dma4138 Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 (edited) I'm asking genuinely... I recently added this guy on instagram who I thought was cute. We've never met before but he followed me back as soon I followed him. I just don't know how to get a conversation started with him. I know the best route would be to like a picture or comment on a story a person posts to get the conversation started but he doesn't seem to be very active (his last photo was taken 6 months ago and he hasn't posted any stories since I've added him). But I know he's active because he's seen all my recent insta stories, but no comments or likes. I've thought about liking his most recent photo but it's been about a week now since we added each other and feels a bit forced / weird. I know these things take time to happen but I don't want to wait around for weeks to see what happens either. And I feel it would be too forward to outright DM him, especially since we are strangers. I feel like that would creep him out (plus I'd have no idea what to say). We do have 1 mutual friend, but honestly I haven't talked to this person in years (she's an ex of a friend) so I'm hesitant to use the mutual friend as an entry point. I don't normally add random guys on instagram (this is maybe my 2nd time ever) and talk with them so this is not easy for me. I just think he's really cute and we have a lot in common (similar culture, language, background which is rare to find) and I'd like to get to know him more. Any ideas how to proceed? Edited August 10, 2020 by dma4138
Author dma4138 Posted August 10, 2020 Author Posted August 10, 2020 (edited) lol yeah but how? I don't know the guy and I don't wanna creep him out...and what if he has a girlfriend or isn't looking to talk to anyone, I'd feel so embarassed Edited August 10, 2020 by dma4138
d0nnivain Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 Like something. Then in a while ask him a Q through DM. Stop over thinking it. 1
Author dma4138 Posted August 10, 2020 Author Posted August 10, 2020 (edited) I am an over-thinker/ cautious (that's my problem with these situations)...Yeah I've though about that but wouldn't it be weird ( or desperate) if I just started liking his photos all of a sudden? It's been over a week since we added each other. And he hasn't liked any of mine Edited August 10, 2020 by dma4138
JRabbit Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 just message him and say hey, I see you like XYZ (whatever it is you think you have in common) and go from there. Be careful though, if you have no proof or knowledge who this is in real life they may not be real. 1
Author dma4138 Posted August 10, 2020 Author Posted August 10, 2020 @JRabbit : I like the honest direct approach, but I'm afraid it may come off too strong and higher risk of rejection @Wiseman2 : This seems like a softer approach that I'm more comfortable with but the problem is he hasn't posted any stories in the week since I've added him, so I haven't had the opportunity...his last photo was 6 months ago and I've debated whether I should like that photo but it seems it's so long ago
JRabbit Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 4 minutes ago, dma4138 said: @JRabbit : I like the honest direct approach, but I'm afraid it may come off too strong and higher risk of rejection @Wiseman2 : This seems like a softer approach that I'm more comfortable with but the problem is he hasn't posted any stories in the week since I've added him, so I haven't had the opportunity...his last photo was 6 months ago and I've debated whether I should like that photo but it seems it's so long ago if a simple message turns someone off then they arent interested in the first place 1
d0nnivain Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 I'm not much of a help because I think social media is basically meaningless but I would never accept a friend request from someone I didn't know personally. So it's random. . .so what? If he turns down your invitation to chat, you delete him & move on. It's better then sitting here dithering & worrying. 2
Author dma4138 Posted August 10, 2020 Author Posted August 10, 2020 Yeah I guess you both have a point, if he rejects it at least I know up front and don't have to waste my time...it's just nerve wrecking lol
curlygirl40 Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 Can you look to see if he has Facebook? If he has a FB account that he's more active on, it might give you a better idea of his relationship status. I also like the honest approach. Just a quick message saying something clever and then wait to see what he does with it. If he reciprocates your interest, then let him take the lead from there. If he doesn't, then so what? It's someone you don't know anyway, no shame and no rejection. Just a girl who is interested in getting to know someone better.
Mystery4u Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 If you are too scared to send a simple message to someone without a fear of the consequences, then you are not ready to date. 1
Versacehottie Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 3 hours ago, dma4138 said: lol yeah but how? I don't know the guy and I don't wanna creep him out...and what if he has a girlfriend or isn't looking to talk to anyone, I'd feel so embarassed Post some things yourself so that he will like or comment and then you can start a DM conversation with him. OR take it a step slower and if he comments, you reply to his comment and get that going BEFORE the DM's Also obviously you can do the same with stories--which I think is better because you are straight into DM world basically. And you will know the level of his interest by how much he is watching your stories. The best thing to do if you are shy or worried about his gf status is start slow & build a rapport/friendship (can be flirty though save that for DM not public). I don't think you should use the mutual friend either as point of entry. Also you could just like one of his old photos and then claim you didn't notice how long ago it was from. But that would all still be on likes and comments so he might not say anything so it's not the best solution. I think if you just added each other you can also wait until something that matches his interests/your mutual interests pops up and then DM him about it. Just acknowledge ("hey so glad we followed each other" --or whatever) . Talk like a friend (harmless) and take it from there. I think about 50% of guys have IG so they can hit on girls so you are halfway there especially guys that rarely post BE CONFIDENT. That vibe carries in whichever medium you use. Good luck 1
FudgeSwirl Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 I agree with @JRabbit's replies. DM him about what you noticed you have in common. The worst that can happen is he doesn't reply and if he doesn't, he wasn't worth it. I know it's nerve-wracking for you like you mentioned, but making the first move will build your confidence for the future.
Author dma4138 Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your advice, it's been very helpful! 1
Giovane Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 1. Post sth interesting yourself so as to give him a chance to react. 2. If you want a starting point for a conversation, use whatever cultural thing you share. 3. You really should relax about this. This is nothing more than an opportunity! This guy hasn't been a part of your life at all, so there really is nothing for you to lose here - you can only win! 2
Wiseman2 Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 Do you know whether he has a GF or not? Why not try dating apps which are more geared for what you are looking for?
basil67 Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 No comments or likes on your IG = no interest in you whatsoever.
Wiseman2 Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 Random people following you on Instagram are usually viewed as scammers. Use appropriate apps and methods for dating. 1
JRabbit Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 12 hours ago, dma4138 said: Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your advice, it's been very helpful! Go for it!!
Giovane Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, basil67 said: No comments or likes on your IG = no interest in you whatsoever. I don't think that's true. MAYBE for people who already know each other well, but not for virtual strangers. Maybe he just doesn't want to seem over-eager by giving a "like" that doesn't look natural, same as the OP. Edited August 11, 2020 by Giovane 1
Author dma4138 Posted August 12, 2020 Author Posted August 12, 2020 16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Do you know whether he has a GF or not? Why not try dating apps which are more geared for what you are looking for? I don't know if he does but judging by his posts he seems very single...I am on dating apps but honestly I don't like them at all
Author dma4138 Posted August 12, 2020 Author Posted August 12, 2020 16 hours ago, Giovane said: 1. Post sth interesting yourself so as to give him a chance to react. 2. If you want a starting point for a conversation, use whatever cultural thing you share. 3. You really should relax about this. This is nothing more than an opportunity! This guy hasn't been a part of your life at all, so there really is nothing for you to lose here - you can only win! Yeah I agree with this, I can post some stories and what not to give him a chance to react...I appreciate your positivity, I have nothing to lose
Author dma4138 Posted August 12, 2020 Author Posted August 12, 2020 8 hours ago, Giovane said: I don't think that's true. MAYBE for people who already know each other well, but not for virtual strangers. Maybe he just doesn't want to seem over-eager by giving a "like" that doesn't look natural, same as the OP. I agree to both. He may not be interested or he MAY be interested but doesn't know how to proceed/ could be confused as to why I added him. Only time will tell.
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