Did he just ask me on a date at his place?

[ssm617]

On 8/20/2020 at 1:05 AM, Jet8419 said:

Well, he just rang for a chat to update what’s been happening over the week, talking about his schedule, some small talk and has confirmed that was an official invite to his place for dinner to catch up. So day and time are all set.

Have fun. But don't have any expectations as who knows what his true intentions are. Maybe he is finally to date after you saw him just 2 months in 7 months, maybe he is just looking for a platonic relationship, or something in between. 

[Jet8419]

Update: Long story short, met him at his place for afternoon tea due to some last minute hiccups at work for both of us, so dinner was too hard to fit in. We literally had tea, chatted, opened a bottle of beer to share, he had a glass but I barely had 1/3 of a glass and got really drowsy from it due to my extremely low alcohol tolerance (the last time I had such a bad reaction was many years ago, so it didn’t occur to me this would happen again). And this is where things got interesting and confusing. He put me in his bed for a nap to get over this drowsiness, but he also cuddled me the whole time, whispering into my ear while I was drifting in/out of sleep and hugging me really tightly. Then tried to help me sober up by giving me water, helped me walk around getting some fresh air, and cuddled me back to sleep again for a while more. When I woke up after 45 minutes, he just kept laughing over  how low my alcohol tolerance is but also said he’s seen such things happen before so it didn’t worry him. So I don’t really know what to make of the whole situation now - what are we? We definitely didn’t have sex but literally just napped together in his bed. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Jet8419 said:

 He put me in his bed for a nap to get over this drowsiness, but he also cuddled me the whole time, whispering into my ear while I was drifting in/out of sleep and hugging me really tightly. 

Very creepy. You knew it was for a hookup, is that what you or he hoped for? You were this obtunded from 1/2 a beer? Did he put something in your drink?  Be grateful you got out of this mess safely. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 8/16/2020 at 9:28 AM, smackie9 said:

few dates over 7 months isn't dating. He wants to have sex, that's what "Have dinner at my house" means.

This is my take. It's the grown-up "Netflix and chill."

[CaliforniaGirl]

5 hours ago, Jet8419 said:

Update: Long story short, met him at his place for afternoon tea due to some last minute hiccups at work for both of us, so dinner was too hard to fit in. We literally had tea, chatted, opened a bottle of beer to share, he had a glass but I barely had 1/3 of a glass and got really drowsy from it due to my extremely low alcohol tolerance (the last time I had such a bad reaction was many years ago, so it didn’t occur to me this would happen again). And this is where things got interesting and confusing. He put me in his bed for a nap to get over this drowsiness, but he also cuddled me the whole time, whispering into my ear while I was drifting in/out of sleep and hugging me really tightly. Then tried to help me sober up by giving me water, helped me walk around getting some fresh air, and cuddled me back to sleep again for a while more. When I woke up after 45 minutes, he just kept laughing over  how low my alcohol tolerance is but also said he’s seen such things happen before so it didn’t worry him. So I don’t really know what to make of the whole situation now - what are we? We definitely didn’t have sex but literally just napped together in his bed. 

 What? Eew. This is all strange. 

[Fletch Lives]

That's a little weird. I'm not surprised this is going nowhere.

[JRabbit]

8 hours ago, Jet8419 said:

So I don’t really know what to make of the whole situation now - what are we? 

It is best not to get into these situations until you have the answer to that first.  Sounds like he wanted a hook up.

[Jet8419]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Very creepy. You knew it was for a hookup, is that what you or he hoped for? You were this obtunded from 1/2 a beer? Did he put something in your drink?  Be grateful you got out of this mess safely. 

No, it wasn’t for a hookup, we were purely having a chat and who would have expected so little beer would do anything. He didn’t spike my drink as I was watching when he poured them. A few sips of wine or vodka does that to me, but wasn’t expecting beer would do that since it’s less than 5% alcohol. 

[Jet8419]

1 hour ago, JRabbit said:

It is best not to get into these situations until you have the answer to that first.  Sounds like he wanted a hook up.

So I should ask him directly what his intentions are?

[Trail Blazer]

6 hours ago, Jet8419 said:

So I should ask him directly what his intentions are?

Your situation is really bizarre.  

There's zero point asking LS to define what you and this man are.  That's up to you.  What do you want it to be?

Seriously, he and you were cuddling in his bed, napping?  But you didn't have sex?  Chances are he's a) friendzoned you because he isn't attracted to you, b) he's Asexual, or c) he's got a severe case of blueballs but didn't have the guts to actually tell you he needed to nut, so he took care of himself afterwards.

There is no way I could just lie in bed with a woman like what he did and be content on not having sex.  He cuddled really tight?  It's just so weird... and torturous for someone with a high sex drive.  He's obviously different.

I'm confused...

[Jet8419]

46 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Seriously, he and you were cuddling in his bed, napping?  But you didn't have sex?  Chances are he's a) friendzoned you because he isn't attracted to you, b) he's Asexual, or c) he's got a severe case of blueballs but didn't have the guts to actually tell you he needed to nut, so he took care of himself afterwards.

There is no way I could just lie in bed with a woman like what he did and be content on not having sex.  He cuddled really tight?  It's just so weird... and torturous for someone with a high sex drive.  He's obviously different.

I'm confused...

Yup, I was napping while he just cuddled me in all sorts of positions - half spoon and full spoon (me being the small spoon), honeymoon cuddle etc. and yes he was cuddling really tight I was literally squished into his body. 

So yes, I am very confused too. 

[Trail Blazer]

8 minutes ago, Jet8419 said:

Yup, I was napping while he just cuddled me in all sorts of positions - half spoon and full spoon (me being the small spoon), honeymoon cuddle etc. and yes he was cuddling really tight I was literally squished into his body. 

So yes, I am very confused too. 

Did the cuddling go further than holding?  Was he groping your breasts?  Did you feel an erection, as you were the little spoon?

I don't mean to be crass, but that's an important question as it will tell you a lot about his motivations.

[Jet8419]

18 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Did the cuddling go further than holding?  Was he groping your breasts? 

Ans: Not the boobs. He was holding my waist/tummy, stroking my back and thigh, brushing my hair off my face and touching my cheeks to check whether my face was still hot (hot flush from the alcohol).

 

Did you feel an erection, as you were the little spoon?

Ans: Don't think I felt anything.

 

 

[Trail Blazer]

I find it highly improbable that he wasn't after sex.  Only you'd know for sure, though.  What is your gut telling you about this whole situation?  Furthermore, where are you hoping it will lead?

[Jet8419]

3 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

What is your gut telling you about this whole situation?  Furthermore, where are you hoping it will lead?

My gut tells me he might want to be more than friends but I really am clueless how to decipher the situation. Will it give you more perspective if he knows I'm Christian and sex before marriage is out of the question? I'm hoping to get to know him more as a person first, which so far he has been a nice guy except this cuddling business just confused everything. 

[Trail Blazer]

2 hours ago, Jet8419 said:

My gut tells me he might want to be more than friends but I really am clueless how to decipher the situation. Will it give you more perspective if he knows I'm Christian and sex before marriage is out of the question? I'm hoping to get to know him more as a person first, which so far he has been a nice guy except this cuddling business just confused everything. 

Is he a Christian who also believes in marriage before sex?  If so, then he's probably just pushing the boundaries as far as he feels is reasonable.

If, however, he's not "Christian enough" to believe in sex before marriage, then I'd be very wary.  He may not be taking you seriously, or is turned on by the challenge of getting you to have sex with him.

[Jet8419]

31 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

3 hours ago, Jet8419 said:

 

Is he a Christian who also believes in marriage before sex?  If so, then he's probably just pushing the boundaries as far as he feels is reasonable.

He has been going to church for a while but I don’t know if he identifies as Christian because he’s had sex with his exs before. But, assuming he’s a converted Christian, would that be him showing his interest?

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

21 hours ago, Jet8419 said:

He has been going to church for a while but I don’t know if he identifies as Christian because he’s had sex with his exs before. But, assuming he’s a converted Christian, would that be him showing his interest?

 

Ask him.

[Wiseman2]

On 9/22/2020 at 5:06 AM, Jet8419 said:

He has been going to church for a while but I don’t know if he identifies as Christian because he’s had sex with his exs before. But, assuming he’s a converted Christian, would that be him showing his interest?

 

Decent men don't grop semiconscious women. Don't be fooled by wolves in sheep's clothing.

He is not interested in respectful dating so why pursue this?

[CaliforniaGirl]

I'm not victim-blaming but OP, I've been wondering about your part in this, too.

You say you've had this reaction to alcohol before but you went ahead and had alcohol at this place.

You were wondering if this guy wanted to have you over for sex but you went over anyway.

You kept waking up from this nap with this guy fondling parts of you but when you woke you didn't say anything.

We need to hear what you were thinking through all of this, not answer for you what he may have been thinking. What are your thoughts? Why are you still wondering what he thinks? Why are you still wondering what his intentions are? Are you saying you're hoping to date him after all this? Are you saying you believe this was all okay? 

If you want advice you need to come out with what you really want, not hide behind "he did this, he did that, I've had this reaction but I didn't really expect it again, he he he, he curled up, I don't know what he wants now, you guys tell me." You tell us about YOU.

What are you expecting and hoping and what were you thinking and feeling?

[stillafool]

On 9/22/2020 at 5:06 AM, Jet8419 said:

He has been going to church for a while but I don’t know if he identifies as Christian because he’s had sex with his exs before. But, assuming he’s a converted Christian, would that be him showing his interest?

 

Showing interest in what Christ?

[princessaurora]

He has had sex before. You haven't and if you are truly planning  on remaing a virgin till after marriage, you shouldn't be going to a guy's house unless it's someone you've known for a really long time who knows and respects your values. You have to be careful. Like others have said, some guys consider getting someone to give up their virginity a challenge. That's how mine was taken. He made a bet with his friends that sadly he won.  You don't want to be used especially when you're planning on saving it for your husband. Guys associate being alone with you at their house or yours with sex. Don't put yourself in that situation. 

[dispatch3d]

On 8/16/2020 at 8:04 AM, Jet8419 said:

He replied “You gonna come round for a meal?”. I am confused by that question - did he ask that as a date? Or asking if I intend to stay for a meal instead of just passing him the drinks? I replied “depends whether you have time, since your schedule is so hectic”. I thought would be nice to stay for a meal to get to know him more, but also aware he’s super busy working 60 hours a week, so I don’t want to take up too much of his time either. I don’t know if there was a better way to answer him?

The question is asking if you would like to have dinner with him. "Yes I'd love to" would be a better reply.

I have no idea what is going on in these other answers. Go on dinner dates with guys you like. If you don't like a guy, don't go on dates with them. They'll interpret not going on the date as disinterest in them and stop trying, while if you go on the date they'll think you're interested and want to start dating them.

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 9/23/2020 at 1:45 PM, stillafool said:

Showing interest in what Christ?

LOL how did I miss this?

I too admit to being a little baffled as to what this man's current Christian status has to do with how the woman should proceed. Like...there are religious rules for...this?

I mean what. If he's a baptized at birth but never confirmed, currently in RCIA classes Catholic who was previously married but received pope-sanctioned annulment,  is that the point at which drugging-groping-gently repositioning to stroke and shush-shush-shush respoon is a legitimate go, or something?

Or does he have to have actually have received his adult first holy communion before the groping and creepy soft whispering...is there counseling for them first...sort of a pre-Cana....inquiring minds want to know...

Dudes. HOW can there somehow be an appropriate religious category for ANY of this?

I wonder if the OP will come back and tell us what's going on.

I hope she isn't in a well.

Talk to us, OP.

Edited September 27, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[poppyfields]

On 9/21/2020 at 3:39 AM, Jet8419 said:

We literally had tea, chatted, opened a bottle of beer to share, he had a glass but I barely had 1/3 of a glass and got really drowsy from it due to my extremely low alcohol tolerance (the last time I had such a bad reaction was many years ago, so it didn’t occur to me this would happen again). 

When I woke up after 45 minutes, he just kept laughing over  how low my alcohol tolerance is but also said he’s seen such things happen before.

You got that drowsy from 1/3 glass of beer?  A beer with alcohol content less than 5%?

After which he gets you into bed, starts "cuddling" you, in various positions, fondling different parts of your body?

I don't care if you didn't actually see him do it, it's quite easy for someone to slip something in your drink without your knowledge even when watching them make the drink or in your case pour the beer into your glass.

Which is what I believe he did based on what you've shared with us.

A respectful man would have put you in bed, placed a blanket over you, closed the door and left you to sleep.

NOT get into bed with you, "cuddle" and fondle you, and then laughed about it when you awoke!  Good gawd.

This man is a creep!  You're lucky he didn't sexually assault you.  Actually, he might have during those 45 minutes when you were asleep.

My advice is to get rid. He's no friend nor anything else but a sexual predator and creep.

 

Edited September 27, 2020 by poppyfields