rudiger Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 I have been seeing my girl for two weeks. And recently she has been telling me that she's "too busy" without offering an explanation, when I try to schedule for us to meet up. But she does visit me at least once a week. Is she uninterested or genuinely really just busy?
Giovane Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 Guy... "at least once a week", "for two weeks"? How many times total have you seen each other? How long have you known each other? What sort of relationship would you say you have with "your girl"? Generally speaking, a girl being "too busy" is never a good sign. 2
Author rudiger Posted August 20, 2020 Author Posted August 20, 2020 2 minutes ago, Giovane said: Guy... "at least once a week", "for two weeks"? How many times total have you seen each other? How long have you known each other? What sort of relationship would you say you have with "your girl"? Generally speaking, a girl being "too busy" is never a good sign. Well we have been dating for 2 weeks, and In the last two weeks we've seen each other 3 times. She scheduled the meet up for all three. But she called me once and I asked her if she was free on such and such days and she said "no, she was busy on these days" without giving an explanation. So I left it at that. Our relationship is a normal one. Not a FWB type of relationship. I do hear people saying that a girl saying she is too busy is a sign on disinterest. But she does call me a lot and always answers my texts. Plus she seems happy to be around me when we do meet up. So I am genuinely confused. Because if she was uninterested she wouldn't be calling me at all?
Giovane Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 1 minute ago, rudiger said: Our relationship is a normal one. When you've been dating for two weeks, you hardly have a "relationship". You're just starting to get to know each other. 3
Author rudiger Posted August 20, 2020 Author Posted August 20, 2020 Just now, Giovane said: When you've been dating for two weeks, you hardly have a "relationship". You're just starting to get to know each other. So you wouldn't saying that she is uninterested, or flaking on me?
d0nnivain Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 She may genuinely be busy but she may also be multi-dating. When I met my husband I had a number of work & personal responsibilities. I had a full calendar. It took a while to fit him in. 3
Alvi Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 (edited) If she is still calling you and is answering your calls so I suppose she is interested. Well, perhaps she is too busy. Who knows? You've only been on 3 dates. Hard to tell. What is her schedule is like? Does she work long hours? Shift work? She has kids? She takes care of her parents or relatives? Possibly, she is dating other people besides you. She would not be wrong here, since you guys only been dating for two weeks. So that would not make you exactly exclusive. Don't hold it against her if you find out that she goes on other dates. Usually too busy means lack of interest but not always. There are period of times when people are just THAT busy. Edited August 21, 2020 by Alvi 1
Ami1uwant Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 2 hours ago, rudiger said: Well we have been dating for 2 weeks, and In the last two weeks we've seen each other 3 times. She scheduled the meet up for all three. But she called me once and I asked her if she was free on such and such days and she said "no, she was busy on these days" without giving an explanation. So I left it at that. Our relationship is a normal one. Not a FWB type of relationship. I do hear people saying that a girl saying she is too busy is a sign on disinterest. But she does call me a lot and always answers my texts. Plus she seems happy to be around me when we do meet up. So I am genuinely confused. Because if she was uninterested she wouldn't be calling me at all? She could actually be very busy.. have you talked to her about what she is Doing? if she is working full time and doing 2+ college classes would be very busy.
schlumpy Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 Since what she's doing isn't to your liking don't put all your eggs in her basket. Go your own way. Pay attention to other women, date and when she calls up to set up a date tell you are busy that night without explanation. Let her wonder for awhile if she is part of a stable. When people feed you something you don't like feed it right back to them. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 3 hours ago, rudiger said: So you wouldn't saying that she is uninterested, or flaking on me? Relax. Sometimes people have stuff to do. Don't smother her. You're going for too much too soon. Slow down. 2
rjc149 Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 4 hours ago, rudiger said: I have been seeing my girl for two weeks. I know it's a turn of phrase, but I just want to point this out: after 2 weeks of dating, she's not your girl. When girls are very attracted to you, they'll make time for you. If they can't, they'll explain, and offer an alternate time. Sounds like you're smothering her and she's trying to create a bit of space. Give her the space. If you don't, she definitely won't be your girl. If you smother and chase and over-communicate, she'll lose interest and attraction. Best thing to do when she says she's busy, is to respond "Haha too bad, let me know when you'd be free again." And wait, however long, for her to get back to you. No follow up. No reminders. You disappear, and go about your own business, until she reaches out to you. And you should always have your own business to go about.
Author rudiger Posted August 21, 2020 Author Posted August 21, 2020 10 hours ago, d0nnivain said: She may genuinely be busy but she may also be multi-dating. When I met my husband I had a number of work & personal responsibilities. I had a full calendar. It took a while to fit him in. She says that I am the only one that she is dating. And you're might be right. She does have a pretty hectic schedule with college and work. So I am probably jumping the gun by assuming she is uninterested when she says she's too busy on certain days.
Author rudiger Posted August 21, 2020 Author Posted August 21, 2020 10 hours ago, Alvi said: If she is still calling you and is answering your calls so I suppose she is interested. Well, perhaps she is too busy. Who knows? You've only been on 3 dates. Hard to tell. What is her schedule is like? Does she work long hours? Shift work? She has kids? She takes care of her parents or relatives? Possibly, she is dating other people besides you. She would not be wrong here, since you guys only been dating for two weeks. So that would not make you exactly exclusive. Don't hold it against her if you find out that she goes on other dates. Usually too busy means lack of interest but not always. There are period of times when people are just THAT busy. No, she told me that I am the only person she is dating and wants to date. But she probably was busy on those days, because she has college until mid afternoon and then works until 7 PM. So I am probably over-thinking this, since people do say that "too busy", is usually a red flad.
Author rudiger Posted August 21, 2020 Author Posted August 21, 2020 10 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: She could actually be very busy.. have you talked to her about what she is Doing? if she is working full time and doing 2+ college classes would be very busy. She goes to college until mid afternoon and then works until around 7 pm.
schlumpy Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 When I get my car keys, mask and head for the door. My wife will ask, "Where are you going?" I don't say, "I'm going out" and then leave. I give her an explanation as to where I'm going and about how long I'll be gone. She is telling you she wants to be exclusive by stating you are only one (which means there are others) she wants to date. Ask yourself if you would want to leave doubts in the mind of someone you wanted a relationship with by giving no explanation for being "busy" on certain nights. Don't move forward with her until you find out what she is doing on those nights. If you do it will be like having a blind spot when driving. 1
Author rudiger Posted August 21, 2020 Author Posted August 21, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, schlumpy said: When I get my car keys, mask and head for the door. My wife will ask, "Where are you going?" I don't say, "I'm going out" and then leave. I give her an explanation as to where I'm going and about how long I'll be gone. She is telling you she wants to be exclusive by stating you are only one (which means there are others) she wants to date. Ask yourself if you would want to leave doubts in the mind of someone you wanted a relationship with by giving no explanation for being "busy" on certain nights. Don't move forward with her until you find out what she is doing on those nights. If you do it will be like having a blind spot when driving. She told me works until late in the evening on those days. And goes to college until afternoon. And is often too exhausted for anything when she arrives home. So would rather talk on the phone. And I know I am the only one because we met at church, not some dating app. Edited August 21, 2020 by rudiger
Wiseman2 Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 Dating 14 days? She doesn't have to report her whereabouts to you. Frankly, someone who is available 24/7 for hanging out/texting has no life. You need to slow your roll and get busy with your own life. 1
Author rudiger Posted August 21, 2020 Author Posted August 21, 2020 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Dating 14 days? She doesn't have to report her whereabouts to you. Frankly, someone who is available 24/7 for hanging out/texting has no life. You need to slow your roll and get busy with your own life. I agree. I need to be more active with my own life.
d0nnivain Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, rudiger said: She goes to college until mid afternoon and then works until around 7 pm. And then she has to study, eat, do laundry, run errands & gee whiz if she's lucky get some sleep. Chill out. She is offering you what little time she has left. Your plan to fill your days more sounds like an excellent remedy for your overthinking problems. Edited August 21, 2020 by d0nnivain 1
lurker74 Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 (edited) 17 hours ago, rudiger said: I do hear people saying that a girl saying she is too busy is a sign on disinterest. This. Anyone, male or female, who is truly interested in you will make and find time. And if they can't do something when you suggest, they will suggest another day or time. Don't reduce your attractiveness by being the one who chases. Follow Lurker74's cardinal rule: Pursue but do not chase. I would suggest backing off. If she actually is interested, she will reach out. Let her suggest the next meet up and if she never does, you have your answer. Edited August 21, 2020 by lurker74 a word 1
Hotmess118 Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 She might have had some of these obligations before you even met her. She is still talking to you regularly so I would say she's definitely interested. For example I wouldn't have been available to go one a date any night this week I had appointments after work every single night and it was all boring stuff I probably wouldn't have gone into detail about what I was doing. It's only been two weeks it seems like you both really like each other so I wouldn't let this bother you. Keep an eye out to see if this becomes a habit, but if she's going to school and working a lot like you say it sounds like she's got a lot on her plate! 1
ShyViolet Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 18 hours ago, rudiger said: I have been seeing my girl for two weeks. And recently she has been telling me that she's "too busy" without offering an explanation, when I try to schedule for us to meet up. But she does visit me at least once a week. She's not "your girl", she's someone you have gone on 3 dates with. This is not a relationship at this point. You don't even know this girl yet. She has told you that she was busy on certain days that you asked her to hang out.... there's nothing weird about that. You are over-analyzing things a bit. Just slow down and stop overthinking. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 At this stage, you two are still essentially strangers. You have met her just three times. As such, it's not that odd that she didn't follow up with an explanation of what she was doing when she was busy. She doesn't owe you that and may not have thought that much of it. She's still engaging so I don't think you have cause for concern yet. If she does it again, then yes, you might be able to assume she's not interested. I don't think you're there yet, though. 1
Author rudiger Posted August 21, 2020 Author Posted August 21, 2020 2 hours ago, Hotmess118 said: She might have had some of these obligations before you even met her. She is still talking to you regularly so I would say she's definitely interested. For example I wouldn't have been available to go one a date any night this week I had appointments after work every single night and it was all boring stuff I probably wouldn't have gone into detail about what I was doing. It's only been two weeks it seems like you both really like each other so I wouldn't let this bother you. Keep an eye out to see if this becomes a habit, but if she's going to school and working a lot like you say it sounds like she's got a lot on her plate! I completely agree.
Author rudiger Posted August 21, 2020 Author Posted August 21, 2020 2 hours ago, ShyViolet said: She's not "your girl", she's someone you have gone on 3 dates with. This is not a relationship at this point. You don't even know this girl yet. She has told you that she was busy on certain days that you asked her to hang out.... there's nothing weird about that. You are over-analyzing things a bit. Just slow down and stop overthinking. I agree.
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