Love2015 Posted August 18, 2020 Share Posted August 18, 2020 Hello, I am lately analyzing the end of my marriage from back in 2015 and I keep on repeating the details in my head as flashes. My ex cheated , then started living with her, then went around and said I was abusive, controlling, don't cook, don't give him sex, overrun his parents with car...all behind my back. I heard this things and somehow internalized that maybe I am bad. In turn, he never gave me closure and he did not file divorce nor wrapped up joint assets...with all the hurt and being ignored for 3 more years, I bought him out just so the story would be over.two weeks after i gave him money, he married the other girl and today they even have a kid. I was devastated..how is it that after 7 years..they year you get married, all this happens and the person doesn't even once talk to you about how they feel and blames you for all? My problem is I know now whenever I date ..I take it as a joke and I choose men who I know are not into me. I don't know what to do cause it's like a self destructive cycle ....like in a way proving to myself I am not worthy of a real relationship. Have I truly given up? Am I truly unloveable?. Pair it up with trying to confront my mother that she had treated me badly when growing up by always comparing me with other kids and critisizing me to others...she even said to me (in high school and then when in College) that no man will ever love nor tolerate me. I confronted her this less than a month ago..and she says it is normal to critizise your kids and that is why probably I don't have a man because I keep this in my mind. So not even sorry! I feel like between my trying to have my own family and failed miserably and my mother being dismissive..I feel trapped. His ignoring me truly has hurt me and makes me feel I am bad..I am seeing myself slowly drifting away and having less and less interest or make connections. I have tried to reconstruct my life but failed miserably so now I feel I give up. I don't want to be alone yet I feel I have to just accept. I am sad. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2020 Share Posted August 18, 2020 You have to stop making this about him. He's a cheater & he doesn't take responsibility. He's not worth the time you have given him. Stop letting him rent space in your head. Your marriage ended because your EX cheated. Focus on that fact . It doesn't make you unlovable. It makes him dishonest. He never spoke to you about it. What did you want him to say? If he had the words that you think would give you closure, your marriage would not have ended because open communication & morality would have kept him faithful. He was just a bad guy. You get closure from within, not from the other person. There are no words he could offer to heal your wounds. Stop pining for something that doesn't exist. Find reasons to love yourself. Focus on doing things that make you happy & give you pleasure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NC-Thomas Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 (edited) You dodged a bullet! Be happy that the actions showed his true colors and he is no longer in your life. I am assuming you do not have children together, but imagine you did? You got out and saved yourself so much trouble! Stop going into flashbacks, I know its part of the process after a break-up, but you need to ACCEPT and ACTIVELY choose to move on, which you are not doing right now. Focus on yourself, go to the gym, do yoga, meditate, eat healthy, get out and meet your friends, dont stay in bed all day etc... Edited August 20, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed commercial link Link to post Share on other sites
emprosnet7 Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 Also read books about relationships like the ones by ALLAN and BARBARA PEASE Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love2015 Posted August 24, 2020 Author Share Posted August 24, 2020 Thanks for all your advices. Link to post Share on other sites
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