Uptown182 Posted August 15, 2020 Posted August 15, 2020 So a few months ago I got back into the online dating game. I’ve met 4 different guys, all one one date wonders. Granted out of the 4, I Was really only interested in one of the guys, but other than a thank you text at the end of the date I never heard from any of them again (and most of the time it’s me sending the thank you and them responding, I usually do this regardless of whether I’m interested in them or not). It’s just a blow to me ego I guess, but I’m trying not to take it personally. I’m fairly attractive, have a good career, intelligent and have a pretty good sense of humor. So I just don’t get it, maybe the guys are just picking up that I’m not interested even though I try to be a good date and be engaging. so was just wondering, how many times you ladies get asked out for a second date from these online dates? I’m really only asking about people you’ve met online specifically, not people you’ve met out and about or through friends. 1
contel3 Posted August 15, 2020 Posted August 15, 2020 I think maybe 90% of the time? Thats just for the the second date though. After that either me or the guy tend to lose Interest if there are no sparks. Not sure why though. Sometimes I think guys ask for a second date even when they dont look very interested.
poppyfields Posted August 15, 2020 Posted August 15, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, contel3 said: Uptown, I only did OLD for a short while and met very VERY few men, I was very selective about who I chose to meet in person. They asked me out again, but that is probably because we spent a fair amount of time chatting on line prior to meeting and had already developed a sort of mental chemistry with each other. I am really talking about only two men the last time I did it, and the second man I met is now my boyfriend. I am curious though, since you admit you felt no chemistry/energy with any of these men (despite having a decent time with at least one), why are you bothered that they did not feel that chemistry or connection with you either? Enough to ask for a second date? Were you interested in a second date with them? You sound meh about them, but yet you're bothered they didn't ask you. I'm not quite understanding that. Many men seek the same things women do -- that "spark" or chemistry. Typically, when it's there and genuine and not based on superficial crap, it's mutual. But it is extremely rare when it happens, so you have to keep going; it's a numbers game as they say unless you do it the way I did. I read a story years back about a man who met 80 women before finding the right chemistry/energy and he married her a year later. Hang in and keep going! Your "prince" will come, lol, eventually, I promise you! Stay positive! Edited August 15, 2020 by poppyfields 3
Trail Blazer Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 It's almost as if you can't fathom that males may actually have some level of perception? Why do you even care, anyway? If you're not interested in them, you still hope they show interest in you just so your ego is stroked? Hmmm... I can tell you now, when I've gone on dates and I've picked up on that vibe that she's not interested, hell yeah I'm not going to be interested back. There's no point pursuing a person who's clearly going to be a bust. Granted, you've stated that you still try to be a good date even when you're not interested, but sometimes you just can't fake it well enough to convince someone that you're interested enough in them to assue them that you are indeed worth pursuing. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 For me it's been 100%. I screen VERY carefully up front, which helps a lot. 2
poppyfields Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 22 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: For me it's been 100%. I screen VERY carefully up front, which helps a lot. Same for me Ruby. I know most folks believe you should not spend much time chatting prior, and meet ASAP, but for me chatting prior, "screening" as you called it (good word), saved soooooo much time meeting men who were all wrong for me! And mostly likely the other way around too. But OP if you're gonna follow the "norm" and meet up with every joe schmo before getting a sense of who they are, or if you're vibing even if only on line, be prepared for a lot of "one and done's." Try to not take it personally, there was simply no "click" between you, move on to the next. 2
Phallacy Posted August 17, 2020 Posted August 17, 2020 Whether or not I offer a 2nd date depends on 2 questions. 1) Did she ask me 5 questions not related to my status? 2) Did she flirt? A no to either question means she gets no 2nd date.
Author Uptown182 Posted August 17, 2020 Author Posted August 17, 2020 Thanks for all the replies. I don’t really talk for long online before I meet my dates, in my experience you can have great phone chemistry but no in person chemistry and vice versa, so I like to meet soon after matching so as not to get too attached prior to meeting. In the past week I’ve had 3 dates with 3 different men (a first for me), none of them were a match. I probably won’t cram in 3 dates in a week anymore as that’s just mentally and emotionally exhausting. But yea I can understand how using my approach will probably result in less second dates. My last date on Saturday night didn’t seem to want the date to end, but I explained to him that everything in my area closes at 11 due to an imposed curfew. He then said he’d love to see me again, I smiled and said sure. When I got home I texted him thanking him for taking the ride out to meet me (which I typically do regardless if I’m interested or not as long as the guy was nice), and he never responded which was a first for me. Usually regardless of interest the guy will respond to a text like that. I have a feeling he was irritated that I cut the date short...oh well!
ssm617 Posted August 17, 2020 Posted August 17, 2020 On 8/15/2020 at 6:21 PM, contel3 said: I think maybe 90% of the time? Thats just for the the second date though. After that either me or the guy tend to lose Interest if there are no sparks. Not sure why though. Sometimes I think guys ask for a second date even when they dont look very interested. I wouldn't ask a woman out on a second date when there is something about her that is an obvious dealbreaker. However I wouldn't lose interest in a woman just because there wasn't instant chemistry on the first date/meeting. Many times there isn't instant chemistry on a first date/meeting because 2 people are virtual strangers or one person might be somewhat shy, nervous, guarded etc at first. I might ask a woman out on a second date on those situations. That being said, if the connection/chemistry hasn't improved by the 3rd date or so. I would probably move on. Maybe some of the men that asked you out on a second date feel the same way that I do. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 Back when I did OLD it was around 70%. I met over 100 men though and had no patience for screening so we met up after 2-3 messages.
beentheredonethat77 Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 im with poppy and ruby --- 100% for me too -- and like those ladies, heavily screened prior. I dont meet someone without knowing that we at least make eachother laugh, and are aligned on the important things. I like to make a great first impression on first date and take a lot of time and effort to look my best and carve out the time away from my busy business . i dont want to do this and find out in person that we dont even have similar senses of humor or hes a smoker / about to move overseas or something. I make sure we establish a little banter and some voice notes/ phone chat beforehand -- I dont bombard them with questions like an interview, i keep it fun, flirty but i do make sure to glean what i need to from the conversation before wasting his (and my) precious spare time. This technique has allowed me to be selective and also be offered second date each time.
ssm617 Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 (edited) On 8/15/2020 at 7:22 PM, poppyfields said: Uptown, I only did OLD for a short while and met very VERY few men, I was very selective about who I chose to meet in person. They asked me out again, but that is probably because we spent a fair amount of time chatting on line prior to meeting and had already developed a sort of mental chemistry with each other. I am really talking about only two men the last time I did it, and the second man I met is now my boyfriend..... I guess spending weeks chatting by phone before having a first date/meeting can work for some people. But when I did OLD, I wanted to set up a date within 2 weeks of first contact (besides some exceptions such as one of us was on vacation or we had conflicting schedules etc). I could spend weeks chatting with someone. Then find out something about that them that could be a dealbreaker when we finally had a date. Such as bad odor / hygiene. Also if I waited for a while, some women may think that I have at best lukewarm interest and would move on. Edited August 18, 2020 by ssm617
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