How do I get a good conversation going when approaching girls at the park w/ a dog?

[guywithdog]

So, I've been trying a new approach with walking my dog through the park and approaching girls who are sitting around on the lawn. The initial part is great, I would say 4 out of 10 that I try to approach will fawn over how cute the dog is, and play with her, ask questions about her, etc, but I'm not quite sure how to proceed from there. What are some good ways I can try to steer the conversation to something besides the dog so I can get some small talk going?

I also haven't tried approaching anyone unless they show the dog attention first. Is there a good way to make someone who's reading a book/sunbathing and not paying attention to their surroundings to notice her without being weird about it?

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, guywithdog said:

Is there a good way to make someone who's reading a book/sunbathing and not paying attention to their surroundings to notice her without being weird about it?

Don't just walk up to sunbathing or reading women and try to pick them up, it's kind of creepy. Go  to a dog park and talk to women with dogs. At least you'll have enough in common to start a conversation. Talk about the neighborhood, whether whatever. 

[d0nnivain]

Do not approach somebody not paying attention.  Most likely that person does not want to be interrupted.  Plus if you startle the person & they startle your dog, the dog could bite.   Yes, I know you love your dog & your dog would "never" do that but your dog is still an animal.  Don't take the risk. 

Throw the conversation about your dog back on her.  Does she have any pets?   In all likelihood she will say something that jumps the conversation off to something else.  

If you really are attracted but getting no where, end it but say maybe you will see her again tomorrow because you always walk your dog at this time.  If she seems enthusiastic about that prospect seek her out the next day.  If she says something like she won't be there, you know this is pass.   It takes time.  Some times you have to see people repeatedly.  I began walking in my neighborhood when Covid started.  Most people didn't say hi.  The more I walked the more people said hi.  After a while the smiles became brighter.  We just got a dog & now people are really happy to see us.  

Edited August 12, 2020 by d0nnivain

[Shanex]

That’s a difficult one, since most women are rightly worried about some dude approaching them randomly in a park or in the streets.

I have no doubts you have good intentions but tread carefully. Personally I am incapable to approach a woman like that unless there’s a bit of context and situation where I can talk to a woman. Otherwise, no way.

Having a dog can help start a chat. There are evident « signals » about someone interested in you.

Last but not least, if she compliments your dog, or for other people, your toddler (if you’re single), keep in mind the compliment is aimed at you. 
 

Enjoy.

[guywithdog]

15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Don't just walk up to sunbathing or reading women and try to pick them up, it's kind of creepy. Go  to a dog park and talk to women with dogs. At least you'll have enough in common to start a conversation. Talk about the neighborhood, whether whatever. 

So, the idea is to get them to notice the dog and get a reaction out of them. I only talk to people who react to the dog FIRST. A lot of people will ask if they can pet it when they see it. Where I live very few single girls have a dog since they typically live with roommates in an apartment that prohibits pets. Most of the people at the dog park I go to are either older or they're couples with a dog.

16 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Do not approach somebody not paying attention.  Most likely that person does not want to be interrupted.  Plus if you startle the person & they startle your dog, the dog could bite.   Yes, I know you love your dog & your dog would "never" do that but your dog is still an animal.  Don't take the risk. 

Throw the conversation about your dog back on her.  Does she have any pets?   In all likelihood she will say something that jumps the conversation off to something else.  

If you really are attracted but getting no where, end it but say maybe you will see her again tomorrow because you always walk your dog at this time.  If she seems enthusiastic about that prospect seek her out the next day.  If she says something like she won't be there, you know this is pass.   It takes time.  Some times you have to see people repeatedly.  I began walking in my neighborhood when Covid started.  Most people didn't say hi.  The more I walked the more people said hi.  After a while the smiles became brighter.  We just got a dog & now people are really happy to see us.  

This is a 3 pound toy dog (on a leash) that couldn't hurt someone if she wanted to, so I don't have any concern there (and I obviously won't let her go on their blanket until after they've asked to pet her). I tried the does she have any pets angle but that doesn't seem to go anywhere (and I'm trying to get the conversation AWAY from the dog and onto me and her). I also live in a big city so I generally don't see the same people multiple times, so I'm trying to figure out what kind of conversation I can try to make in like a 5 - 10 minute encounter to get to know the person a little bit

23 minutes ago, Shanex said:

That’s a difficult one, since most women are rightly worried about some dude approaching them randomly in a park or in the streets.

I have no doubts you have good intentions but tread carefully. Personally I am incapable to approach a woman like that unless there’s a bit of context and situation where I can talk to a woman. Otherwise, no way.

Having a dog can help start a chat. There are evident « signals » about someone interested in you.

Last but not least, if she compliments your dog, or for other people, your toddler (if you’re single), keep in mind the compliment is aimed at you. 
 

Enjoy.

Like I said above, I only start a conversation if they show attention first (I obviously steer the dog into the direction of people I'm interested in, but if they don't react I keep walking). I have no issue with the approach and initial part of it where they play with the dog and ask if she's a puppy (which EVERYONE asks since she's so small), but I'm finding it difficult to try to move the conversation onto something else.

[Calmandfocused]

My sister met her husband by walking her dog 20 years ago. It can be done! 
 

She was walking her dog, he was walking his dog. They saw each other every morning and initially connected over the dogs. The dog conversations then led to other conversations, about other aspects of their lives, they learnt they were both single and ... hey presto! . 

Follow the same formula and you never know, you may just get lucky 

 

[Wiseman2]

Try not to use techniques that you feel are appropriate in a singles bar or club. The women you are approaching are not in a those places looking for dates. They may have bfs, etc. If the conversation goes no further than 'cute dog' etc it means they are not interested.

[guywithdog]

33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Try not to use techniques that you feel are appropriate in a singles bar or club. The women you are approaching are not in a those places looking for dates. They may have bfs, etc. If the conversation goes no further than 'cute dog' etc it means they are not interested.

That's not what I'm asking. I'm asking what are good topics/other conversation openers for the situation. Maybe those other topics get a good convo going, maybe they don't, just looking for ideas here.

[Fox Sake]

17 hours ago, guywithdog said:

That's not what I'm asking. I'm asking what are good topics/other conversation openers for the situation. Maybe those other topics get a good convo going, maybe they don't, just looking for ideas here.

eg: “Hey my dog thought you were cute and she wanted to know if you want froyo” 

you’ll never get past the about- dog chat if you don’t actively make an effort to push the conversation somewhere else. Assuming you’re interested in these women you’re approaching. A little humour and blind confidence never hurt anyone 

[Ollie180]

Moving the conversation away from dogs:

“So, do you live round here?” You can then go in so many directions from this.. where she lived before, if she likes the area, etc etc

”Whats that your reading then?” (If shes reading).

“Lovely/dodgy weather we’re having” I know the world laughs at us brits and our weather chat but it’s a Foolproof conversation to have with a stranger! If you want to expand it you can ask if they like the heat/ or don’t, summer person/winter person, have any advice for what to do locally on a rainy day! Honestly it’s a classic for a reason!

If you’re reallyyyy stalling, I have used (quite a lot back in the day ) “hey, sorry, it’s just that you look really familiar, have we met before?” It’s absolutely shameless but it can help you get talking about where she hangs out or where she works.. and normally she’ll offer up the info you don’t even have to ask!

 

If you want to be a bit more direct and a bit less chit chat:

“So, what’s your story?” I love asking people that.. tell me about yourself is so dull and full on and no one knows that to say! But this always surprises people and it’s interesting to here what they come out with.

”Got time to chat?”  She can say yes or tell me to buggar off, if she seems chill about it I’d sit down or whatever and just ask the most random question that pops into my head! Something that’s going to make her think this guys got personality... ‘if you had to live in a movie but not as a main character what movie would you pick?’ ‘What’s the wackiest fancy dress costume you’ve ever worn?’ ‘Where’s the furthest from home you’ve ever travelled’

[ZA Dater]

20 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Try not to use techniques that you feel are appropriate in a singles bar or club. The women you are approaching are not in a those places looking for dates. They may have bfs, etc. If the conversation goes no further than 'cute dog' etc it means they are not interested.

For me this the inherent issue. You simply cannot determine this so the entire method to me is flawed. OP go to the park with your dog and enjoy your time there, don't go there with the purpose of looking for a date. Because your dog is cute doesn't mean she is going to find you cute. The same really applies to people who advocate talking to random people, why there is no purpose to do so and I cannot think of any context where it doesn't come off as creepy.

The more I read these sorts of thread the more ridiculous I think dating is.

[Ollie180]

10 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

For me this the inherent issue. You simply cannot determine this so the entire method to me is flawed. OP go to the park with your dog and enjoy your time there, don't go there with the purpose of looking for a date. Because your dog is cute doesn't mean she is going to find you cute. The same really applies to people who advocate talking to random people, why there is no purpose to do so and I cannot think of any context where it doesn't come off as creepy.

The more I read these sorts of thread the more ridiculous I think dating is.

But if she doesn’t find you as cute as your dog.. then what have you lost?

You don’t have to go into an interaction hoping it will lead to marriage (or even to a single date), you can have a chat with someone just for the simple fun of having a chat with someone!

OP, I think you’re totally fine - I love chatting to people! I’ll have a little chat walking the dog.. on the train.. at the newsagents... I don’t want to date them, I’m just a people person! Also the more you talk to people the better you get at it, strike up a convo with everyone OP, and when you bump into a girl you actually like finding something to say will feel like muscle memory!

[ZA Dater]

6 minutes ago, Ollie180 said:

But if she doesn’t find you as cute as your dog.. then what have you lost?

You don’t have to go into an interaction hoping it will lead to marriage (or even to a single date), you can have a chat with someone just for the simple fun of having a chat with someone!

OP, I think you’re totally fine - I love chatting to people! I’ll have a little chat walking the dog.. on the train.. at the newsagents... I don’t want to date them, I’m just a people person! Also the more you talk to people the better you get at it, strike up a convo with everyone OP, and when you bump into a girl you actually like finding something to say will feel like muscle memory!

To me it would come across as very creepy if someone invaded my space with their dog and then tried to drag a conversation out of me.

[d0nnivain]

9 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

To me it would come across as very creepy if someone invaded my space with their dog and then tried to drag a conversation out of me.

You're not a dog person.  When out walking I always approach & ask if I can pet the dog.  I like it when people show interest in my dog. 

The OP's challenge is how to take that random superficial thing & spin it into more.  That is where you risk being creepy if you don't pull it off smoothly.  

[Ollie180]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

To me it would come across as very creepy if someone invaded my space with their dog and then tried to drag a conversation out of me.

But this is it right.. the same girl you’d think was ‘creepy’ for invading your space and talking to you, I’d think like ‘what a sound girl’ and be impressed by her outgoingness .....because we’re different, which is cool, because ultimately dating is all about finding a match for a match! OP likes to chat about his dog in the park, so maybe the girl who thinks talking to strangers is weird is never going to be the one for him anyway! 

[guywithdog]

Well, I am taking the dog to the park with the intent of trying to get a date, but hey, the bars are mostly closed and online dating kinda sucks so I'm just working with what's available. That said I've also had nice interactions with couples/guys as well (I'll usually talk to a couple first as a warmup which gets me in a more social mood). I don't really see it any differently than going to a bar to go be social with strangers, I'm going to the park to be social w/ strangers. But I've also never done this before so that's why I'm looking for ideas to make this go smoother.

But yeah, I like the "got time to chat" idea, I can think of a few ways to spin that. Will give it a try next time I go.

I also doubt anyone thinks I'm invading their space since they're the one who initiates it by pointing at or saying something about the dog (usually my cue to approach is someone pointing her out to their friend). There's tons of people at the park, I'm not going to bother with trying something completely awkward when there's someone 20 feet away who'll fawn over the dog and give an easy in.

One other thing I've found kinda awkward is the fact that most people are at the park in groups, so obviously I can only ask one of them out, so any ideas on that aspect?

[ZA Dater]

37 minutes ago, guywithdog said:

 

One other thing I've found kinda awkward is the fact that most people are at the park in groups, so obviously I can only ask one of them out, so any ideas on that aspect?

Yip that is a fairly big problem, hence my saying the girl on her own might find such an approach just weird. I think though it depends on how you spin this with body language and how much confidence you can put into this. I commend you for trying this because I'd find it impossible to do. And yes I agree its a better idea than a club!

If its a group you need to see what the body language is like but equally you also cant ascertain who is single and who isn't....

My piece of advice to you is perhaps counter intuitive, approach a lot of different people and refine the idea as you go.

[elaine567]

On 8/12/2020 at 6:37 PM, Calmandfocused said:

My sister met her husband by walking her dog 20 years ago. It can be done! 
 

She was walking her dog, he was walking his dog. They saw each other every morning and initially connected over the dogs. The dog conversations then led to other conversations, about other aspects of their lives, they learnt they were both single and ... hey presto!

This is how it works. You need to keep meeting naturally when walking the dogs, have a few great conversations, develop a relationship, then ask her out. 
Picking up women in the park with a dog as bait is never going to work

[guywithdog]

18 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Yip that is a fairly big problem, hence my saying the girl on her own might find such an approach just weird. I think though it depends on how you spin this with body language and how much confidence you can put into this. I commend you for trying this because I'd find it impossible to do. And yes I agree its a better idea than a club!

If its a group you need to see what the body language is like but equally you also cant ascertain who is single and who isn't....

My piece of advice to you is perhaps counter intuitive, approach a lot of different people and refine the idea as you go.

Well as a friend of mine once said, if you make an ass out of yourself you'll never see them again anyway, so what'd you lose?

I usually try it on groups of 2, I'll ask the one who seems more engaged if I'm interested in both of them.

And yeah, I'm definitely working on figuring out what works and what doesn't. Like they say, practice makes perfect.

[Ollie180]

Remember as well when you get chatting to five as much as you ask! Like just offer up statements and let her bounce off it rather that always giving her a question to answer (it tends to make people feel more relaxed and less ‘put on the spot’).

53 minutes ago, guywithdog said:

One other thing I've found kinda awkward is the fact that most people are at the park in groups, so obviously I can only ask one of them out, so any ideas on that aspect?

All you all you can do on this one is approach the whole group, be friendly and chat to the whole group..

Keep a read on how they react to you, their body language, plus like just who you get on with best, who seems most interested, and if any of them mention boyfriends.

End of convo say your goodbyes and then, double back.. pick the girl you like best/get the best read on and shoot your shot ‘Hey, I don’t suppose there’s any chance you’d like to grab a coffee with me one time’

 

Best case - she says yes (and if she likes you you’ll get huge bonus points for asking her in front of her friends).

Worst case - she says no (what have you lost really! You live in the city it’s not like you’re going to bump into them all the time ....and.... even if she does say no, or she has a bf or whatever - she’ll still probably have her day made that out of all her mates you asked her)

 

[guywithdog]

1 minute ago, elaine567 said:

This is how it works. You need to keep meeting naturally when walking the dogs, have a few great conversations, develop a relationship, then ask her out. 
Picking up women in the park with a dog as bait is never going to work

That's not true at all. You're assuming this is in a small neighborhood setting where you see the same people repeatedly. In a big city you'll almost never run into the same people on a regular basis. Also plenty of people meet at bars/clubs, this is really not much different. I'm not looking for someone to marry here, just a date. Then the dates can either develop a relationship or you figure out that it isn't going to work.

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, guywithdog said:

Well as a friend of mine once said, if you make an ass out of yourself you'll never see them again anyway, so what'd you lose?

I usually try it on groups of 2, I'll ask the one who seems more engaged if I'm interested in both of them.

And yeah, I'm definitely working on figuring out what works and what doesn't. Like they say, practice makes perfect.

Yep, walk around with the pup and let them comment and segue that into a conversation. But don't cold approach women with their face in books or sunbathing, etc.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

On 8/12/2020 at 12:39 PM, guywithdog said:

Is there a good way to make someone who's reading a book/sunbathing and not paying attention to their surroundings to notice her without being weird about it?

No.  Don't assume everyone likes dogs.  I have the most submissive dog on the planet and one of the workers at the grocery pickup area at Walmart is terrified of him lol.  

I'd start by asking women who ARE paying attention if THEY have a dog/pets, their names, breed, etc.  Then just let the conversation flow from there.  If they do have dogs you could ask where they take them to play (dog parks etc.).  

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

P.S.  I have a single friend who just got a puppy and has been taking her pup to the dog park specifically to try to meet men (with dogs, obviously). So, you could try that.....a dog park.

[guywithdog]

1 hour ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

P.S.  I have a single friend who just got a puppy and has been taking her pup to the dog park specifically to try to meet men (with dogs, obviously). So, you could try that.....a dog park.

I've been to the dog park, there's at most 1 or 2 girls I'd be interested in, and they're usually with a guy there. If I just walk around the park there's hundreds of people I can walk past so there's just that many more opportunities.