the others aren't seeing how blatantly disrespectful that was, I'm shocked actually. 

She was shyt-testing you, and that was unfair. wrong.

If she wants to be exclusive with you, there are better ways to express that than allowing other men to hit on her and giving them her number while on a date with you and then telling you about it.

There is only one reason she told you, to gauge a jealous reaction, it was a total shyt test..

I would think long and hard about going exclusive with her, she doesn't play fair, but your call.

 

Exactly my thoughts, as you say blatant disrespect to feather your nest with other men’s numbers whilst on a date and that wouldn’t fly with me at all. Her ass would be ghosted the moment the date was over.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

He was peeved as he was the guy in the bar with the gf. She was kissing him and making a fuss of him, he felt good and he felt his status compared to the two other guys was higher.
BUT then he went to the washroom and one of the other guys did not respect his "higher" status and propositioned his gf.
She instead of being loyal to him, took the guys number and suddenly that guy became the superior one so the OP went to sort him out...
But the gf unrepentant went "Well we are not exclusive so what do you really expect? " again taking him down a notch.
I think this is all too toxic.
She is resentful, he is resentful better to just go their separate ways.

  • Like 2
gamon Established Member

gamon

Posted
Posted
On 8/28/2020 at 10:52 AM, d0nnivain said:

everyone on this thread supported you that getting another guy's number while on a date with you was wrong 

This is not true.

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, some_username1 said:

Exactly my thoughts, as you say blatant disrespect to feather your nest with other men’s numbers whilst on a date and that wouldn’t fly with me at all. Her ass would be ghosted the moment the date was over.

And that would be smart!  If the tables were turned, and my date did that, that would be our last date.

Like I said, there are just some things a respectful person does not do while on a date.

Again, nothing to do with exclusivity, it's about respecting your date and behaving like a decent human being.

At the very least, keep it to yourself.  When multi-dating, there is no reason to be sharing your business with others you are dating.

Unless they ask, like she did.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
On 8/28/2020 at 10:44 AM, Romano10 said:

Wow it really amazes me. First I told her I was seeing other people at the BEGINNING. 

And? you mean you've changed your mind since and think she should read your mind?  in her book you are still seeing other people.

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

And? you mean you've changed your mind since and think she should read your mind?  in her book you are still seeing other people.

Gaeta, read the later posts.  This has nothing to do with him dating others or their not being exclusive. 

It's about respect, and I find it hard to believe that if, while on a date with you and you left to go to the rest room, your date accepted the advances of another woman, gave her his number and then told you about it, you'd be accepting of that. 

Yes he is multi-dating, she asked and he told her the truth. 

Huge difference between that and what she did.

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amerikajin Established Member

amerikajin

Posted
Posted

I think this is more of an ego thing. It's not so much that she is getting a phone number but that it was done right in front of him, hurting his ego.

 

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, amerikajin said:

I think this is more of an ego thing. It's not so much that she is getting a phone number but that it was done right in front of him, hurting his ego.

Exactly. he was flying high, the guy with a no doubt "hot" gf in the bar, when it all came crashing down on him...

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, amerikajin said:

I think this is more of an ego thing. It's not so much that she is getting a phone number but that it was done right in front of him, hurting his ego.

 

Well yes of course this is about ego, at least in part.

Everyone has an ego, so let's not pretend our egos don't factor into many situations we experience especially when it comes to dating.

And being disrespected is one area where our egos factor in, and there is nothing wrong with that imo.

 

  • Like 2
CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

Posted
Posted
52 minutes ago, some_username1 said:

Exactly my thoughts, as you say blatant disrespect to feather your nest with other men’s numbers whilst on a date and that wouldn’t fly with me at all. Her ass would be ghosted the moment the date was over.

Several of us have asked him if he has broken up with her. Apparently while offended, the OP isn't offended to the extent you illustrate above, because he wants to have this talk with her, not dump her. So he himself seems to be realizing there's more to all of this. 

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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

Posted
Posted

How did the talk go, OP? What did she say?

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted
Just now, CaliforniaGirl said:

So he himself seems to be realizing there's more to all of this. 

Not necessarily CG.  Everyone will have a different reaction, it doesn't have to mean there is more to it.

He may even decide to be exclusive with her!  But make it clear no more shyt tests. 

I've seen that happen! 

  • Like 1
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

How did the talk go, OP? What did she say?

Yeah it would be nice to have an update.  

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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Not necessarily CG.  Everyone will have a different reaction, it doesn't have to mean there is more to it.

He may even decide to be exclusive with her!  But make it clear no more shyt tests. 

I've seen that happen! 

I'd have too but not when it was this extreme...this out of the blue...because of so that just seems literally crazy or unstable...

CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

Posted
Posted
21 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Well yes of course this is about ego, at least in part.

Everyone has an ego, so let's not pretend our egos don't factor into many situations we experience especially when it comes to dating.

And being disrespected is one area where our egos factor in, and there is nothing wrong with that imo.

 

Yes, as for this part, I just can't imagine anyone on here posting that a bf/gf tried to get someone else's number while on a date and people not saying "that is screwed up." It's more the OP's attitude that's motivating the pushback, IMO. Because I've seen plenty of similar scenarios posted on LS and the whole gang of us start yelling about what a POS that person was. 😂

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some_username1 Established Member

some_username1

Posted
Posted
33 minutes ago, amerikajin said:

I think this is more of an ego thing. It's not so much that she is getting a phone number but that it was done right in front of him, hurting his ego.

 

I’m not even sure it’s about ego. It wouldn’t be with me. I’d like to think I am secure enough to laugh off petty nonsense like a date having a flirt with another man but there has to be a base level of respect, you can’t just laugh everything off or else you stand for nothing and for me taking contact details of another man in front of me would be something that I just couldn’t allow for myself. It also tells me a lot about her morals and values and that they don’t align with mine. I wouldn’t cause a scene about it, just carry on the date as normal and then at the end say goodnight and then block and delete. Maybe even call in a priest to exorcise my phone just to be sure she’s gone.

  • Like 2
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
14 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Yes, as for this part, I just can't imagine anyone on here posting that a bf/gf tried to get someone else's number while on a date and people not saying "that is screwed up." It's more the OP's attitude that's motivating the pushback, IMO. Because I've seen plenty of similar scenarios posted on LS and the whole gang of us start yelling about what a POS that person was. 😂

I agree with you!  That the pushback has more to do with his attitude, how he portrayed himself on this thread.  Hot-headed and cocky...

I looked beyond that because I took into consideration that this had recently happened and he was upset, disappointed for the same reasons some_usernsme just posted.   And some people will react more emotionally than others. 

He may be a completely different person off this forum so I gave him that benefit and judged the situation not him.

 

Edited by poppyfields
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some_username1 Established Member

some_username1

Posted
Posted
21 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Several of us have asked him if he has broken up with her. Apparently while offended, the OP isn't offended to the extent you illustrate above, because he wants to have this talk with her, not dump her. So he himself seems to be realizing there's more to all of this. 

Well I’m not the OP so I can’t speak for him, the point of this forum is to give our own perspective so the OP can get some measure of where the line of reasonable behaviour is drawn in wider society and my line is firmly drawn at disrespectful behaviour in front of me. I won’t tolerate it. I’d be interested to see how this ends up, letting someone act like that in front of you gives her carte blanche to keep pushing his boundaries. I wonder what her next wheeze could be?

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