Couldn't text boyfriend and he got angry

[leuina]

Hey guys!
I want to ask you about your opinion. I'm in a relationship (long distance, we haven't seen each other since July). I was at collage and I had a project to do in groups. But it lasts only 2 weeks and it gets really intense. Students usually work on the project for long hours and on weekends too. It is basically really hard. We are divided in groups regarding our knowledge, so 1 advance, 2 mediate and one who has basic knowledge. It has nothing to do with what we have learned. It is all about experience.
My boyfriend asked me to text him and inform him about everything. I texted him and called him during the day. In last 3 hours I didn't because we got divided in groups and we started working. I got some problems with my account as well and I couldn't register. I was also the one with basic knowledge and it was making me feel bad. I knew my boyfriend texted me and I was thinking about him all the time, but I couldn't text him back. As I said I was the one with basic knowledge and didn't know what was going on. While the others were working, I couldn't get my phone and start typing because I would feel worse. I texted him though that I was busy. As soon as I finished, I called him and he was mad at me. When he knew I was with 3 guys in the group he got angry. He didn't admitt he was jealous and controlling, but he was saying that he got angry because I didn't text him.
I have many other problems this time, major problems in my family and he knows it very well but still looked like he didn't care. I was so busy on those hours that I couldn't even text my family, to ask how things were going. I'm feeling terrible. Maybe I should have texted him. But as I mentioned above there are so many problmes in my head, and I was so stressed and tired (couldn't even eat all day long), and all I want is him to understand me and support me during this time because I having a difficult period. I didn't cheat, I didn't care who they were, I just wanted to solve all the things that were running through my head. I don't know what am I doing wrong that he insults me, gets mad at me because of his negative thoughts and makes me gulty for that

[Wiseman2]

He'll get over it, but make sure you're not being text-tethered.

[leuina]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He'll get over it, but make sure you're not being text-tethered.

He is also threatening me that if he blocks me this time, it will be tha last time for sure he does that and is not going to unblock me anymore. Btw, he has blocked me many times when we had arguments

[basil67]

@leuina why do you accept this behaviour from him?      He sounds abusive.

Imagine your life five years from now.   Is all this fighting and blocking something which you would be OK with?  

 

Edited August 19, 2020 by basil67

[smackie9]

21 minutes ago, leuina said:

He is also threatening me that if he blocks me this time, it will be tha last time for sure he does that and is not going to unblock me anymore. Btw, he has blocked me many times when we had arguments

Nothing worse than abusive manipulation. What kind of BF do you have that wants to hurt you? He's a jerk, Dump him.

Edited August 19, 2020 by smackie9

[ExpatInItaly]

This emotional abuse, OP. 

Let him keep you blocked. You need to get rid of this loser. 

[Hotmess118]

31 minutes ago, leuina said:

He is also threatening me that if he blocks me this time, it will be tha last time for sure he does that and is not going to unblock me anymore. Btw, he has blocked me many times when we had arguments

This seems very immature and controlling. There was no reason for him to be upset with you. I would seriously consider ending the relationship you shouldn’t feel so guilty for doing school work.

[poppyfields]

Leuina please understand that this is NOT how a relationship is supposed to be.  You are right in wanting to be supported, your boyfriend should be supporting you.  Absolutely 100% no question!

Instead he is hurling insults at you all because you didn’t have time to text him in three hours’ time?  

Your boyfriend IS controlling and a bully.  I don’t know what insults he used but that would be considered verbal abuse, and it’s WRONG.  Very very wrong.  Please know that. 

I don’t know how long you’ve been in this relationship, but you might want to consider breaking up with him.

Relationships are meant to lift us UP, not bring you down the way he’s doing.  Causing you so much stress on top of the stress you already have.

I am so sorry you are going through this.  You sound like a lovely girl and you do not deserve to be treated that way.  No one does.

[leuina]

10 minutes ago, Hotmess118 said:

This seems very immature and controlling. There was no reason for him to be upset with you. I would seriously consider ending the relationship you shouldn’t feel so guilty for doing school work.

I don't know, I'm feeling terrible and I am crying right now because I really need support this time and I'm getting nothing from the person I love. He said he was trying to change and be positive for us but I am making things worse. I might have my fault but not for everything. 

[leuina]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Leuina please understand that this is NOT how a relationship is supposed to be.  You are right in wanting to be supported, your boyfriend should be supporting you.  Absolutely 100% no question!

Instead he is hurling insults at you all because you didn’t have time to text him in three hours’ time?  

Your boyfriend IS controlling and a bully.  I don’t know what insults he used but that would be considered verbal abuse, and it’s WRONG.  Very very wrong.  Please know that. 

I don’t know how long you’ve been in this relationship, but you might want to consider breaking up with him.

Relationships are meant to lift us UP, not bring you down the way he’s doing.  Causing you so much stress on top of the stress you already have.

I am so sorry you are going through this.  You sound like a lovely girl and you do not deserve to be treated that way.  No one does.

It is not the first time. Always when I need him the most, we fight. He is always acusing me for having someone else or flirting. And this time he got angry because he said me "text me" and I said I will. But I didn't know it would be that hard  and I would have so much to do. I know I should have texted him that I was busy, I could probably find 10 sec, but I was tired and stressed and everything. I hadn't eaten all day or even drank water. And above this, I was thinking all the time about my family and how did things went today, because I couldn't talk to them either. Now I have a lot to do, even though I was tired and I'm sitting here crying. 

[Hotmess118]

12 minutes ago, leuina said:

I don't know, I'm feeling terrible and I am crying right now because I really need support this time and I'm getting nothing from the person I love. He said he was trying to change and be positive for us but I am making things worse. I might have my fault but not for everything. 

Unless there’s something you’re not telling us I don’t know how anything in this particular situation is your fault. He knows you’re at school right? He knows your working on a project that can keep you busy for long periods of time right? It’s not unreasonable even if you didn’t have any of those factors to take 3 hours to respond to a text. 

[leuina]

7 minutes ago, Hotmess118 said:

Unless there’s something you’re not telling us I don’t know how anything in this particular situation is your fault. He knows you’re at school right? He knows your working on a project that can keep you busy for long periods of time right? It’s not unreasonable even if you didn’t have any of those factors to take 3 hours to respond to a text. 

It is my fault because I told him I will text you. Nothing else. And I am not hiding anything or doing anything 

[balletomane]

3 minutes ago, leuina said:

It is my fault because I told him I will text you. Nothing else. And I am not hiding anything or doing anything 

No. It's not your fault.

He asked you to do something that isn't reasonable or normal. When you're at school or at your job, you focus on your work. You don't constantly text your partner. Most people understand this. They certainly wouldn't get angry because they didn't hear from you for a grand total of three hours during the working day.

I think you know that this behaviour isn't OK. If you believed 100% that it was your fault you wouldn't have made this thread. You're getting good advice here. Your boyfriend sounds deeply unpleasant and manipulative. You don't need someone who treats you so unkindly.

[poppyfields]

14 minutes ago, leuina said:

It is my fault because I told him I will text you. Nothing else. And I am not hiding anything or doing anything 

I think you need to get stronger and stand up to him.  He is bullying you!

No offense to you at all, as I was once just like you, but he knows you are weaker, he knows you will not stand up to him and he is using your weakness to intimidate you, bully you and verbally abuse you.

If you plan on staying in this RL, somehow you have to find the strength to tell him his harsh insults are unacceptable, that you get very busy and are not always going to be able to text him.

If he asks you to text, and you are not able to, tell him that.  Tell him you are busy with school projects and will text him later.  Period! Do not allow him to intimidate you. 

If he starts hurling insults, tell him to stop, you will not tolerate being spoken to that way, and if he continues, end the RL.  

I am dead serious leuina, franky he sounds horrible.  

Just out of curiosity, what keeps you in this relationship?  Please don't say because you love him.   Good healthy mutually-supportive relationships require much more than love to sustain. 

Edited August 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[ShyViolet]

2 hours ago, leuina said:

He is also threatening me that if he blocks me this time, it will be tha last time for sure he does that and is not going to unblock me anymore. Btw, he has blocked me many times when we had arguments

You know what?  Let him do this.  He'll be doing you a favor.  This guy is immature, controlling and manipulative.  You don't need a guy like this in your life.  You really should break up with him and expect better for yourself than this.

[homecoming]

I dated someone who did this exact thing with the texts, even down to the three hour period in which I was unable to respond. It got worse, and I was verbally abused in front of others. I've got nothing new to say, but will echo others here in that it's best for you to come out of this relationship as soon as you can.

[d0nnivain]

If your BF is threatening to break up with you because you didn't text him for 3 measly hours while you were working on an important project, show him the door.  What a jerk!  Wait until he enters the real world & you can't text for 8 -10 hours, can barely get time to pee or eat something. 

Stop crying & get angry!  He's a childish, immature, mean person who has no meaningful understanding of priorities. 

[leuina]

13 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I think you need to get stronger and stand up to him.  He is bullying you!

No offense to you at all, as I was once just like you, but he knows you are weaker, he knows you will not stand up to him and he is using your weakness to intimidate you, bully you and verbally abuse you.

If you plan on staying in this RL, somehow you have to find the strength to tell him his harsh insults are unacceptable, that you get very busy and are not always going to be able to text him.

If he asks you to text, and you are not able to, tell him that.  Tell him you are busy with school projects and will text him later.  Period! Do not allow him to intimidate you. 

If he starts hurling insults, tell him to stop, you will not tolerate being spoken to that way, and if he continues, end the RL.  

I am dead serious leuina, franky he sounds horrible.  

Just out of curiosity, what keeps you in this relationship?  Please don't say because you love him.   Good healthy mutually-supportive relationships require much more than love to sustain. 

I don't know. I'm in love with the memory of him loving me and being kind and lovely. I don't know but the way he is trating me is making me fall out of love 

[leuina]

2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

If your BF is threatening to break up with you because you didn't text him for 3 measly hours while you were working on an important project, show him the door.  What a jerk!  Wait until he enters the real world & you can't text for 8 -10 hours, can barely get time to pee or eat something. 

Stop crying & get angry!  He's a childish, immature, mean person who has no meaningful understanding of priorities. 

He said that our relationship is to him more important than everything else, but for me it doesn't look the same. Actually it was until I noticed that I wasn't that important for him because of the way he is treating me. 

[Crazelnut]

Nothing about this is your fault! Grownups understand that you can't always text back right away.  He's being a bully. And you've been loving a made up fantasy version of a boyfriend. You said it yourself -- he's done it before. He's a controlling, immature bully. Please don't let this man define your sense of self worth. You don't deserve to be treated like that. 

[leuina]

5 minutes ago, Crazelnut said:

Nothing about this is your fault! Grownups understand that you can't always text back right away.  He's being a bully. And you've been loving a made up fantasy version of a boyfriend. You said it yourself -- he's done it before. He's a controlling, immature bully. Please don't let this man define your sense of self worth. You don't deserve to be treated like that. 

I know. I just have to find the strength to leave him. I don't want to miss him some day and regret that I didn't give it another chance

[Versacehottie]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

@leuina why do you accept this behaviour from him?      He sounds abusive.

Imagine your life five years from now.   Is all this fighting and blocking something which you would be OK with?  

 

AGREED.

He doesn't have conflict resolution skills in a relationship; he doesn't have comprehension or empathy that your stresses or busyness is not about him; and he has impulse control problems.  You are long distance and he is just causing you additional problems.  Life is too short. I would recommending dumping him.  Keep in mind that whatever you do, by allowing him to block you and throw a tantrum and then still have you in his life, you are actually teaching that he can get away with this and still have you in his life.  Each time you let it happen it will become MORE LIKELY that this behavior toward you will not go away; by allowing it, you are conditioning him to do it more not less.  You two are developing a pattern which will be hard to break (in his case); hard for you to control. 

 

[Lotsgoingon]

You will miss him like you miss a bad case of the flu. Dump this guy. He's manipulating  you, got you apologizing for doing nothing wrong. What abusers like him do ... is they keep upping the bullying ... because by staying with him, he's calculating that you can be bullied. I know that sounds cold and cruel, but this guy is bullying you. 

 

[Ruby Slippers]

This guy is a jerk. If he ever learns how to be a better person it will take years. 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, leuina said:

I know. I just have to find the strength to leave him. I don't want to miss him some day and regret that I didn't give it another chance

If you miss him, it will likely be just missing the good bits.  After all, no relationship is 100% bad.  Always remind yourself of the whole relationship on balance, not just the good bits.

I you don't have the strength to leave him, just delay a text again.  He will block you and then you can block him, never to unblock in the future.  No conversations need be had if you do it this way.