CaliforniaGirl Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 On 8/27/2020 at 3:17 AM, elaine567 said: OK but all those excuses are moot, as the impression given is still not a good one. As for the OP. baking a cake, too tired, and too busy do not scream interest and no doubt is why he has now gone MIA. This. If it were just the cake, or just being too tired once (remember that these are still the very early days when people are normally EAGER to see one another and will move heaven and earth to do it if they're interested), or just having to work on the weekend...maybe...or not...but let's not do it... If it were ONE of those things, all in the first week or two, okay. Sure. Life happens. But all of them together...well, this guy has a modicum of self-respect. He's letting her show any interest at all, or else...forget it. Which makes sense and which is what most of us would do in this situation. When you're on a dating app it's because you want to date...not because you're just sitting there being busy and all of a sudden someone descends on you and you have to squeeze him in even though you were never expecting such a thing. 3
CaliforniaGirl Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 18 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: I am going to put it out to pasture. Next. Mort, if you don't figure out why you sabotage all of these dates the next will be a next too. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 (edited) 10 hours ago, balletomane said: You decided to play games on the first date, refusing his invitation to spend more time together because you were worried about "making it too easy for him", and after that literally all you did in your texts was tell him how very busy and unavailable you are. What do you expect him to do with that information? Show up at your door on a white charger and sweep you off into the sunset with him? If you were interested, all you had to do was say, "I'd love to see you again. Let's meet at X place at Y time," but instead you strung it out and strung it out over multiple text messages, which will have given this guy the impression you were just keeping him around as a 'maybe' option. You can't expect him to be falling over himself with eagerness under those circumstances. As California Girl says, it does look as if you sabotaged things for yourself. Here's another thing...and oh, God, I hate to put it this way. I do. These are all younger men. A guy in his early 30s kind of has the world in his palm. That's his prime. He probably has a career underway by now, he may still be single and he has the (ahem) energy to have fun with that, or if he's divorced he's still quite young, yet maturing a bit and has learned a lot about dating. He's a catch, at least to someone around his age. You keep going for these younger guys. I get that it's a preference but playing coy games is going to just make them run. Because why bother? There are other women who will be excited to see them. Games and games and games...Mort...what's the story... you're only in your 40s...but you do this 1950s "I'll wait by the phone staring at it but he has to make the move" stuff. Then when you realize you really should call or text him, not just sit there like a rag doll, you're so full of ennui it's like you're watching paint dry. Because...the old rules say HE has to chase...even if you contacted him... (???) I hate to say this. I hate it. I mean I'm older than you, frankly. But coy is NOT cute on a 40+ woman, any more than hopping all around the place, I'm a bro is cute on a 40+ man. I get that younger can be a preference, as I said above. But how much luck have you had in that regard so far? They don't seem to value you. At all. Why not try going out with someone your age? Someone even older probably WOULD try seriously hard but that's generational...guys who are older now, did a hell of a lot more chasing in their younger days than perhaps today...plus he'd see YOU as a catch. BUT I get not being attracted to older guys. I'm not either. I have always liked guys right around my age. Is there something bad about going out with a guy in his 40s? Edited August 28, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 31 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: I am going to put it out to pasture. Next. Good call. It was too all over the place and going nowhere.
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