ladybug2021 Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 (edited) I ended my last relationship in August last year, so a year ago. It was a very painful and dramatic ending, as he left me on the spot after an argument when I was sick and 3 weeks before asked me to marry him. There were many red flags about him that I chose to ignore so at the end I wasn't surprised with what he did, and I blamed myself for giving him a chance. So I decided to be on my own after this for many months to heal and move on. Then before the pandemic I wanted to start dating again and went on a few coffee dates but I was still very closed off and scared. Then I stopped dating and since the beginning of July I have started again. I haven't met a guy yet that I click with, but all this meeting and going on dates has opened my sexual desire again. I have been feeling quite horny to be honest, which is great because what happened with my ex totally killed my libido for a long time. I have been wondering if it would do me good to have a sexual experience with one of these guys. The last man I have been with and even kissed was my ex and I hate that! I was thinking that being with another man could also help me open up and move on completely. For a long period time I couldn't imagine being with a man other than my ex as I was so physically attached to him too. My ex moved on and he met someone else and they got married a few months later, I feel he moved on so easily and I haven't even kissed no one else after him! Anyway this isn't about him, it's about me. Would this be a good idea? Edited August 23, 2020 by ladybug2021
ExpatInItaly Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 This really depends on you, and how well you do (or don't do) casual sex. Some people think it would be great but wind up getting attached after sex. Others truly can have sex without emotions getting too involved. Where do you suppose you would fall on that spectrum? Also, if your intention is just to hook up, be clear about that with whomever you decide to get into bed with. Meaning, make sure he understand it's casual. 1
Author ladybug2021 Posted August 23, 2020 Author Posted August 23, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This really depends on you, and how well you do (or don't do) casual sex. Some people think it would be great but wind up getting attached after sex. Others truly can have sex without emotions getting too involved. Where do you suppose you would fall on that spectrum? Also, if your intention is just to hook up, be clear about that with whomever you decide to get into bed with. Meaning, make sure he understand it's casual. Well just because it's casual sex doesn't mean emotions cannot be involved! And just because emotions are involved that doesn't mean I get attached afterwards. I cannot do sex without emotions like I'm playing tennis or something. lol Emotions are the cream of life! But that doesn't mean I want a relationship either with the guy. Yes of course I'll let the guy know. Edited August 23, 2020 by ladybug2021 3
stillafool Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 If you know you are an emotional person whose feelings get involved after sex then choose wisely. A lot of people out there are used to FWBs. hook ups and F-buddies and aren't honest about it. It sounds like what you are actually looking for is a boyfriend. They are hard to find. 2
Author ladybug2021 Posted August 23, 2020 Author Posted August 23, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, stillafool said: If you know you are an emotional person whose feelings get involved after sex then choose wisely. A lot of people out there are used to FWBs. hook ups and F-buddies and aren't honest about it. It sounds like what you are actually looking for is a boyfriend. They are hard to find. At the end of the day yes I am looking for a boyfriend. That doesn't mean it has to be the hook up guy. Why is a boyfriend hard to find? Edited August 23, 2020 by ladybug2021
stillafool Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said: Why is a boyfriend hard to find? Because with on line dating (which most people seem to be into these days), they have so many options that there's a lot of "love bombing" going on which makes the girl fall for them and then shortly after sex the guy loses interest, ghosts and moves on to the next girl. This is why I said be careful in your selection. And, a hook up guy isn't boyfriend material so I knew that wasn't what you wanted. Edited August 23, 2020 by stillafool 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 31 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said: Well just because it's casual sex doesn't mean emotions cannot be involved! And just because emotions are involved that doesn't mean I get attached afterwards. I cannot do sex without emotions like I'm playing tennis or something. lol Emotions are the cream of life! But that doesn't mean I want a relationship either with the guy. Yes of course I'll let the guy know. I don't think casual sex is going to work well for you, to be honest.
Wiseman2 Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 56 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said: . I haven't met a guy yet that I click with, but all this meeting and going on dates has opened my sexual desire again. I have been feeling quite horny to be honest, which is great because what happened with my ex totally killed my libido for a long time. You should have no problems finding NSA sex. Hookups and FWB are common.
smackie9 Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 If you say you have an itch then go ahead scratch it. You will know when and who with. If it's not something you want to do again, no harm in that. You are an adult you do what you want. 2
ccas93 Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 (edited) 49 minutes ago, stillafool said: Because with on line dating (which most people seem to be into these days), they have so many options that there's a lot of "love bombing" going on which makes the girl fall for them and then shortly after sex the guy loses interest, ghosts and moves on to the next girl. And then when you're a guy who DOESN'T do this, the girl was actually hoping you would, so she could keep swiping away to find her next victim Edited August 23, 2020 by ccas93
ShyViolet Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 There is nothing wrong with casual sex, as long as you are honest with yourself and honest with the other person, and you are sure you won't get caught up in false hopes and unrealistic expectations. 2
bobjon Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 I say jump right into that NSA action! I get a kick out of OLD sites. Some think it is ridiculous but I find good entertainment in it. LOTS of scammers, but they bring the BEST pics! Not sure where they get em, but I appreciate it! I'd say there are probably more guys looking for NSA than women so you should have quite a selection. If nothing else, you can probably get into some hot sexting. However, due to STDs, I tend to select women that would rather have NSA action with just one partner. Be careful out there! That was the nice part of an actual relationship. 1
kismetkismet Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 I don't see any problem with it if you're honest with yourself and the guy you're with. FWB situations usually work best with guys you can't actually see yourself dating long term, so it's fine you don't feel you've 'clicked' emotionally with them (again, as long as you're honest with your intentions of remaining casual). If you start feeling yourself get attached though, or you think they are, you'll need to reopen the conversation or end the situation. Don't make assumptions about how other people are feeling based on how you're feeling.
Hotmess118 Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 They often say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone. Sometimes a palette cleanser is all you need to reset yourself. If that’s what you think you need then you should go for it! Just set your emotional expectations correctly and you should be all good to go!
stillafool Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 2 hours ago, bobjon said: However, due to STDs, I tend to select women that would rather have NSA action with just one partner. Be careful out there! That was the nice part of an actual relationship. This is another thing - with covid out there a lot of people are not being cautious. There have been women on this board complaining about a date not trying to kiss them even though there's a deadly virus going around they could care less. So it isn't just the men. You have to be very careful and protect yourself. 2
Wiseman2 Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 It sounds like you are readty to date again. Don't lock yourself into this that or the other arrangement. Instead see how it goes. If things go well, date, if it's so-so, and you just want company but nothing exclusive fwb may be a good transitional solution. The most important thing right now is an open mind.
kendahke Posted August 24, 2020 Posted August 24, 2020 Quote Should I get a rebound guy? Would you want someone to use you in this way?
ssm617 Posted August 24, 2020 Posted August 24, 2020 FWB relationships can work for some people in the right situation. However both people should be honest about their true intentions and follow any rules. I also think FWB relationships have a better chance of working out when 2 people like each other. But there is a specific reason why there may not be enough compatibility for a long term serious relationship. Such as large age difference or one person is very religious and the other isn't.
Wiseman2 Posted August 24, 2020 Posted August 24, 2020 Just date, no labels. No fwb, no rebound, no anything. Just a man, a human who you are meeting and seeing if you want to date further. Why pigeonhole yourself with trendy nonsense labels? With an open mind, you can feel free to let whatever happens happen. You also need to get over the ex and not treat the next in line a like junk because you're still too sore. 1
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