Why is my boyfriend suddenly ignoring me?

[xforeverlove99]

4 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Tesla stock

He does not know anything about stocks. I am the one who day trades and knows the market, he just copies my ideas.

[xforeverlove99]

9 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Also how can you be good with money if you sold a good upward trending stock to get cash so he could buy the same exact stock.

I never gave him the money with intentions of buying a Tesla stock. I gave him seed money to start a business (un-related to stocks). Doing stocks is my thing,not his and I am the one who introduced it to a lot of people and causally mentioned it to him. I don't know where he got the funds for the Tesla stock hence why I was mad, if he can afford a Tesla stock then he can afford to pay back my $6200 (Cad). I was mad because I sold mine meanwhile he got it recently (after copying me) and it already generated $500 in a week. That is totally unfair.

[stillafool]

OP, here is the thread that is similar to yours and maybe reading it will help you:  It's interesting because she also says she's good with money.

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/596411-dumped-over-money/#comments

 

Edited August 24, 2020 by stillafool

[xforeverlove99]

The one thing I don't get is that I even offered to let him keep the money as a gift (since I am rich, I guess) and he is the one who down right refused and insisted he pay me back. I was just kind of salty that he got the Tesla stock and was generating money meanwhile I had to sell mine to give money for his start up business. I guess it was just be being pathetic and spamming out of psycho behavior/anxiety. Because right now, I am in a more chill position and do not have any intentions of messaging him. Even if he did scam I hope the money is going for a good cause like paying rent/food or something or he's investing it and making more money that can help him out (assuming he is poor) rather then doing something really stupid with it like wasting it on things like a designer watch to flex on girls.

Also I can no longer see his last active status on Facebook and I assuming he has hid it from me in specific.

Edited August 24, 2020 by xforeverlove99

[FudgeSwirl]

2 hours ago, xforeverlove99 said:

You are right, I have an issue with patience. I even told him 3 days ago on one message that I will no longer text him but continued to spam. My friend told me not to contact him beyond that point because i would look like an idiot. I just assumed the worst and wanted to get a reply out of him. But looking back if he is not replying then what good would spamming do (it's like talking to a brick wall). He is either not replying because he is embarrassed to admit he can't help and feels guilty given my sob story or officially scammed me and cut off communication. For either result the only thing I can do for myself is to leave it alone and let it be/move on.

I agree with leaving it as it is and see if he responds.  If he doesn't regardless of his reasoning, you're right to move on and focus on yourself.

[xforeverlove99]

40 minutes ago, FudgeSwirl said:

If he doesn't

If that's the case: I mean money aside, he does not even have the decency to break up.

If it is worst case scenario the fact that he has to steal from me and copy my ideas just goes to show that he is below me. This is not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. And honestly if he keeps up with scamming he will eventually end up in prison or if he does this to the wrong person may even end up badly wounded or worse. So karma for people like this is inevitable.

Edited August 24, 2020 by xforeverlove99

[FudgeSwirl]

13 minutes ago, xforeverlove99 said:

If that's the case: I mean money aside, he does not even have the decency to break up.

If it is worst case scenario the fact that he has to steal from me and copy my ideas just goes to show that he is below me. This is not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. And honestly if he keeps up with scamming he will eventually end up in prison or if he does this to the wrong person may even end up badly wounded or worse. So karma for people like this is inevitable.

Like you, I definitely do not agree with improper break-ups regardless of who is right or wrong unless in cases of abuse where the victim has every right to escape to a safe place unbeknownst to his or her abuser.  Other than that ghosting and slow fades with no "we're over" are irritating.  

You're right that if he truly is a scammer that it will catch up with him one day, especially if he keeps doing it to other people, and that that type of person is someone you don't need in your life.  I hope regardless what happens that everything works out well for you!

[Versacehottie]

2 hours ago, xforeverlove99 said:

I never gave him the money with intentions of buying a Tesla stock. I gave him seed money to start a business (un-related to stocks). Doing stocks is my thing,not his and I am the one who introduced it to a lot of people and causally mentioned it to him. I don't know where he got the funds for the Tesla stock hence why I was mad, if he can afford a Tesla stock then he can afford to pay back my $6200 (Cad). I was mad because I sold mine meanwhile he got it recently (after copying me) and it already generated $500 in a week. That is totally unfair.

What this part of the problem indicates to me, is that you aren't truly close enough to be lending him this amount of money (or any really)---well not as your "boyfriend".  You realize just in the telling us and expanding on this part there are two things he "hid" from you.  Just THIS part.  ^^^^^  So you guys aren't as close as you think you are & I think you are being way too hopeful when you are telling him the things you did to lend him this money (all the love stuff).  He's not telling you his day to day and how he is moving money around or building up this new business.  He's either not telling you because you aren't as close as you think you are or he is hiding stuff from you. OR both.

He's making sure his life moves forward with his business hopes, his stock investments, his vacation--everything.  At your expense.  

Bolded, yes! And not only that, he wouldn't have needed to borrow it.  $6200 is nothing in business and as a business owner. If he cannot scrape that together, the business will be over before it starts.  Personally, i think he used the money to fund the purchase of the stocks and his vacation.  Well in any case (it doesn't really matter how he is shuffling things around), his first priority should have been to pay it back to you if that's what he intended to do---the one person he is being loyal to is himself.

I know you latched onto the part of my post (and other people said it as well I'm sure) that this the best way to stay in good (best) graces with him by not continuing to contact him.  Hopefully you will see in the month's time that you really already have the answers you need from this story.

I would also advise that if you want to help a friend or boyfriend with money--it's usually easiest if it is a gift and you give what you can afford to lose.  If it's a loan (which I don't really advise), then the TERMS need to be clear.  Part of the reason you are in this situation---without calling anyone a bad/good person or impatience issues etc--is that the terms were completely unclear.

Part of the hard thing with boyfriends/friends and why money between them causes so many problems is that often the person who consistently needs it has a pattern of being irresponsible with money.  And then because you are part of their social life you see how they chose to spend their money in lieu of repaying it back.  It's a lot easier if you are a bank or a business and you don't have to see that lol & can just charge a fine or something.  I think you have to be honest with yourself that part of the reason you gave the money is because you thought you were one position in his life so it absolutely had ties.  You can tell your intention by what you said upon giving it to him----that lets a person know your intentions behind it--it was a love investment. And the way he is treating the things that have happened afterward kind of show you he doesn't want those strings attached to the money & is not playing by the same rules.  ok good luck

[xforeverlove99]

30 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Personally, i think he used the money to fund the purchase of the stocks and his vacation. 

This guy does not even know the basics of the stock market, he saw what I was doing and copied me. He came to steal the money only then decided to steal the way of generating money but he does not even know the fundamental basics of the stock market (I can tell by what he has said and how dumb he sounds). Also it was not a vacation, he went back home to his mommy. He can't afford a vacation.

Edited August 24, 2020 by xforeverlove99

[xforeverlove99]

28 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

$6200 is nothing in business and as a business owner. If he cannot scrape that together, the business will be over before it starts.

He does not have the intelligence to ever generate more money. $6200 would be his life savings and maybe a little extra after copying me with the stock market and my stocks/research. Let him keep it, he will never go further then this in life and this will be the most money he will ever see.

[basil67]

Yeah....if I knew my partner was telling people I don't have the intelligence to do X, I'd probably ghost on them too.  

[xforeverlove99]

The real reason why I gave him the money and even kept insisting he keep it was to ease my own guilt for how badly I treated him the first time we dated including cheating on him. But seeing his true colors, I don't regret it and my guilt is fully gone.

[xforeverlove99]

16 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Yeah....if I knew my partner was telling people I don't have the intelligence to do X, I'd probably ghost on them too.  

By the way this is the same guy you commented on in another forum post I made about a few months ago

 

[Wiseman2]

Went back to his home country? You seem quite bitter about the whole thing.

[stillafool]

9 hours ago, xforeverlove99 said:

The real reason why I gave him the money and even kept insisting he keep it was to ease my own guilt for how badly I treated him the first time we dated including cheating on him. But seeing his true colors, I don't regret it and my guilt is fully gone.

Well he certainly made out pretty good.  I bet a lot of people wish they were paid $6200 from their cheating ex.  

[Versacehottie]

10 hours ago, xforeverlove99 said:

This guy does not even know the basics of the stock market, he saw what I was doing and copied me. He came to steal the money only then decided to steal the way of generating money but he does not even know the fundamental basics of the stock market (I can tell by what he has said and how dumb he sounds). Also it was not a vacation, he went back home to his mommy. He can't afford a vacation.

oh i only called it a vacation because you had previously.  Whatever, wherever he went--back home to mommy or whatever.

And same with the stock purchase.  Maybe he talked to you about stocks & knows you are into it so it's what you bond over on the surface so that's a good "entryway" for him to get money from you.  Once he has it in his hands, he could do 100 things with it not necessarily what he told you he was going to.  I'm only saying he used it to buy stocks cause that's what you said.  The reality is he probably used it to fund his one month off back at home with his mother or just his basic life stuff.  He pretty much sounds like a loser & this is what they would do.

He's obviously kind of flashy (and likes to flex).  He wouldn't be copying his gf and trying to keep up appearances by going anywhere if he didn't have $6000 to do what he needs to do.  He'd be out earning it, making it happen.  

lol, so you definitely don't need to be upset that he will continue to make money in stocks, especially day trading!  Like you said, he doesn't know what he is doing & he really doesn't have much to invest.  

[Versacehottie]

13 hours ago, xforeverlove99 said:

The one thing I don't get is that I even offered to let him keep the money as a gift (since I am rich, I guess) and he is the one who down right refused and insisted he pay me back. I was just kind of salty that he got the Tesla stock and was generating money meanwhile I had to sell mine to give money for his start up business. I guess it was just be being pathetic and spamming out of psycho behavior/anxiety. Because right now, I am in a more chill position and do not have any intentions of messaging him. Even if he did scam I hope the money is going for a good cause like paying rent/food or something or he's investing it and making more money that can help him out (assuming he is poor) rather then doing something really stupid with it like wasting it on things like a designer watch to flex on girls.

Also I can no longer see his last active status on Facebook and I assuming he has hid it from me in specific.

Well people just say what they say sometimes--what they do is a different thing.  I mean, look at even what you did in this.  You said it was a gift and changed your mind when NEW CIRCUMSTANCES came into the picture.  He said he intended to pay you back but NEW CIRCUMSTANCES came into the picture: in the same conversation where he was asking for the money, you said it could be a gift (strike one for it being paid back; it's just words at that point to make him feel less of a loser for taking it); you changed your mind and made an immediate demand for it back (strike two, unreasonable timeframe since the money is now tied up, in use or spent; he'd need more time to make this happen immediately if he intends to repay it at all); you went nuts on him (strike three, because now he can mentally justify ignoring you; it becomes more important than the money & his statement to repay to just avoid or get away from you; he now is falling back on your statement that it was a gift because it serves him to think of it this way at the moment, ie you are acting crazy & irrational & therefore he can do what he wants).  He now realizes that you had a string attached to the money all along--people hate that. (even in your statement above you still are trying to control how he has used it and that's not usually how it goes). 

Bolded isn't that the part that really bothers you though?  You gave him the money to build something TOGETHER with him and the reality is he is out there using it to look more together for other girls (or other people); meanwhile blowing you off.  He didn't use the money as YOU expected which would have brought you closer together.  Got the money, ignored the string attached.

[Trail Blazer]

This has got to be the most bizarre thread I have ever read.

OP; please get help.  For the sake of yourself and others.  I am not trying to be insulting.  You are a mess and clearly not in a healthy place mentally.

[xforeverlove99]

2 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

The reality is he probably used it to fund his one month off back at home with his mother or just his basic life stuff.  He pretty much sounds like a loser & this is what they would do.

He's obviously kind of flashy (and likes to flex).  He wouldn't be copying his gf and trying to keep up appearances by going anywhere if he didn't have $6000 to do what he needs to do.  He'd be out earning it, making it happen.  

lol, so you definitely don't need to be upset that he will continue to make money in stocks, especially day trading!  Like you said, he doesn't know what he is doing & he really doesn't have much to invest.  

This is all absolutely true he loves to pretend he's rich and flex to people. I know that he can't make much of a ROI off of $6k not even the experts can. Yeah $6k sounds like a lot but in the big picture it really isn't. This is equal to someone robbing a Cartier bracelet or Chanel bag. Also if he is a scammer he is going to one day end up in prison or mess with the wrong person. Since I am going to let it slide (this was money I was okay losing hence why I even offered to let him keep it) he is going to think he can get away with it easily and keep trying it again.

[xforeverlove99]

2 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

You gave him the money to build something TOGETHER with him and the reality is he is out there using it to look more together for other girls (or other people); meanwhile blowing you off.  He didn't use the money as YOU expected which would have brought you closer together.  Got the money, ignored the string attached.

No I gave him the money to start up his business which I had no intentions of joining or being a part of.

If he is dumb enough to go broke doing this then let him. If he is even somewhat smart he would continue to invest it or set up a savings account and use it for emergencies considering his true financial position. 

And yes if it turns out he faked a whole relationship with the intentions to scam me then of course I am going to be confused and angry. Like how could someone do that? They obviously have to be low life scum or a sociopath. This just makes me even more paranoid in the future. There are people who go as far as marriage where the partner takes out a huge life insurance policy and ends the person. This is equal to getting trapped by Ted Bundy or someone just as messed up in the head.

Edited August 24, 2020 by xforeverlove99

[Versacehottie]

On 8/22/2020 at 9:18 PM, xforeverlove99 said:

I offered it to him as a gift and he insisted that he will pay me back when he gets the chance. The text message convo (happened a month ago) was as follows:

Him: I'll accept your gift but I'll gift it back when i can okay?
Me: My only intention is to help you
I don't expect anything back in return
But please accept my gift
I love u so much and care about u more then words can even explain. This is just a small gift seeing how important this is to you.
This is basically equal to me gifting u a Chanel bag... not even So please accept my small gift
Him: Okay i will but as i said i can gift it back when i can right?
Me: I don't expect or want anything in return
Im genuinely doing this out of love and don't want anything back in return

Him: Yeah I understand and appreciate it but u know me I can't

The one time he did reply to me this week (Friday) when I created a snapchat and used my name, the convo went as follows:

 

This ^^^^  is what I mean by you thought you were "building" something.  I meant a relationship, NOT being part of a business--i know that you don't mean to be a part of his business.  That said, I think you know very little of his day to day life for a (real) girlfriend.  When you are involved in someone's day to day, your boyfriend usually tells you, I paid this or scrambling for that--you know more details.

You can tell because of how you worded your end of things what your intentions are.  You said that you were doing it out of love that was the focus of your side of the conversation.  His was focused on the logistics of the money.  IMO, you probably had some idea of the red flags about him & trust between you.  It's probably some part of the reason you went nuts on him.  You hoped he wouldn't do certain things but he's proving you that yes he would.  You can tell because you have plausible theories of what is going on now--which means the seed of doubt was already there, you just ignored it (for love & what you hoped that would be). 

So I don't get it: are you or are you not in school? It may be another part of why he is blowing you off.  You are either "rich" to use your term where money is not an issue or making up the need to get it back in order to talk to him.  It's kind of transparent if that is what you did--which would fake/annoying to him.

Edited August 24, 2020 by Versacehottie

[Versacehottie]

2 hours ago, xforeverlove99 said:

No I gave him the money to start up his business which I had no intentions of joining or being a part of.

If he is dumb enough to go broke doing this then let him. If he is even somewhat smart he would continue to invest it or set up a savings account and use it for emergencies considering his true financial position. 

And yes if it turns out he faked a whole relationship with the intentions to scam me then of course I am going to be confused and angry. Like how could someone do that? They obviously have to be low life scum or a sociopath. This just makes me even more paranoid in the future. There are people who go as far as marriage where the partner takes out a huge life insurance policy and ends the person. This is equal to getting trapped by Ted Bundy or someone just as messed up in the head.

ehhhh, sometimes people are wayyyyyy too hopeful when it comes to starting up a business. So he could have somewhat decent intentions about that part and then chooses fun, normal life instead of working hard.  

To me, you have to vet the people you let into your life, lend money to etc.  He could have his head unrealistically in the clouds about whatever business he hoped to start up and apply that money to.   However, if you're a smart girl, which you've indicated you are, you would know he's full of sh*t.  If he was my boyfriend, I would have been skeptical that:

a) he had time planned away from directly working right after the loan/money gift.  If it's not directly related in time he's probably not going to use it directly for the business. Also he's skipping out of town, right when he should be working his a** off.  Bad investment on your part. That alone says you probably wouldn't have gotten your money back or that he was not SERIOUS about his business.

b) $6000 is almost nothing with regard to almost any business. If he doesn't have it and can't raise it from shifting his own finances around, you are probably just throwing your money away. A smart person, like yourself, should have seen that as well.

c) you speak of his habits regarding being flashy and showing off to other girls, including using the perception of money to do that. That would be someone I would have a hard time lending or giving money to unless you were on really solid ground.

*if you can afford to lose it, say good bye (lol not literally to him but to the money) and be done with it.  Sometimes your dignity is worth more. 

Edited August 24, 2020 by Versacehottie

[xforeverlove99]

4 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

a) he had time planned away from directly working right after the loan/money gift.  If it's not directly related in time he's probably not going to use it directly for the business. Also he's skipping out of town, right when he should be working his a** off.  Bad investment on your part. That alone says you probably wouldn't have gotten your money back or that he was not SERIOUS about his business.

b) $6000 is almost nothing with regard to almost any business. If he doesn't have it and can't raise it from shifting his own finances around, you are probably just throwing your money away. A smart person, like yourself, should have seen that as well.

c) you speak of his habits regarding being flashy and showing off to other girls, including using the perception of money to do that. That would be someone I would have a hard time lending or giving money to unless you were on really solid ground.

*if you can afford to lose it, say good bye (lol not literally to him but to the money) and be done with it.  Sometimes your dignity is worth more. 

OMG You were absolutely right! I logged into his email and found out everything that has happened. He did scam me then he later opened a trading account and started to do trades on it (copying my every move and he did this as soon as the money came in which was a month ago). I even got into his Instagram and found out he was a cheating, lying man wh*re who was talking to multiple women. All my doubts came out true! I guess Adderall does make you more intelligent.

[NuevoYorko]

The wisest course of action is to write off the man and the money.  It's a loss and a learning experience.  Time to move on.

[xforeverlove99]

On 8/24/2020 at 12:22 AM, Versacehottie said:

Personally, i think he used the money to fund the purchase of the stocks and his vacation.  Well in any case (it doesn't really matter how he is shuffling things around), his first priority should have been to pay it back to you if that's what he intended to do---the one person he is being loyal to is himself.

You are a genius! Just based on the very basics of what I described you were able to fully figure this out and you called it out. After logging into his email and seeing his transactions as soon as he got money from me, he used it to purchase the stock (I had/sold for him/gave all my valuable information obtained through analytical research pertaining to the stock) and a plane ticket. You were also right saying that he wanted to flex to other girls. Logging into his Instagram I saw him talking and flirting with multiple women, some may even be his other victims. Image is very important and he wants to appear big so this whole time he lied about being rich and having a lot of money back home. But looking into his personal finances I can tell that he is very poor, has credit issues and no financial support from his mother back home. I low key pity the guy, he does not have the intelligence or potential to make it far and is already headed down a very bad path at such a young age.

I am not upset or hurt by this. In the wise words of my friend: you are actually a very smart person but really dumb when it comes to boys. For me: I am 25 years old in 6 months, I have never experienced true love or a legitimate relationship. Every single man in my life has treated me poorly, used me, cheated... I was just desperate to once feel love. I now realize that the issue is that I don't value myself and guys can see this and thus prey on me. I show my weakness because I do not love myself and have low self esteem so I attract what I believe. I also don't think my paranoid thoughts were just anxiety but my intuition acting up and being able to pick up on the minor red flags but my heart chose to ignore them. I do not believe I was in love with this person but rather the idea of him/the idea of a genuine relationship. I do not intend to date anyone nor use dating apps. I want to work on myself and build up a better future and self confidence. I know that despite my horrible experience I still have the chance to fix myself and attract the good person I deserve.

I would like to thank everybody, especially Versace for all their input and word of advice. And for any others going through this or if there is anything you need to learn from my mistakes. Please value yourself enough to walk away when something is off because that will just lead to you wasting time, energy and money. You deserve better then bare minimum.