stillafool Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 5 hours ago, xforeverlove99 said: But looking into his personal finances I can tell that he is very poor, has credit issues and no financial support from his mother back home. I low key pity the guy, he does not have the intelligence or potential to make it far and is already headed down a very bad path at such a young age. Most 20 year old guys are poor. The things he's doing is not surprising except for the conning you out of money. You can expect a 20 year old guy to chase plenty of girls. He's still a boy. You seem pretty mature for him. Why not try to date guys older than you next time. 1
stillafool Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Why are you hacking into his accounts? I agree this is awful. Since you've decided to write off the money just let the rest go at this point and learn from your mistake. 1
Versacehottie Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 7 hours ago, xforeverlove99 said: I would like to thank everybody, Aww thank you. You know, people including yourself, rarely change overnight but at least if you learned a bit more about human nature, like you did with this experience, and more about yourself (what you need to work, on, your boundaries, your blind spots and how you are feeling right now with the motivation of this experience). Motivation is an odd little thing--right now you will have plenty of it because you are emotionally charged but it usually ebbs and flows. So you need to make sure you have standards in place of what you will and won't accept on big things, how you see you life going, conduct you expect from another person. I also think another great way to think about it is how you let people into your life. Like if you just meet them, they have minimal access and as they earn it over time & through experiences you let them in more. That would include with regard to money (lending/giving). That was always what stood out to me in your story: as a "girlfriend" you didn't seem to know much about the day to day functioning of him starting his business. Basically if you've been with a guy in that process, it usually takes up the majority of his thoughts, your conversations because it's an important crucial time & they like your feedback often or to tell you what's going on--they are excited, busy whatever--it's just what you would KNOW. So the absence of that kind of means that your relationship isn't true boyfriend/girlfriend or he's not using the money as he told you or both. So like I said before, you know all you need to know--you know he's not a great person. No need to wait until he's back to find out anything. I would stop snooping into his stuff. Like attracts like. You want to hold yourself to better moral standards and not have to stoop so low to make your way to being the sort of person that attracts a good guy and can sniff out bulls*t without the hacking into someone's accounts. Good luck 1
Author xforeverlove99 Posted August 25, 2020 Author Posted August 25, 2020 (edited) 50 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: Basically if you've been with a guy in that process, it usually takes up the majority of his thoughts, your conversations because it's an important crucial time & they like your feedback often or to tell you what's going on--they are excited, busy whatever--it's just what you would KNOW. So the absence of that kind of means that your relationship isn't true boyfriend/girlfriend or he's not using the money as he told you or both. The thing is the first time I dated him in 2019 he did all this and were super close and would talk to each other every single moment of everyday. I knew everything that was going on in his day to day life, he would pay for all the meals and I even met all his friends and slept over at his place. Even his friends and mom back home knew who I was. I used to accuse him of cheating all the time and I thought that was due to my anxiety due to my past relationships especially the one before where the guy ended up being a sociopath who would cheat, lie, scam and use girls for money. Even then, he was definitely cheating because I saw an email chat between him and some other girl where he simply referred to me as his "friend" and asked the girl if she wanted to meet up to study. He knew about my ex and what he did to me. So the second time he came back he came with the intentions to con me out of money the same way my ex did and knew I was still feeling bad about the relationship and would do "anything for him". He saw the weakness and came back with the intentions of stealing. From what I can tell I am the first women he conned meanwhile my ex is pretty experienced. He even dated some girl in England who would pay for his tuition and paid $12,000 for a first class plane ticket. He also got empathy from his other girlfriends who would pay for his meals, gas and buy him gifts. The difference between the two is that this guy is really rich but pretends to be broke. Meanwhile the current guy pretends to be rich and makes all these false claims about who he is and who he is related to but looking into his true financial position he is very poor and comes from a poor family (third world country, not to sound racist). He may in his head believe he is Robin Hood stealing from the rich and helping the poor (himself) so he does not feel bad. Again, I do not feel too bad about losing this guy seeing his true colors and knowing where I will be going in life and where he will. There is nothing wrong with being poor but he came to this country to study and better himself. Yet, he is out here wasting his time trying to flex on multiple girls and build a false image. He lives in a fake world because he is too ashamed of his reality. Despite him being a very bad person and what he put me through, I feel sorry for him and I hope he uses the money to pay rent and for food (something he was struggling to do at the moment) rather then flexing to girls and others. He can't afford to do the later. For me, yeah $6k is good money but I would have blew it easily on a designer bag or something I don't need. This guy can't even afford a laptop. I will end up going far in life and make good money in the future, he does not have the potential to do that. I know my $6k is gone and I can not do anything about it. I still want to report him to the police for conning me so it can be known what he does and if he does it again, he can get into trouble. I have reported my ex before and they took it very seriously but I felt bad and chose not to press charges and ruin his life. I don't want to press charges but I do want to report him for what he did so they can be aware. I may send a fake letter to his new address and pretend he is getting sued just to scare him (seeing how this is his first time conning). Edited August 25, 2020 by xforeverlove99
Wiseman2 Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 1 hour ago, xforeverlove99 said: He may in his head believe he is Robin Hood He is not Robin Hood and you are not Maid Marian. . 1
stillafool Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 Now you are talking about suing him for money that you originally considered a gift. I know you want revenge because he hurt you but the best choice would be to learn your lesson from this and stop lending men money. 1
stillafool Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 26 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: He is not Robin Hood and you are not Maid Marian. . No he isn't. He's a 20 year old kid who wants to act like he's got money to attract girls for sex. 2
Versacehottie Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 (edited) 55 minutes ago, stillafool said: Now you are talking about suing him for money that you originally considered a gift. I know you want revenge because he hurt you but the best choice would be to learn your lesson from this and stop lending men money. Yeah there is no basis for a lawsuit for this money. OP insisted it was a gift. There was no determination of when it would be repaid, regardless of what he said--she insisted her part, he insisted his, cannot really say legally it was a loan because it truly wasn't settled nor terms agreed upon. The details are too murky for it to be a winnable lawsuit because she insisted it was a gift. Also there was/is no real expectation of being repaid since she knew his financial situation was poor. OP, needs to stop thinking about revenge & swinging wildly. A few hours ago, she was moving on and had things she learned from the experience and now is talking about suing him and getting all worked up again. I know it's hard if you feel you've been wronged, OP, but you just need to find a way to drop it. This is why even if you can afford to lend or give money, you better be real sure when you do because the strings that are always tied to whatever circumstances you give/lend under will usually get you worked up. No matter what because money is a form of control. This guy is probably most certainly using the money to show off to girls in his home country. His character trait is that he plays things like he's rich or has money. What better way to do that in a country where money goes a lot further than in Canada & where people have big expectations of you from what "big" things you've done while living in Canada. Guaranteed he's showing off with OP's money, with girls, with his family. OP, you can't control what someone does with the money once you hand it over, that's why you really really need to trust them & have 'checkpoints" of access into your life where trust is built up in a normal & realistic way. You can take a risk & most likely you will get burned. People that need to borrow money with no other place to turn to (their savings, trusted family, their hard work) and never slow down the extraneous spending they do and don't dial down the image conscious stuff they do will likely keep doing what it is that got them in this position in first place (not save/overspend; burn family/friends/gf; take the easy way out or be lazy about work). People are creatures of habit. He's been showing you all along what sort of risk this was. Edited August 25, 2020 by Versacehottie 1
stillafool Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 3 hours ago, xforeverlove99 said: I may send a fake letter to his new address and pretend he is getting sued just to scare him (seeing how this is his first time conning). This is a bad idea as well. Plus he won't care because one can't sue for what the other doesn't have. Just let it go and learn to do better for yourself. 2
introverted1 Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 4 hours ago, xforeverlove99 said: . I may send a fake letter to his new address and pretend he is getting sued just to scare him (seeing how this is his first time conning). 1
Author xforeverlove99 Posted August 25, 2020 Author Posted August 25, 2020 3 hours ago, Versacehottie said: Yeah there is no basis for a lawsuit for this money. OP insisted it was a gift. There was no determination of when it would be repaid, regardless of what he said--she insisted her part, he insisted his, cannot really say legally it was a loan because it truly wasn't settled nor terms agreed upon. He actually messaged me recently telling me he will pay the money back in cash when he returns and to that I said "what money" and he said "your money". The previous messages prior to this was (and full convo is as follows): me: "Okay IDC if u wanna breakup but we both agreed that the money was a loan so pls repay it" Him: And about the money I’ll give them to you in cash when i get back to Canada dw about it Me: What money and when? Him: Your money Also he knows I went on his Instagram cause he was like: "Also FYI I know what you did with the Instagram but I’m gonna let it slide this time" and I was pretending to have no clue what he was saying then he went like: "U and I both know so let’s just not talk about it because if we do you won’t like what you hear" Is that supposed to be a threat or black mail or he thinks my feelings will get all hurt if the "truth comes out"? Any advice on how to handle? Also anybody feel suspicious of what he is saying. I know he does not have the money to pay me back (given his financial position) unless he sells his car which I saw him put up for sale (recently).
Author xforeverlove99 Posted August 25, 2020 Author Posted August 25, 2020 3 hours ago, Versacehottie said: Also there was/is no real expectation of being repaid since she knew his financial situation was poor. He actually pretended to be rich and I thought he would repay it. I learned through my own research the truths including his true financial position. I mean no shame in being poor but not owning up to it and pretending to be something you're completely not is borderline delusional. I believe he maybe a sociopath, my previous ex was one and manipulated a lot of people and girls including some rich England chick who would send him money for tuition and paid $12k for his first class plane ticket. But this guy would act poor and vulnerable to get the girl to pay for everything but he was in reality rich (owns a condo in Downtown Toronto) and he went to check out an Audi R8 and gave his information and it got approved (meaning he is in the financial position to afford it).
basil67 Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 9 minutes ago, xforeverlove99 said: He actually messaged me recently telling me he will pay the money back in cash when he returns and to that I said "what money" and he said "your money". The previous messages prior to this was (and full convo is as follows): me: "Okay IDC if u wanna breakup but we both agreed that the money was a loan so pls repay it" Him: And about the money I’ll give them to you in cash when i get back to Canada dw about it Me: What money and when? Him: Your money Also he knows I went on his Instagram cause he was like: "Also FYI I know what you did with the Instagram but I’m gonna let it slide this time" and I was pretending to have no clue what he was saying then he went like: "U and I both know so let’s just not talk about it because if we do you won’t like what you hear" Is that supposed to be a threat or black mail or he thinks my feelings will get all hurt if the "truth comes out"? Any advice on how to handle? Also anybody feel suspicious of what he is saying. I know he does not have the money to pay me back (given his financial position) unless he sells his car which I saw him put up for sale (recently). For starters, you handle it by not playing games with him pretending to not know what he's talking about. I have no idea why you'd further complicate an already messy situation by pretending to be so obtuse.
Author xforeverlove99 Posted August 25, 2020 Author Posted August 25, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, stillafool said: He's a 20 year old kid who wants to act like he's got money to attract girls for sex. Exactly this! Except he's 21 but still a dumb immature child. I remember once he took a picture of some random person's driveway that had a bunch of luxury cars in it and storied it making it seem like it is his. Obviously trying to show the girls he meets on Tinder that "he has money". Is this just an immature young guy (with nothing better to do or focus on his future) or is this guy a sociopath? Edited August 25, 2020 by xforeverlove99 1
Author xforeverlove99 Posted August 25, 2020 Author Posted August 25, 2020 3 hours ago, Versacehottie said: Guaranteed he's showing off with OP's money, with girls, with his family. That is so pathetic and sad
Wiseman2 Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 Have you told your parents about this? Have you checked your credit score? Next time make sound investments with help of a financial advisor. trying to buy love never works.
Versacehottie Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 3 hours ago, stillafool said: This is a bad idea as well. Plus he won't care because one can't sue for what the other doesn't have. Just let it go and learn to do better for yourself. Oh no! Is this the adder all talking? Girl, you are swinging wildly! You cannot further involve yourself in this. I don't know Canadian laws but if you keep doing this stuff, you are more likely to get sued or in trouble criminally than he is. It's not a good look. You have to put your ego to the side. All the revenge stuff just keeps you hooked into caring about him and what he thinks. The best revenge is to move your life into a good place without him/with someone new who is great. Try to get in the mindset otherwise you are just wasting your precious time.
Versacehottie Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 21 minutes ago, xforeverlove99 said: He actually pretended to be rich and I thought he would repay it. I learned through my own research the truths including his true financial position. I mean no shame in being poor but not owning up to it and pretending to be something you're completely not is borderline delusional. I believe he maybe a sociopath, my previous ex was one and manipulated a lot of people and girls including some rich England chick who would send him money for tuition and paid $12k for his first class plane ticket. But this guy would act poor and vulnerable to get the girl to pay for everything but he was in reality rich (owns a condo in Downtown Toronto) and he went to check out an Audi R8 and gave his information and it got approved (meaning he is in the financial position to afford it). Well you had no real position to get repaid as well since you "forgave" the loan as you were giving it. It doesn't matter that he pretended to be rich (regarding a lawsuit), there were no terms in place to repay. You negated his wanting to repay with your own statements. Yeah, I agree. Someone who is acting super flashy should be suspect right away IMO. Probably means they are living beyond their means and that goes at whatever level we are talking about. Someone who cares about being defined as such is probably fronting a little or a lot. The fact that he needed to borrow money should have been your clue that it wasn't true & was all a facade. Ok, enough about him. What is your plan to get back on your feet regarding not caring about him and dating other guys? This is what you need to work on. Right now you sound angry & bitter. You can't keep bringing up your previous ex either. No one needs to pay for his bad deeds. No one needs to overly assure you or walk on eggshells because you have "trust issues" from that. They are not the same people; the next guy won't be the same. They probably had similar signs & you are more experienced now about. Try to be smart, experienced, street-savvy not bitter. 2
Versacehottie Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 38 minutes ago, xforeverlove99 said: He actually messaged me recently telling me he will pay the money back in cash when he returns and to that I said "what money" and he said "your money". The previous messages prior to this was (and full convo is as follows): me: "Okay IDC if u wanna breakup but we both agreed that the money was a loan so pls repay it" Him: And about the money I’ll give them to you in cash when i get back to Canada dw about it Me: What money and when? Him: Your money Also he knows I went on his Instagram cause he was like: "Also FYI I know what you did with the Instagram but I’m gonna let it slide this time" and I was pretending to have no clue what he was saying then he went like: "U and I both know so let’s just not talk about it because if we do you won’t like what you hear" Is that supposed to be a threat or black mail or he thinks my feelings will get all hurt if the "truth comes out"? Any advice on how to handle? Also anybody feel suspicious of what he is saying. I know he does not have the money to pay me back (given his financial position) unless he sells his car which I saw him put up for sale (recently). Girl, sorry I missed this one. Well you are flip flopping acting a bit batsh*t again. he's asking about the money that you started a conversation about 5 secs earlier and you say "what money?" And btw, more of the truth always comes out--so in part this has to do with him wanting to break up or a breakup between you. You just have to accept that the string you tied between the money & being in his life as a girlfriend are a no go as of now. Accept it & drop it. About IG, he's basically accusing you of being a stalker and hacking into his stuff. Hopefully for BOTH of your sakes he changed his password. Probably both to the second bolded. Anyway he's letting you know it's NOT ok and don't do it again! My advice is don't do it again. Not because he told you so but because you shouldn't do it. Just because you can potentially get away with something doesn't mean you should do it! Suspicious about what? He's sounding pretty direct and you are not. The reality is it is highly unlikely and not realistic to get the money back while he is traveling in a 3rd world country, or traveling period. You might get it back when he comes back--because it sounds like he wants you out of his life & off his back. I think you are half using the money owed as a way to remain in contact with him even though it's a negative way. Stop that. It's really not a good look. All of this stuff is going to make you regret how you've handled things and wonder if you did the right thing by pushing, stalking, etc. And you will wonder if that's why he's gone from your life & give him more credit than he deserves because you handled poorly. If you handle your end better, you will see him for what he is. But right now, that's not what is happening. He might not have the money immediately. But he might give it back. I don't think that's your top concern though, is it? You basically just want to keep the conversation going with him, right? Be honest with yourself. My advice is to work on ACCEPTING the situation you are in, with him. and that it probably 99% means you guys are done. 2
Author xforeverlove99 Posted August 25, 2020 Author Posted August 25, 2020 2 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: Suspicious about what? About him saying he would give me back the money in cash and I said "what money?" in order to get him to say the loan so it's evidence.
Author xforeverlove99 Posted August 25, 2020 Author Posted August 25, 2020 3 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: You might get it back when he comes back--because it sounds like he wants you out of his life & off his back. I think you are half using the money owed as a way to remain in contact with him even though it's a negative way Nope, I already told you I am done with this guy. He lied about his whole life, has zero future potential and is a cheater. Why would you assume I want anything romantic with him? I am not some hurt lil bitch, I've been through several guys like this before so I am used to it and pretty numb. I thought he took the money and dipped out for good and I would never see it again. That was and still is my only concern. There was never even a "relationship" there to begin with and I am pretty much his sugar mama. So there is nothing to end when nothing even started.
basil67 Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 Just now, xforeverlove99 said: About him saying he would give me back the money in cash and I said "what money?" in order to get him to say the loan so it's evidence. It's very common that unauthorised voice recordings are not admissible as evidence. That said, it wasn't a loan because you repeatedly told him to keep the money. 2
Author xforeverlove99 Posted August 25, 2020 Author Posted August 25, 2020 4 hours ago, Versacehottie said: Guaranteed he's showing off with OP's money, with girls, with his family. I also gifted him a Hermes Apple watch and Burberry clothes for his birthday recently. I am certain he is flexing that to the girls back home trying to show them he "made it big".
Author xforeverlove99 Posted August 25, 2020 Author Posted August 25, 2020 13 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: He might not have the money immediately. But he might give it back. I don't think that's your top concern though, is it? That is honestly it.
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