Bub24 Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 My boyfriend and I just broke up. I'll give you a little backstory here. We dated for year and a month. We were happy, and yes we had some tough times just like everyone else. We dated off and on my sophmore year, but we were both so immature it couldn't work. At the start of our senior year, we began dating again. Everything had been going great. When I went to college, things started to turn bad. He didn't call as much and neither did I. We were both selfish. About a week ago we got into a fight when we went to our high school's football game. We both agreed that something had to change. We were both crying and upset. I was more confused about our relationship than ever. I love him so much. He is my first true love. We sat down on the grass by his car to talk. He told me he loved me and that we would work things out. Then it all changed. His demeanor and his words. He told me that it just wasn't working anymore. He said he had given up on it. He said that he loved me and cared for me but wasn't "in love" with me anymore. I ended up crying even more and he agreed to stay with me. He said he needed a day to figure things out. Well a Saturday went by and nothing happened. So I ended it all. I told him I was over it and I was moving on. Sunday afternoon he called me and I went to his house. He was very upset and crying. He said he didn't know where he had screwed things up and he wanted to fix it. I asked him if he meant the things he had said on Friday night at the football game and he told me he didn't mean any of it. I told him that at the moment I thought we should just be friends. That it would be better for both of us. Well this week has gone by and I have talked to him every day. I have made it hard on myself to get over him. So I asked him yesterday if he still cared and still loved me. He said the same thing as he did on that friday night. He loved me but he wasn't in love with me. He said he had been unhappy in the relationship for a while. He never said a thing to me; he never acted unhappy when he was with me. He was crying once again. I do'nt understand this behavior. One minute he is upset and emotional and then the next he is cold and unforgiving. I care about him so much and would do anything to be with. I believe in fate and that things happen for a reason. I believe there was a reason why we got back together this past year. I believe that he is the one for me. I just don't know what to do or what to think now. I am totally confused by his actions and behavior. What does he feel for me? Does he not care or is he saying it to try not to hurt me? Do I just need to stop talking to him? I don't know. Any advice is going to help me.
Beausene Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 I am going through a breakup too, and I sympathise. He is obviously very confused. I have no doubt he loves you. But maybe he just doesn't know who he is anymore. If he told you that he's been unhappy for a while, then you need to let him go. Even if he were to say "ok, let's fix everything", there would be resentment, eventually. He probably needs time on his own to sort things out. Give him that. He will respect you more if you do. Hang in there. I still cry every day, and it's been over a month. But I think I'm slowly getting better. I also believe things happen for a reason, and if you do end up spending the rest of your lives together, this might be the best thing that ever happened to you. Keep busy, eat healthy,and work on yourself, not for him, but for you. I'll be thinking of you.
Author Bub24 Posted October 11, 2005 Author Posted October 11, 2005 I feel like if we completely end things, no talking to each other or no seeing each other, he'll forget all about me. That is my only problem. I am so terrified that he won't want to be with me in the end. That upsets me so much. I hate that I don't understand what is going on and that he doesn't know either. I wish there was a way we could just fix this all. I don't know how though. Maybe time would be good, but I'm so afraid of the outcome.
Beausene Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 I feel the same way actually. I just posted a question regarding the whole no contact thing, and I just don't know if it's right for my situation. Like you, I also have a fear that not contacting him = him forgetting about me, although I know that's ridiculous. About 8 months ago, I was the one who left him because I wasn't sure how I felt about him. I even jumped into a (rebound) relationship, and was having the time of my life when one morning I realised I had made a HUGE mistake. I just hope he realises the same. All I can do now is take care of myself, and hope for the best..
Author Bub24 Posted October 12, 2005 Author Posted October 12, 2005 thank you so much for your advice. I just wish I knew what to do. I dont know what to say to him or how to react with him anymore. I wonder if i should just break it off. I wonder if I should quit talking to him and move on. I just don't know. I'll be praying for you and your situation.
Author Bub24 Posted October 12, 2005 Author Posted October 12, 2005 So now I don't know what to do. Do I completely quit talking to him or do I continue being his friend? I want there to be some contact but I don't know if that is right.
chocolate_boy Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 I feel the same way actually. I just posted a question regarding the whole no contact thing, and I just don't know if it's right for my situation. Like you, I also have a fear that not contacting him = him forgetting about me, although I know that's ridiculous. About 8 months ago, I was the one who left him because I wasn't sure how I felt about him. I even jumped into a (rebound) relationship, and was having the time of my life when one morning I realised I had made a HUGE mistake. I just hope he realises the same. All I can do now is take care of myself, and hope for the best.. Did he do NC on you back then? And how long were you apart for?
Author Bub24 Posted October 12, 2005 Author Posted October 12, 2005 I feel the same way actually. I just posted a question regarding the whole no contact thing, and I just don't know if it's right for my situation. Like you, I also have a fear that not contacting him = him forgetting about me, although I know that's ridiculous. About 8 months ago, I was the one who left him because I wasn't sure how I felt about him. I even jumped into a (rebound) relationship, and was having the time of my life when one morning I realised I had made a HUGE mistake. I just hope he realises the same. All I can do now is take care of myself, and hope for the best.. I don't know what to tell you Beausene. I hope with all my heart he realizes that he needs you and wants you. Just like I hope that mine will too. But eventually we will move on. We both will find someone with love and appreciation for us that the other "boys" couldn't handle. Things will get better. I know you are just like me and are afraid to move on, but you never know. He might just realize how wonderful he had it with you once you have shown him that you can still live after this break up. And there can always be the hope that you could get back together. Love is strong and powerful. It takes hold of a person, and it's not easy to shake off. I have faith that no matter what happens everything will be alright for both you and me. I still don't know if I should cut mine off though. I talked to him for about 20 minutes last night. It is a little awkward but we're both willing. I just don't know if no contact would help him realize what he has lost. My luck he'd end up finding someone and marrying them. But..
Kar24 Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Hi Buba, I started crying reading your messages. I cant believe theres someone else in the same position. Id been with my ex for ten years. Im 24 now, we started dating when I was 14. It was on and off, silly teenage games for years. Even though we both saw other people he was always the one. I was obsessed to a point. I always knew we was the one and I also knew he loved me the same but was to wild to settle at such a young age. We had such chemistry. When I was about 22 I started to get sick of they way we were though. No real committment. When one day out of the blue he broke down and confessed he loved me so much and wanted us to be a proper couple. Said he was sick of they way we had been and nobody made him happier. Now I know this is a cliche and you hear men say it all the time. But he is such a genuine guy and is truthful to a point maybe a bit too much. So I knew when he said it he was ready and meant it. He moved things so fast, there was no one like me he was so proud to be with me. We moved n after 3 months, all on his behalf. I cant tell you how good are relationship was. We were just so happy, we have the sam group of mates since kids and all of them were so envious of us, Once he got scared that we were to young for this, so I said fine and he freaked. He kept saying how much he loved me and couldnt bear to be without me. Everything was back to normal. But 2 years later, we've broken up and ive moved out. He was so distant the last two weeks. Hes changed careers and is now constantly around girls, always going to fashion shows, and to be honest has become very full of himself!! Hes listening to peolple ar work telling him hes great and has become very cold to me. I supported him so much in his new career and put so much effort in to our relationship and am utterly devasted that he has turned around and said we were too young to get involved. Im not being in naieve when I say we were soulmates. he constantly talked about marriage. Our friends cant believe it and think he will realise what hes lost when his bubble bursts. Not only that our friendship was so good and we,ve had barely any contact, how can he not miss me after all this tim. hes acting quite cold. My mates reckon I should give him the space to get his head around things. I cant imagine my life without him. But I am starting to get angry at the lack of resepect hes shown me. I did so much for him. What do you think I should do from here
Author Bub24 Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 I think that you should give him the No Contact treatment. That is what I'm doing right now. If he loves you, he will come back to you like he did before. I think he is in a bad place right now. Just like my ex. His work is influencing everything that he does. The people are bad for them. Hopefully they will both realize what is going on. If not, then we don't need them. I am starting to feel this way more and more. If Cory, my ex, doesn't want to be with me right now, well then I don't need him. I know there is someone otut there who will love me. Hopefully it will be him, if not, then I can move on and don't need him. This could take a while for both of us, but I think that we are strong. I know that you can do it too!!
Beausene Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Bub, thanks for your support as well. I've decided that NC is not for me. I believe everyone's situation is different, and there are no "real" rules one can follow. I still talk to my ex on a daily basis via phone and messenger. it comforts me to do so. I, like everyone else, have no idea what the future holds. I hope we get back together, but I'm beginning to really believe that if we don't, I'll live. I just take things one day at a time. We'll be okay.
Author Bub24 Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 Bub, thanks for your support as well. I've decided that NC is not for me. I believe everyone's situation is different, and there are no "real" rules one can follow. I still talk to my ex on a daily basis via phone and messenger. it comforts me to do so. I, like everyone else, have no idea what the future holds. I hope we get back together, but I'm beginning to really believe that if we don't, I'll live. I just take things one day at a time. We'll be okay. Beausene, I don't know about that. But it is your decision. I do believe that if you stop contacting him, he will come back to you. And if he doesn't then you don't need him. I swear to you, you will end up happy. You will find that person for you. Whether or not it is your ex or someone who is going to treat you like a princess. It is YOUR decision. Don't let anyone influence you.
curqur Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 wow, we are all almost in the same boat, except I'm a guy. My ex said that "she doesn't have the feeling that she will marry me". We had been together for a year. She is happy when we are together and has fun. But she just doesn't have that feeling. She thinks I'm about 97% perfect for her (and this is not enough?). I tried to pursuade her to stay with me, but she said to leave her alone and she needs her space and freedom to think. I think I will try the NC rule but I'm also afraid that she may forget about me. I hope she is just confused and will return to me later. But I think I will have to be the one to ask again. I was think to wait a month. Am I right to ask again if she doesn't? Or should I just forget about her? Uhhhh. I feel for all of you and hope that the "ex's" return to us, but I don't expect it. I also agree that every situation is a little different but similar.
bunnzy Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 what the heck does it mean when people say 'i love you but im not in love with you' thats bull. Its ok, hes only your first, there will be more mature relationships to worry about in the future
Author Bub24 Posted October 14, 2005 Author Posted October 14, 2005 Well.. I think to love someone but not be "in love" means that the fire has gone out.. I'm not sure. I had some problems last night w/ my ex. I got a little "under the influence" and decided to call him. I hope I didn't say anything stupid. I mean I was going to try the NC thing but I had to call and apologize for the idiotic things I said. Hopefully he won't read the text messages or listen the voicemails. I can only hope though. I don't know how to understand guy's feelings. One minute they want you the next the heck with you. So I'm not sure what to think about any of this above!
Asmera Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 I know exactly what you're going through! Your story is mine! I was 'friends' with my ex........this lasted two months. He caame over all the time........got treated like a boyfriend, but we were "just friends". Don't do it!! RESIST!!!!!! All that is is that he has a girlfriend with no strings attached. It's hard, but if you can, and it may take a while, break free of him totally. Once you do, your life will get back to normal and will smooth out again. My guy said the same as yours.........I love you, but I'm not in love with you. No, the lust has gone and all the happy feelings and it's smoothed out. Screw him! most guys say that line. that don't know what it means to love someone! Read my threads and you'll see how I've gone through what you're going through! Hang in there........I will keep talking with you as long as you need it! You have a real friend here!
Author Bub24 Posted October 15, 2005 Author Posted October 15, 2005 Well I do believe that I have already screwed myself over on that one. I called him last night when I was drunk. BIG mistake. I left messages that I luckily got to hear today when I called him to apologize. I left FOUR messages. All with very similar thoughts. "Let's get back together" and "I love you soooo much" were the main ones. I think. But he thought it was out of my character and suprising. Who knows what the heck will happen. I just want to get him back. I dont know how to do it.. that is the only problem..
Asmera Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 I know what you mean. I miss my ex so bad. It hurts. I go back and forth between wanting him and hating him. I sent him such a mean email today, so I don't know if we'll ever talk again! I felt good telling him off though! Next time you want to call him, call someone else until the urge passes. Distance yourself......they seem to freak when they start realizing that they messed up! Hang in there!
Author Bub24 Posted October 17, 2005 Author Posted October 17, 2005 I just feel like he's the one for me. It's so hard for me to sit around and do nothing about this situation too. I feel like I am giving up on something that is suppose to be. I don't know if he ever will feel that love that he use to have. I hate that I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I should just go to him and tell him how I feel. Or I feel that I should never talk to him again. I don't know. I'm sitting at home today and I know if it were normal circumstances we would be together today. I just am confused. Do I let it go? You all have helped me so much, yet I'm still unsure about it all. I am getting over him slowly. Time does heal, I understand that. I just don't want to give up completely. But I don't want to keep up this false hope either. I talked to him the other night and he seemed uncaring and somewhat pissed. Is that because of me? Is it because I called? I don't know. Help!!!
Asmera Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 It sounds silly to say it, but it's him, he's messed up and lost a great somebody! They always regret it sooner or later. Every single one of my exes has always come back wanting to get back with me, no joke. I swear if this one ever does, I'm jumping at the chance. Love sucks. I know how you feel that he is the one, that's how I feel about my ex. I have been in lots of relationships and not grieved so badly before. I bet you're like me and wanna just smack reality into his head somehow, someway! I don't know, I'm like, geez, if someone loved me like I love him, man, I'd do just about anything to be with them, to make it work! Hang in there!
Aureus Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 I feel the same way actually. I just posted a question regarding the whole no contact thing, and I just don't know if it's right for my situation. Like you, I also have a fear that not contacting him = him forgetting about me, although I know that's ridiculous. About 8 months ago, I was the one who left him because I wasn't sure how I felt about him. I even jumped into a (rebound) relationship, and was having the time of my life when one morning I realised I had made a HUGE mistake. I just hope he realises the same. All I can do now is take care of myself, and hope for the best.. I'm am in a similar situation, however my ex-fiance is in a rebound relationship and is having fun. I was wondering, how did you go about seeking out your ex and how did you end it with your rebound? Also whilst you were with your rebound did your ex contact you? One of my bestfriends is currently going out with my ex, that is why I'm asking. I am currently enforcing the NC rule, but I too have times of weakness where I want to return her phonecalls.
Author Bub24 Posted October 19, 2005 Author Posted October 19, 2005 Well I gave him all of his stuff back today. That has been the hardest reality to face. I hung on to it for a couple of weeks. Also I wrote him a letter, telling him how I truly felt about all of it. I gave it to him and he stuck it in his pocket. If he ever reads it I'll be amazed. It pretty much told him that I still loved him and that there would always be a place for him with me. I just don't want to give up. If that holds me back from moving on, then so be it. I just don't want to let go. When I left his house today, he hugged me. He wouldn't let go of me. I don't know if the regret is setting in or what, but I couldn't take it. I broke the embrace and left. I won't call him now. I guess it is NC for me. Was that the right choice?
FuzzyBunny Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 I think you should just drop his a**. You can find someone else so much better. Someone who will treat you like you should be treated. He sounds like he needs to realize how he really feels as well. I think he is confused and doesn't know what to do now.
Author Bub24 Posted October 31, 2005 Author Posted October 31, 2005 well it's been a month now. I never thought I'd be away from him longer than a day. I'm half way there to moving on. I still cry. I still get upset. But I think of him more than I want. Like right now. I'm thinking of how good it would be just to talk to him. He went down to New Orleans last week. I haven't talked to him. I don't even know if he got down there ok. He texted me to tell me he wouldn't be in our town anymore that he was going down to New Orleans to see his grandparents and his aunt. Is this good for me? Good that he doesn't have anything to do but sit around? I don't want that to be the reason why he thinks of me. Just because he has nothing better to do. I don't know.. I hate feeling depressed like this. Someone should just shoot me. I think society will be better off with out another manic-depressive.
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