Violetstar Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 I've gone on 5 dates with this guy this month. He's very handsome and sweet, has a good job, comes from a good family, and his values and beliefs closely align with my own. For the first 3, we were getting to know each other so it was a consistent back and forth conversation between us and time went by FAST with him. The last 2 dates, however, have been a little awkward. The last one wasn't too bad there were just a few lulls in our conversation but i chalked it up to both of us being exhausted from working that day. Last night, neither of us had worked so there was no reason to be tired. We were at his house swimming in his apartment pool and drinking (very relaxing). But, even drinking it was DIFFICULT to get a conversation rolling. I tried to ask him questions but he just sort of spat out very short "yes, no, maybe," responses and didn't ask many questions back. Now, that we know a lot of each other's background and history, it seems like we can't connect on anything in the present moment. I'm a college student and a part-time counselor so I have a lot of interests with movies, books, many stories about the people I deal with daily, working out, funny or crazy dating stories, foods, goals, etc. So, I'll talk a little about what I like and then ask him questions on that subject too but I couldn't get him to open up on anything. Like he either didn't know what to say or he wasn't interested in that subject? I've been having a lot of negative dating experiences since this pandemic, so I'd like to try and stick it out with this one. But, is it normal to run out of things to talk about so quickly? Or is that we don't have much else to connect on in the present moment? Also, he did tell me his last relationship only lasted 3 months and the one before that lasted 1-2 months so I feel like there might be kind of a pattern here....
Wiseman2 Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 Hard to tell after a few dates whether he is the quiet type or a good listener or preoccupied or simply emotionally constipated. If he asks again and you like him try a nice quiet chill and see his reaction. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 No it's not normal to run out of conversation this quickly. It sounds like you tried to keep the ball rolling but he wasn't holding up his end. I'd maybe give him one more change to see if that was on off night but if you get more of the seeming indifference, move on 4
FudgeSwirl Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 Some people aren't the talkative type but enjoy listening to others and having the company after getting to know somebody while others suddenly aren't sociable because their interest in a person has waned. When you aren't together, do you communicate by text, phone conversations, or both? If he's more conversational on either of those platforms, especially texting, he may be an introvert when it comes to being physically in front of somebody. To spark a conversation the next time you are together, maybe rent a movie or cook together or even both. Those two things can easily spark conversations. If that still doesn't get him talking you can be direct with him about his lack of conversation. You don't have anything to lose because if it's due to his lack of interest obviously he isn't worth it and if it is simply because he doesn't like to talk much, you will have to consider if you can be with somebody long term where you will do most of the talking or sit in silence together.
snowboy91 Posted August 24, 2020 Posted August 24, 2020 Not sure about "normal", but it's definitely possible. It could be he's naturally a fairly quiet guy, he might have been quite tired (I know you said he hadn't worked, but he might have slept poorly), or he and you have very different interests so he doesn't have much to say on yours. I'd see what happens the next few dates and then make the call.
Erik30 Posted August 24, 2020 Posted August 24, 2020 I think it might mean you're not compatible or you just don't have that much in common. Usually, after a couple of dates conversations tend to flow because you're more comfortable around each other and you can just talk about anything without "forcing" it. 2
elaine567 Posted August 24, 2020 Posted August 24, 2020 Usually when people go monosyllabic with 'yes, no, maybe' answers, it usually means they are not happy with the situation. My guess is that he has lost interest in you. He is not a naturally quiet guy, as the first 3 dates proved he isn't. For whatever reason, he no longer wants to participate in a conversation with you. The other thing is sex, have you had sex? if not, some men have the "sex by the third date" mindset, maybe he was only talkative because he was expecting sex and now you are on on dates 4+ he has lost interest in you. 2
smackie9 Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 So you two don't have any shared interests or passions, hobbies? That is usually the next step in figuring out if you are compatible.
Gaeta Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 Does he have any interests? Sounds like he's boring, sorry. I would not be able to have a partner that has no opinion on anything. There is so much going on in the world right now how can someone run out of things to talk about.
Velvet teddy Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 On 8/23/2020 at 10:00 PM, Violetstar said: I've gone on 5 dates with this guy this month. He's very handsome and sweet, has a good job, comes from a good family, and his values and beliefs closely align with my own. For the first 3, we were getting to know each other so it was a consistent back and forth conversation between us and time went by FAST with him. The last 2 dates, however, have been a little awkward. The last one wasn't too bad there were just a few lulls in our conversation but i chalked it up to both of us being exhausted from working that day. Last night, neither of us had worked so there was no reason to be tired. We were at his house swimming in his apartment pool and drinking (very relaxing). But, even drinking it was DIFFICULT to get a conversation rolling. I tried to ask him questions but he just sort of spat out very short "yes, no, maybe," responses and didn't ask many questions back. Now, that we know a lot of each other's background and history, it seems like we can't connect on anything in the present moment. I'm a college student and a part-time counselor so I have a lot of interests with movies, books, many stories about the people I deal with daily, working out, funny or crazy dating stories, foods, goals, etc. So, I'll talk a little about what I like and then ask him questions on that subject too but I couldn't get him to open up on anything. Like he either didn't know what to say or he wasn't interested in that subject? I've been having a lot of negative dating experiences since this pandemic, so I'd like to try and stick it out with this one. But, is it normal to run out of things to talk about so quickly? Or is that we don't have much else to connect on in the present moment? Also, he did tell me his last relationship only lasted 3 months and the one before that lasted 1-2 months so I feel like there might be kind of a pattern here.... No its not normal to run out of things to say, ESPECIALLY if you're two compatible people. Which you may not be. See how things go with this one. But you're obviously someone who needs to be stimulated mind wise in a relationship, and if he can't do that or doesnt at the very least try... you need to move on.
Ami1uwant Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 Yes some conversation avenues can dry up. It’s too soon to get to the skeletons. conversations come from daily or weekly activities and what you do or talk about currrnt events. sometimes peop,e aren’t in talkative moods but they are happy to be with you.
Wiseman2 Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 On 8/24/2020 at 3:30 AM, elaine567 said: Usually when people go monosyllabic with 'yes, no, maybe' answers, it usually means Yep.
Author Violetstar Posted September 15, 2020 Author Posted September 15, 2020 I gave this guy a chance and so far, so good. It's hit or miss on our dates. If he has a lot of energy, he talks a lot and responds well enough but if he's exhausted, he doesn't talk at all and answers those, "yes, no, maybe" responses. However, I have noticed he doesn't really have hobbies and we don't have too much in common, just enough to get us by on some dates. So, well seee how things play out.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 Sounds like he’s already decided this has no future. It could be the start of a fade out.
Trail Blazer Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 (edited) It's normal for people to go on one date to find that you're totally incompatible. It's also normal to go on one date and live happpily ever after. Everything in between is also normal. I've gone on dates where it took me three or four dates before realizing that the conversations were drying up and that the chemistry just wasn't really there. You may not like hearing it, but unfortunately I think that's it, it's done and dusted. The dude ain't feelin' it for whatever reason and he can't bring himself to making the effort to keep any initial spark you guys may have had alive. Edited September 15, 2020 by Trail Blazer
elaine567 Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 This is the guy who drinks a lot. Yes alcohol can fire some up at the start and the conversation flows, but alcohol is basically a depressant so it may not be doing his conversational skills a favour.
Fletch Lives Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 You are a counselor and posting on here.....you are going to need somebody with very good social skills - and he's not it. Keep fishing.
Datergirl Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 Maybe he had something on his mind bothering him and he didn't feel chatty. I'd give him one more date and if he's like it again just ask him iof everything is alright as he seems quiet....it does bug me though being the to have to carry the conversation, especially at the beginning...
mortensorchid Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 I encountered that from one of if not the strangest internet dates I ever encountered. This guy was a complete dud - boring, weak, etc. We went out on a grand total of 6 dates together (no really) where we just met at these restaurants and ate dinner together (I chose the places of course). I asked what his interests and things were, he said he needed to find something else to do other than play cards with his buddies on the weekends. Was he a good guy? Not sure. I knew he was a complete wimp. He didn't even bother to ask me my last name. I took advantage of it because I didn't feel like cooking that night. He may be a silent, introverted guy to begin with. But I bet he's not silent and introverted when it comes to other things in his life, you just don't know it.
basil67 Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 14 hours ago, Violetstar said: if he's exhausted, he doesn't talk at all and answers those, "yes, no, maybe" responses. If this is him on his very best early dating behaviour, what will he be like when he relaxes into his regular way of being? I'd walk away if I were you.
SumGuy Posted September 18, 2020 Posted September 18, 2020 Conversation is important to me so that would be a major incompatibility. For someone like me 5 dates is way too soon to run out of things to talk about, for course for me there is never an end of things to talk about. I do like my quiet time and can sit in quiet contentment, and can take a lackadaisical conversation. But if my girlfriend is excited about a topic I can very easily, with little effort, engage, if nothing else I can ask simple questions, as simple as tell me more about that. If nothing else I learn more about her.
poppyfields Posted September 18, 2020 Posted September 18, 2020 (edited) On 9/15/2020 at 1:07 PM, mortensorchid said: He may be a silent, introverted guy to begin with. I'm an introvert, and certainly need my fair share of lone time, BUT when interested in someone, man or woman (women friends), I am a huge chatterbox! When you click with someone, the conversation flows and there is always plenty to say! This guy sounds like either a bore or simply not interested = YAWN. Edited September 18, 2020 by poppyfields
Chilli Posted September 19, 2020 Posted September 19, 2020 Sorry to say but imo there's just not enough goin on between you basically , no click. lf you've enjoyed the first few times together you could try a few more though just to be sure but tbh he sounds like he's losing it as much as you.
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