jerrygordon3 Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 I'm 34 and since I was 25 I've wanted to live abroad. 19-27 military. 27-31 college. 31-34 nurse. I've done the safe thing and "talked sense" into myself to be realistic. But I've always been drawn to this. I have a good pension from the Navy and investments, I trade stocks, and can survive very easily while I grow wealth outside of the US. I live in San Diego, and it's so expensive, I hate my career, and wanted to move away for so long; but I have family here. I also have been casually dating Lauren for about 2 years, and last year we decided to give it a real go. I truly care and love her but I realized I wasn't happy living other peoples dreams. I'm scared to settle down here and start a family when I feel like I haven't done the one thing I've been wanting to do for so long. Not to mention changing careers into trading stocks. my pension is enough to comfortably live in all the countries on my list, but a family, here- absolutely not enough. And I refuse to go back to working for someone else. I want to change my life. Amidst covid her and I have still been dating exclusive. However, the time has come and I found out the country I'm going to live in: Ukraine ( lived there last year for 6 months) borders opened up. So, I booked my one way and have everything set up to chase my long term dream of living abroad in Europe. Yet since I booked my ticket all I feel is sadness and remorse. I can't explain it and I'll be honest I'm just not sure if I'm going to regret leaving home or not. I'm full of worry and have had poor sleep... I just feel weighed down. Like I'm hurting people close to me to chase a goal. Albeit a year to 3 to possibly more that I'll be gone, it's still something I'm worried about. I can't seem to gather my thoughts and I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.
d0nnivain Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 Follow your dream. All change involves the end of something but you have to let go to move forward. Change can be scary but you can come back, ostensibly once borders re-open. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 If it doesn't work out, you can always go home.
Author jerrygordon3 Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 I'm 34 and since I was 25 I've wanted to live abroad. 19-27 military. 27-31 college. 31-34 nurse. I've done the safe thing and "talked sense" into myself to be realistic. But I've always been drawn to this. I have a good pension from the Navy and investments, I trade stocks, and can survive very easily while I grow wealth outside of the US. I live in San Diego, and it's so expensive, I hate my career, and wanted to move away for so long; but I have family here. I also have been casually dating Lauren for about 2 years, and last year we decided to give it a real go. I truly care and love her but I realized I wasn't happy living other peoples dreams. I'm scared to settle down here and start a family when I feel like I haven't done the one thing I've been wanting to do for so long. Not to mention changing careers into trading stocks. my pension is enough to comfortably live in all the countries on my list, but a family, here- absolutely not enough. And I refuse to go back to working for someone else. I want to change my life. Amidst covid her and I have still been dating exclusive. However, the time has come and I found out the country I'm going to live in: Ukraine ( lived there last year for 6 months) borders opened up. So, I booked my one way and have everything set up to chase my long term dream of living abroad in Europe. Yet since I booked my ticket all I feel is sadness and remorse. I can't explain it and I'll be honest I'm just not sure if I'm going to regret leaving home or not. I'm full of worry and have had poor sleep... I just feel weighed down. Like I'm hurting people close to me to chase a goal. Albeit a year to 3 to possibly more that I'll be gone, it's still something I'm worried about. I can't seem to gather my thoughts and I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.
scooby-philly Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 Hey OP, I cannot fully relate to your situation because that dream has never been one of mine. But I think we all have dreams we want to chase and see if they come true or if they're more attainable for us, make them our day to day reality. I think the first question to ask yourself is - are you doing this because you want to or are you doing this because you want to run away from something/someone (including yourself). If the answer is the former - then there's no reason not to do it, as long as you make your peace with everyone as best as you can. I'm not sure if there's a fool proof test to see if it's the former or latter. But I think if it was the latter it would be more telling by your response - i.e. not feeling any remorse. The truth is people close to us - family, friends, significant others, don't always understand us and their opinions, viewpoints, etc. are based on their perception of you and their perception of reality. I think you hit the nail on the head - if you don't do this, it will consume your thoughts and dreams for years, if not the rest of your life. You've seem to take a very planned, logical approach to it (from what little you shared) so it seems like you're trying to do it smart and also be considerate of folks. But in the end, it's your life. It's your regret or your joy you will have to live with. The people that truly love and care for you, even if they don't understand fully, will only encourage you. 1
ShyViolet Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 If you don't like it, you can come back. Don't think of it as a permanent decision. Think of it as an extended vacation or a trial run.
Mystery4u Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 Have you spoken to her about it? What is her opinion? Can she come with you? I would never think of leaving someone I love just to follow a dream. They would be coming with me because they would want me happy. 1
Author jerrygordon3 Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 36 minutes ago, Mystery4u said: Have you spoken to her about it? What is her opinion? Can she come with you? I would never think of leaving someone I love just to follow a dream. They would be coming with me because they would want me happy. She doesn't want to, it's not her dream. She also has a son here in san diego. and His dad is in the picture.
FudgeSwirl Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 If you don't pursue your dream you will absolutely regret it and if you realize while abroad your dream isn't what you envisioned, that's okay because you still fulfilled something you have always wanted to do. As for Lauren, if you haven't done so already talk to her about this. I understand why she cannot go, but be sure to explain why you want this while expressing your feelings for her. Maybe she will be willing to wait around for you after hearing your perspective. If she doesn't once you are back in the US at least you won't have this looming dream in the background of your next relationship. Your family and friends may weigh in with some being supportive while others being insistent that what you want to do is silly but they aren't living your life. If your heart says you have to do this, you should.
Mystery4u Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 55 minutes ago, jerrygordon3 said: She doesn't want to, it's not her dream. She also has a son here in san diego. and His dad is in the picture. Well that says it all and makes your decision a lot easier. Your relationship is neither of your priorities right now. For her it's her son, and for you it's your dream. You can go with no regrets. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 1 hour ago, jerrygordon3 said: She doesn't want to, it's not her dream. She also has a son here in san diego. and His dad is in the picture. That's ok. Follow your dream as long as you don't expect her to wait around.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 On 8/10/2020 at 12:02 PM, jerrygordon3 said: I want to change my life. Amidst covid her and I have still been dating exclusive. However, the time has come and I found out the country I'm going to live in: Ukraine ( lived there last year for 6 months) borders opened up. So, I booked my one way and have everything set up to chase my long term dream of living abroad in Europe. Yet since I booked my ticket all I feel is sadness and remorse. I can't explain it and I'll be honest I'm just not sure if I'm going to regret leaving home or not. I'm full of worry and have had poor sleep... I just feel weighed down. Like I'm hurting people close to me to chase a goal. Albeit a year to 3 to possibly more that I'll be gone, it's still something I'm worried about. I can't seem to gather my thoughts and I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I don't really sense that your... concerns have much of anything to do with your girlfriend, or any finite group of individuals. It's one thing to want change... but quite a bit more involved to implement change. I am confident you'd be having the same uncertain feelings no matter what details were on either side of the big move, because of the big move, and not because of various humans tangent to it. Sounds like you are able to experiment with some financial cushion, and if this goes one way, your life might just be as content as you'd always sought... and if it goes the other way, it may cure your yearning for living abroad (without the structure you may have had when last doing so).
princessaurora Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 You only live once and if this is something you really want you should go for it. They say we regret the things we don't do in life alot more than the things we did. My dream was to go to an out of state college. I just wanted the experience of being away from my family and truly living on my own. I did this for two years and then decided I wanted to finish closer to home. Coincidentally, I met a guy right before the move home that was from the same area as me, and he was also coming back home to finish his degree. We've been married now for 21 years. If you and Lauren are meant to be, it'll all work out in the end. Then again, you may meet your soulmate while you're exploring the world:)
basil67 Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 (edited) What does Lauren have to say about all this? Edited August 11, 2020 by basil67
Author jerrygordon3 Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 9 minutes ago, basil67 said: What does Lauren have to say about all this? she's aware. and She says she feels like collateral damage. we made it official after fooling around for a couple years and then i started moving towards that settled down life in rural riverside county, Ca. with her and just realized it's not the direction I want to take my life. I love living abroad, and I have an opportunty to do it trade stocks and live off my pension. literally anywhere in the world with a decent cost of living.
basil67 Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 I don't know if you realise this, but you haven't talked about how she feels before. This makes me suspect that your desire to achieve your dream is much stronger than your concerns for her or your desire to maintain your relationship. Walk away from her and pursue your dream. Let her find someone who will be there for her. 1
Caauug Posted August 12, 2020 Posted August 12, 2020 On 8/11/2020 at 3:02 AM, jerrygordon3 said: I wasn't happy living other peoples dreams. I'm scared to settle down here and start a family when I feel like I haven't done the one thing I've been wanting to do for so long. …… And I refuse to go back to working for someone else. I want to change my life. I can see no other way but follow your dreams!!!! 18 hours ago, scooby-philly said: I think the first question to ask yourself is - are you doing this because you want to or are you doing this because you want to run away from something/someone (including yourself). A very wise question to ask yourself. You can not run away from yourself!!! The most painful thing to see is a bitter old man living in regrets for not following his dreams. You are still young and now is the time to live. This dream does not suit you +60 and in a wheelchair.
kendahke Posted August 12, 2020 Posted August 12, 2020 (edited) I take it Lauren isn't going ? I thought the EU closed its borders to Americans? Definitely follow your dream. Everything has made it abundantly clear that each of you was each other's time markers if by now, you two can't get on the same page. Edited August 12, 2020 by kendahke
smackie9 Posted August 12, 2020 Posted August 12, 2020 (edited) Women will come and go.....but your dreams live on. Edited August 12, 2020 by smackie9 1
Erik30 Posted August 12, 2020 Posted August 12, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, kendahke said: I take it Lauren isn't going ? I thought the EU closed its borders to Americans? Definitely follow your dream. Yup, I'm from the Netherlands. Americans still aren't allowed to come here since the Covid numbers are really bad in the US... so I guess OP isn't moving any time soon Edited August 12, 2020 by Erik30 1
Author jerrygordon3 Posted August 12, 2020 Author Posted August 12, 2020 1 hour ago, Erik30 said: Yup, I'm from the Netherlands. Americans still aren't allowed to come here since the Covid numbers are really bad in the US... so I guess OP isn't moving any time soon im moving september 10th to ukraine, where I lived last year. When Colombia opens up, ill go there next, or thailand.
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2020 Posted August 12, 2020 Just make sure you understand Ukraine's immigration & quarantine rules. They are updated every 3 days according to the US state department web site.
Erik30 Posted August 12, 2020 Posted August 12, 2020 16 minutes ago, jerrygordon3 said: im moving september 10th to ukraine, where I lived last year. When Colombia opens up, ill go there next, or thailand. Maybe the rules are different if you're actually planning on living there? (You're obviously not a tourist) I know that there are exceptions for certain professions and people can bring their partner over, so your GF could eventually visit if you wanted to
Wiseman2 Posted August 12, 2020 Posted August 12, 2020 18 hours ago, jerrygordon3 said: i started moving towards that settled down life in rural riverside county, Ca. with her and just realized it's not the direction I want to take my life. She doesn't want to, it's not her dream. She also has a son here in san diego. and His dad is in the picture. She doesn't want to go and he doesn't want her to. Whatever the travel requirements/restrictions are are easily looked up in a second on the US state department site.
Author jerrygordon3 Posted August 12, 2020 Author Posted August 12, 2020 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: She doesn't want to go and he doesn't want her to. Whatever the travel requirements/restrictions are are easily looked up in a second on the US state department site. I checked, I know people there. Everything is back to how it was. partying and going to the gyms, no masks, etc. They require a recent test ( neg) and that you have insurance through a state provider.
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