How do I deal with an ex who potentially has mental health issues?

[ExpatInItaly]

56 minutes ago, lee179108 said:

I hope I get there... its hard to imagine right now that one day im gonna be totally fine with all of this and just not think of her at all. 

Yes, it's hard to imagine. 

But unless there are underlying problems with fixation and obsessive thinking, there is little reason why you won't eventually get there. 

Sincere question - how do you suppose people who go through divorces move on? Or folks who were in other much longer-term and more committed relationships than yours was? 

[Beachead]

@lee179108

3 hours ago, lee179108 said:

I hope I get there... its hard to imagine right now that one day im gonna be totally fine with all of this and just not think of her at all. 

You'll get there but take note that our past relationships do leave a trace of pain in our hearts.  This is especially true when we were the ones who were broken up with.  The pain that lingers will contribute to who you become.  You just have to choose how you want it to direct your life.

Right now, you want her to hurt.  That's fine.  But just acknowledge it won't bring her back. More accurately, it won't bring what you want back because what you want back, you never actually had in the first place. You thought you did only because she tried to be someone she wasn't. 

Acknowledging it like this will cause apprehension about her returning to your life because you'll know in your heart, she won't be who you want her to be and the relationship won't be what you want it to be and it'll just make you miserable.  The question then will be, would you really want to sacrifice more of your life to put yourself through all that misery again for a girl who left your life twice? 

- Beach

Edited December 6, 2020 by Beachead

[lee179108]

13 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Yes, it's hard to imagine. 

But unless there are underlying problems with fixation and obsessive thinking, there is little reason why you won't eventually get there. 

Sincere question - how do you suppose people who go through divorces move on? Or folks who were in other much longer-term and more committed relationships than yours was? 

I honestly don't know! This is the first time I've ever been truly heartbroken I guess...  and had because of the mixed signals in the past where she wanted me one minute then didnt want me the next  that put all sorts of things through my head. Then there was the hope of her missing me and reaching out...   anyway I hope I will get better and meet someone better. 

[Cookiesandough]

You’re not responsible for her emotions. You are an ex. You did your part. Block her and move on. 

[lee179108]

ok... so for the past 2 and a half weeks ive been talking and seeing this girl.. i know you all said i shouldnt be dating and i get what youre saying... BUT  i did it.. and for the first time in long.. especially after dates ive been on since the breakup and when i was with my ex..  i feel relaxed with this girl..  i dont have to try and act a certain way, shes very attractive, she puts effort into booking things and planning things with me, she likes talking to me over the phone etc and asks about my day...  these are the things ive wanted in a girl for a long time..  we have a lot in common, same age, shes very confident in talking to anyone and she likes the same things as i do and she only lives 10 minutes away!!!   so yeah we are gonna take it slow, spend time with eachother and see how it goes. I stopped thinking about my ex as much..  yes lingering thoughts of her pop up every now and then.. but its not as brutal as it was. This girl is way more attractive and her personality makes her even more attractive to me..  its crazy.. i dont know where this will lead but hopefully it goes well for us.