smackie9 Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 My take on this was you didn't end up pawing all over him on the date....so he probably thought, not worth the effort to get into bed...he wanted something easier. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 36 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said: Well, neither. During the date itself, he was talking about doing certain things (not sexual lol) and he said "Next time." which is about the closest I got to any sort of suggestion of another date. During the texting itself, another date was not suggested, but he didn't just bring up sex either.....it was mostly normal conversation, with one slight detour to the sex comment. Ok, maybe he was sounding things out . Guys fear the dreaded friendzone as much as women fear players. He may not be good at flirting, who knows? Just move toward another date and keep texting to a minimum. Let him see you in person to build a connection. Texting is lazy.
Gaeta Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 He's an idiot! REAL men don't ask that type of question after a 1st date! and on top of that he reminds you that you have not answered the sexual-position question??? When I had dates with men asking sexual questions nothing positive has EVER come out of it. 5
ShyViolet Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 1 hour ago, TheBlingRing14 said: I do find some comfort in the fact that you do believe he was still interested. But....guess we'll see. Feels like I'm being ghosted. I don't understand, what do you mean it feels like you're being ghosted? You said that he has been texting you.
Velvet teddy Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 12 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: Just had a first date with a guy, and it was nice. I thought so anyway....it felt like we had a good rapport. My date was cute, smart, and polite. Very cool. So, we hung out for about 6 hours, pretty much just talking. There was light, casual touching, but brief and on the shoulder, the thigh, the arm. But...he never made a move. And considering some of our conversations prior to meeting. , I definitely would have expected a move. So, we got to the end of the date. No kiss. And no mention of a second date...or "We should do this again sometime" or anything like that. My thoughts were that either a) he just wasn't interested or b) he was being particularly polite and respectful. My leaning was toward A. I texted him when I got home, and he/we continued conversation via texting. So, my thought was that at least he wasn't ghosting, so maybe he wasn't so disinterested after all. He mentioned that I looked nice. Okay...good. So, I start to swing the other direction and think....well maybe he was just being a gentleman. Then, at some point, he asks a very sexual question. Uhhhhhh.....I'm sorry, what? Now, I am all sorts of confused. If he didn't kiss me because he was trying to be respectful, it seems odd that he would make that comment. If he isn't interested, it is odd that he would make that comment. But, if all he is in it for is a good-time/hookup....I would have assumed he would have put on the moves on the actual date. I'm just so confused, and not sure what to do from here. I've come across men who are totally different in person and via text messaging. Its like two different people. My feeling is its leaning towards a hook up type of thing. Because he didnt offer up another date and his first choice of topic after your date was sexual. If you want something serious, tell him you're not looking for a fb or fwb. 1
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted August 22, 2020 Author Posted August 22, 2020 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: I don't understand, what do you mean it feels like you're being ghosted? You said that he has been texting you. We texted last night, yes. But, he hasn't messaged me at all today.
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted August 22, 2020 Author Posted August 22, 2020 48 minutes ago, Velvet teddy said: I've come across men who are totally different in person and via text messaging. Its like two different people. My feeling is its leaning towards a hook up type of thing. Because he didnt offer up another date and his first choice of topic after your date was sexual. If you want something serious, tell him you're not looking for a fb or fwb. I had already told him that before we even met.
Velvet teddy Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 (edited) 23 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said: I had already told him that before we even met. Oh. But i thought you were also sending certain types of texts to each other before you met. That would make it confusing. You'd be giving him the wrong impression. Edited August 22, 2020 by Velvet teddy
Wiseman2 Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 8 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: We texted last night, yes. But, he hasn't messaged me at all today. Stop texting this much. Either he asks you out or not. In this case it seems like you are encouraging sexting because you are not shutting it down.
Velvet teddy Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 10 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: I had already told him that before we even met. Him randomly asking you what sexual position you're into is weird. And it still makes me think he's thinking more hook up. Rather than anything else. Why do you want to meet him again?
Wiseman2 Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 11 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: I had already told him that before we even met. The "I'm not that type" speech is useless. You need to walk the walk, not talk the talk. That means shutting down sexting asap. 1
elaine567 Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 14 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: We were discussing a doctors' appointment that I had, and I mentioned that my back had been giving me problems. He asked how I was feeling, if I was feeling better. Then, his next question was "What's your favorite sexual position?"Now maybe, maaaaaaaaaaybe, the point of the comment was in relation to certain positions being better on my back than others. Maybe he had a point to it that he would have gotten to if I didn't shut it down. It was just so strangely out of left field. My response was "Um what?" Then, I said that it was kind of a random question. Changed the subject for a bit, but then he commented that I hadn't answered the question. My response. "You're right. I didn't." His response. "Okay. Question withdrawn." How old is this guy? My guess one track mind. He didn't escalate on the date but sex was uppermost on his mind and so he asked the question entirely inappropriately and without any lead up. You shut him down and he then went OK. Socially inept or even on the spectrum maybe... 2
elaine567 Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: That means shutting down sexting asap. I am not sure that sexting ever occurred. Had it occurred then the oP would not have been surprised concerning the sexual question. I think she meant that they had deep conversations so she was surprised he did not take it to the next level on the date. I could be wrong.
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted August 22, 2020 Author Posted August 22, 2020 1 hour ago, Velvet teddy said: Him randomly asking you what sexual position you're into is weird. And it still makes me think he's thinking more hook up. Rather than anything else. Why do you want to meet him again? Why does anyone want to meet anyone again? I thought he was cute, I had a good time with him, I liked him. 15 minutes ago, elaine567 said: How old is this guy? My guess one track mind. He didn't escalate on the date but sex was uppermost on his mind and so he asked the question entirely inappropriately and without any lead up. You shut him down and he then went OK. Socially inept or even on the spectrum maybe... He is 40.
elaine567 Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 Ok, 40. He is too old to be "inexperienced" in talking to women and he should know bringing up sex completely "out of the blue" in a conversation is just weird. I think socially inept/on the spectrum is even more likely. 3
Velvet teddy Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 14 minutes ago, elaine567 said: I am not sure that sexting ever occurred. Had it occurred then the oP would not have been surprised concerning the sexual question. I think she meant that they had deep conversations so she was surprised he did not take it to the next level on the date. I could be wrong. She said it occurred before they met. So even if she says that's not what she wants, messaging him in that way would make him think he still has a chance and her boundaries are not strong
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted August 22, 2020 Author Posted August 22, 2020 Update #2: I decided to reach out. I just messaged him, so we'll see how this goes.
Velvet teddy Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 4 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Ok, 40. He is too old to be "inexperienced" in talking to women and he should know bringing up sex completely "out of the blue" in a conversation is just weird. I think socially inept/on the spectrum is even more likely. I wouldn't say socially inept or on the spectrum. . I would say verging on desperate lol. Hence why i asked what she finds so appealing 1
Velvet teddy Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 14 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said: Why does anyone want to meet anyone again? I thought he was cute, I had a good time with him, I liked him. He is 40. Ok no need to be defensive. I simply asked as i thought the random sexual questions would be a turn off in my book. 1
poppyfields Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 (edited) 40 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said: Update #2: I decided to reach out. I just messaged him, so we'll see how this goes. Different strokes and all that, but not only are you still interested, but now you're chasing him? That sexual comment he made, blech! Again different strokes but I would have been done right then and there. And I'm NO prude! Wouldn't care how great a time we had during first meet, for him to ask you that, given the context, and then ask again when you didn't answer? I'm with Gaeta, what a goon, nothing positive there at all. And imo totally disrespectful. I mean, what was he expecting? For you to actually answer him, with what? Oh, I like missionary, doggie style, and you? Good lord, what is this world coming to, lol. Bling, there is a saying - choose wisely from the get go and avoid disappointment, pain, heartbreak later. Do you think you're choosing wisely with this man? Edited August 22, 2020 by poppyfields 2 1
elaine567 Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Bling, there is a saying - choose wisely from the get go and avoid disappointment, pain, heartbreak later. Do you think you're choosing wisely with this man? He's cute... Oh dear. 3
poppyfields Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, elaine567 said: He's cute... Oh dear. Yeah, I know, but In all fairness, I've done same, so trying not to judge. That's actually how I learned. Bling, let us know how it goes, if he responds and sets up another date. I could be completely off about this, you never know about people sometimes, things are not always what they appear to be. For me? I'd be turned off but if you weren't, that's okay, sometimes we just gotta play things out. Edited August 22, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Velvet teddy Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 13 minutes ago, elaine567 said: He's cute... Oh dear. 1
Velvet teddy Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Yeah, I know, but In all fairness, I've done same, so trying not to judge. That's actually how I learned. Bling, let us know how it goes, if he responds and sets up another date. I could be completely off about this, you never know about people sometimes, things are not always what they appear to be. For me? I'd be turned off but if you weren't, that's okay, sometimes we just gotta play things out. I agree. Its strange the way he asked in the first place. And then when she was uncomfortable, to ask again is not great behaviour. 1
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted August 22, 2020 Author Posted August 22, 2020 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Yeah, I know, but In all fairness, I've done same, so trying not to judge. That's actually how I learned. Bling, let us know how it goes, if he responds and sets up another date. I could be completely off about this, you never know about people sometimes, things are not always what they appear to be. For me? I'd be turned off but if you weren't, that's okay, sometimes we just gotta play things out. Well, the good news is he did respond. The bad news is...he stopped responding a bit ago. Maybe he jumped in the shower, who knows. I've been sort of easing into the conversation before I tell him I had a nice time.....I'm flipping nervous.
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