Alvi Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 I've been talking to one guy on the dating site since last week. We had many good convos. He asked me lots of in-depth questions. We talked about lots of things, likes, dislikes and such. The convo just keeps flowing. He asked me out for dinner this Saturday, to which I said yes. But today, he asked me again about my taste in music. We discussed our music tastes two days ago. How could he forget so soon? lol I know he is probably talking to other women and it's fine. But can't he keep a spreadsheet of who said what? Can't he re-read the conversation and not ask the same question again. Should I call him out on it? Probably not. I don't know if I want to go on a date anymore. For some reason, it's a turn off for me. I know that you cannot remember everything about a person you've never met but for me, if I like someone, I would at at least try to remember the details about that person. Would you see it as a red flag? 1
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 Call him out on it? Why on earth would you do something so hostile? If you want him to never speak to you again & conclude that you are mean judgmental person, sure go ahead & call him out. Not every body has a great memory. I would not see it as a red flag but it may be an indication that you are not the only one he's talking to. If that is a problem from you, stop talking to him. Understand, since you haven't even had one date yet, your expectation that he only talk to you would be unreasonable. 6
Wiseman2 Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 13 minutes ago, Alvi said: He asked me out for dinner this Saturday, to which I said yes. See what happens in person. People are talking to others. People are also human and get nervous. If you need to find red flags you will. 2
Author Alvi Posted August 13, 2020 Author Posted August 13, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Call him out on it? Why on earth would you do something so hostile? If you want him to never speak to you again & conclude that you are mean judgmental person, sure go ahead & call him out. Not every body has a great memory. I would not see it as a red flag but it may be an indication that you are not the only one he's talking to. If that is a problem from you, stop talking to him. Understand, since you haven't even had one date yet, your expectation that he only talk to you would be unreasonable. Well, perhaps calling him out is too strong of a word. I see how it looks written down, but I didn't mean for it do sound so strong and hostile. I simply meant if I should make a joke or something about him forgetting our previous discussion. In a nice way. I don't expect him to talk to me and just me, I talk to others all well. But for me, I try remember details as much as possible.But you are right, I am probably expecting too much of others. Edited August 13, 2020 by Alvi
Ruby Slippers Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 I'd definitely mention that you already discussed this and, since you suggest he could re-read this info, suggest he review the conversation and find his own answer. He needs to know right away that rubbed you the wrong way. I totally agree with you that it would give me the impression he's not paying attention/doesn't care that much/is taking an assembly line approach, which is a huge turn-off. He's already telling you he's not intrigued enough to remember what you've already talked about, which is a big romance killer. Very lame on his part.
Author Alvi Posted August 13, 2020 Author Posted August 13, 2020 4 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I'd definitely mention that you already discussed this and, since you suggest he could re-read this info, suggest he review the conversation and find his own answer. He needs to know right away that rubbed you the wrong way. I totally agree with you that it would give me the impression he's not paying attention/doesn't care that much/is taking an assembly line approach, which is a huge turn-off. He's already telling you he's not intrigued enough to remember what you've already talked about, which is a big romance killer. Very lame on his part. I am glad this is not just in my head, you see it my way. Such a bummer. He was the first guy I felt very exited meeting in a very long while. Still undecided whether I should meet him or not. What would you do? I think I will make a joke about him forgetting and see what he says. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 5 minutes ago, Alvi said: Such a bummer. He was the first guy I felt very exited meeting in a very long while. Still undecided whether I should meet him or not. What would you do? I think I will make a joke about him forgetting and see what he says. Personally, and this is just me - but I wouldn't make a joke about it because it's not funny. It's a turn-off, would make me feel like he's sifting through a dozen trinkets and might pick one up if it's shiny enough. I'd be cool and matter of fact about it. However, you've connected well otherwise and he asked you out to dinner for Saturday night, which is good. I'd go on the date, but I'd definitely take my sweet little time getting to know him. He's already given the impression he's distracted, so I'm definitely gonna be a little cooler. I'm not doing anything special to compete for his attention.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 I think you're being a little reactive. He might just have a bad memory. Relax. 3
smackie9 Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 nope first impressions count. If you are turned off, I know I would be, that's a I'm not interested anymore.
Calmandfocused Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 The culture of online dating sucks. I don’t like it either. However you either choose to accept the culture or you do not. If it’s the latter then you’d be best trying to find a partner another way. If you chose to accept the culture then you need to reduce your expectations. Like you this guy is trying to find someone. This means that he is best off casting his net as far and wide as possible- a very sensible strategy! You should do the same. Forget about who else he is conversing with. You don’t need to be the one and only on chat. Concentrate on being the one and only in person... He’ll definitely remember your music tastes then. Meet him is my advice. 1
Lorenza Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 Nah, don't call him out on it. It's easy to forget all kinds of small facts about people you just met. I have some specific things I forget about new people I meet, like their workplace, or how many siblings they have and might ask the same question again. It's really embarassing to be called out on it, especially if you're a spaced out person and you really try to remember but fail sometimes. So yeah, if you dont want to push him away, just tell about your music taste one more time, no harm in that. He is taking interest in you and asking a lot of questions about you, let this one slip. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 In the moment I may have made a joke about it, understanding the the joke could backfire & he may take offense at having a mistake pointed out. That would tell me we didn't share a sense of humor. Before you actually meet, it's best to take things in stride unless the other person is being too sexual or doing something else offensive. A slight slip, let it go
curlygirl40 Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 Oh my goodness. Could be a simple mistake. Have you ever had someone tell you a story and as you're listening you're thinking 'You've told me this before' but you smile and nod? Yes he could have scrolled back, yes he could be talking to others, yes he could have just forgotten that you already talked about it. This early on? Leave it be. Sure, take note of it if it makes you feel better. But it seems judgy to me to bring it up to him. 4
basil67 Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 Unless you never, ever put a foot wrong in your conversations with others, I would not mention it. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 6 hours ago, Alvi said: But can't he keep a spreadsheet of who said what? You'd rather date someone who keeps a spreadsheet of who he's hit on via online dating than date someone who asked you the same question twice? 4 1
snowboy91 Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 6 hours ago, Alvi said: But can't he keep a spreadsheet of who said what? Can't he re-read the conversation and not ask the same question again. This just sounds exhausting! This guy might just have a poor memory for things like that. If you're going to mention it's the second time you've had this conversation, I'd do so kindly with the intention of jogging his memory. Most likely he'll say "Oh yeah, we did discuss <some band>" or whatever, and you won't worry about it again.
FMW Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 (edited) You haven't actually met yet, right? I guess I'm clueless because I've never done online dating, but it seems to me that unless you're only talking to one person it would be hard to keep things straight. We'd all like to think we're unique and fascinating, but ehh, not so much. All you have is words on a screen or a disembodied voice. And it's only been a week of that. Bringing it to his attention wouldn't serve any purpose other than allowing you to vent your irritation - to someone you don't even know yet. Why bother? If you go on a few actual in person dates and he still doesn't seem to be able to retain information about you, I wouldn't waste any more time on him. Just move on to the next guy. Edited August 13, 2020 by FMW 1
Author Alvi Posted August 14, 2020 Author Posted August 14, 2020 OK, I've read posts. It seems like I did overreact a bit here. I told him about my music tastes again. So we basically had two identical conversations in the space of two days,lol. Never mentioned to him that he already asked me about music. I am very rusty when it comes to dating. I know that internet dating is about a number, but hey, if you cannot remember and retain some things about people you talk to, well, then perhaps you talk to way too many people at once. Anyhow, I am going on a date with him on Saturday. I am curious about him, since we do seem to have an online connection. He tells me that he is exited to meet me so I am going to see how it goes. I am going to keep my eyes (and ears too) wide open. Thank you everybody for your help! 2
Maldives Posted August 14, 2020 Posted August 14, 2020 12 hours ago, Alvi said: I've been talking to one guy on the dating site since last week. We had many good convos. He asked me lots of in-depth questions. We talked about lots of things, likes, dislikes and such. The convo just keeps flowing. He asked me out for dinner this Saturday, to which I said yes. But today, he asked me again about my taste in music. We discussed our music tastes two days ago. How could he forget so soon? lol I know he is probably talking to other women and it's fine. But can't he keep a spreadsheet of who said what? Can't he re-read the conversation and not ask the same question again. Should I call him out on it? Probably not. I don't know if I want to go on a date anymore. For some reason, it's a turn off for me. I know that you cannot remember everything about a person you've never met but for me, if I like someone, I would at at least try to remember the details about that person. Would you see it as a red flag? I did that with someone recently just totally slipped my mind and she wrote me off I think it's superficial to write someone off for something so insignificant I have had woman forget what I'd told em whilst it's a lil annoying I gave it a go still it's no big deal sure he didn't mean to. If your gonna behave like that the whats it gona be like for u establishing a relationship?
Wiseman2 Posted August 14, 2020 Posted August 14, 2020 (edited) It seems like you are talking to much before meeting if you are having the same conversation over again. Scale back on that. Don't try to build rapport through the phone. Meet first. Edited August 14, 2020 by Wiseman2 2
Erik30 Posted August 14, 2020 Posted August 14, 2020 You could've just joked about it... This is still early on, it shouldn't be a big deal. You're often having the same conversations over and over with people when you're doing OLD, so it's easy to forget. Especially when it's a general topic like music. I don't think it's a red flag 1
Fletch Lives Posted August 14, 2020 Posted August 14, 2020 20 hours ago, Alvi said: I know he is probably talking to other women and it's fine. - This is your real problem
Author Alvi Posted August 14, 2020 Author Posted August 14, 2020 8 hours ago, Erik30 said: You could've just joked about it... This is still early on, it shouldn't be a big deal. You're often having the same conversations over and over with people when you're doing OLD, so it's easy to forget. Especially when it's a general topic like music. I don't think it's a red flag I could've. Thought about it but decided against it.
Wiseman2 Posted August 14, 2020 Posted August 14, 2020 1 minute ago, Alvi said: I could've. Thought about it but decided against it. Have you memorized his playlist yet?
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