First Date Confusion

August 22, 2020

11 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

Well, the good news is he did respond. The bad news is...he stopped responding a bit ago. Maybe he jumped in the shower, who knows.

I've been sort of easing into the conversation before I tell him I had a nice time.....I'm flipping nervous.

Ugh, I hate that! When you're texting, and they just leave you hanging... I find it rude, but whatever.

I'm wondering, I know you said he's cute and all that, but are you liking that he's a bit of a mystery? A challenge?

Those things can be quite appealing at certain times in our lives.

I will be honest, I see many red flags here, and not much to be positive about quite frankly.

But you do you, and hope it works, keep us posted, I've got my fingers crossed for ya!

Edited August 22, 2020 by poppyfields

August 22, 2020

27 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

Well, the good news is he did respond. The bad news is...he stopped responding a bit ago. Maybe he jumped in the shower, who knows.

I've been sort of easing into the conversation before I tell him I had a nice time.....I'm flipping nervous.

Stop texting. he stopped responding because you are text-tethering and it's way too much. Just Stop.

August 22, 2020

Had some cheesecake. Didn't make me feel better.

August 22, 2020

1 minute ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

Had some cheesecake. Didn't make me feel better.

Don't continue to date or text men who make you feed bad, or text questionable content and most of all... don't line up dates.

August 23, 2020

Update #2:

He did reach out last night, asked me how my day was. I didn't want to be petty or rude or game-playing, so I responded. We once again had nice conversation, very nice rapport, easy banter. We seem to play off each other nicely. He was definitely invested in the conversation.

Then.

I told him that I had a nice time the other night, including thanking him for the fun we had together. Welp, then he disappeared. For a little while. He did come back and say that he had fun too, and thanked me for coming down to see him. But, no mention of "We should do it again sometime."

And, because I just don't know how to quit, I then told him he'd have to come up to see me, so I could show him around. Once again...delayed response. This time, his response was "Ok"

So at that point I was just annoyed. So I'm like..."Or not, suit yourself. I'm going to bed." And I did, I went to bed, didn't even wait around for a response.

When I woke up, I saw that he said "Night" but had also gone back and "Liked" the comment where I told him he needed to come up to see me. So, I'm guessing he got the drift about my annoyance.

So....I feel like it is what it is. I'm not going to reach out today/tomorrow. If he reaches out, I might respond, depending on what he says. Or maybe I won't. If he's not going to put forth any sort of effort....if he's not going to make any sort of attempt to see me again, welp, guess I have my answer.

August 23, 2020

When all you strive for is a text buddy, that's all you'll get.

What's up with we had banter, rapport, blah, blah.

He is not asking you out. You are wasting your time.

August 23, 2020

4 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

Update #2:

He did reach out last night, asked me how my day was. I didn't want to be petty or rude or game-playing, so I responded. We once again had nice conversation, very nice rapport, easy banter. We seem to play off each other nicely. He was definitely invested in the conversation.

Then.

I told him that I had a nice time the other night, including thanking him for the fun we had together. Welp, then he disappeared. For a little while. He did come back and say that he had fun too, and thanked me for coming down to see him. But, no mention of "We should do it again sometime."

And, because I just don't know how to quit, I then told him he'd have to come up to see me, so I could show him around. Once again...delayed response. This time, his response was "Ok"

So at that point I was just annoyed. So I'm like..."Or not, suit yourself. I'm going to bed." And I did, I went to bed, didn't even wait around for a response.

When I woke up, I saw that he said "Night" but had also gone back and "Liked" the comment where I told him he needed to come up to see me. So, I'm guessing he got the drift about my annoyance.

So....I feel like it is what it is. I'm not going to reach out today/tomorrow. If he reaches out, I might respond, depending on what he says. Or maybe I won't. If he's not going to put forth any sort of effort....if he's not going to make any sort of attempt to see me again, welp, guess I have my answer.

You should have had your answer a long time before now. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see hes less than enthusiastic about anything more than maybe a fling or something. Given his comments sexual positions and what not.

Im confused as to why you want to run after and cling onto a low investment man.

And stop welping and see this for what it is.

Also banter/rapport..through text messaging. Really? You could probably find that with dozens of other men. But it won't translate into real life.

Edited August 23, 2020 by Velvet teddy

August 23, 2020

5 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

Update #2:

He did reach out last night, asked me how my day was. I didn't want to be petty or rude or game-playing, so I responded. We once again had nice conversation, very nice rapport, easy banter. We seem to play off each other nicely. He was definitely invested in the conversation.

Then.

I told him that I had a nice time the other night, including thanking him for the fun we had together. Welp, then he disappeared. For a little while. He did come back and say that he had fun too, and thanked me for coming down to see him. But, no mention of "We should do it again sometime."

And, because I just don't know how to quit, I then told him he'd have to come up to see me, so I could show him around. Once again...delayed response. This time, his response was "Ok"

So at that point I was just annoyed. So I'm like..."Or not, suit yourself. I'm going to bed." And I did, I went to bed, didn't even wait around for a response.

When I woke up, I saw that he said "Night" but had also gone back and "Liked" the comment where I told him he needed to come up to see me. So, I'm guessing he got the drift about my annoyance.

So....I feel like it is what it is. I'm not going to reach out today/tomorrow. If he reaches out, I might respond, depending on what he says. Or maybe I won't. If he's not going to put forth any sort of effort....if he's not going to make any sort of attempt to see me again, welp, guess I have my answer.

Personally, I never date men unless they put the effort into coming to see me and making the plans. Make him earn your rime. Then he’ll know what you expect and will accept. Usually guys with low interest fall away pretty quickly.

August 23, 2020

On 8/22/2020 at 9:54 AM, TheBlingRing14 said:

Well, the good news is he did respond. The bad news is...he stopped responding a bit ago. Maybe he jumped in the shower, who knows.

I've been sort of easing into the conversation before I tell him I had a nice time.....I'm flipping nervous.

6 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

He did reach out last night, asked me how my day was. I didn't want to be petty or rude or game-playing, so I responded. We once again had nice conversation, very nice rapport, easy banter. We seem to play off each other nicely. He was definitely invested in the conversation.

Then.

I told him that I had a nice time the other night, including thanking him for the fun we had together. Welp, then he disappeared. For a little while. He did come back and say that he had fun too, and thanked me for coming down to see him. But, no mention of "We should do it again sometime."

Half your problem in here is the TEXTING. In early stages of dating texting should be are you free to chat & then you switch to the voice feature. The minute you go back & forth over text more then 2x it's too much & requires voice. Meaning you, him, you, him If you business is not conclude in those 4 exchanges you are using the wrong medium. So when you say you "talk" that is not literal & when you complain that he disappears you are mischaracterizing the interaction. Nobody can or is obligated to keep up a continuous text back & forth. Stop trying.

That said, if you got not sexual interaction, not even a kiss, on the date, then he randomly asked about your favorite sex position, this guy is clueless about how to make a relationship take off. The fact that he has yet to suggest a second date is further indication that he's just not that into you. Hope all your eggs aren't in this basket.

August 23, 2020

2 hours ago, DCGurly said:

Personally, I never date men unless they put the effort into coming to see me and making the plans. Make him earn your rime. Then he’ll know what you expect and will accept. Usually guys with low interest fall away pretty quickly.

So, it's complicated, but it was my choice to go to him.

We actually "met" in the thick of the Covid situation; he was ready to come see me for a date, multiple times, during the coronavirus thing, even if just for a distanced thing. But, I constantly put him off....I didn't think it was a good idea. I didn't tell him this, but I also wanted to wait to have a date till we could actually be physical- hold hands, hug, etc. (Funny how life works, huh?) Anyway, we kept in touch on and off from March until now. Also, just a couple of weeks ago, he offered to come pick me up for a date. But, I declined. So, I guess I don't want to make it seem like he made no effort. I had part to do with it.

Now, this isn't exclusive to him...I typically prefer to go TO my date's location for the first date. For one, he lives in a moderately sized city and I, a small town, so he is going to have more restaurants, things to do, etc. For two, anyone who lives in a small town knows how news travels. I really didn't want to have a public date with someone and have half the town knowing and asking me about it.

August 23, 2020

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

Half your problem in here is the TEXTING. In early stages of dating texting should be are you free to chat & then you switch to the voice feature. The minute you go back & forth over text more then 2x it's too much & requires voice. Meaning you, him, you, him If you business is not conclude in those 4 exchanges you are using the wrong medium. So when you say you "talk" that is not literal & when you complain that he disappears you are mischaracterizing the interaction. Nobody can or is obligated to keep up a continuous text back & forth. Stop trying.

That said, if you got not sexual interaction, not even a kiss, on the date, then he randomly asked about your favorite sex position, this guy is clueless about how to make a relationship take off. The fact that he has yet to suggest a second date is further indication that he's just not that into you. Hope all your eggs aren't in this basket.

This may not be much of an excuse because my last relationship failed. But, my last relationship was almost 2 years of almost exclusively texting, except when we saw each other. We would have a phone conversation maybe once every 2-3 weeks. But, they were always planned.....we never just picked up the phone to call the other. Again, not to make an excuse but....I think texting as primary means of communication is probably more common than you think.

August 23, 2020

Hey Bling, agree with others (more or less) but wanted to add, I really like your attitude about this.

No harm in going for what you want, as long as you stay real with expectations which it sounds like you are!

I sense you have a great sense of humor, and are taking this all in stride, whatever is meant to be will be.

I don't hold out much hope here but hey you never know, somehow I think you'll be just fine either way.

Edited August 23, 2020 by poppyfields

August 23, 2020

1 hour ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

..I think texting as primary means of communication is probably more common than you think.

I know exactly how common it is. That doesn't make it right or effective. Stop relying on it & your relationships will improve.

August 23, 2020

Guess who just asked me out on a date tonight...

August 23, 2020

I'm glad he asked you out but a last minute invite isn't all that great. He now thinks you don't have a life or will drop everything for him.

While you are together use the time to communicate. Be flirty to see if you get a kiss this time but if he jumps straight to a sexual conversation be very careful

August 23, 2020

10 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I'm glad he asked you out but a last minute invite isn't all that great. He now thinks you don't have a life or will drop everything for him.

While you are together use the time to communicate. Be flirty to see if you get a kiss this time but if he jumps straight to a sexual conversation be very careful

Well, I didn't exactly agree. I said it was a little bit too last minute, but that I'd think about it. Aaaannnnnd.... no response. For Pete's sake...

As far as "be flirty," I thought I WAS being flirty last time.....so, can you specify?

August 23, 2020

12 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I'm glad he asked you out but a last minute invite isn't all that great. He now thinks you don't have a life or will drop everything for him.

While you are together use the time to communicate. Be flirty to see if you get a kiss this time but if he jumps straight to a sexual conversation be very careful

I thought she was wearing a mask for covid.

So is kissing a good idea.

August 23, 2020

2 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

Well, I didn't exactly agree. I said it was a little bit too last minute, but that I'd think about it. Aaaannnnnd.... no response. For Pete's sake...

As far as "be flirty," I thought I WAS being flirty last time.....so, can you specify?

Oh man!

I think this is just a huge waste of time.

But its your life after all.

Someone who wants one thing is not going to care about it being last minute.

He wants what he wants.

Edited August 23, 2020 by Velvet teddy

August 23, 2020

6 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

Well, I didn't exactly agree. I said it was a little bit too last minute, but that I'd think about it. Aaaannnnnd.... no response. For Pete's sake...

What were you expecting him to say?

And why tell him it's last minute unless you were going to say "Wish you had asked earlier, I have plans tonight" or similar. Instead, your response lets him know you don't have anything planned and, if you accept, you've agreed that a last minute date is fine.

August 23, 2020

Last minute and on a Sunday...

August 23, 2020

15 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

I said it was a little bit too last minute, but that I'd think about it. Aaaannnnnd.... no response.

Why bother jerking him around? Just end it.

August 23, 2020

It sounds like he's looking for something more casual than you. I think you're doing a good job of setting your boundaries though! The only way to find out if you're on the same page is to communicate what you want. I wouldn't be up for a last minute date after his lukewarm responses either.

August 23, 2020

3 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

Well, I didn't exactly agree. I said it was a little bit too last minute, but that I'd think about it. Aaaannnnnd.... no response. For Pete's sake...

As far as "be flirty," I thought I WAS being flirty last time.....so, can you specify?

So we're back to lukewarm.

I can't tell you how to flirt. All I can do is share this story with you.

I went to a meet up thing many years ago & started talking to a cute guy. I thought was flirting my butt off & being incredibly forward. As we were talking it turned out he was in the market for professional services I supply. The conversation turned to business for a bit. I had to leave for another appointment so I excused myself but handed him my business card & said I'd be happy to help him professionally but I'd be happier if he called me for personal reasons. I winked & left. He called & asked me to dinner which I accepted. At dinner he told me that if I hadn't said that he never would have called because he didn't think I was interested.

My point: some people are clueless or don't read non-verbal cues well.

I also promise that even though his last minute invite was problematic & you were right to say something, the fact that you didn't jump at the chance made him think you were rejecting him. Hence the disappearing act. However, you were wrong to say you would "think about it." That was you sending him a mixed message & you not being clear about your own boundaries. The correct response would have been something along the lines of "I wish you had asked me sooner. I have plans (even if your plan was to stare at the walls of your house). Next time give me a bit more notice please.." Then change the subject.

Although his birth date places him well into middle age, I suggest you move on to dating an emotional & social adult.

Edited August 23, 2020 by d0nnivain

August 23, 2020

SMH for crying out loud.

So he asked about a date tonight, which I declined.

So, then....I shot him a couple of days that I would be available. He said sounded good, but that he wasn't a planner, so I just needed to let him know when it gets closer. He then goes on to say that if he has an opportunity to get more practice hours in (he is a pilot), he might have to do that instead. Essentially, what I hear is "If something better comes long..." Okay fine...

Then, he asks again about a date tonight, said he would come up to see me.

August 23, 2020

Seems like a bunch of games. Reconsider bothering with this. He already annoys you after one date. Why bother?

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