FudgeSwirl Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 My SO and I have been dating since February so when our state eventually began to lockdown due to the pandemic as strong of a connection we had, I completely understood if he wanted to stop seeing me. Before I could even bring this up he made it clear he wanted to continue to see me. The only thing was his work hours were going to change and he opted for overtime to keep him busy but that didn't affect our relationship at first. We still were making the one hour drive to see each other twice a week but come spring, the strain of working so much was physically affecting him. He never complained but there were times where he was fighting to stay awake and days where he was too tired to finish his dinner. He felt awful often apologizing and commenting that he couldn't wait until the pandemic was over. By the end of May, we were only seeing each other once a week and it was just me making the drive to see him. It was my idea because in the hour it takes to get to him, he could finish work, shower, and have a moment to breathe until I got there. Just to be sure, I asked him if he still wanted to keep seeing me to which he responded of course he did. Since May things have slowly reopened but he still is opting to work beyond his regular hours and he barely even sees his family and friends. In spite of how recently there have been times where he had to skip a week of seeing me I am still seeing him the most out of everybody. Just as he had back in May, he keeps hinting that this lack of free time is temporary and continues to make future plans with me for when things calm down like for us to take vacation time at the end of fall to go away. Outside of my own job, I have been doing plenty without him with family, friends, and even alone but I can't help be frustrated by the situation even though we talk every day like we always have since we started dating. I am wondering if I should talk to him about this or just be patient for a while longer. If should be talking to him about this, I just don't know how to start the conversation or what to say because if lockdown never happened he and I would never be in this situation. The only thing that has not changed the entire time we have been dating is the fact that we talk every day.
smackie9 Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 Why does he work so much OT? Because he has too? or is it a choice? If I were you I would talk about priorities. If he insists on continuing to work OT, then you have no choice but to tell him you can't see a future with him and that you can't continue like this. Period. talking everyday isn't fulfilling your relationship expectations. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 20 minutes ago, FudgeSwirl said: My SO and I have been dating since February so when our state eventually began to lockdown due to the pandemic By the end of May, we were only seeing each other once a week and it was just me making the drive to see him. Since May things have slowly reopened but he still is opting to work beyond his regular hours and he barely even sees his family and friends. I am wondering if I should talk to him about this or just be patient for a while longer. Sorry to hear this . it sounds like you are both trying your best to deal with the circumstances? Do you want to end things? Is that why you want to talk to him about it despite the fact that he is trying and seems interested? If you can't handle the commute or seeing each other less often due to his work stress, it may be time to be honest with yourself and him about it.
d0nnivain Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 Do speak to him. Even if he can cut down a little so he has a bit more time for you, that would help. Otherwise assume this is what it is, work comes 1st. If you are not OK with that, then you have hard choices to make.
Author FudgeSwirl Posted August 10, 2020 Author Posted August 10, 2020 20 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Why does he work so much OT? Because he has too? or is it a choice? If I were you I would talk about priorities. If he insists on continuing to work OT, then you have no choice but to tell him you can't see a future with him and that you can't continue like this. Period. talking everyday isn't fulfilling your relationship expectations. It started off just biding time since lockdown meant not seeing his family and friends until things opened up but he also wants to save money after seeing people get furloughed during the lockdown even though as far I know he has his finances in order. I understood that feeling of isolation and that fear of being let go in a crazy time like this, but like you said only getting to talk every day and not having consistency in seeing each other isn't fulfilling. 24 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry to hear this . it sounds like you are both trying your best to deal with the circumstances? Do you want to end things? Is that why you want to talk to him about it despite the fact that he is trying and seems interested? If you can't handle the commute or seeing each other less often due to his work stress, it may be time to be honest with yourself and him about it. Yes, we've been trying especially and if we were consistently only seeing each other once a week (for now) I wouldn't be frustrated. I don't mind the commute at all but just wish here was a definite time frame of when we could go back how things were before lockdown. Yes, the reason why I want to talk to him is the fact that I don't want to end things yet especially since he may not fully be aware of how I feel because I'm assuming he should know how tough it is, which I shouldn't do. 19 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Do speak to him. Even if he can cut down a little so he has a bit more time for you, that would help. Otherwise assume this is what it is, work comes 1st. If you are not OK with that, then you have hard choices to make. I agree that if he did that or at least had more consistency in his schedule it would help a great deal. I know. I think what pains me the most is before all this he was a hard worker but not at all a workaholic. Thanks for all your replies. How do I broach this topic in person? I don't want him to think I'm giving him the break-up talk.
smackie9 Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 (edited) But isn't that the end result be, if he doesn't make provisions/compromise to fulfill your expectations? What would be the point of staying in a relationship if you are unhappy/unsatisfied? Edited August 11, 2020 by smackie9 1
Author FudgeSwirl Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 3 hours ago, smackie9 said: But isn't that the end result be, if he doesn't make provisions/compromise to fulfill your expectations? What would be the point of staying in a relationship if you are unhappy/unsatisfied? I really appreciate your response. I never stay in a relationship if I am unhappy or dissatisfied so that's why I want to bring to his attention how I'm feeling. He wasn't always a workaholic and while I understand he is working all these extra hours just to save money since the economy isn't stable I'm not sure he realizes that the inconsistently is bothering me. When that first happened I never complained because I wanted to be patient figuring this was temporary.
elaine567 Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 I guess he is fighting to save his job. People are losing jobs right left and centre, some with little hope of getting another If you like/love him and see a future with him eventually, I don't think this is the right time to rock the boat. 2
smackie9 Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 (edited) This pandemic is gonna be here for a few more years possibly, and the economy may take even more years to recover. But don't kid yourself there are jobs, even new ones created by this pandemic. Edited August 11, 2020 by smackie9
Happy Lemming Posted August 12, 2020 Posted August 12, 2020 10 hours ago, elaine567 said: I guess he is fighting to save his job. People are losing jobs right left and centre, some with little hope of getting another If you like/love him and see a future with him eventually, I don't think this is the right time to rock the boat. 100% Agree... Let him save up money while he can, if his company goes south, he'll have some savings/funds to fall back on. That might be the difference between making rent/mortgage or not. 1
Mystery4u Posted August 12, 2020 Posted August 12, 2020 12 hours ago, FudgeSwirl said: I really appreciate your response. I never stay in a relationship if I am unhappy or dissatisfied so that's why I want to bring to his attention how I'm feeling. He wasn't always a workaholic and while I understand he is working all these extra hours just to save money since the economy isn't stable I'm not sure he realizes that the inconsistently is bothering me. When that first happened I never complained because I wanted to be patient figuring this was temporary. Then just talk to him and tell him that while you understand he wants to save up, there are more important things in life than a job and money, such as love and a relationship. That you miss spending more time with him and would like to see each other more regularly. Work to live, not live to work. If he doesn't compromise, then you know what to do.
basil67 Posted August 12, 2020 Posted August 12, 2020 You broach the subject by telling him that you're worried for the future of the relationship 1
Author FudgeSwirl Posted August 13, 2020 Author Posted August 13, 2020 Thank you so much to your responses. On 8/11/2020 at 2:25 PM, elaine567 said: I guess he is fighting to save his job. People are losing jobs right left and centre, some with little hope of getting another If you like/love him and see a future with him eventually, I don't think this is the right time to rock the boat. On 8/12/2020 at 1:20 AM, Happy Lemming said: 100% Agree... Let him save up money while he can, if his company goes south, he'll have some savings/funds to fall back on. That might be the difference between making rent/mortgage or not. I know. It's such a scary time. He's lucky because he has seniority where he works and makes a decent living so I suppose earning even more money is just to have even more a nest egg in addition to what he has been saving all these years. On 8/11/2020 at 3:26 PM, smackie9 said: This pandemic is gonna be here for a few more years possibly, and the economy may take even more years to recover. But don't kid yourself there are jobs, even new ones created by this pandemic. That's good to know because even though I'm okay now, I do worry about losing my own job sometimes due to the pandemic. On 8/12/2020 at 2:24 AM, Mystery4u said: Then just talk to him and tell him that while you understand he wants to save up, there are more important things in life than a job and money, such as love and a relationship. That you miss spending more time with him and would like to see each other more regularly. Work to live, not live to work. If he doesn't compromise, then you know what to do. You worded that perfectly. In spite of the pandemic and the worries that come with it, I've been enjoying life the best that I can and miss doing it with him like you said. On 8/12/2020 at 3:13 AM, basil67 said: You broach the subject by telling him that you're worried for the future of the relationship That's a good idea because it really is the truth. Not seeing each other much is not much of a relationship considering it's not long distance.
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