Love2015 Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 I feel pretty dumb for ending up in the same place I was 11 months ago with this one guy. He and I met online back in 2018 and dated for a while (5 moths) until he said some ex came back who may be pregnant After that he proceeded to come back and by then we had already been intimate but this time he was pulling the no relationship card.i let him be and then he reappears last Sept 2019. I thought maybe he changed his mind and we had sex twice..foolish me...he just wanted that and that too on his b-day! I was so dissapointed and let him be again as once more he says he doesn't want a relationship...besides now I didn't have same feelings and the last time he didn't even kiss me and it felt so yucks. Since COVID...he has msgd me and once he said he was outside my place. I saw him with mask and friend zoned him. We kept talking for a bit this way on text ...then this past weekend he helped me to do something at home. We also cooked and watched a movie..then we had sex again! ...bad bad bad move. This week he started with the whole he doesn't want a relationship... The thing is analyzing all I realize ..now I don't want him anymore but when I spend time with him..I feel good until he leaves and he starts with his no relationship business...he says he likes me..we get along but he doesn't want a relationship with anyone. I want to just heal...which for 11 months..I was doing well and now I feel sad again. Like back to square one. How to cut it off for good? Cause he clearly will not change for what I want.
Wiseman2 Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 Sorry to hear that. Don't accept FWB or on/off if you really want a stable relationship. This guy is not that. 1
Velvet teddy Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 12 minutes ago, Love2015 said: I feel pretty dumb for ending up in the same place I was 11 months ago with this one guy. He and I met online back in 2018 and dated for a while (5 moths) until he said some ex came back who may be pregnant After that he proceeded to come back and by then we had already been intimate but this time he was pulling the no relationship card.i let him be and then he reappears last Sept 2019. I thought maybe he changed his mind and we had sex twice..foolish me...he just wanted that and that too on his b-day! I was so dissapointed and let him be again as once more he says he doesn't want a relationship...besides now I didn't have same feelings and the last time he didn't even kiss me and it felt so yucks. Since COVID...he has msgd me and once he said he was outside my place. I saw him with mask and friend zoned him. We kept talking for a bit this way on text ...then this past weekend he helped me to do something at home. We also cooked and watched a movie..then we had sex again! ...bad bad bad move. This week he started with the whole he doesn't want a relationship... The thing is analyzing all I realize ..now I don't want him anymore but when I spend time with him..I feel good until he leaves and he starts with his no relationship business...he says he likes me..we get along but he doesn't want a relationship with anyone. I want to just heal...which for 11 months..I was doing well and now I feel sad again. Like back to square one. How to cut it off for good? Cause he clearly will not change for what I want. Say "it was nice knowing you".. and end it there. Neither of you want the same things. He comes back to you because you end up being intimate with him every single time. Next time you need to set boundaries so you don't end up here again. 1
ShyViolet Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 34 minutes ago, Love2015 said: I feel pretty dumb for ending up in the same place I was 11 months ago with this one guy. He and I met online back in 2018 and dated for a while (5 moths) until he said some ex came back who may be pregnant If you were dating for 5 months and then an ex of his came around saying she was pregnant..... that sounds like he cheated on you with her. This guy has made it clear he doesn't care about you at all, drifting in and out of your life whenever he feels like it. Stop taking him back!! You need to just cut him out of your life, block him, stop talking to him once and for all. Only then can you start rebuilding your self-esteem and possibly meet someone else who is worthy of your time. 3
Mystery4u Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 It's really simple. Just say no and don't have sex with him ever again as he is just using you.
elaine567 Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 4 hours ago, Love2015 said: How to cut it off for good? Not rocket science is it? "Hope" is your problem, he comes around for sex , he creates a false sense of intimacy, your hopes get raised. BUT he never has any intention of more than sex, you are no doubt his "go to" when he hits a dry spell, so when he sees your interest, he has to under-line his "no relationship" stance, which kills you every time. That "hope" you have is nonsensical, and you need to realise that. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 5 hours ago, Love2015 said: How to cut it off for good? Block and delete him. 1
Fox Sake Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 This just boils down to self respect... how much do you respect yourself? If you don’t want him anymore then why even put yourself in the position of spending time with him? He’s already proved to you that you’re not on his list of potential relationships, you’re just an easy hook up for him when he wants sex. This is as much on you as it is on him. He tells you he doesn’t want a relationship and I’m guessing you think you can win him round by spending time with him or sleeping together. He gets what he wants and then has to reiterate to you that he doesn’t want a relationship. So he basically just wants sex and you give in to his charms and end up feeling yuck for it. Respect yourself. Don’t allow this to continue. It’s very easy to do. You just don’t spend time with him or allow him to trick you into thinking he’s interested in anything more than sex. 7
d0nnivain Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 Blocking him is your best bet because you don't have much self control around him so don't even temp yourself. 1
Author Love2015 Posted August 8, 2020 Author Posted August 8, 2020 Thanks everyone! I wish I had the strength and so will definitely try. I know seems simple yet when you don't have your family around and friends are in their own World ...that silver lining hope is what one grabs. I shall stop getting hopeful. 2
smackie9 Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 (edited) Girl just tell him to never contact you again, that you have no interest in this. Then block/delete his number. Not that hard. If he shows up at your door don't answer it. Make some new friends, and jump start having a life. Then you will be ready to meet someone nice. Edited August 8, 2020 by smackie9 1
stillafool Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 When a guy doesn't even want to kiss you before or during sex he is basically just using you to take care of his needs. I agree this is on you because he has made it perfectly clear he doesn't want anything more. Not having family and friends around isn't an excuse to let yourself be used. 2 1
chillii Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 You know all the answers but you just keep doing it over .
Author Love2015 Posted August 9, 2020 Author Posted August 9, 2020 2 hours ago, stillafool said: When a guy doesn't even want to kiss you before or during sex he is basically just using you to take care of his needs. I agree this is on you because he has made it perfectly clear he doesn't want anything more. Not having family and friends around isn't an excuse to let yourself be used. Thanks. U know what is weird..he says he is a germophobe and that is why he doesn't kiss...is this even true?
Author Love2015 Posted August 9, 2020 Author Posted August 9, 2020 1 hour ago, chillii said: You know all the answers but you just keep doing it over . Yeah with the hope that things will be different this time. Anyways I once more blocked him. I do get sad about it.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 3 hours ago, Love2015 said: Thanks. U know what is weird..he says he is a germophobe and that is why he doesn't kiss...is this even true? I doubt that's the reason here.
stillafool Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 (edited) 11 hours ago, Love2015 said: Thanks. U know what is weird..he says he is a germophobe and that is why he doesn't kiss...is this even true? And yet he has no problem entering your body and mixing fluids. Does that make sense to you? Edited August 9, 2020 by stillafool 2 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 (edited) On 8/8/2020 at 10:54 AM, Love2015 said: Thanks everyone! I wish I had the strength and so will definitely try. I know seems simple yet when you don't have your family around and friends are in their own World ...that silver lining hope is what one grabs. I shall stop getting hopeful. I think the reasons so many people settle for such crumbs are lack of confidence and loneliness. The solution to both of these pervasive problems is to develop your own inner happiness. I've finally reached the point where I'm totally happy on my own, and it's amazing! I'm in no hurry to start dating again because I don't want anybody messing up my vibe. Next time I'm going to take my sweet little time in getting to know a man and assessing his character before I get involved. Now, if anybody approaches me with the slightest hint of drama or negativity, I immediately check out. I'm 1,000 times happier in my own world of love and good stuff than letting anybody contaminate it with BS. The cool thing about getting totally happy on your own... is that you become SUPER magnetic to other people. As soon as you don't "need" them, there they come in droves. Edited August 9, 2020 by Ruby Slippers 1
kendahke Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 On 8/8/2020 at 12:12 AM, Love2015 said: How to cut it off for good? Start with blocking him on your phone and social media. Tell him that you are no longer interested in being his friend or his sexual way-point in his travels. He doesn't need to know he's going on block--you need to do that so you know he has no way to contact you, because you really need that guidepost going forward. Your past behavior proves that you will have sex with him when you know he only wants you for the moment's using and that needs to change.
kendahke Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 On 8/8/2020 at 11:54 AM, Love2015 said: I wish I had the strength you do have the strength--you just don't want to do it. Rule #1: don't lie to yourself.
kendahke Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 20 hours ago, Love2015 said: Thanks. U know what is weird..he says he is a germophobe and that is why he doesn't kiss...is this even true? but he has no problem having sexual intercourse... he's not a germaphobe... he's just not into creating anything like intimacy with you. 1
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