How concerned should I be about the girl I'm seeing posting 'thirst trap' pics/vids on social media?

[Noproblem]

2 hours ago, ChangeMyName said:

When you have a problem in a relationship, just leave. Don't even bother talking about it like mature adults. Great idea

ok, so then what? 
Are you gonna talk with her about it?

Will you tell her I don't mind you posting photos, but tone it down a little?

Or you gonna tell you are bothered by all these thirsty photos and you wish her to stop because she'll get attention from other guys with mal- intentions. 

or are you gonna tell her, either you stop posting these risque photos or we end things?

keep us updated!

[basil67]

3 hours ago, ChangeMyName said:

I'm not asking her to change. I'm trying to make a compromise because we're now committed, which is what relationships are all about. 

All posting these pics/vids publicly serves to do is attract attention from other guys, and I don't think it's unreasonable to have a conversation about it, tell her it makes me uncomfortable, and get an explanation of why she feels the need to do it.

That compromise involves her changing what she does.   You knew upfront what you were getting into, so you should not ask her for change.

Regarding attracting male attention, yes it does.  It also interests friends and other pole dancers.  Thinking that the sole purpose of this is to attract men is a very broad assumption on your part.   My pole dancing daughter (who's immediate reaction when I asked her opinion on this was to snigger) explained that she likes to share photos of when she finally nails a new trick because she's proud of herself.   And yes, she also posts photos of her looking good.   She also stated that she wouldn't date a guy who wanted her to change the way she does social media in order to appease him.

Perhaps you need a more conservative girlfriend?

[ChangeMyName]

2 hours ago, Noproblem said:

ok, so then what? 
Are you gonna talk with her about it?

Will you tell her I don't mind you posting photos, but tone it down a little?

Or you gonna tell you are bothered by all these thirsty photos and you wish her to stop because she'll get attention from other guys with mal- intentions. 

or are you gonna tell her, either you stop posting these risque photos or we end things?

keep us updated!

I'm going to tell her we need to talk about something, and I'm going to say that I think some of the things she posts on snapchat are inappropriate considering we're dating exclusively. Then I'm going to tell her that posting a body pic/vid showing off how hard she's been working in the gym is totally cool and I'd completely support that, but some of her other posts--the ones that are sexually charged--like the straight up "look at my ass" selfies and the video of her pole-dancing with legit half her ass hanging out of her shorts are off-putting to me since we're committed to each other. Then I'm going to tell her that when I see her posting these things, it makes me think she's looking for attention/validation from other guys, and makes me feel like getting attention/validation from only me isn't enough for her. I might add in that if she had directly sent that pole-dancing video to me, I would have loved it and thought it was awesome. And I'll probably also add that I don't love the thought of other guys seeing these posts and hitting her up trying to get in her pants, but I trust her and trust that when they do she shuts them down and/or blocks them if necessary. Then I'll ask if she can see where I'm coming from and go from there.

[ChangeMyName]

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

That compromise involves her changing what she does.   You knew upfront what you were getting into, so you should not ask her for change.

Regarding attracting male attention, yes it does.  It also interests friends and other pole dancers.  Thinking that the sole purpose of this is to attract men is a very broad assumption on your part.   My pole dancing daughter (who's immediate reaction when I asked her opinion on this was to snigger) explained that she likes to share photos of when she finally nails a new trick because she's proud of herself.   And yes, she also posts photos of her looking good.   She also stated that she wouldn't date a guy who wanted her to change the way she does social media in order to appease him.

Perhaps you need a more conservative girlfriend?

Please stop reiterating this god awful "point" in every one of your posts. She had never posted anything as salacious as the video the other night. I didn't love the booty pics she would randomly post, but the video was on another level.

Also, good for your daughter and good for you. There's nothing wrong with pole-dancing, but taking a video of you doing it with half your ass hanging out of your shorts and "crazy b!tch" playing in the background, then posting it publicly on your snapchat story for everyone to see--including a bunch of single, horny dudes, is inappropriate when you're committed to someone.

[basil67]

I think you need a more conservative girlfriend.  

[5x5]

1 hour ago, ChangeMyName said:

I'm going to tell her we need to talk about something, and I'm going to say that I think some of the things she posts on snapchat are inappropriate considering we're dating exclusively. Then I'm going to tell her that posting a body pic/vid showing off how hard she's been working in the gym is totally cool and I'd completely support that, but some of her other posts--the ones that are sexually charged--like the straight up "look at my ass" selfies and the video of her pole-dancing with legit half her ass hanging out of her shorts are off-putting to me since we're committed to each other. Then I'm going to tell her that when I see her posting these things, it makes me think she's looking for attention/validation from other guys, and makes me feel like getting attention/validation from only me isn't enough for her.

You do realise that your not going to get what you want by telling her that?

[ChangeMyName]

3 minutes ago, 5x5 said:

You do realise that your not going to get what you want by telling her that?

Please enlighten me then

[5x5]

1 minute ago, ChangeMyName said:

Please enlighten me then

Sure.

Read all of the above by everyone who has responded to you, from page 1 of this discussion to this point.

[GorillaTheater]

I can't speak for 5x5, but the correct response to behavior you're not okay with is "I'm not okay with that".

Her reply to that is beyond your control, but that's okay; you can handle it.

[thefooloftheyear]

Some women(heck some men too, but to a lesser degree) are just never happy unless they are being validated by men...It doesn't make them bad people, or any more prone to cheat(I think). it just "is what it is"

My opinion is that its lame, I dont get jealous of it, it just seems kinda stupid, but I suppose a fair amount of the shyt I tend to do people would find pretty stupid too...

IME, these women will even go to the extent of casually flirting with people right in front of you, to get a thrill...Some even use it as a tool to see how you react to it...Like see if you get jealous or if you are willing to fight for all of her attention...

As stated, there really isn't anything "wrong" with it, but if you are the type that doesn't like it, chances are it will wind up being a deal breaker as she probably wont want to give this up...its almost like a drug, I have found...I had a woman that worked for me that was like this...Good grief...

Having a "talk" with her about it wont go well...She'll see you as controlling and not like it...I wouldn't do that..You either need to play her or trade her....I think I agree Basil....You need a more conservative and reserved woman...

.02

TFY

Edited August 15, 2020 by thefooloftheyear

[dangerous]

9 hours ago, ChangeMyName said:

I'm not asking her to change. I'm trying to make a compromise because we're now committed, which is what relationships are all about. 

All posting these pics/vids publicly serves to do is attract attention from other guys, and I don't think it's unreasonable to have a conversation about it, tell her it makes me uncomfortable, and get an explanation of why she feels the need to do it.

yes talk to her.

[Wiseman2]

To answer your question. Be concerned. Very concerned.

You need to question the judgement of someone who posts  pictures of her butt all day on social media.

More importantly question the judgement of someone who wants to be with her.

There's no such thing as a "mature discussion" about something as absurd as this behavior.

Edited August 15, 2020 by Wiseman2

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, ChangeMyName said:

Also, good for your daughter and good for you. There's nothing wrong with pole-dancing, but taking a video of you doing it with half your ass hanging out of your shorts and "crazy b!tch" playing in the background, then posting it publicly on your snapchat story for everyone to see--including a bunch of single, horny dudes, is inappropriate when you're committed to someone.

I have to say, I also didn't get the impression that she's a serious pole-dancing enthusiast who enjoys it for its athletic and artistic merit. There are plenty who do, and rightfully so; it can be an incredibly beautiful display of dance, grace and physical strength. I've tried it a few times and love it. I don't think your girlfriend belongs to the crowd of genuine amateur dancers, though, based on your description. 

[basil67]

Interesting....I didn't imagine that she was anything other than a serious pole-dancing enthusiast.   

[Wiseman2]

She probably thinks you're as into it as she and her other followers are. After all you knew about when you met, and you have a curious obsession with it.

[QuietRiot]

On 8/14/2020 at 12:31 AM, Uptown182 said:

Sounds like she’s doing it for attention.  This is who she is, I don’t think that will change even if you tell her how you feel.  I think you need to decide if your ok with it and if not perhaps you need to move on.  

Yeah, I would often wonder why taken, even MARRIED women would still do this....it's as if their husbands or boyfriends don't do it for them anymore or turn them on or whatever.

[QuietRiot]

6 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Some women(heck some men too, but to a lesser degree) are just never happy unless they are being validated by men...It doesn't make them bad people, or any more prone to cheat(I think). it just "is what it is"

My opinion is that its lame, I dont get jealous of it, it just seems kinda stupid, but I suppose a fair amount of the shyt I tend to do people would find pretty stupid too...

IME, these women will even go to the extent of casually flirting with people right in front of you, to get a thrill...Some even use it as a tool to see how you react to it...Like see if you get jealous or if you are willing to fight for all of her attention...

As stated, there really isn't anything "wrong" with it, but if you are the type that doesn't like it, chances are it will wind up being a deal breaker as she probably wont want to give this up...its almost like a drug, I have found...I had a woman that worked for me that was like this...Good grief...

Having a "talk" with her about it wont go well...She'll see you as controlling and not like it...I wouldn't do that..You either need to play her or trade her....I think I agree Basil....You need a more conservative and reserved woman...

.02

TFY

The bolded...um...that's a recipe for disaster. A lot of game playing going on there. I knew a woman that did this because it irritated her that her boyfriend would not "react" in the way she had hoped.

That relationship crashed and burned.

Edited August 15, 2020 by QuietRiot

[ChangeMyName]

Well this is f*cking unbelievable. She messaged me on snap at 1030pm last night. Just saying "heyy". I messaged her back hey. 2.5 hours later I go to bed and she still hasn't seen/responded to the message. I figured she had just gone to bed. I wake up at 630am to piss and figure I'll check my phone. Bad f*cking idea. I see that she HAS seen the message, but didn't respond, and on top of that she had posted a snap at like 2 or 3am. I look at it and it's of two guys in her apartment and one is like holding/hugging her dog and the other is holding a beer.

Her story for rescheduling our date night yesterday to tonight was because she had to babysit. So this was at MOST a half-truth, and she MAYBE babysat, but hungout with people after. And on top of that she's acting weird as f*ck, said "heyy" then nothing else, and posted that bizarre snap at 2-3am.

Yeah. This is looking bad. We definitely need to have a talk about what in the f*ck is going on. And now I can't go back to f*cking sleep.

Edited August 15, 2020 by ChangeMyName

[Wiseman2]

How old is she? Does she work or go to school? 

[QuietRiot]

44 minutes ago, ChangeMyName said:

Well this is f*cking unbelievable. She messaged me on snap at 1030pm last night. Just saying "heyy". I messaged her back hey. 2.5 hours later I go to bed and she still hasn't seen/responded to the message. I figured she had just gone to bed. I wake up at 630am to piss and figure I'll check my phone. Bad f*cking idea. I see that she HAS seen the message, but didn't respond, and on top of that she had posted a snap at like 2 or 3am. I look at it and it's of two guys in her apartment and one is like holding/hugging her dog and the other is holding a beer.

Her story for rescheduling our date night yesterday to tonight was because she had to babysit. So this was at MOST a half-truth, and she MAYBE babysat, but hungout with people after. And on top of that she's acting weird as f*ck, said "heyy" then nothing else, and posted that bizarre snap at 2-3am.

Yeah. This is looking bad. We definitely need to have a talk about what in the f*ck is going on. And now I can't go back to f*cking sleep.

Yeah, you're just a chat buddy to her.

[ChangeMyName]

18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How old is she? Does she work or go to school? 

Does it matter? She's 29 and I'm 30. She works a good job but works from home and it's obviously the weekend.

God damn it I need to sleep... But my heart is pounding every time I lay back down. I can't stop thinking about what the f*ck is going on with her and what happened last night. Why she randomly texted me just "heyy" and never responded, and why she posted a snap of two dudes in her apartment at 2am. I'm so f*cking stressed out about this and I want answers from her right now. I've take two ambien already and I'm about to pop a third. I really need to sleep. I didn't sleep well the past couple nights either because I'd wake up thinking about the other stuff.

Now we don't just need to have a conversation about the snapchat stuff, but we need to have a conversation about her POSSIBLY lying to me and betraying my trust, and if she's even interested and wants to continue this.

[ChangeMyName]

2 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

Yeah, you're just a chat buddy to her.

We've been dating and f*cking for three months and have seen each other a minimum of 2-3 times most weeks. I'm obviously not a chat buddy orbiter. I'm the guy she's supposed to be dating exclusively--the guy who she's supposed to want to make her boyfriend. But this week has been all f*cked up. She's been acting totally different this week and I don't know what's going on with her.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, ChangeMyName said:

 She's 29 . She works a good job but works from home.

 why she posted a snap of two dudes in her apartment at 2am.

How well do you really know her? Are you thinking she may be a hooker on the side and these SC posts are advertisements?

[NomiMalone]

55 minutes ago, ChangeMyName said:

I look at it and it's of two guys in her apartment and one is like holding/hugging her dog and the other is holding a beer.

Her story for rescheduling our date night yesterday to tonight was because she had to babysit. So this was at MOST a half-truth, and she MAYBE babysat, but hungout with people after. And on top of that she's acting weird as f*ck, said "heyy" then nothing else, and posted that bizarre snap at 2-3am.

I’m sorry... this would be dumping grounds (the booty pics would’ve been too). You deserve more respect - from yourself. 

[NomiMalone]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

Interesting....I didn't imagine that she was anything other than a serious pole-dancing enthusiast.   

There are 2 types of pole dancing: type 1 - as a competitive sport (which is fitness and skill-oriented, and relatively non-sexual), and type 2 - in a strip club setting (intended to be sexual and provocative). Most women who pole dance for fitness/comps would NEVER consider becoming strippers. 

Sounds like Basil is referring to pole dancing for fitness, and OP’s “girlfriend”s video sounded more “stripperly”.