supersteelman Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 expect nothing less than to be frank with me, I live to the right of the map.not usa. I basically lost all work as a wedding photographer. 21% unemployment rate. I was able to find work as a security guard. its night shifts. including friday saturday. no choice really. I need to pay for caregiver for mom as shes sick and we got no unemployment benefits as independent business. I would love companionship. money isnt an issue. I took the job so I wouldnt be living off savings. im hoping to get back to weddings next year. figure winter is quite slow and work starts again come may. im quite aware of the picture. my worry and nervousness is explaining this to potential women im talking to on okc and feeling judged or turned down because of my current situation. last week I sent cv to different places, just so I can find something where I can have nights free and potetntially sleep over. im thinking ahead. not jumping into bed. im trying to stay positive at this time and just think that I need to find someone whos patient and understand that covid changed things for me (for many others as well im sure) and that it wont be a 1-2 month issue, but may be 6 months till I can make the transition back. I know many who had their own business and went bankrupt and went and did deliveries just to bring money home to pay bills feed kids etc its quite a downgrade with work but im happy I have work. but its embarrassing and I dont know even know how to bring it up im so nervous.. I felt confident to say Im a wedding photographer and not im so embarassed to say I work at porsche as a night shift guard. I feel I will be judged and not given a chance. meeting upis goiung to be a challenge. Im off on sunday so we can meet in the eve, but during the other days, my shift starts at 11. maybe I can ask to come in at 12 days that i date but I wont be able to sleep over the other days. I can meet everyday but 11 I have to be at work. saturday afternoon we can go for drives or picnic or to a restaurant etc. I need someone whos understanding and flexible any tips insights point of view I may not have seen? oh, btw, when I was shooting weddings, I couldnt meet for a date as some of them finished at 3-4am. though i never shot more than 12 weddings (nights) so was quite free many days, in my mind I say, yes it can work but over 40 women are very demanding. im a year single now after an 8yr LDR and feel Id like companionship. great time to choose one. please be honest as I want to be prepared for all angles. I do not get insulted if soneone can put the cards straight in my face, no emotions necessary.
Wiseman2 Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 Most will understand the covid job situation. Do you have your own place? You keep saying sleep over as if your date will have to be a sort of BNB. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 The part that breaks my heart for you is the idea that you didn't get any unemployment due to being an independent business owner. You were mislead. While it was available unemployment & that $600 per week Covid bonus was available to independent contractors. It was a tad harder to get but you should have been collecting it. You have a job now so that is good. If you have a car perhaps supplement your income driving for Ubereats, GrubHub or DoorDash or becoming an InstaCart shopper. I get the pride you have as a photographer but you are acting embarrassed about your new gig Stop thinking of it as a downgrade & start being happy that you have a job. If you project the idea that you are a hustler, somebody who is willing to roll up his sleeves & do what's necessary, the right woman will appreciate your industriousness. When I met my husband he was delivering newspapers to make ends meet. I'm a professional with a post graduate degree & my own business but I was impressed that he was doing what he had to do to improve his situation. When you view yourself & your situation positively it will be easier to attract women. 1
introverted1 Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 @d0nnivain he's not in the US. OP, your work situation wouldn't bother me in terms of you having to take a job not in your usual line of work, but your schedule will be challenging. Do you have days off? 1
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 1 minute ago, introverted1 said: @d0nnivain he's not in the US. Whoops. I read that as he lived on the east coast, not that he lived in Europe. Still -- changing the mindset, being proud of the fact that you are industrious will improve things 1
Author supersteelman Posted August 18, 2020 Author Posted August 18, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Most will understand the covid job situation. Do you have your own place? You keep saying sleep over as if your date will have to be a sort of BNB. haha. no, I have a nice place. unfortunately im now moving within a month. lease is up, so added stress. place is way too noisy with kids running above my head and I need solid quiet and sleep. I didnt realize this before moving in. I was just thinking long term. once I setup my place she come come sleep at my place. and ill make breakfast. "he was doing what he had to do to improve his situation. When you view yourself & your situation positively it will be easier to attract women" bravo to him. yes, I wont bum around and just be down. I needed to have work and the job just showed up. in life you have to take opportunities when they are there, even if not ideal. but I really need companionship. the job itself makes you feel very lonely and I get enrgized when im in a relationship. I get a boost of motivation and to put even more effort into everything. but I need someone to be patient and see that I have a lot to offer. "OP, your work situation wouldn't bother me in terms of you having to take a job not in your usual line of work, but your schedule will be challenging. Do you have days off?" I finish work on sunday morning at 7, can go home sleep and in the evening we can go out and sleep together. again, im not rushing into the bed things, im think of the inevitable and always plan ahead. im really looking for love and a good companion. ive always had only LTR. but figure it will happen after 5+ dates it will come to that. I can meet any day, but I have to leave at 1030pm to get to work at 11pm. saturdays we can meet in the afternoon till the evening 1030. we can go for a trip to the countryside or do a picnic, goto the beach goto a restaurnat (or takeway and sit in a park) its just that nights she will be by herself almost always. but im also trying to find a different job that will allow me to work day and be free nights. though not many decent jobs available right now. employers seem to be taking advantage of the situation many times and have to work under hard conditions. im trying to psych myself up and package my big schedule flaw as "eh its not so bad could be worse" but its one sided. I need the woman to see that. thats where I feel too nervous to mention. I think I will only talk to her about it towards the end of the first date so to see I dont scare her aware even before meeting. "When you view yourself & your situation positively it will be easier to attract women. " 100% correct, this is what im playing in my mind over and over. that it is a challenge but its temporary and in life things change. who knows when youre in a relationship things can happen. but im hoping the woman can see it. we can go out enjoy together. I would be happy to treat but meeting is limited to the duration in the evening. I could though meet everyday, but not for many hours or sleep over. I can on sunday. I will keep sending CV to find a better job though I think it will be extremely difficult Edited August 18, 2020 by supersteelman
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 For now, it's all about survival. Luxuries like free time, time off and dating are going to have to take a backseat until the world situation changes. So sit tight, be positive, stay safe. IMO don't limit yourself to weddings. Try and look for other jobs that require photography. At least build a new portfolio. Keep creative. 1
Author supersteelman Posted August 18, 2020 Author Posted August 18, 2020 I was in the transition to work as a videographer. but that meant sticking close to a friend and learning the ropes. double the options of work. that was supposed to be now in peak work of weddings. as well, I was looking to take a video editing course to make a transition to stop shooting weddings and stay at home.as im thinking about the future. you cant be a photographer into your 60's. it doesnt work. those getting married want to click with someone younger., "it's all about survival. Luxuries like free time, time off and dating are going to have to take a backseat until the world situation changes. So sit tight, be positive, stay safe." so no dating at all? I tell you that im more worried to catch it then I would pass it. day to day for me is with no one around me. you work night shift with no one around and then the only people you do see are at the supermaret. I go see my mom but we set up a clear wall from vinyl so we dont touch at all. we talk, I bring her food. the caregiver is with her. id really love a companion. Im the type of person who really thrives with love. it gives me a huge boost. I like structure and having a plan and being organized. you couldnt be a wedding photographer is you werent organized and are reliable. sure there are those who arent but the good pros are very reliable and organized. add bodybuilding that I do which is very strict with food as well.
Wiseman2 Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 Dating schedules are always a challenge. just be honest open and flexible.
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 This pandemic isn't forever. They are talking vaccine by December/January. I know this sucks, I haven't seen my family since Christmas, and my husband's family and my friends since January for his birthday. My Birthday in March was me at home on the couch. Everything was closed....well except the liquor store...there would have been riots for sure.
Weezy1973 Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 I think most women would understand and respect that you’ve got another job and actively looking for improvement. If you were just lazing around, and not doing anything that might be an issue. But you’re not.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 You may be unintentionally "telling your story" with a negative spin. Tell a positive story of what you're doing to work with the situation - not a tall tale, but accentuating your can-do spirit. That's very attractive. 1
Author supersteelman Posted August 18, 2020 Author Posted August 18, 2020 Awesome! You guys are awesome. Big hig. Good direction good plan. Im excited and motivated. Thats what i need. This pandemic has done a lot of damage along the way . Mental health also taking a hit on many The more i think about the more I realize it is possible. An inconvenience and limiting but with dating you need start with something and things adjust. But when we meet and we get along well why wouldnt we both want to try and flexible in the situation. I am not a bum around guy. I love fixing things. Tons of tools. Welding. I do my own work on my motorcycle. The other idea i thought was if im already doing minimum wage work then why not get some tips along the way doing deliveries. I will try and see if i can make a 3 day/3day split working night guard 3 days and then evening shift 3 times. That way ill at lrast be free nights 3-4 nights. Im not focusing on the sex as im a very loving empath but all the women always wabted I sleep over with them. And again i only had LTR and it was normal. I dont want to get intimate in the evening and then have to get dressed and run to night shift gaurd work. Id rather cuddle after and wake up together. Life doesnt always give you rxactly what you want I know im rambling. This pandemic has damaged my overall feel of myself. Im a virgo. So small details, making a plan, looking to the future are basics to me. When i have it laid out in front of me and i can analyze it i can get motivated and go for that target. I must aways always have a timeline Thank you guys. Stay safe and healthy 1
major_merrick Posted August 19, 2020 Posted August 19, 2020 Security is a decent job. Not the best pay, but women shouldn't look down on you for it. Just find girls who don't have fancy careers....they will be more down-to-earth anyways. My husband did security during college, and occasionally after. It was also one of his responsibilities in the military. I did security for a while as well. So, you're in good company While you're in the position to do so, find some of the benefits of being a night owl. And date night owls like yourself.... sleeping in during the day just feels deliciously decadent no matter how hard you work at night. If your employment really bothers you....you can always make something up! Most women you date won't be the "I'm gonna take her home to Mom" type anyways. You're probably not close to finding "the one" yet, so you can cover things up a bit. Your employment situation will change soon enough, and if you find a relationship....by the time it gets serious your reality will more closely match the situation you've presented to others all along. One other benefit of working at night...you have the daytime to make contacts, do interviews, and figure out your next phase in life. Take it as a welcome, flexible transition period rather than as something negative you've been forced into. Some people actually do what you're doing on purpose. So make the most of it!
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 19, 2020 Posted August 19, 2020 Dating someone that has a career is very important to me. However, even I would date someone that's unemployed due to COVID. You are not even unemployed.
snowboy91 Posted August 19, 2020 Posted August 19, 2020 Anyone who is critical of you for having to downgrade your job in the current situation hasn't got their head screwed on right, and isn't worth dating in the first place. I'd be congratulating you for getting yourself into another job in what is surely a really competitive market, and being able to provide for yourself in these times.
Wiseman2 Posted August 19, 2020 Posted August 19, 2020 You're still a photographer. It's just that with covid and it's disruption of businesses, you're doing a side hustle for now. No big deal.
Hotmess118 Posted August 19, 2020 Posted August 19, 2020 I don't see this as being a big deal at all. As far as the change in career. I see this as being very resourceful in a time of uncertainty. The schedule will make things harder, but not impossible. I used to be a restaurant manager and my schedule was all over the place I could work any given shift and would often work mornings, days and nights within the span of a week. It made dating really hard, but it also helped me find people who actually liked me. If they were willing to be flexible and make it happen I knew that had a more genuine connection. If someone wasn't really interested they weren't going to try and be flexible.
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