Why is my boyfriend suddenly ignoring me?

[xforeverlove99]

Also I will admit that I was very upset that he stole my money and my money making ways which made me really angry. So I tried the same password for Instagram and it ended up working but I was very pissed off at this point so I permanently deleted it. Then he was able to recover it by contacting the company. He figured out it was me and finally messaged me instead of continuing to go ghost because he thought he scammed and got away with it (took the money and dipped). I will admit that I did this out of anger and being petty at the time.

Edited August 25, 2020 by xforeverlove99

[Versacehottie]

listen, i don't want to argue with you cause it sounds like a nerve has been hit. Just trying to help with how it seems on the only part you can control, which is your part.  It's easier to "see" it as an outsider sometimes who is not emotionally involved with this situation and maybe you will see it more accurately after some time has passed.    Anyway, I don't have too much more to add--not sure it helps to keep talking about it (for you).

I would just say with all those gifts you gave him the Hermes watch etc, is that next guy don't lead with your own money.  If you don't want to be taken advantage of, don't show that by being with you money or gifts are part of the deal.  TBH, you should act a little more discreet with your own money or ability to buy a guy gifts to "test" what someone's real interest in you is and so that things don't get muddy or confused or mixed up with money until you are a solid couple who are building a future together.  Even then you probably should tread carefully, if it's inequitable (your backgrounds or earning potential).

Ok work on your plan for having fun with the next guy, good luck

[Oldsoul980]

I don't know if this question has been asked already, but have you actually met your "boyfriend" in person? 

[Acacia98]

10 hours ago, xforeverlove99 said:

Also I will admit that I was very upset that he stole my money and my money making ways which made me really angry. So I tried the same password for Instagram and it ended up working but I was very pissed off at this point so I permanently deleted it. Then he was able to recover it by contacting the company. He figured out it was me and finally messaged me instead of continuing to go ghost because he thought he scammed and got away with it (took the money and dipped). I will admit that I did this out of anger and being petty at the time.

xforeverlove99, I'm trying very hard to be sympathetic, but the more you write, the harder it gets. If I take what you say at face value (and that is admitttedly hard; your story has done so many hard turns that I'm getting dizzy reading it), it increasingly sounds like you gave him money/gifts so that you could have a hold on him and manipulate him and he used you to advance himself financially. So, to me, it seems like you're both using each other/manipulating each other.

As for that bit where you say he stole your "money-making ways," I'm sorry but that just sounds ridiculous. He didn't steal intellectual property, he learned something about finance from his proximity to you. If you guys had a remotely normal relationship, that would be a positive thing, it would be something for you to be proud of: that you taught him something useful. 

[stillafool]

12 hours ago, xforeverlove99 said:

I also gifted him a Hermes Apple watch and Burberry clothes for his birthday recently. I am certain he is flexing that to the girls back home trying to show them he "made it big".

Please stop spending money on these men.  It's giving you a masculine role in the relationship.  Let them be the man.   No matter how much you spend you cannot buy their love.  Let the guys chose you, court you and pursue you.  I don't understand why now you want this money back after gifting it to him in the first place.  You need to learn from this, write off the money, clothes and watch and move on.

[xforeverlove99]

14 hours ago, Oldsoul980 said:

I don't know if this question has been asked already, but have you actually met your "boyfriend" in person? 

Yes. I even met all his friends and would spend the night at his place and his mom also knew me. Scary knowing that I would literally be sleeping next to someone who was a con man and I had no idea. I even left my stuff at his place and would go there a lot. I should also state that this is the second time I have entered a relationship with him (we got back together after breaking up 5 month prior). I thought I lost a great guy but NOPE!

[introverted1]

He's not a con man. From your earlier posts in this thread, it is clear that you offered him money and told him not to worry about repayment because it was a gift. It was a quid pro quo for his affection and it backfired. Just because he has since decided he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you (which is understandable given your uncontrollable texting and stalking) doesn't mean you can now rewrite history.

Rather than spending your efforts trying to convince us, a bunch of internet strangers who not only can refer back to your own words about the situation but who do not have a dog in the fight, as the saying goes, why not take this time to understand your own motivations and behaviors and what steps you can take to have a healthy relationship in the future? Even if you could get everyone here to agree that he is a con artist, that would not change the truth of what happened. And what we think is inconsequential.  What matters is that you have the tools to have a happy, healthy relationship in the future.  Focus your energy on that.

[xforeverlove99]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

He's not a con man

He is in the sense that he lied about what he was going to use the money for. He told me it was to start a business (a food truck) and he paid some guy $15k for it already and had $10k left to go but he could not access his money back home and asked me for a loan. I offered it to him as gift to avoid issues but he kept insisting it's a loan to which I accepted. There never even was a relationship to begin with, he just filled me with fake words and empty promises while messing with many other girls. He lied to me about everything with the motivation of using me for money. This is equal to the Nigerian prince scam. If you people want to blame me and think I deserve it because I am "so desperate for a relationship" then go ahead. I only "stalked" him because he took my money, used me and dipped out. That was his intentions from the start and I found out the truth, the truth that I deserve and  never would have gotten.

FYI nobody here has the right to tell someone to seek help for mental illness without having any credentials or an educational background (IDC that you did it to me but someone else may get offended and I heard it's even illegal to make these claims). I obviously do have issues hence why I am a perfect target for men like these who see me as weak and vulnerable.

[stillafool]

Just never lend out money again to either sex.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, xforeverlove99 said:

 He told me it was to start a business (a food truck) and he paid some guy $15k for it

What kind of food? Did he send you pics? 

[rudiger]

On 8/24/2020 at 1:17 AM, xforeverlove99 said:

The reason I wanted my money back was because he said he got a Tesla stock and I’m like if he can afford that then he can afford to pay me back and thought he had access to money. I do stocks that's how I make money and even told him about the Tesla stocks and how it has potential to generate quick money which it did. I sold my stocks to loan him money so I was pissed off that he was doing it and I could not because of him. I thought he has access to money now (considering he got the stock) so I asked politely and no response. Then 2 days later I went on Facebook and saw his last active status and lost it and spammed with 45 messages. Then the next day cat fished with the Snapchat and that’s all he said. He didn’t reply after that either even tho he asked what’s wrong. I don’t think he has the money hence why he does not reply especially when I put him on the spot. Idk if he scammed me and faked the whole relationship to scam/con me  (we dated before and I've known him for an year. The first time I dated him he was great and never once used me for anything and always took care of every bill no matter the amount. Meanwhile my s***ty ex aka the scammer would ALWAYS make me pay for every single meal). Or he pretended to be a big shot but really isn’t and doesn’t wanna own up to it so isn’t gonna reply until the whole thing fizzles out and I’m sane/normal. There's also the possibility that he wants space away from me especially when I went all psycho on him and is avoiding conflict (since he is back home with family/friends) and thinks engaging in any form of communication would result to talking about the money/conflicts. If he is a decent guy (like he made himself out to be this whole time/past year) he may not reply to me until he has the money thing figured out.

I also do not have good judgement on people and assume everyone is horrible because of my past experiences. Patience is also difficult for me and I sometimes have anxiety attacks. I do admit after reading this forum and talking to my friends how irrational spamming him was and how little it contributed to the situation at hand. There are only two reasons for him suddenly disappearing after this topic: 1) I asked for it back and he scammed me so he is going to continue to ignore me and never reply 2) He is too embarrassed to admit the truth and has too much pride for that or he is avoiding conflict while visiting family/friends back home. Not knowing the answer is what causes my anxiety but now I am a little more chill with it and have no choice but to let time tell.

Ah okay! Judging by your prior boyfriend, you have a penchant for bad boys?

 

Yeah, that's normal for young girls. Especially for girls in my age bracket. It's all too common in my college. The boys feel slick and think they are being clever. While the girl ends up with mental health issues. It's rather pathetic. I used to be the same. Deluded into thinking I was cool. Until I realised I was actually mentally hurting my ex, so I stopped.

Anyway I genuinely hope you get the help you deserve and find a partner who will support and love you. Because you deserve it.

And most importantly stay away from bad boys. I know it's alluring, but it's toxic. And the only one that will end up hurt in this whole affair will be you.

Find a older gentleman who is mature, caring and has a good career. Not some young boy who is my age, because it won't work. But I know, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, right?

But, you are only 25, with a good career, take your time. Don't rush these things. You are young, you'll find the right person, eventually.

 

Better to be in a loving healthy relationship that will prosper, than to just be in a relationship for the sake of wanting to be in a relationship.

 

[Versacehottie]

Is his sister in charge of his money?

I would agree that he's not a con man.  You guys are having a disagreement over money.  LOAN vs GIFT, TIME FRAME, BAIT & SWITCH (both of you), and QUID PRO QUO which is definitely what was going on.  People who have some sort of relationship with each other have issues over money all the time.  Con man implies that he planned it all out and does it on the regular and as a way to live overall.  He knows you so it's not a scam like that and you gave him money because you thought you were in a progressing relationship with him.  There are probably a million stories like this in a week's time.  

He might be a user; I could go with that term.  But also whatever he used the money for you can't demand immediate repayment because you don't have romantic access to him & expect him to have it.  If he had money at his fingertips, he wouldn't have need to borrow it from you like that.  He's probably a dreamer who might have good intentions to give it back but is also flashy & of poor character.  You led with your money & made it part of the relationship between you two by buying him flashy gifts.  So this is what happens.  It's not that usual of a story. Not to make light of it but still it's not that unusual of a story.

[FMW]

I agree with those who have said it seems you used the loan to try and establish some kind of hold over him romantically, and clearly it's not working.  I have a friend who has done the same, unfortunately in her case repeatedly and she never learns.  Hopefully you'll learn from this one experience and not get in the same situation again.

I don't think he's a con man either, he just took full advantage of your willingness to give him the money.  Not a great character marker most of the time, but not on the level of a con.

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 8/23/2020 at 10:00 AM, xforeverlove99 said:

The confusing part is that even after I loaned him the money he would still talk and always engage in conversation. He's the one who insisted that he would repay me and I thought he has access to money since he was not able to access his bank over seas but now that he is back home I thought he would be able to get it. The last time he talked to me was on Monday and he engaged the conversation and told me he misses me (he is back home/on vacation). Then the day after this is when I asked for the money then no reply, so I asked again politely and he didn't get back so on Thursday I had a panic attack and spammed him with over 40 messages. Then reached out on Snapchat on Friday to which he said the convo above. The last conversation I sent was last night apologizing for jeopardizing the relationship, told him I figured the school thing out and if he wants to ever talk to me again then I will no longer mention that topic and want things to be the way they were. I also told him I will stop spamming and give him space.

I am not trying to be mean saying this. He thinks you're unhinged. Likely he is scared of you. The relationship is over. Please, would you consider finding someone to talk to? This isn't really very healthy behavior. I think you need to fix some things before you try to have relationships.