Shining One Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 I've seen this come up in a lot of threads. Many people seem to be expecting their dates to be very enthusiastic about them early on. As a man in my late thirties, that seems odd to me. I remember I used to be excited about early dates throughout my teens and my twenties, on the rare occasions I got to go out on dates. As I grew older and got more dates under my belt, I stopped being excited about early dates. My enthusiasm grows as I start to see relationship potential in my date, but that usually takes several dates. Am I an oddball here? It wouldn't be the first time. Do others in the 35+ age group still get excited about early dates with unknown potential?
Emilie Jolie Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 Honestly, yes. But that's because I only ever meet guys organically, 'date' very rarely and I generally like getting to know people. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 Enthusiasm is good but it needs to be tempered. You don't want to come across like the overeager dog in the commercial for fake bacon treats. Warm, gracious & open are better then enthusiastic I think. 2
poppyfields Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 I won't agree to a date unless we've had some prior interactions, whether we met on line or off line, and feel an attraction, so what I typically feel is a combination of excitement and nervousness! I think I come off pretty enthusiastic though, lots of positive energy, which I've been told is a good thing .
Wiseman2 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 Hope for the best, prepare for the worst seems to be a good outlook to apply to dating. 1
Emilie Jolie Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 20 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I won't agree to a date unless we've had some prior interactions, whether we met on line or off line, and feel an attraction, so what I typically feel is a combination of excitement and nervousness! I think I come off pretty enthusiastic though, lots of positive energy, which I've been told is a good thing . Same (without the 'online' part). Positive vibes are pretty infectious, I feel; I like a guy with a positive attitude too.
contel3 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 It takes me a while to warm up to people too. I'm not the same age category, it's just my personality.
nibelheim89 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 In the world of online dating knowing that any date is more likely than not got another 4 or 5 dates lined up tempers my enthusiasm and interest from the get go. 1
basil67 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 (edited) I think there's nuances in the wording here. I really don't see people expecting dates to be "very enthusiastic". But if you've met someone once and would like to see them again, it's reasonable to expect someone who has a similar interest level to not play games, or play it cool or pretend to be busy when they're not. But instead, to show interest and be proactive about setting a next date. Edited August 20, 2020 by basil67
bobjon Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 Just now, nibelheim89 said: In the world of online dating knowing that any date is more likely than not got another 4 or 5 dates lined up tempers my enthusiasm and interest from the get go. Exactly this! When you start to get excited, just think of all the 'others'..... Sure they will lie about it though!!! You can 100% bet on that.
max3732 Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 I'm in the same boat. I used to be so excited just thinking about it, but after so many failed dates and women who don't show up, lied on their profile or aren't what I was expecting I'm nowhere near as excited anymore. When I get to a 2nd or 3rd date I still get very excited.
poppyfields Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, bobjon said: Exactly this! When you start to get excited, just think of all the 'others'..... Sure they will lie about it though!!! You can 100% bet on that. Thinking of others is what gets most people into trouble though, by overthinking and stressing about what he/she is doing with someone else. Seriously, when you first start dating, who cares what they're doing with others, I never did. I never even gave it a second thought. If the attraction is strong, why not focus on only each other and building your connection? That is what I and my boyfriends always did anyway, and it worked, the hell with others. In those early stages before exclusivity, I did not care. Edited August 21, 2020 by poppyfields
basil67 Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 19 minutes ago, bobjon said: Exactly this! When you start to get excited, just think of all the 'others'..... Sure they will lie about it though!!! You can 100% bet on that. If it's a person where you feel there's potential, how do you rise above the others if you aren't actively showing interest? Surely someone who tempers their interest is one to be ditched. 1
bobjon Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 OMG, like chemistry is lost? What I am talking about is over the top "oh, I am soooooo excited to see you, can I get your chair, can I hold your hair, can I......". BLAH...... I had genuine good convos with every single OLD date. Not one did I ever want to see again..... Just let it flow but over the top is for TV cameras. I think it is dumb. I considered all of them like business meetings. cordial but not pushy. I guess some could see it as not playing the cards right but I tend to feel that if you need cards, they are probably stacked......
Ami1uwant Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 5 hours ago, Shining One said: I've seen this come up in a lot of threads. Many people seem to be expecting their dates to be very enthusiastic about them early on. As a man in my late thirties, that seems odd to me. I remember I used to be excited about early dates throughout my teens and my twenties, on the rare occasions I got to go out on dates. As I grew older and got more dates under my belt, I stopped being excited about early dates. My enthusiasm grows as I start to see relationship potential in my date, but that usually takes several dates. Am I an oddball here? It wouldn't be the first time. Do others in the 35+ age group still get excited about early dates with unknown potential? Part of the problem...meeting online is different. Dating in college you likely already New the person and how they were before the date do you were more comfortable because you knew her face. there can be differences and a levrl of uncertainty in dating now where it’s whst to expect and having your guard up.
poppyfields Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 (edited) Just be happy and fun is my motto. Act like someone who actually wants to be there and not out somewhere getting your nails done or getting your car detailed. Put the phone away, and focus on getting to know each other. It's pretty simple. Edited August 21, 2020 by poppyfields
ShyViolet Posted August 21, 2020 Posted August 21, 2020 At least for me, I've found that the older I get, the more cynical and jaded I have gotten about relationships as I've been through more and more BS and disappointment in dating and relationships. I'm not all idealistic and naive like I was in my 20's where I'd meet someone and get all excited about them and allow myself to get carried away with fantasies of it leading to a serious relationship. You kind of develop a tough exterior and you keep your expectations realistic, even if a person seems great in the beginning. 2
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