Men's guide to OLD. my take at least

[bobjon]

I am going to tone this down because I realize some don't want a realist's input but....I will mention I have been married and for a brief time, thought OLD might be an option.  I have since detached from this 'wonderland' called a relationship so that is something I no long seek.  However, I continue to visit OLD sites as something to do.  I met several years ago, but now I just use it for entertainment, but have found some commonalities among sites and visitors.  

1.  The pics they share are usually their best.  Accept that and understand what I am saying.  They may be filtered or cropped.  

2.  When they say "looking for love, happy, etc, etc" trust that they will only select the HOTTEST pics so you better up your filter game too!!!!

3.  If you are an attractive dude, expect to have to put out or get out.  I have found some that mention "no sex" yet that is most certainly what many are after.  

4.  Prepare your resume in advance.  Remember OLD is all about the numbers.  How many cars, homes, cash flow, that sort of thing. 

5.  Don't be unattractive.  Women of OLD are looking for HOT.  They are looking to go 10yrs younger, and 3 points higher in the hot scale.  

6.  Be careful about age.  I would estimate about 50% of women flat out lie about this, and drastically.  I would paint a more clear picture for you, but again...a realist's input.  If your brain questions it, trust it!

7.  Do NOT take it serious!  Some people get all wound about "will she call".  Forget it!  Enjoy the 2hrs you had and move on and don't think about it.  

8.  A HUGE % are totally fake profiles designed to gather information and nothing more.  Trick them in questions only a real person would know.  Obviously if you are taking the bait on "call me at this         number, am at the hotel and horny" you have more issues than the lack of a partner.  

9.  If she is dropping pantie shots in a profile, do you 'really' want to get in that?  really?  

10.  Ask yourself that hard question of "why is she using OLD".  Good women are chased.....so......

11.  But really, good god, stop trying to impress with your watch, cologne, slick rick hair, etc unless you live in those Hollywood areas where that is the norm.  Just remember, if that impresses her, you         are in for a treat down the road!

Edited August 24, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed misinformation.

[Wiseman2]

You use dating sites for "entertainment"? You need to take up golf.

[rjc149]

Just a tinge of cynicism. 

[chillii]

l'm glad you added "your take at least " . Too many guys come on here trying to tell other people looking that this is how it is, just because according to them that is how it's been for them , or the way the seem to understand it anyway. Doesn't mean that's how it is , especially for others.

l can say in my short stint way back when , yeah there was some of all that going on too ,sure , met a few. But there were also some good women on there too, l met some lovely ladies . Just honest women at a fork in life just looking for their thing and in exactly the same place l was. Talking 40s so usually divorced and just trying to start over which was all l was doing myself too so we just giving that a shot. You've just gotta sort through and only bother with the decent people on them and they're easily spotted given the rest,

[lurker74]

17 hours ago, bobjon said:

1.  The pics they share are usually their best.  Accept that and understand what I am saying.  They may be filtered or cropped.  

Same is true for men on OLD apps.

2.  When they say "looking for love, happy, etc, etc" trust that they will only select the HOTTEST pics so you better up your filter game too!!!!

Same is true for men on OLD apps.

3.  If you are an attractive dude, expect to have to put out or get out.  I have found some that mention "no sex" yet that is most certainly what many are after.  

Same is true for men on OLD apps.

4.  Prepare your resume in advance.  Remember OLD is all about the numbers.  How many cars, homes, cash flow, that sort of thing. 

I think you are dating prostitutes.

5.  Don't be unattractive.  Women of OLD are looking for HOT.  They are looking to go 10yrs younger, and 3 points higher in the hot scale.  

Same is true for men on OLD apps.

6.  Be careful about age.  I would estimate about 50% of women flat out lie about this, and drastically.  I would paint a more clear picture for you, but again...moderators.  If your brain questions it, trust it!

Same is true for men on OLD apps.

7.  Do NOT take it serious!  Some people get all wound about "will she call".  Forget it!  Enjoy the 2hrs you had and move on and don't think about it.  

Same is true for women using OLD apps.

8.  A HUGE % are totally fake profiles designed to gather information and nothing more.  Trick them in questions only a real person would know.  Obviously if you are taking the bait on "call me at this         number, am at the hotel and horny" you have more issues than the lack of a partner.  

Agreed.

9.  If she is dropping pantie shots in a profile, do you 'really' want to get in that?  really?  

I think you are on Adult Friend Finder.

10.  Ask yourself that hard question of "why is she using OLD".  Good women are chased.....so......

Ask yourself, why are you using OLD? Good men don't need it.

11.  But really, good god, stop trying to impress with your watch, cologne, slick rick hair, etc unless you live in those Hollywood areas where that is the norm.  Just remember, if that impresses her, you         are in for a treat down the road!

Not sure what this means. When I was dating, I dressed well, smelled good, and looked good. It generally worked for me.

Responded above.

[Weezy1973]

17 hours ago, bobjon said:

7.  Do NOT take it serious!  Some people get all wound about "will she call".  Forget it!  Enjoy the 2hrs you had and move on and don't think about it.  

8.  A HUGE % are totally fake profiles designed to gather information and nothing more.  Trick them in questions only a real person would know.  Obviously if you are taking the bait on "call me at this         number, am at the hotel and horny" you have more issues than the lack of a partner.  

Most of what you posted isn’t really valid (or at least very skewed) but these two points are keepers.

[expos4ever]

I trust we can all discern a measure of anger/frustration in the OP. Fair enough - feelings are what they are. I happen to share a generally cynical position on OLD - I think the only category who benefits is the top 20% of men; almost all women and the bottom 20% of men are in for some serious disappointment.

It is pretty clear what is bubbling along just beneath the surface of these threads - hurt / angry people trying to deal with their disappointment and pain. I recognize that impulse in myself, to be honest.

Several points for people to respond to, as you wish:

1. It appears that romantic rejection elicits a instinctually-mediated response that is highly exaggerated - back on the plains of Africa, social rejection meant death, not another lonely Saturday night, and our brains evolved accordingly. My recommendation: try to understand that your feelings of being rejected are almost certainly way out of proportion to what a rejection event actually means.

2. Even though I think OLD generally blows for men, I think it has to be acknowledged that, based on sober considerations of numbers and differences among women, there have to be at least some "good" women out there who are actually willing to give you a chance even if you are not Brad Pitt. While I believe this to be the case, it is tough to weather the continual rejection.

3. Even though I know many female readers will take umbrage, I believe that whatever objective evidence there is shows that, yes, women are definitely too picky (more so than men).

 

[Weezy1973]

31 minutes ago, expos4ever said:

1. It appears that romantic rejection elicits a instinctually-mediated response that is highly exaggerated - back on the plains of Africa, social rejection meant death, not another lonely Saturday night, and our brains evolved accordingly. My recommendation: try to understand that your feelings of being rejected are almost certainly way out of proportion to what a rejection event actually means.

 

This is an excellent point. The emotional investment and emotional reaction that people have to early online dating interactions (or lack thereof) is way too high. 

 

33 minutes ago, expos4ever said:

2. Even though I think OLD generally blows for men, I think it has to be acknowledged that, based on sober considerations of numbers and differences among women, there have to be at least some "good" women out there who are actually willing to give you a chance even if you are not Brad Pitt. While I believe this to be the case, it is tough to weather the continual rejection.

 

There was a study done and it found that most online daters date aspirationally. Put another way, they tend to pursue people out of their league. Men do so slightly more than women, but both genders do it. 
There are elements of OLD that makes this more likely than dating in real life. Google the term: Aspirational Dating. You can read the study. It’s quite interesting and actually explains most of the frustrations that both men and women express.

 

38 minutes ago, expos4ever said:

 

3. Even though I know many female readers will take umbrage, I believe that whatever objective evidence there is shows that, yes, women are definitely too picky (more so than men).

 

For example this is explained by aspirational dating.

[Gaeta]

18 hours ago, bobjon said:

10.  Ask yourself that hard question of "why is she using OLD".  Good women are chased.....so......

That is a HUGE misjudgment. Women of all walks of life use OLD. Many MANY good women, professionals, they take care of themselves, honest, they're not into clubbing, bars and whatnot. I find it offensive each time I read this. Offensive for women AND for men that got their act together and are honest about finding the right person for them. 

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, bobjon said:

.I will mention I have been married.  I have since detached from this 'wonderland' called a relationship so that is something I no long seek.  However, I continue to visit OLD sites as something to do

So you are on dating sites doing "research"?  Frankly, sounds more like regurgitated manosphere drivel.

Quote

8.  A HUGE % are totally fake profiles designed to gather information and nothing more.

Including yours, correct? 

Edited August 21, 2020 by Wiseman2

[bobjon]

My post can be taken how you like, but it was meant to guide newer men trying OLD.  Yes, it does seem people find it odd that I still visit but I do so with a totally different objective.  I don't really converse with women other than the obvious scammers.  I like to see their latest scam angle.  There is not a rejection element.  Not worried about it but I will say, nothing but head shots, big flag!  Also when women misstate their age, I have no idea what they are thinking because what goes through my head is "she is an obvious liar or is not aging well" and neither point would lead to success.  

I am not angry about any of my experiences, I gave it a serious try years ago but found it is a good way to waste time and money.  One did tell me I was the only one so far that exceeded my profile and has been through the wringer with fakes.  Some she did not even recognize when meeting in person.  So I know guys are guilty of it too, but I don't cruise the guy side.  

Edited August 21, 2020 by bobjon

[JRabbit]

38 minutes ago, bobjon said:

My post can be taken how you like, but it was meant to guide newer men trying OLD.  Yes, it does seem people find it odd that I still visit but I do so with a totally different objective.  I don't really converse with women other than the obvious scammers.  I like to see their latest scam angle.  There is not a rejection element.  Not worried about it but I will say, nothing but head shots, big flag!  Also when women misstate their age, I have no idea what they are thinking because what goes through my head is "she is an obvious liar or is not aging well" and neither point would lead to success.  

I am not angry about any of my experiences, I gave it a serious try years ago but found it is a good way to waste time and money.  One did tell me I was the only one so far that exceeded my profile and has been through the wringer with fakes.  Some she did not even recognize when meeting in person.  So I know guys are guilty of it too, but I don't cruise the guy side.  

What app is this? I know on Tinder about 1/5 profiles of men have in their profile that the age is wrong but they can't change it, which is true. Many assumptions you make in your post....

Reminds me of a rant a guy once went on because one my photos had cleavage. It was a picture of me in a dress from afar....and he ranted for a good bit about how I was clearly looking for attention by posting my tits on display for all to see.  Like you really can't win with your profile no matter what you do to some men.  Clearly you are one of em.

 

[expos4ever]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

That is a HUGE misjudgment. Women of all walks of life use OLD. Many MANY good women, professionals, they take care of themselves, honest, they're not into clubbing, bars and whatnot. I find it offensive each time I read this. Offensive for women AND for men that got their act together and are honest about finding the right person for them. 

Here is the thing: it is easy for either gender to reject criticism. However, both the initial claim (in this case, basically a claim that women on OLD are not the creme de la creme), and your rebuke, mean very little unless supported with (non-anecdotal) evidence.

It could, of course, be the case that women on OLD are indeed, in general, of lower perceived value. Likewise, they could be representative of the general female population. My own speculation - and it is only speculation so please do not take it as anything else - is that, as groups, both the men and the women on OLD are slightly below average in terms of their perceived attractiveness and value as a partner. This seems highly plausible for the rather obvious reason that is generally given: people who are considered more desirable are more likely to be snapped up "in real life". And I say this as someone who used to do OLD.

[SoulCat]

1.  The pics they share are usually their best.  Accept that and understand what I am saying.  They may be filtered or cropped.  

Right out of the gate, Bobjon throws a total suckerpunch with this shocker. 
I mean, it's a well known tactic for shops to put their rotten & on-the-turn fruit & veg, their curdled milk, yesterday's newspapers and the rest of their past-the- sell-by-date products out for their promos. 
Why show off the good stuff, right?

 

2.  When they say "looking for love, happy, etc, etc" trust that they will only select the HOTTEST pics so you better up your filter game too!!!!

Women so appreciate all the cropping and filtering efforts you have to resort to so we choose the best pics to show you we've noticed and recognise all your hard work.

 

3.  If you are an attractive dude, expect to have to put out or get out.  I have found some that mention "no sex" yet that is most certainly what many are after.  

So, 'some say' but 'many are after'? You mean all the women on OLD do not want the same thing? How unfair and confusing!
Also, those pesky 'many' women, wanting to have a physical relationship with their men. How dare they. 

 

4.  Prepare your resume in advance.  Remember OLD is all about the numbers.  How many cars, homes, cash flow, that sort of thing. 

Totally. Aside from the sex thing, women only date men who -at the very least- own a mansion or three; a fleet of cars and who's cashflow resembles Niagara Falls.
 

5.  Don't be unattractive.  Women of OLD are looking for HOT.  They are looking to go 10yrs younger, and 3 points higher in the hot scale.  

So, posing with your gut hanging out of your third best Nickleback t-shirt, grinning a tootless grin at the camera holding a fish aloft isn't the way to go?
Again, total shocker.

As far as this 'hot scale' is concerned, has it got a name? I mean, I hope all ladies work off the same universal data, otherwise there may well be some 'hotness' confusion.

I do wonder about those women on OLD who are in their late teens & twenties though; 'looking to go 10 years younger', are they all on the look-out for jail bait?

 

6.  Be careful about age.  I would estimate about 50% of women flat out lie about this, and drastically.  I would paint a more clear picture for you, but again...moderators.  If your brain questions it, trust it!

Bobjon has taken a random number and all but called it a statistic. Then blames 'moderators' for not being able to back up his assertions so I guess we'll have to take his word for it.

On second thought, he may be on to something: those late teens & twenties women may have to shave off a few years (drastically, according to BJ) so that they don't scare off their 8 to 16 y/o target demographic.

 

7.  Do NOT take it serious!  Some people get all wound about "will she call".  Forget it!  Enjoy the 2hrs you had and move on and don't think about it. 

A rare glimpse of a view that isn't tinged with bitterness and dissappointment. Very refreshing.

 

8.  A HUGE % are totally fake profiles designed to gather information and nothing more.  Trick them in questions only a real person would know.  Obviously if you are taking the bait on "call me at this         number, am at the hotel and horny" you have more issues than the lack of a partner.  

Darn, Bobjon! Another good point well made. That's 2 in a row now.

 

9.  If she is dropping pantie shots in a profile, do you 'really' want to get in that?  really?  

And just when Bobjon was doing so well.... alas.
As another poster pointed out, it sounds like you somehow navigated to a more 'adult friendly' type of website. Gotta keep an eye on that browser history, boo!

 

10.  Ask yourself that hard question of "why is she using OLD".  Good women are chased.....so......

Why oh why indeed would women be online dating when all they'd really need to do is venture out into the wild, maybe around a watering hole or some such gathering place so they can be 'chased' by men. This goes for 'good' women only though, presumably 'bad' women (or God forbid, average women) well...they can obviously go online but should not expect to be chased.

 

11.  But really, good god, stop trying to impress with your watch, cologne, slick rick hair, etc unless you live in those Hollywood areas where that is the norm.  Just remember, if that impresses her, you         are in for a treat down the road!

Because clearly, women should realise by now that they really should not go for a well groomed, well turned out man. Not when there's a perfectly below average specimen, complete with bitter entitlement and a Nickleback t-shirt is where it's really at!

Edited August 21, 2020 by SoulCat

[bobjon]

FINALLY someone sort of gets what I am conveying.  I am providing my views simply because I have already learned that what I might actually date is NOT on OLD sites.  I am over it entirely, but just admit to using a few of them when sitting outside soaking up some country air.  I personally know some women that are on OLD and they are on there for a reason.  I have resorted to watering my REAL opinions down to about 5 proof because some would just give me the finger.  

However, I have seen some total smoke shows on there!  One of the sites is more of the generic where you are free to message whoever, though I have not been on that one in a long time.  I recall several that I contacted and they mentioned they were swamped with messages and were overwhelmed.  Because they were in there at about a 1:1000 ratio.  I closed up camp after a few of those because those types just start sorting through resumes.  

 

I am just saying guys,  if you are going to put faith in OLD, saddle up for duds.  

I have literally got good enough to know which ones are scams (but damn I appreciate those pics!!!), if they hate all men, and if they are voting for Biden.  I really do feel sorry for the few good and honest ones that get on there though because they are unicorns.

[smackie9]

I don't think those things just applies to OLD....there are people who lie about their financial status, job, and age, not being married irl. Using pictures of when they were younger, has been going on since the beginning of time, even when people posted in the personals in the newspaper. Filters...who doesn't? especially on social media. Fake profiles, there are always gonna be scammers....on social media, phone calls, in your mailbox, etc. When something is for free....there will always be a lot of junk, poor quality, waste of your time. you are being used...by advertisers...when did that ever stop? It happens everywhere.

You unattractive? of course you ain't gonna get no dates...no one is going to look at you in real life either. yes hot people get the most attention...again since the beginning of time. OLD make no difference, and why would it. people are just being people.

Edited August 21, 2020 by smackie9

[Gaeta]

I don't know where you  live but where I live 50% of my city are singles. There are beautiful women left and right and they take care of themselves no matter their age. When I was online there were so many gorgeous men!!  I never ran out of sexy and handsome men to date. I had dates in the 100s and I have a lot of stories but I don't have a single story about a man not being like on his pictures. As for scrapping the bottom of the barrel there are plenty of people online with Masters Degree, BA, entrepreneurs, doctors, researchers. 

I am sorry you live in a place where majority of women are ugly, liars, and manipulators. 

[bobjon]

Just now, Gaeta said:

I don't know where you  live but where I live 50% of my city are singles. There are beautiful women left and right and they take care of themselves no matter their age. When I was online there were so many gorgeous men!!  I never ran out of sexy and handsome men to date. I had dates in the 100s and I have a lot of stories but I don't have a single story about a man not being like on his pictures. As for scrapping the bottom of the barrel there are plenty of people online with Masters Degree, BA, entrepreneurs, doctors, researchers. 

I am sorry you live in a place where majority of women are ugly, liars, and manipulators. 

There is strong truth in this, which is why I mention "my take", but yes, I believe my city some time back was voted as one of the most obese.   It seems to shine through in OLD in my area and exactly why the unicorns are chased! They are rare!  I am not going to sit here and toot my own horn but health is a way of life for me.  I don't chase the 6 pack, but I live healthy.  It is very unfortunate in my area.  Totally aside from the OLD BS, I don't like seeing people unhealthy, and people invest more time in the latest drama on TV, or football game, than invest in their own health.  I like helping people and would rather help people learn that type II diabetes IS reversible than deal with the "brah gains" group in the weight room.  

On a tangent, I am currently watching my dad walk down the diabetes road, pump himself with insulin, but cannot be bothered with a change in diet.  I get on my soap box BAD because it is personal.  Subcutaneous fat is one thing but visceral fat is what kills, and it is all relative.  

But back to the thread, what I have learned..........People that take fitness seriously and are attractive have 'options' and the options of today cause massive issues because it is like buying a car.  You used to go to the dealerships and see what they had, now you get online and 'compare'..... Everyone is looking for the next big thing.  I have found that people that are "so-so" tend to find their happy sooner and be content, where as the attractive groups tend to date more, cheat more, divorce more, and have all sorts of drama.  Options are not always a good thing!!!!

 

[CLS63AMG]

Been on over 90 online dates (I am a dude).  Yes, they use the best pictures of themselves possible, often she won't even be recognizable in person which is a massive turn off.  I don't care how hot you looked at the wedding 5 years ago with pro makeup, you don't look like that!  They'll use photos from the past 10 years where they look the best.  And while I'll agree most are looking for guys out of their league, there are good women on there, needle in a haystack though, and that is the hunt.

[basil67]

@bobjon if people are making guesses, it's only because there's insufficient background for them to make an informed decision.   Write eloquently and there will be no need for gueswork.