Author mortensorchid Posted August 16, 2020 Author Posted August 16, 2020 I am not negative about anything. I approach everything with some hope it will go well, it would have to be pretty out there to go bad but I have had some pretty out there experiences to begin with. He did ask me if I wanted to go someplace else with him, but I didn't want to make it too easy for him - I had to go home and bake a cake for a party for the next day. (Which was the truth and we had the party on Saturday night.) Did I like him? Well, yes I felt like he and I were on the same page, but I would've liked him to say to me that he'd make an effort towards it. I will text him tomorrow that I had a nice time, thank you for the sake of courtesy. Then see if he responds.
basil67 Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 (edited) 'I have to bake a cake' is in the realms of "I need to wash my hair'. Even if it's true, the party was on Sat night so you could have baked it on Saturday. About the only way you could have redeemed yourself was to promise to save him a piece. Edited August 16, 2020 by basil67 10 1
Trail Blazer Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 He asks you if you'd like to continue on somewhere else after that date, and you reply, "No, I have to go home and bake a cake." Whether it's true or not, he doesn't know that. He's probably thinking you're going to lead him on a wild goose chase. So, he's probably leaving the ball in your court as he was the last one to initiate anything. In my OLD experience, women I have purused further weren't interested, whilst all the ones who were interested didn't give me a chance to initiate anything as they were on the front foot messaging me back first. I don't understand some of the female respondents on here saying you should "move on" or "toss his number" when seemingly his enthusiasm for you actually exceeded yours for him by virtue of him wanting to continue the date elsewhere. Unless you suspected that all he wanted was a ONS and that is not what you wanted, then in his mind he isn't sure that you're serious. Women, you do not have to wait for a man to initiate every single time. 6
balletomane Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, mortensorchid said: He did ask me if I wanted to go someplace else with him, but I didn't want to make it too easy for him - I had to go home and bake a cake for a party for the next day. (Which was the truth and we had the party on Saturday night.) Did I like him? Well, yes I felt like he and I were on the same page, but I would've liked him to say to me that he'd make an effort towards it. I will text him tomorrow that I had a nice time, thank you for the sake of courtesy. Then see if he responds. You decided not to accept his invitation because it would be "making it too easy for him", and when he didn't issue any other invitations, you read it as him not "making an effort"? This is game-playing. When you send that courtesy text, he is very likely to treat it as a brush off, as he asked you to let him know if you want another date and you haven't. A polite "thanks" in that context signals lack of interest. You certainly aren't making things easy for yourself, OP. Edited August 16, 2020 by balletomane 8 2
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 If you like him text him. You need to learn how to be a savvy cougar dater. Don't play games. 4
elaine567 Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 3 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: He asks you if you'd like to continue on somewhere else after that date, and you reply, "No, I have to go home and bake a cake." Whether it's true or not, he doesn't know that. Yes it is pretty awful stuff and this is not what gets guys interested. He put himself out there and got essentially snubbed. As Basil said this is the equivalent to "I am washing my hair" ie washing my hair, baking a cake, cutting my toenails... is more important to me than seeing you... I know no-one needs to jettison their life for dating but it seems to me many are deliberately "so busy" with everything else that it leaves no time to actually date and puts interested guys off.. The results of that strategy, are not unsurprising. I probably would have spent the evening with him and if things were good I would have then invited him to the party... or maybe given the party a miss to spend Sat. night out with him... Not played some childish game and then spend the W/E wondering if he was ever getting back to me... IF you are interested, act interested... 9 1
Blind-Sided Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 5 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I will text him tomorrow that I had a nice time, thank you for the sake of courtesy. Then see if he responds. While I'm glad to hear that you will reach out again... I do agree with the others above. If you are interested... you need to make yourself available. I understand about needing to keep your promises to other people (making a cake) but maybe you should have made it ahead of time, and not counted on being home in time to do it after the date. It could have been baked, and a basic icing put on... and it would have been fine even if it was done a day ahead. Then... done your decorating just before the party. I know when I started dating after my divorce... I posted a story about going out with a girl my age, and she was very nice. But I HONESTLY needed to leave at 9pm to get one of my kids from her friend's house. Well........... I did that, and never heard from that girl again. Months later, I asked about her, and our common friend told me that she thought I was just looking for a reason to leave.
FMW Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 7 hours ago, mortensorchid said: but I didn't want to make it too easy for him If you expect a guy you've only met once to actively pursue you even after you turn down an opportunity to spend more time with him, you're probably right that HE won't be the one initiating contact again. I agree with the others that said this is game playing. 5
Ruby Slippers Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 It's best to bake a cake the night before so it has time to cool before frosting, etc. Still, I agree it's good to leave ample time for early dates in case they get extended. Most men have extended our first date for hours. However, if he was REALLY into you, he'd definitely ask you out again, anyway. When a guy's really into you, nothing including hell fire is gonna stop him from trying to see you again. Anything less is meh, in my opinion.
Happy Lemming Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 2 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: It's best to bake a cake the night before so it has time to cool before frosting, etc. Still, I agree it's good to leave ample time for early dates in case they get extended. I'm with you... I would have baked the cake earlier in the day (before the date) allowed it to cool and put it in the fridge. If the date got extended, the cake would be just fine in the fridge. Frost (or glaze) it the next morning, then back in the fridge. If time really became a "crunch" buy a cake from the grocery store or local bakery. They always seem to have all manner of cakes frosted and ready to go. Both the OP and this gentleman drove a bit of a distance to meet and he did want to "extend" the date. It's sounds like he enjoyed her company and didn't want it to end... 3 1
poppyfields Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, mortensorchid said: He did ask me if I wanted to go someplace else with him, but I didn't want to make it too easy for him - I had to go home and bake a cake for a party for the next day. Agree with others, this^ was the equivalent of a blow off. You didn't want to make it too easy for him? Too easy for what? To connect with you, and have a nice date with you? Turn it around, how would you have felt if he said that to you or any other BS excuse to cut the date short? You'd be on here telling us he wasn't interested, and I'd probably agree with you! He's not gonna call you mort, after the blow off you gave him, the ball is in your court. I'm beginning to wonder if you even want a relationship, it appears your expectations (of men) are way over the top, and you've honed self-sabotage into a fine art. Sorry. Edited August 16, 2020 by poppyfields 8
MJJean Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 Not wanting to "make it too easy" sounds a lot like "playing hard to get". When I was in my teens and early 20's, playing hard to get was something that added spice, ya know? A bit of suspense, some "will he or won't he", and anticipation. By the time I was in my 30's I had zero patience for anyone playing anything. Anyone playing hard to get would be taken at face value and I'd move on regardless of my own level of interest in that person. Ain't nobody got time for that. 4
smackie9 Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 Cougars don't play hard to get...they "pounce"! 2 1
Trail Blazer Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 8 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: It's best to bake a cake the night before so it has time to cool before frosting, etc. Still, I agree it's good to leave ample time for early dates in case they get extended. Most men have extended our first date for hours. However, if he was REALLY into you, he'd definitely ask you out again, anyway. When a guy's really into you, nothing including hell fire is gonna stop him from trying to see you again. Anything less is meh, in my opinion. And if OP was a little more into him, then her date may have felt it was worthwhile pursuing. Some guys aren't interested in games women play. Men with options (if he's a reasonably attractive man) will next a woman quickly if he feels the juice just isn't worth the squeeze. 3
nibelheim89 Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 9 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: However, if he was REALLY into you, he'd definitely ask you out again, anyway. When a guy's really into you, nothing including hell fire is gonna stop him from trying to see you again. Anything less is meh, in my opinion. It may work like that in Hollywood but back in the real world any man with self respect will be nexting the OP and moving on to someone that doesn't play games suited to a girl 30 odd years younger than her. 2
Author mortensorchid Posted August 17, 2020 Author Posted August 17, 2020 So I texted him this evening. He responded immediately. I said I had a nice time on Friday I hope he did as well. He responded and said he did too but to be honest he didn't think I enjoyed myself as I am hard to read. I said I tend to keep my emotions off my face, he said he noticed. He also said he thought I was beautiful. I said thank you. He said he liked my sense of humor, I said people don't really get it. He said the same. I said I would be interested in another get together. He said he would like that. This is ... Well, I guess this is a good thing. 7
La.Primavera Posted August 17, 2020 Posted August 17, 2020 (edited) Waiting a day to text him was a good idea. It gave him the perfect amount of encouragement to keep him interested, without coming across as eager. He is clearly attracted to you too so the pieces seem to be falling into place. My money would be on a second date happening soon. Edited August 17, 2020 by La.Primavera
Ruby Slippers Posted August 17, 2020 Posted August 17, 2020 Good! In this case your followup made sense, given that you declined his invitation to extend the first date. Here's to a good second date.
Ami1uwant Posted August 17, 2020 Posted August 17, 2020 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: So I texted him this evening. He responded immediately. I said I had a nice time on Friday I hope he did as well. He responded and said he did too but to be honest he didn't think I enjoyed myself as I am hard to read. I said I tend to keep my emotions off my face, he said he noticed. He also said he thought I was beautiful. I said thank you. He said he liked my sense of humor, I said people don't really get it. He said the same. I said I would be interested in another get together. He said he would like that. This is ... Well, I guess this is a good thing. Ask him to have mom or dad sign his permission slip...
Blind-Sided Posted August 17, 2020 Posted August 17, 2020 10 hours ago, mortensorchid said: So I texted him this evening. He responded immediately. I said I had a nice time on Friday I hope he did as well. He responded and said he did too but to be honest he didn't think I enjoyed myself as I am hard to read. I said I tend to keep my emotions off my face, he said he noticed. He also said he thought I was beautiful. I said thank you. He said he liked my sense of humor, I said people don't really get it. He said the same. I said I would be interested in another get together. He said he would like that. This is ... Well, I guess this is a good thing. Great !! Now... as @poppyfields said... stop sabotaging your dates. You are here all the time saying things didn't workout. So... stop holding your emotions back, and make time for the "guy" to show you are interested. But, I've very glad to see you didn't hold to your "He needs to call me in 48 hrs" rule. Because you reached out... it changed the potential outcome. 2
SummerDreams Posted August 17, 2020 Posted August 17, 2020 On 8/15/2020 at 5:17 AM, mortensorchid said: I agree that life is too short to be with someone who is not excited about the situation. Just wish I could find someone who had some enthusiasm. Sorry to say but what were you expecting meeting someone so much younger and in a completely different phase in his life in OLD? Sometimes you need to know what you're looking for in order to find it. If you are looking for just a good date and an adventure this is what you will find. If you want something more serious then take the action needed to find it.I think that this is what people do wrong in dating. They agree to go out with whoever and then they are disappointed that this person is not suitable for them.
smackie9 Posted August 17, 2020 Posted August 17, 2020 Well just goes to prove you attract more bees with honey.......
Author mortensorchid Posted August 18, 2020 Author Posted August 18, 2020 I decided to give the younger man a text two days after we met. He responded immediately saying he was glad I had a good time and he did as well. He said he misread me he thought I wasn't interested. I said I don't show my emotions much on my face, he said he noticed. I suggested perhaps another time and he said he would like that, what should we do? I asked what there is to do in his hometown which is a hike away from me, he said there are lots of parks for walks. I suggested the zoo in another city as I had never been, he said they are open. We didn't make a plan to meet up again definitely, I said I was going to turn in now as I was tired and we'll chat soon. He said okay sleep well. That was yesterday... So, I am waiting. I don't want to look too eager or thirsty. I guess I am waiting?
elaine567 Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 8 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I said I was going to turn in now as I was tired and we'll chat soon. He said okay sleep well. Why did you do that? Are you ill? If not, why would you suggest you turn in, in the middle of making plans to meet up? 7
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