elaine567 Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 Generalisation maybe, but pilots are not the most faithful of guys, I would definitely assume 40 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said: "If something better comes along..."
poppyfields Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, d0nnivain said: I know exactly how common it is. That doesn't make it right or effective. Stop relying on it & your relationships will improve. d0nnivain, do you truly believe this? That a relationship's success (or failure) is dependent upon whether the couple chooses to communicate via text, phone or in person? I prefer in person, however in between dates even during the early stages, I (and my bf) prefer to communicate via text or email. In between in-person dates, many people prefer expressing themselves via the written word (versus the phone) and there is nothing wrong with that. Many people articulate themselves better via the written word, I'm one of them and there are many others who feel the same. It also avoids one or both interrupting each other, speaking over each other, getting interrupted by another call coming in, or lord only knows what else, I cannot stand talking on the phone and suck at it. My bf travels a lot for business, and he and I have resolved many issues via the written word (text/email) so have other couples I know. Heck back in the "day" couplea used to write long letters expressing themselves. I dunno, just my little rant I guess in favor of texting, there is no right or wrong. To the OP, I hate games. Do you like him? Do you want to see him tonight? Then seriously, who cares if he didn't ask you out three days in advance or it's Sunday. Some of the best dates I've had,, early dates, were spontaneous last minute. I hardly think the guy thought I was "easy" or ready to revolve my life around his, lol. What he thought was that I am interested, and since he was interested, enough to ask me out, it was a win-win and we had a great time!! Edited August 23, 2020 by poppyfields 1
poppyfields Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 (edited) And how "last minute" actually was it? He asked in the morning for the evening, I don't consider that last minute. Same day yes, but you weren't busy, so why not? I dunno, again I hate games and most men can see right through. And you wonder why he's acting so weird. Edited August 23, 2020 by poppyfields
Velvet teddy Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 (edited) 33 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Generalisation maybe, but pilots are not the most faithful of guys, I would definitely assume If the bachelors anything to go by (peter). Edited August 23, 2020 by Velvet teddy
Velvet teddy Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 19 minutes ago, poppyfields said: d0nnivain, do you truly believe this? That a relationship's success (or failure) is dependent upon whether the couple chooses to communicate via text, phone or in person? I prefer in person, however in between dates even during the early stages, I (and my bf) prefer to communicate via text or email. In between in-person dates, many people prefer expressing themselves via the written word (versus the phone) and there is nothing wrong with that. Many people articulate themselves better via the written word, I'm one of them and there are many others who feel the same. It also avoids one or both interrupting each other, speaking over each other, getting interrupted by another call coming in, or lord only knows what else, I cannot stand talking on the phone and suck at it. My bf travels a lot for business, and he and I have resolved many issues via the written word (text/email) so have other couples I know. Heck back in the "day" couplea used to write long letters expressing themselves. I dunno, just my little rant I guess in favor of texting, there is no right or wrong. To the OP, I hate games. Do you like him? Do you want to see him tonight? Then seriously, who cares if he didn't ask you out three days in advance or it's Sunday. Some of the best dates I've had,, early dates, were spontaneous last minute. I hardly think the guy thought I was "easy" or ready to revolve my life around his, lol. What he thought was that I am interested, and since he was interested, enough to ask me out, it was a win-win and we had a great time!! I don't think accepting last minute dates is the way to go. Because last minute is minimal effort and usually if the person has nothing else to do. It shows a lack of respect and self respect.
poppyfields Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Velvet teddy said: I don't think accepting last minute dates is the way to go. Because last minute is minimal effort and usually if the person has nothing else to do. It shows a lack of respect and self respect. Not my experience. And he asked morning for evening, how is that last minute? If truth be told, I'm one of those spontaneous people who do not like planning in advance. And it's not because of low interest, nothing else to do or lack of respect. In the early stages, it avoids overthinking, plus I never know how I'm gonna feel that day. Which in my opinion is why there is so much flaking happening in today's dating environment. One reason anyway. I think it's presumptuous to say that just because a guy doesn't ask a day or two in advance, it automatically means he's low interest, does not respect you. Perhaps in some cases, but certainly not all. It's not always so black and white like that. JMO Edited August 23, 2020 by poppyfields
Velvet teddy Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 (edited) 16 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Not my experience. And he asked morning for evening, how is that last minute? If truth be told, I'm one of those spontaneous people who do not like planning in advance. And it's not because of low interest, nothing else to do or lack of respect. In the early stages, it avoids overthinking, plus I never know how I'm gonna feel that day. Which in my opinion is why there is so much flaking happening in today's dating environment. One reason anyway. I think it's presumptuous to say that just because a guy doesn't ask a day or two in advance, it automatically means he's low interest, does not respect you. Perhaps in some cases, but certainly not all. It's not always so black and white like that. JMO Maybe it isnt black and white. Its just especially for the initial stages when dating, the guy in my opinion should put in more effort. And i also think with the way this guy has been towards the op all along, this half hearted attempt at a date is not really that great is it. It shows his attitude towards her already. You may disagree Edited August 23, 2020 by Velvet teddy
poppyfields Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Velvet teddy said: Maybe it isnt black and white. Its just especially for the initial stages when dating, the guy in my opinion should put in more effort. And i also think with the way this guy has been towards the op all along, this half hearted attempt at a date is not really that great is it. It shows his attitude towards her already. You may disagree I think in this instance, with this guy, that may be true, maybe not. Op, you like him, why not go out with him and find out? It's not like you have to marry the guy, it's a date. A way to discover more about each other. He may turn out to be the exact opposite of what you and most people are assuming. Things are not always what they appear to be, there is a lot underneath the surface of many people. Or he could turn out to be a lug, but you will never know until you spend more time with him. I hate "rules." I hate games. These preconceived notions people have about each other have caused more problems than accepting an invite 8 hours in advance ever did. Edited August 23, 2020 by poppyfields
Velvet teddy Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I think in this instance, with this guy, that may be true, maybe not. Op, you like him, why not go out with him and find out? It's not like you have to marry the guy, it's a date. A way to discover more about each other. He may turn out to be the exact opposite of what you and most people are assuming. Things are not always what they appear to be, there is a lot underneath the surface of many people. Or he could turn out to be a lug, but you will never know until you spend more time with him. I hate "rules." I hate games. These preconceived notions people have about each other have caused more problems than accepting an invite 8 hours in advance ever did. He's already being flaky. He already said he may end up doing something else and he doesnt like planning. He doesnt give the best vibes. I will be curious to know how this ends up. Edited August 23, 2020 by Velvet teddy
poppyfields Posted August 23, 2020 Posted August 23, 2020 1 minute ago, Velvet teddy said: He's already being flaky. He already said he may end up doing something else and he doesnt like planning. He doesnt give the best vibes. I will be curious to know how this ends up. I agree, and if me I'd be turned off by that, combined with his sexual question, no thank you. But OP likes him, his sexual question didn't even bother her, she thinks he's cute, she likes him! So that's why I suggested stop playing the "hard to get" game and play it out. It's all a risk anyway, guy could be the most charming polite respectful guy ever and turn out to be a lug. 1
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted August 23, 2020 Author Posted August 23, 2020 Update #3 So......was texting with him, and had an exchange that I found really, really interesting. He brought up my ex, and I was telling him that I had no feelings either positive or negative for my ex, that I have found my closure and what not. So he says: "I'm still saying you might not have been sending the right signals." My response was "Huh?" "I just question if you were letting him know you wanted him." Now, when we have discussed my ex, none of this ever came up, so I have no idea where he came up with this notion. Btw....my ex knew very well that I wanted him. But that's beside the point. So, I then asked him why he would think that. "It's just the impression I get." I have to wonder if those comments he made were really about my ex or if he was thinking about something else.
poppyfields Posted August 24, 2020 Posted August 24, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said: Update #3 So......was texting with him, and had an exchange that I found really, really interesting. He brought up my ex, and I was telling him that I had no feelings either positive or negative for my ex, that I have found my closure and what not. So he says: "I'm still saying you might not have been sending the right signals." My response was "Huh?" "I just question if you were letting him know you wanted him." Now, when we have discussed my ex, none of this ever came up, so I have no idea where he came up with this notion. Btw....my ex knew very well that I wanted him. But that's beside the point. So, I then asked him why he would think that. "It's just the impression I get." I have to wonder if those comments he made were really about my ex or if he was thinking about something else. He might be thinking your vibe dosen't reflect that you like him! Instead of admitting that, he uses your relationship with your ex as a way to send that message. Here we are thinking HE's got the disinterested vibe and he's thinking the same about you! Your turning down his date invite tonight certainly didn't help. Just another reason to stop with the games/rules, go out with him again and play it out. Edited August 24, 2020 by poppyfields
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted August 24, 2020 Author Posted August 24, 2020 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: He might be thinking your vibe dosen't reflect that you like him! Instead of admitting that, he uses your relationship with your ex as a way to send that message. Here we are thinking HE's got the disinterested vibe and he's thinking the same about you! Your turning down his date invite tonight certainly didn't help. Just another reason to stop with the games/rules, go out with him again and play it out. Yeah. that's what I am wondering. Especially since the things he was saying about me not sending signals or acting like I wanted him or things like that.....aren't things that he and I have ever discussed, in relation to my ex or otherwise.
d0nnivain Posted August 24, 2020 Posted August 24, 2020 (edited) 14 hours ago, poppyfields said: d0nnivain, do you truly believe this? That a relationship's success (or failure) is dependent upon whether the couple chooses to communicate via text, phone or in person? Yes I do believe it. Texting can be convenient but it's designed for SHORT messages. Long love letters are wonderful keepsakes. Emails are superior to text for long involved communiques. Texting has a place but too often it's the only method being employed & that is wrong. 90% of all communication is non-verbal so relying on the written word means you lose the majority of the context. You need to hear the inflection of someone's voice & see their facial expressions. Without them you are missing sooooooo much. Granted I'm older & texting didn't really exist when I was dating. I have come to use it now but if I have to communicate more then 2 sentences I pick another format. More then 2 back & forth I will call because I find typing on my phone tedious & would rather hear someone's voice. Before Covid when my husband traveled for business, he did give me status updates while he was traveling -- made it to airport; arrived at hotel etc. We'd do the good morning & good night thing but there was always time set aside for a phone call every day; as we got savvier & technology improved that became a video chat. If the only way someone can or will communicate with me is through text, the message I receive is that they don't care about me at all. I also believe people need to improve their overall communications skills. As for theBlingRing14's update # 3 your whole text exchanges are missing all of the context I spoke about above. That is why you two seem to be on different pages. Stop the texting & start talking or better yet video chatting. Things should clear up once you get to see & hear each other. I find it odd & inappropriate that you are having multiple conversations about your EX. He's prying & you are oversharing. This leads to no good. This guy is comparing himself to your EX. His self esteem problems are showing because he's convinced himself he doesn't measure up. Read between the lines & you will see that he's hesitant with you because he fears you are still hung up on the EX & he would only be a rebound. Your answer / explanation was wonderful but he's not hearing you. His fears are clogging up his ears. Edited August 24, 2020 by d0nnivain
elaine567 Posted August 24, 2020 Posted August 24, 2020 12 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: So he says: "I'm still saying you might not have been sending the right signals." My response was "Huh?" "I just question if you were letting him know you wanted him." I guess he is projecting and talking about his relationship with his ex... or an ex.
Gaeta Posted August 24, 2020 Posted August 24, 2020 I will say again. The moment this guy asked you what was your favorite position he put his cards on the table, he's only interested in getting sex. He's playing games with you, there is a lot of space between his text because he's playing other women at the same time. He's telling you he prefers spontaneous dates because he doesn't want to commit to an evening with you in case another more interesting prospect would say yes to an invite he made to her (them). I've Been there, done that, saw it all already. You're expecting the reasons he's doing this is really complicated, it's not! WE women are complicated, men are not. A man that's interested act interested. A man looking for casual hook ups ask questions about favorite position before sex. 2
Gaeta Posted August 24, 2020 Posted August 24, 2020 17 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: So he says: "I'm still saying you might not have been sending the right signals." My response was "Huh?" "I just question if you were letting him know you wanted him." That's all about sex. He asked you about your favorite position, you brushed it off, he's manipulating you into talking about how you signal your ex you wanted him. I am rolling my eyes here, so much they're gonna fall off my head. He's a sneaky little player. 3
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted August 24, 2020 Author Posted August 24, 2020 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: That's all about sex. He asked you about your favorite position, you brushed it off, he's manipulating you into talking about how you signal your ex you wanted him. I am rolling my eyes here, so much they're gonna fall off my head. He's a sneaky little player. Yeah, I just have no idea anymore. If it is just about sex, and it very well be, he's not really putting forth any sort of effort to make the bare minimum happen....not even trying to make sex happen. Maybe we met and he just wasn't attracted to me, and isn't interested in anything at all.
poppyfields Posted August 24, 2020 Posted August 24, 2020 5 hours ago, Gaeta said: That's all about sex. He asked you about your favorite position, you brushed it off, he's manipulating you into talking about how you signal your ex you wanted him. I am rolling my eyes here, so much they're gonna fall off my head. He's a sneaky little player. The more I think about this, Gaeta has a point. Is this guy good looking? Successful? If so, he may be in disbelief that you're not all over him, sexually and otherwise, chasing down his elusive self. That's what he meant by you not sending the right "signals" he's referring to sexual signals. Forget my earlier posts and just get rid. 1
Gaeta Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 14 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: Yeah, I just have no idea anymore. If it is just about sex, and it very well be, he's not really putting forth any sort of effort to make the bare minimum happen....not even trying to make sex happen. Maybe we met and he just wasn't attracted to me, and isn't interested in anything at all. I am saying this out of experience. When a man makes a sex comment very early on before you even kissed it's because he's not bothered about making a good impression on you, he's fishing for sex.
Velvet teddy Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 22 hours ago, Gaeta said: That's all about sex. He asked you about your favorite position, you brushed it off, he's manipulating you into talking about how you signal your ex you wanted him. I am rolling my eyes here, so much they're gonna fall off my head. He's a sneaky little player. Not even sneaky. Pretty obvious if you ask me. The OP seems to ignore the most obvious signs, because for whatever reason she likes him.
Velvet teddy Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 17 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: Yeah, I just have no idea anymore. If it is just about sex, and it very well be, he's not really putting forth any sort of effort to make the bare minimum happen....not even trying to make sex happen. Maybe we met and he just wasn't attracted to me, and isn't interested in anything at all. You need to open your eyes and see this for what it is. What he meant by his comments was you're not all over him, and that is what he wants. While he does the bare minimum. Or nothing at all. It doesnt any less mean he wants sex and only sex.
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted August 25, 2020 Author Posted August 25, 2020 Update #4 Welcome to the yo-yo show. Geez. So we talked last night (on the phone, for those of you who would appreciate that). Eventually it got to the point of who wants what, what the interest was, etc. So, it started with the mask. He said the mask sent a "clear message." Well it certainly wasn't clear to me so I asked, and he said that I didn't trust him and didn't want to be near him. Ohhhhhkay. So, I did eventually take the mask off, for one. I just replied that if I didn't trust him, I wouldn't have gone on a date with him. Then, he mentioned that he had said I looked cute. So, I should have known he was into me. But, I didn't reply warmly enough. There may be some truth to that, but it certainly wasn't intentional. In fact, I smiled at him after he said it, but...he was looking away so he didn't see it, I guess. The next explanation was that he knew I was the type to take things slow and not hurry things. And, he wanted to respect my boundaries. I guess I can't complain there. So, my next question, and I tried to put it delicately....but I was like....it was just very confusing when the way you acted in person and the way you acted over text are so different. His response was....that he was all talk over the phone. That in reality, he typically takes things slow too. The specific comment itself, he said was a dumb way to see if I was attracted to him or not. He got the impression that I wasn't. And considering how open we had been prior to meeting...me shutting that down almost confirmed that I was not interested. Maybe he's telling the truth, maybe he's not.....who knows. Anyway.....he's been MUCH chattier today. Much more jovial. So, I don't know if sorting everything out really helped to turn the corner or not. That's where we're at right now.
kendahke Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 (edited) On 8/21/2020 at 5:40 PM, TheBlingRing14 said: He asked my favorite sexual position. The specific comment itself, he said was a dumb way to see if I was attracted to him or not. He got the impression that I wasn't. yeah, that pretty much is dumb, so why even do it? I mean, is that the first step forward he really thought would do the trick? Edited August 25, 2020 by kendahke
Gaeta Posted August 25, 2020 Posted August 25, 2020 He's an even bigger player than I thought and you're one naïve lady if you buy all this. His comment about the mask sounds like those things men say to convince you to not use condoms! *calling on trust* he's a stranger! You don't know him, you don't know what he does when he's not with you, you should NOT trust him. You look cute? that's all he can come up with? Because he says you look cute you should be drooling over him? About starting by telling you you're interesting, smart, funny. And the one that made me roll my eyes in the back of my head....he asked you your favorite sexual position to gage your 'interest in him'. Why are you interested in this man AT ALL? Is this the best you expect from a man? this is not even a man, it's a boy at best. Have you ever been with a man that knows how to act around a woman and how to treat her with respect? 1
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