I have no idea where I'm going to be in the next few months. Is it worth pursuing a long distance relationship when you're a nomad/don't have a stable lifestyle?

[poppyfields]

Just now, Leojax said:

She knows. 
I’ve lived in my car the past 2 years.

What type of car, I assume it's roomy and comfy?   

I knew a man who lived in his van for five years, traveled around the country, then settled down with a good well-paying job and continued to live in his van!

He had no problem pulling women, to the contrary from what I remember (he was good friends with my ex), women were quite drawn to him and found him (his energy, his essence) to be very attractive!  

 

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, Leojax said:

I’m staring with my parents right now. I’ve lived in my car the past couple of years.

That makes more sense.  You had initially said something about coming "home" back east so I assumed there was a family member you were staying with.  Then you said you were staying in your car so I didn't understand. 

If your plan is to go back to the west coast because that is where your life & career are, that's fine.  Still if you want to get back together with her you need to have a plan.  If the plan is have fun while you are back east that is OK if she's on board.  If your plan includes asking her to come back to WA with you, communicate that to her.  If your plan is to have an LDR at least discuss how often you expect to see each other.  I did a bi-coastal relationship from 1990 - 1992 when Northwest Airlines had these $99 R/T tickets for students through American Express.  Without that we never could have afforded to seach other.   

[smackie9]

2 hours ago, fly_five said:

Why would he make roots with someone who isn’t crazy about him that he’s been casually seeing/been friends with for a few months?? That doesn’t make sense and would be dumb on OPs part. I don’t see this as “she isn’t enough for you” issue, rather it just doesn’t make sense to. 

He said crazy chemistry like from before, things got real hot, making almost leading to sex then she put the brakes on...asking what are we...she wants 100% confirmation he is interested in commitment. She is crazy about him, but she is guarding her heart.

[fly_five]

3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

He said crazy chemistry like from before, things got real hot, making almost leading to sex then she put the brakes on...asking what are we...she wants 100% confirmation he is interested in commitment. She is crazy about him, but she is guarding her heart.

A woman that is “crazy” over someone isn’t going to take 4/5 hours to reply each time or wait to call you back 24 hours later or say, “I think we’re just friends”. You can have great chemistry and not want to pursue something with someone. 

 

OP how often do you initiate contact? invited her places or to outings? Has she expressed any interest in you? 

[Leojax]

2 minutes ago, fly_five said:

A woman that is “crazy” over someone isn’t going to take 4/5 hours to reply each time or wait to call you back 24 hours later or say, “I think we’re just friends”. You can have great chemistry and not want to pursue something with someone. 

 

OP how often do you initiate contact? invited her places or to outings? Has she expressed any interest in you? 

Eh, I do most of the initiating. Sometimes after a while she just doesn’t respond back then a week will go by and I’ll initiate contact again. This is kind of our cycle. A few months ago I was teasing her and said, “I know you have a thing for me”. She said, “I’m just bored during the quarantine” then laughed. I’ve invited her to the lake with me and my sister, to go camping, etc. she says okay but then doesn’t bring it up again. 
 

 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

How old is she?  You're 35 so I assume she's close to that age.  Does he want a family someday?  Your current lifestyle is not going to attract someone who wants a conventional life of marriages, kids, etc.  

Do you live in  your car when  you're in Washington, too?

[Leojax]

8 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

How old is she?  You're 35 so I assume she's close to that age.  Does he want a family someday?  Your current lifestyle is not going to attract someone who wants a conventional life of marriages, kids, etc.  

Do you live in  your car when  you're in Washington, too?

She’s 30, has a corporate job, an apartment. Yes, wants to get married and have kids. I live in my car full time. I’m just staying at my parents house for now. 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

6 minutes ago, Leojax said:

She’s 30, has a corporate job, an apartment. Yes, wants to get married and have kids. I live in my car full time. I’m just staying at my parents house for now. 

Do you realize this is problematic?

[Leojax]

11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

She seems ok with catching up as friends but many women don't want to deal with a moving target.

Where do you shower? Are you staying with family? Are you looking for short term relationships as a sort of free BNB?

Do you work? Maybe focus on getting your act together rather than trying to date.

Why do you think she seems okay with catching up as friends? It doesn’t seem like she’s interested?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Just now, Leojax said:

Why do you think she seems okay with catching up as friends? It doesn’t seem like she’s interested?

Why are you avoiding questions about your current lifestyle and living situation?

[kismetkismet]

You need to ask her, not us.

If you want a committed long distance relationship then that's totally fine, the question here is whether that's what she wants. Based on this:

55 minutes ago, Leojax said:

She’s 30, has a corporate job, an apartment. Yes, wants to get married and have kids. I live in my car full time. I’m just staying at my parents house for now. 

I feel like it's unlikely unless you can offer her a solid end date. Do you want marriage, kids and a permanent home at some point? If you want completely different things for your life then it's obviously not going to work. 

[Leojax]

6 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

Why are you avoiding questions about your current lifestyle and living situation?

...I’m not. I’ve already addressed that in the thread.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Just now, Leojax said:

...I’m not. I’ve already addressed that in the thread.

Well, not really.  You said you're pursuing a career in film.  That does not explain why you are living in a car, seemingly by choice.  

[fly_five]

7 minutes ago, kismetkismet said:

You need to ask her, not us.

If you want a committed long distance relationship then that's totally fine, the question here is whether that's what she wants. Based on this:

I feel like it's unlikely unless you can offer her a solid end date. Do you want marriage, kids and a permanent home at some point? If you want completely different things for your life then it's obviously not going to work. 

 

1 hour ago, Leojax said:

Eh, I do most of the initiating. Sometimes after a while she just doesn’t respond back then a week will go by and I’ll initiate contact again. This is kind of our cycle. A few months ago I was teasing her and said, “I know you have a thing for me”. She said, “I’m just bored during the quarantine” then laughed. I’ve invited her to the lake with me and my sister, to go camping, etc. she says okay but then doesn’t bring it up again. 

I think her behavior tells OP what he needs to know about how she feels towards him 

[amerikajin]

1 hour ago, Leojax said:

She’s 30, has a corporate job, an apartment. Yes, wants to get married and have kids. I live in my car full time. I’m just staying at my parents house for now. 

She probably thinks you're attractive and the "It would be nice..." thought probably crosses her mind. But just based on the above, I have to be honest and say I find it very unlikely that she'd give up her lifestyle to go around the country in a car. If she has a million or two stashed away in the bank somewhere, maybe. But it's just a bad match, IMO.

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, Leojax said:

Eh, I do most of the initiating. Sometimes after a while she just doesn’t respond back then a week will go by and I’ll initiate contact again. This is kind of our cycle. A few months ago I was teasing her and said, “I know you have a thing for me”. She said, “I’m just bored during the quarantine” then laughed. I’ve invited her to the lake with me and my sister, to go camping, etc. she says okay but then doesn’t bring it up again. 
 

 

well if this is the case why are we here talking about this? She's not into doing anything and is showing little interst, so what's to pursue??

[Leojax]

9 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

well if this is the case why are we here talking about this? She's not into doing anything and is showing little interst, so what's to pursue??

Are you saying she doesn’t sound interested? 
i took her saying, “sometimes I get the vibes we’re just friends other times I don’t know” as her saying she was interested me.

 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

4 minutes ago, Leojax said:

Are you saying she doesn’t sound interested? 
i took her saying, “sometimes I get the vibes we’re just friends other times I don’t know” as her saying she was interested me.

 

I think she may be sometimes physically attracted to you, but not interested in a relationship with you.

[smackie9]

Ya I agree that could be taken any way....the only thing you can really do is have open honest communication with her...get it all otu in the open and see what happens....all you are getting from us is totally assumption, guessing, etc. It's not helping you is it?

[poppyfields]

13 minutes ago, Leojax said:

i took her saying, “sometimes I get the vibes we’re just friends other times I don’t know” as her saying she was interested me.

I agree she is interested, but she's not getting the "relationship vibe" from you, hence the comment.

And since you're unsure yourself, it makes sense she would be confused about it.

Perhaps that is why she hesitates to give more, she is unsure of you and what you want and is being self-protective.

Edited August 25, 2020 by poppyfields

[zawadi16]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I agree she is interested, but she's not getting the "relationship vibe" from you, hence the comment.

And since you're unsure yourself, it makes sense she would be confused about it.

Perhaps that is why she hesitates to give more, she is unsure of you and what you want and is being self-protective.

I don’t know. I have never and would never use the word friend when communicating with someone that I’m interested in, UNLESS I’m trying to let them know where they stand with me aka friend-zoning.

[kismetkismet]

It sounds like she's attracted to you and likes you well enough, sure. But it also sounds like she's not interested in pursuing things.

If she does like you, then she's probably keeping up walls because she knows she doesn't have a future with you.  if she wants stability, marriage and kids etc. and you don't, then you're not a good long term match. Being attracted to each other and enjoying each others company isn't enough when you're 30 and want marriage and kids. You're better off trying to find a girl who wants a similar lifestyle to yours. 

Edited August 25, 2020 by kismetkismet

[zawadi16]

14 minutes ago, kismetkismet said:

It sounds like she's attracted to you and likes you well enough, sure. But it also sounds like she's not interested in pursuing things.

If she does like you, then she's probably keeping up walls because she knows she doesn't have a future with you.  if she wants stability, marriage and kids etc. and you don't, then you're not a good long term match. Being attracted to each other and enjoying each others company isn't enough when you're 30 and want marriage and kids. You're better off trying to find a girl who wants a similar lifestyle to yours. 

Out of curiosity...what are some indicators or behaviors that point to someone wanting more than casual? 

[kismetkismet]

14 minutes ago, zawadi16 said:

Out of curiosity...what are some indicators or behaviors that point to someone wanting more than casual? 

This behaviour is what makes me think she's not interested in something more than casual: 

2 hours ago, Leojax said:

Eh, I do most of the initiating. Sometimes after a while she just doesn’t respond back then a week will go by and I’ll initiate contact again. This is kind of our cycle. A few months ago I was teasing her and said, “I know you have a thing for me”. She said, “I’m just bored during the quarantine” then laughed. I’ve invited her to the lake with me and my sister, to go camping, etc. she says okay but then doesn’t bring it up again. 
 

A good indicator that someone wants to keep things going is that they're responsive and take at least some initiative. But even all of that wouldn't definitively point to wanting a serious relationship. You'd also want them to show an interest in your life, spend time with you on a regular basis, actively involve you in their life - friends, family etc., and eventually actually tell you that they want something serious. 

Edited August 25, 2020 by kismetkismet

[basil67]

8 hours ago, amerikajin said:

I think the ladies are telling you what you need to hear: women will see you as 'unstable.' They're not 'wrong' for coming to this conclusion; that's just the world in which women live. Women have a biologically-driven need for security and living out of a car and vagabonding ain't they're idea of it.

I've been in relationships in which I was financially unstable, and it's no fun for anyone - man or woman.

Women also have a need to not find themselves supporting a guy who’s homeless by choice.