How concerned should I be about the girl I'm seeing posting 'thirst trap' pics/vids on social media?

[introverted1]

What, exactly, is it that you "REALLY like" about this girl, other than how she looks?

[schlumpy]

Your options are to accept her for who she is or date her as a fun girl with no long term potential. No way is she going to be or is exclusive. Just sharing her videos on social media is a shout out.

You need to detach. You will never feel safe with her. 

[Fletch Lives]

You knew what you were getting into. Let the buyer beware.

[Velvet teddy]

5 hours ago, ChangeMyName said:

Yes exactly. Before we went exclusive and were just casually dating it was fair game. But some behaviors SHOULD change once committing to someone. You shouldn't be deliberately and knowingly putting yourself in situations that will lead to people hitting on you when you're committed to someone.

You both obviously have different values.

I think you liking her is most likely more on a superficial level than anything else i.e because you think she's attractive.

If you tell her how you feel about it, it may come across controlling and insecure on your part. 

So i agree with another poster here. Either put up with it or walk away.  It appears posting videos and pics of herself in this manner has become part of her lifestyle or simply an addiction.

 

 

 

[d0nnivain]

7 hours ago, ChangeMyName said:

My point is why does she need to post these things when we're seeing each other? The only thing it does is attract other men. This makes me feel like I'm not enough for her--like my attention and dating me doesn't satisfy her.

They are two different things. 

Look at all the Kardashians & other "celebs" of that ilk.  Many post racy stuff & had relationships.  They don't post because there is something missing in their relationship.  They post because the live for the attention.  It's not that she's seeking sex from others but she will always seek validation.  

You can tell her that it upsets you & makes you insecure.  You can ask her to stop but you can't demand it. How far are you planning to take this?  Will you eventually start to police what she is wearing or buy conservative clothes for her?   If you remain upset by it & she continues doing it, the a relationship with her is not for you.  

[ChangeMyName]

6 hours ago, 5x5 said:

Of course, except for when you wrote exactly that.

 

Well it was fair game, yet now you have decided differently without having such discussions with her before the fact. Holding a covert contract without her being party to it, is hardly a path to a healthy relationship.

Again what you think should and shouldn't be, are opinions that evidently are not shared by her. So given that you don't own her or control her. It really is up to her what she decides to do. Whether you accept that or not is up to you, in exactly the same way, that she doesn't own or control you either.

Seriously if you don't like that she doesn't share your opinions and perspective, then do yourself a favour and dump her.

If not, then perhaps you should try to get over yourself and honestly embrace whatever you choose to put up with.

I don't care if she takes them, I care if she posts them publicly. You really pulled that out of context

[JRabbit]

From my experience the types that constantly post attention seeking posts, selfies etc have underlying mental health issues like narcissism.  I think you are right to be concerned, and honestly I can't imagine this person changing unless she experiences some deep personal growth. 

[ChangeMyName]

Also why I'm with her and exclusive with her is because we have that very rare chemistry that I've only experienced with a couple other people in my decade+ of dating

[smackie9]

well what's the point of taking pics unless you are going to post them for all to see? It's what she does for fun. Some guys can handle their GF doing that and some can't. What do you do? tell her to stop it. If she won't, you kick her a$$ to the curb. Not much else you can do about it.

Edited August 14, 2020 by smackie9

[poppyfields]

10 hours ago, ChangeMyName said:

My point is why does she need to post these things when we're seeing each other? The only thing it does is attract other men. This makes me feel like I'm not enough for her--like my attention and dating me doesn't satisfy her.

Why does she do it?  Given the types of pics she posts, most likely because she is insecure, low self-esteem and as such seeks attention and validation from as many men as she can to make her feel valued and worthy.

Sorry to say, no you are not enough.  One man will never be enough. 

She may also have become addicted to the validation, similar to a man seeking sex from various women for validation (i.e sex addict). 

I'm surprised, considering how you feel, you chose to get involved with her in the first place. 

Edited August 14, 2020 by poppyfields

[Ruby Slippers]

10 hours ago, ChangeMyName said:

She's randomly posted mirror selfie "look at my ass" thirst trap-esque pics ever since I've known her, which was fine early on, but now we're exclusive and she's still doing it just as much or more than ever. 

You should have discussed the subject before you started dating her. If this doesn't work out, now you know for the future. 

She'll probably react badly if you bring it up now - though you have to. You do hear stories about women giving this stuff up once they meet the right man, so I guess it's possible.

I think your best approach is to simply communicate how it makes you feel without judging comments. Given that she feels perfectly cool to do this while in a committed relationship, there's a high likelihood she'll defend it and won't let it go.

[d0nnivain]

24 minutes ago, ChangeMyName said:

Also why I'm with her and exclusive with her is because we have that very rare chemistry that I've only experienced with a couple other people in my decade+ of dating

 Then you have to weight it out.  

She won't change.  She won't stop posting these pictures.  So you either have to accept that & enjoy the chemistry or you can dump her & go look for chemistry elsewhere.   What you can't do is make her stop.  She has to want to stop posting.  The minute you tell her she "can't" she will do it more.  

[5x5]

41 minutes ago, ChangeMyName said:

I don't care if she takes them, I care if she posts them publicly. You really pulled that out of context

Except for when you were fine with her posting them publicly before you were "exclusive".

11 hours ago, ChangeMyName said:

She's randomly posted mirror selfie "look at my ass" thirst trap-esque pics ever since I've known her, which was fine early on

Edited August 14, 2020 by 5x5

[introverted1]

33 minutes ago, ChangeMyName said:

Also why I'm with her and exclusive with her is because we have that very rare chemistry that I've only experienced with a couple other people in my decade+ of dating

Which means what - that she's good in bed?

Look, I am fully aware of the draw of sexual chemistry, but long-term relationships need more than that.  What about this person do you like -- her character, what she's passionate about, how she thinks, her work ethic, her values.  Does she tick any of those boxes?

[5x5]

11 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

You should have discussed the subject before you started dating her.

Yep, instead of wanting to move the goalposts after the fact and wanting her to be someone she isn't.

[poppyfields]

I can't know for sure, but if I were to hazard a guess, these pics are what initially pulled you in.  Beautiful ass, very sexual, hot --> great in bed.

But now that you're "in" the same thing that initially attracted you turns you off.

Another poster (apologies can't remember who) mentioned bait and switch, yeah something like that and it happens A LOT.  You're not alone.

You are never going to be happy with this girl, this is her character, she is not going to change (see my previous post).  

I'm sorry, perhaps a lesson learned for your next relationship.

Edited August 14, 2020 by poppyfields

[Fox Sake]

Instead of thinking how lewd her behaviour is , why don’t you just appreciate the fact that you have a super hot girlfriend with charisma and sexual energy. After all, that’s what most (not all) men want in a partner? 

As @poppyfields said, you got what you wanted and now the thing that likely attracted you is turning you off. 
 

So what she likes the attention?! She is in a relationship with YOU. She’s not cheating on you , she’s given you no other reasons to dislike her. Seriously , just appreciate what you have or before you know it you’ll push her away and regret your behaviour. 

Edited August 14, 2020 by Fox Sake
Grammar

[dangerous]

I agree its probably different posting on FB/ Insta as its like a showcase, whereas Snapchat is more targeted?

Personally, I'd only date a girl like this for a good time, I wouldn't get emotional: she sounds too insecure and narcistic.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, how old is she? And you?

[CollinW]

This woman is an attention whore and let me tell you, there is nothing more risky than dating a woman who thirsts for attention from strangers. It's literally like dating a drug addict, they will do anything to get that attention high. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, ChangeMyName said:

I don't care if she takes them, I care if she posts them publicly. You really pulled that out of context

👍 Are you 'liking" her posts?  If not, what does that say about you as the BF?

[rjc149]

Remember these two adages:

1. You can't turn a ho into a housewife. 

2. She's not yours. It's just your turn. 

If you want a healthy long-term relationship, choose better. I know you're blinded by infatuation but this is just common sense. A girl who is essentially a stripper is not going to remain faithful and committed to anyone while she's still strutting her stuff. Come on man. Think with your head. The one on your shoulders. 

Rest absolutely assured that this will be a temporary relationship that will end with her cheating or leaving you for another drooling admirer. So enjoy your turn while it lasts. It sounds like it's a fun ride. Live it up!  And when it's over, you let go and move on. Date a woman who can be content with the validation and affection of one loving man, not being a piece of meat for a drooling mob. 

[JRabbit]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

👍 Are you 'liking" her posts?  If not, what does that say about you as the BF?

You can't really like Snapchat photos.

The fact this is Snapchat where she posts most is telling. Snap chat is very private and secretive. She can see who views the posts, and anyone can reply to her on her friends list and the conversations are erased shortly after sent.  Often used for cheating/hiding things. Those pics can only be seen by those who are on her friends list, so they are for a certain audience for sure.

There is also a difference in a hot woman posting something nice for attention and then just posting selfies of your ass.  That's not sexy or bragging rights, its trashy.  A million ways to show a nice hot body off that doesn't involve just shoving your ass out there in a bathroom mirror.  These arent influencer type posts from what I gather from the OP.

[ChangeMyName]

12 minutes ago, JRabbit said:

You can't really like Snapchat photos.

The fact this is Snapchat where she posts most is telling. Snap chat is very private and secretive. She can see who views the posts, and anyone can reply to her on her friends list and the conversations are erased shortly after sent.  Often used for cheating/hiding things. Those pics can only be seen by those who are on her friends list, so they are for a certain audience for sure.

There is also a difference in a hot woman posting something nice for attention and then just posting selfies of your ass.  That's not sexy or bragging rights, its trashy.  A million ways to show a nice hot body off that doesn't involve just shoving your ass out there in a bathroom mirror.  These arent influencer type posts from what I gather from the OP.

You hit the nail on the head in terms of how I'm looking at it. On Facebook or Instagram it IS public, but more of a "showcase". Snapchat is ONLY people you've at some point mutually added to your friends list and is primarily used on dating apps when you want to talk to someone without giving out your phone number. The posts also disappear in 24 hours, and messages can be deleted at any point or can be set to disappear immediately. Also, messaging is much easier and more direct on snapchat. On FB or insta a message might be filtered, plus a lot of girls just never check their messages, but on snap it's pretty much guaranteed that the person will see your message and replying to snap stories is extremely easy.

Also, I KNOW she has random guys on her snap. She actually opened her snapchat the other day and, with me right there, was like "let's see what this person sent." It was a selfie video of this guy drinking a beer and she said "I don't know why this guy is always sending me beer drinking videos. it's odd." She obviously didn't know him personally. So these guys (who could be from dating apps before we went exclusive) are seeing these racy posts and are easily able to hit her up and say whatever they want to her.

And yeah... She's not an influencer or model. I don't even think she has an instagram, and she NEVER posts any of this kind of stuff on facebook.

Also to answer the question about our chemistry... No, the sex and physical attraction isn't what got me hooked. The very rare emotional/personality chemistry is what made me want to be with her.

Edited August 14, 2020 by ChangeMyName

[d0nnivain]

So is your problem the pictures or the platform?