the tank Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 Hi, For the context : One year ago she had a toxic relationship with a pervert Narcissist. She never had a good relationship. She is 29. Last guy she dated, he was emotionally dependent I had a third date with her yesterday. We go along pretty well, she told be I have everything she looks for a man, we have lots in commons but she told me she have no spark. She cannot project her in the future with me. I am pretty sure I am not her type physically.. I told her it's alright we should take our time.. She even text me after the date to thanks me for comprehension and patience... But in the past each time, when a girl told me no spark…. it never work… I am planning to not text and call her to give her space. Should I move on ?
d0nnivain Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 End it. The fact that you know too much about her dating history alone makes her a poor prospect for a goo partner. She has no ability to keep her own counsel. It was waaaaaayyyyyy too soon for her to be talking to you about her past relationships. All you should have been told was that she'd dated n the past & those relationships ended. Her saying she doesn't feel a spark with you after discussing the bad boys in her past also tells me she can't handle a good guy & isn't ready for a solid relationship. She's too addicted to the adrenaline of chasing a "bad boy" because she thrives on the drama. Next. 3
Wiseman2 Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 11 minutes ago, the tank said: One year ago she had a toxic relationship with a pervert Narcissist. She never had a good relationship. She is 29. Last guy she dated, he was emotionally dependent I had a third date with her yesterday. I am not her type physically. Sounds like you dodged a bullet if she told you all that in 3 dates. 5
Author the tank Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 (edited) We matched on a dating app but we have a friend in commun (Friend is one the best friend of my sister) . I was told she looking a serious relationship, a good guy but her action doesnt match her word. I also feel she missed the adrenaline of chasing a "bad boy. I know it's her loss.. I would not text her again. But i feel very low today. My impression is the spark thing is bulls***... Edited August 11, 2020 by the tank 1
d0nnivain Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 Yes it's disappointing that it had potential but she wrecked it. That is no reason for you to feel low. You dodged a bullet. Be happy that you recognized the problem before you wasted more time, energy & money on her.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 33 minutes ago, the tank said: Should I move on ? Yes, especially considering that you don't really have an alternative. She's essentially already called it off. This isn't something that taking one's time is going to resolve. It's just not a match. You would be wise not to wait around.
Mrin Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 Dude here. Two things: 1) don't sweat knowing her whole dating history so soon. It isn't that unusual. Cripes, women have told me their entire histories on first dates. Lol. it all depends on how comfortable they are with you and how good of a listener you are. 2) spark is very very real. Respect it and know that she basically said you are friend-zoned at best. Don't expect anything more romantically from this woman at least not unless she calls you up in 6 months. Bonus: sometimes - not always - there is a connection between #1 and #2. But there is also a connection between #1 and white hot romantic relationships. So it is a roll of the dice... 1
Author the tank Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 I know chemistry is important. I just dont understand how you can be everything she look for. I am that ugly for her ?!
d0nnivain Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 It has nothing to do with looks & everything to do with drama. You are a nice guy. She prefers jerks who treat her poorly who she has to chase. It's like the Groucho Marx thing about not joining any club that would have him as a member. Because you treat her well instead of like crap in her twisted brain she thinks you are not worth having. 2
Wiseman2 Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 42 minutes ago, the tank said: My impression is the spark thing is bulls***... Yes, it's a lame excuse. She sounds a bit crazy so be grateful you can move on. She needs a psychiatrist, not a boyfriend. 1
Mystery4u Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 (edited) 45 minutes ago, the tank said: I know chemistry is important. I just dont understand how you can be everything she look for. I am that ugly for her ?! It's not just looks per se. I've had dates with women I have found attractive, had sex with, but felt no spark. It's something you can't really explain, but it just draws you to a person like a magnet and makes you want to spend as much time as possible close to them and get to know them on a much deeper level. And yes you should not contact her again. Edited August 11, 2020 by Mystery4u 3
kendahke Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 1 hour ago, the tank said: I am planning to not text and call her to give her space. Should I move on ? That would be the wisest move. She needs a therapist more than she needs a boyfriend. 2
kendahke Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 47 minutes ago, the tank said: I know chemistry is important. I just dont understand how you can be everything she look for. I am that ugly for her ?! It most likely has nothing to do with your looks and more to do with you're not a broken mess she wants to fix--notice that her past boyfriends are broken messes... and she's attracted to renovation projects. If you're not a renovation project, then there is no trigger for the broken part of her that gloms onto that kind of vibe. That's why I say she needs a therapist more than she needs another boyfriend. 2
Author the tank Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 thank you everyone. really appreciate it!!
smackie9 Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 She's emotionally unavailable...she really doesn't know what she wants, just what she doesn't want. end it.
Author the tank Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 6 minutes ago, smackie9 said: She's emotionally unavailable...she really doesn't know what she wants, just what she doesn't want. end it. Spotted on, i juste read about that. After she told me the spark thing we talked for 2 hours and we had fun. it was going really well
Watercolors Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 3 hours ago, the tank said: her action doesnt match her word Right there in your own words, is the best advice on this thread. To yourself. Never trust someone whose actions don't match their words. Your gut feeling is not to continue dating her. Always listen to yourself. End it. Match with another woman and see what else is out there. You deserve better. 1
regine_phalange Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 I don't think it has to do with looks either, just for whatever reason she is not feeling it. This kind of feeling comes deep down from the subconscious and it's difficult to understand why it happens. Some people who are more observant and analytical may reach a point where they can understand it for their self, but it's impossible to understand others (unless they hold a special license). Rest assured that you tried and move on!
Mrin Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 2 hours ago, the tank said: I know chemistry is important. I just dont understand how you can be everything she look for. I am that ugly for her ?! I once dated a fitness bikini model. Yeah she looked exactly like you think she looked. And dressed to kill. I once watched a waiter walk into a wall staring at her. Tray and all. Despite her looks I felt no chemistry. It was sort of infuriating to be honest with you. And she was very much into me. Or at least acting like that. But after three dates, there was just no chemistry for me so I stopped dating her. Weird.
Author the tank Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 Thank everyone. It's a bummer. It's the second woman in row I met that this thing happen !!
Fox Sake Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 5 hours ago, the tank said: Hi, For the context : One year ago she had a toxic relationship with a pervert Narcissist. She never had a good relationship. She is 29. Last guy she dated, he was emotionally dependent I had a third date with her yesterday. We go along pretty well, she told be I have everything she looks for a man, we have lots in commons but she told me she have no spark. She cannot project her in the future with me. I am pretty sure I am not her type physically.. I told her it's alright we should take our time.. She even text me after the date to thanks me for comprehension and patience... But in the past each time, when a girl told me no spark…. it never work… I am planning to not text and call her to give her space. Should I move on ? She basically told you she wasn’t interested in you and you’re quite happy to look weak AF and say “it’s okay we can take our time ?!“ that’s wet blanket behaviour. It’s not attractive in a man or a woman. Her reply was more out of pity for you than anything else , quite frankly it makes you sound pathetic to her. Do not lower your own self esteem like this. Be a prize. you would have been better off with “that’s fine, I don’t think it’s there for me either , at least I’ve made a new friend tho!” And that will result in one of two things - her trying to get you until she gets sex or a positive reaction, to see if you’re interested again, and then ghost you. Or , you will actually remain friends ....and that’s never a bad thing when you get along with people. Remain friends with her of you want to , but draw your line there and move on to someone who will appreciate you 1
central Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 I had a connection/spark with perhaps 1 in 10 women I met, even if they were perfect on paper and vice versa. There are many poor matches, but you only need ONE good one. 2
FudgeSwirl Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 I'm really sorry about how low you are feeling. I agree with everybody in regards to just ending things. While her dating history is sad, the fact that you revealed it all to you so quickly isn't a good sign. She needs to figure some things out on her own, maybe seek therapy, and isn't ready for a good, strong relationship. You deserve better.
elaine567 Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 (edited) No spark is the kind way to end things, that leaves no room for manoeuvre. No spark means no romance, no sexual attraction, no hope of making this work. It can be because they see no future, they are not interested enough in pursuing anything, or they find you boring, obnoxious, arrogant, not nice or even that your feet smell. It can cover a multitude of reasons but is generally accepted as a non confrontational way to end things cleanly. 3 hours ago, the tank said: After she told me the spark thing we talked for 2 hours and we had fun. it was going really well Because she took the pressure off, as far as she was concerned you were then fully in the friend zone Edited August 11, 2020 by elaine567 1
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