Blind-Sided Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 Give it a day... and reach out again. Since he thought you really weren't interested during the date... that may be lingering in his mind. Show him that YOU ARE interested in a second date by reaching out again. This time... make plans.
Hotmess118 Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 Why are you waiting? You said to him that you would talk soon which to me would feel like the ball is in your court. Reach out and finish making your plans. Especially since you seemed disinterested he’s probably trying not to seem too thirsty. Text him 1
Logo Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 I would have moved on by now, if I were him. I like a confident woman who knows what she wants and says it directly without games or fanfare. 1
Shining One Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 6 hours ago, elaine567 said: Why did you do that? Are you ill? If not, why would you suggest you turn in, in the middle of making plans to meet up? Exactly! This comes across as another blow-off. 5
Author mortensorchid Posted August 20, 2020 Author Posted August 20, 2020 It's Wednesday and we last talked on Sunday...
basil67 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 Of course you didn't hear from him. Not only can he not read your face, but you're working really hard to not show interest. Why would a guy bother taking you out again if you weren't keen to see him? 3
Hotmess118 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 26 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: It's Wednesday and we last talked on Sunday... Did you text him yet??? The phone works both ways. 1
hippychick3 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 I think you already showed interest by reaching out after the date. He seems pretty lukewarm and not very enthusiastic about seeing you again. So I would not reach out again honestly. Regarding the age difference, my partner was 33 and I was 43 on our first date. I was in no way a chaser and let him pursue me. We’ve been together 7 years now.
Author mortensorchid Posted August 20, 2020 Author Posted August 20, 2020 So I texted him tonight and we talked. He responded immediately... We chatted about stuff (work related as he is attempting to juggle his schedule as am I with teaching, he is also a teach btw and workong as a security guard in the meantime between things). And then I asked the burning question "Are you still interested"? He said he is but he's bad at communicating. I said that's key to everything. I said risk taking can have great rewards and I was taking a risk with this. He said he understood that. We said we would meet up again and did I have a date/time in mind? I said I wasn't sure at the moment as I will be filling in for another this weekend (as a driving instructor). He said to let him know. What do you make of that? Sounds kind of ... lazy.
basil67 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 You've blown him off a couple of times already, so he's waiting for you to take some initiative and show interest. Sending a text isn't showing interest - and frankly, nor is it a risk. Giving him a date that you're free is showing interest. 4
Wiseman2 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 Kind of weird you are trying to drag him into relationship talks rather than just give a straight answer to when you can get together. Sounds like you hope that if you jerk him around enough, he'll just pull the plug. 5
Wiseman2 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 If you are seeing others, fine. But if you bother to get on dating sites and engage people then be fair about it. Too many people hop on dating sites s nanosecond after an argument with an on/off relationship. That's part of why OLD is the nightmare it's become. Clean up old business before test driving your cougar adventure.
Blind-Sided Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 8 hours ago, mortensorchid said: It's Wednesday and we last talked on Sunday... As others have said... did you reach out again? You were the one who was playing games, and acting "Stand-off-ish" during the date, to the point he thought you weren't interested. That means YOU need to show interest. If he doesn't get back to you... unfortunately, I have to put this one on you 100%. You come here saying how lonely you are... but you sabotage your own dating life. (please reflect on that) 1
elaine567 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 6 hours ago, mortensorchid said: We said we would meet up again and did I have a date/time in mind? I said I wasn't sure at the moment as I will be filling in for another this weekend (as a driving instructor). So you blew him off again... 8
HadMeOverABarrel Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 I went back to edit some of my post. Please disregard the prior and substitute this one: What is the risk you feel you are taking? Aren't you just agreeing to an outing with someone you're attracted to? That seems like you're risking a couple hours of your time (aside from taking the typical don't-put-yourself-in-dangerous-situations risks that you should mitigate to weed out ax murderers). There's not so much on the line here. It's just a get together. If you have a good experience, it could lead to...another get together. It seems to me you are building this up so much in your mind that you are self-sabotaging. Would you have this level of intrepidation at setting up a meeting with a new colleague, work associate, neighbor, friend? (If so, that's probably a social anxiety disorder.) If not, you are putting too much pressure on yourself and him. Are you imagining how he compares to your mental image of your ideal life partner when you think of/interact with him? You're not there. You're just trying to discover if you like this person...period. I think you told him a lot about yourself when you said you were taking a risk with him. It says you have a difficult time trusting people, that you expect him to fail you before he even tries, that it will take a lot from him to prove to you he's not going to hurt you like other(s) from your past. In the extreme, it's like you've already condemned him just for expressing an interest in you. Your putting out the vibes, "you are guilty until you prove yourself innocent." You are actually displaying your own insecurities by doing this imo. You have to be able to trust yourself to know what feels right and what's in your best interest without letting your fears run rampant. Your body and gut will signal to you if this person is good for you if you can quiet your mind enough to pay attention. Maybe this guy feels he's under a microscope. Don't you want him to focus on your good qualities and how he can impress you rather than exacerbating his anxiety about being judged so critically? Dating is a risk for both people (unless one truly has malicious intentions to use the other). He's taking risks with you, too. Don't be so intense. It might (incorrectly) signal you'll be the type of woman who will constantly be on his back in a relationship to do x, y, z...checking that he did what he said he would or that he responded to your requests quickly enough. Nobody likes that. That's an extreme example, but made to illustrate a point. He doesn't know you either. He only knows what he's experiencing with you and what you tell him. Drop the inquisition-style "I'm taking a risk with you" lingo and just be your natural self. Instead, just relax and have fun. Maybe this is the guy. Maybe not. Maybe he'll become a platonic friend. Maybe not. Maybe you'll learn something from him. Maybe not. Maybe he'll be around for a day, a week, a month, a year. If you keep putting the pressure on yourself and him, you'll never find out. The point is...JUST RELAX AND ENJOY YOURSELF! One step at a time. One meetup at a time. Take the pressure off. Time reveals all things. Hope this helps you.
Happy Lemming Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 6 hours ago, mortensorchid said: We said we would meet up again and did I have a date/time in mind? I said I wasn't sure at the moment as I will be filling in for another this weekend (as a driving instructor) What do you make of that? Sounds kind of ... lazy. How is that lazy?? He said he wanted to meet up again for a second date, but you didn't know your schedule. I understand the need to work and earn income, especially during a pandemic. Jobs are scarce and if you can earn income to pay your rent/mortgage, etc., I would 100% understand. Perhaps you should keep an old style paper calendar on your desk (at home), fill it in with days you have to work, then the next time the two of you communicate, you'll know what days/times are free at a glance. You and he will be able to quickly set up a date/time for your next get together. 2
jspice Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 The conversation sounds really dull. Any time you write about a communication between you and a man, it sounds really really boring. You sound very unenthusiastic, and I'm not sure how you expect him to read any kind of enthusiasm in what you say. I hope your conversations are a lot more interesting than you write here. Perhaps you need to work on that. 3 3
introverted1 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 6 hours ago, mortensorchid said: So I texted him tonight and we talked. He responded immediately... We chatted about stuff (work related as he is attempting to juggle his schedule as am I with teaching, he is also a teach btw and workong as a security guard in the meantime between things). And then I asked the burning question "Are you still interested"? He said he is but he's bad at communicating. I said that's key to everything. I said risk taking can have great rewards and I was taking a risk with this. He said he understood that. We said we would meet up again and did I have a date/time in mind? I said I wasn't sure at the moment as I will be filling in for another this weekend (as a driving instructor). He said to let him know. What do you make of that? Sounds kind of ... lazy. Ugh. MO, what does filling in as a driving instructor have to do with anything? It's not something you do at night, right? Just pick a day and time of day and offer it. If he can't do it, then he'll counter with something else. The point is- keep it moving forward. 2
Happy Lemming Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 27 minutes ago, introverted1 said: MO, what does filling in as a driving instructor have to do with anything? It's not something you do at night, right? I think the OP mentioned they live "quite a distance" from one another and met "in the middle" for their last date. I'm making the assumption after working all day as a driving instructor, she may not have the energy or desire to log many miles behind the wheel to go out on a date. My assumption could be wrong. Of course, he could make the entire drive all the way to her and she could pick the activity/venue as the date would be in her town. Perhaps, mortensorchid will clarify the "distance" aspect and we can better determine how much of a drive is necessary to meet.
Interstellar Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, mortensorchid said: So I texted him tonight and we talked. He responded immediately... We chatted about stuff (work related as he is attempting to juggle his schedule as am I with teaching, he is also a teach btw and workong as a security guard in the meantime between things). And then I asked the burning question "Are you still interested"? He said he is but he's bad at communicating. I said that's key to everything. I said risk taking can have great rewards and I was taking a risk with this. He said he understood that. We said we would meet up again and did I have a date/time in mind? I said I wasn't sure at the moment as I will be filling in for another this weekend (as a driving instructor). He said to let him know. What do you make of that? Sounds kind of ... lazy. Lazy, yes...still interested? yes, he is. Maybe it’s the corona that’s making everyone gunshy. He should’ve called a few days after to make definite plans for next week though. Edited August 20, 2020 by Interstellar
hippychick3 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 Yes, you should have just given him a date and time when he asked. But he just sounds too lukewarm for this to go anywhere.
poppyfields Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 (edited) On 8/18/2020 at 4:26 AM, elaine567 said: Why did you do that? Are you ill? If not, why would you suggest you turn in, in the middle of making plans to meet up? I echo this question. Mort, what are you so afraid of? Don't say nothing, cause it's clear something about closeness, intimacy and relationships scares you otherwise you would not be giving off such a cool indifferent vibe on your dates, ending conversations so abruptly, and behaving so elusively. What gives? Think about it. Edited August 20, 2020 by poppyfields 1
elaine567 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 2 hours ago, Interstellar said: He should’ve called a few days after to make definite plans for next week though. Why would he? I am surprised he is still hanging in there to be honest. 9
Hotmess118 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 47 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Why would he? I am surprised he is still hanging in there to be honest. I totally agree. He has asked you out twice now and you haven’t made plans with him. 1
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