elaine567 Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 23 minutes ago, smackie9 said: The only thing you can do is make conversation, like "Isn't it a lovely morning!" and "How are you today?" and work it from there. If he is interested, he will take full advantage, and extend the conversation. If he doesn't he's just being a friendly neighbor. Trouble is he may extend the conversation but is still just being friendly, but I think you are correct in that if he wants to take it further then Veronica will have given him an "in". It is then up to him.
smackie9 Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 Well what I meant was he would take the opportunity to ask her out.
CLS63AMG Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 (edited) 14 hours ago, Veronica73 said: So, there is this attractive neighbor guy who I frequently cross paths with when I’m walking my dog in the morning. We usually smile and say hi. I feel like I might be interested in getting more friendly with him. But he hasn’t made any attempt to get to know me better (and he doesn’t seem like a shy guy at all). And I’m not usually the one to initiate things, and the few times I have, it has gone badly. They were totally “he’s not that into you” scenarios. But it seems like he does always take notice of me when we cross paths, even if he is in his car. Is there anyway I can low-key act more friendly towards him to slowly warm things up a little? (There is no way I’m going to just ask the guy out. He hasn’t given me much, if any encouragement (he’s probably just a naturally friendly guy), and I don’t want to make things weird with a neighbor who I will continue to cross paths with.) How can I show a little more interest and warmth, without making him uncomfortable in case he has zero interest at all? I think I’d be interested in getting to know him a little better. Or should I rely on my default position of “if he was interested he would initiate”? Funny as I have a dog and there are a few women interested in me that have been in your situation. Key is just to always have good conversation when you run into each other. One I've known was interested for awhile but it was back in the winter and she was always covered up from head to toe, but when she'd see me she would always say "its so good to see you" etc. Has followed me inside when she'd see me, turn around if she was walking other way etc, she's been pretty aggressive, yet in a nice way. Then a couple weeks ago I'm taking the dog out, half asleep and hungover and I see this hottie in a tank top and booty shorts with a killer ass, as I get closer - ITS HER! Right away I said "YOU LOOK GOOD". She was stunned, stumbled for her words and said she wished she had run into me when she came out as she was just going in before heading to a birthday party. I told her I'd see her soon and to have fun at the party, she was glowing. Can't wait to see her again lol Edited August 8, 2020 by CLS63AMG
Author Veronica73 Posted August 8, 2020 Author Posted August 8, 2020 3 hours ago, poppyfields said: Do you need any light chores done in or outside your home? My dad told me men love to help, it draws them in, so why not ask him to help you with something? Like moving a heavy box, a piece of furniture, anything really. Make it subtle, do not be obvious about it. Gauge his response, if he says sure, then while he's there, offer him a cold drink, start up a conversation, nothing intrusive. Light, casual, fun! I think that would be weird in this situation. We literally just cross paths in the morning and say hi to each other. I can see doing that if we had a little bit more of a relationship. 3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: You seem too shy and resistant to excellent recommendations to ever do more than have a crush. Hey now! I said I would follow a couple of people’s recommendations like making eye contact and smiling and introducing myself. I don’t want to make things weird for him. He lives half a block away from me and we are going to continue to run into each other, But yes, I am shy/resistant to being the one to make a move. And also, like I said before, the few times I have ever initiated dating, it has turned out badly. 2
OnlyHonesty Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 Some interesting suggestions, but I think as a man, when we are interested in a girl, we will do something about it. This is providing we are interested enough... I always see people saying ''but what if he's shy'' but in this case the OP mentions how confident the guy appears. I might be alone on this one, but back when I used to approach a woman I was attracted to, part of the fun was exactly that..the unknown, and the feeling of both confidence and uncertainty. 4
poppyfields Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Veronica73 said: I think that would be weird in this situation. We literally just cross paths in the morning and say hi to each other. I can see doing that if we had a little bit more of a relationship. I don't think it's weird, I have actually done it, for real, not as an excuse to meet. Knocked on my neighbor's door and asked him if he had jumper cables because my car was dead. Another time, ran into my neighbor who I didn't know from Adam, and asked if he could help me move my couch as I was redecorating and my bf at the time suddenly took ill.. It's actually a great way to meet your neighbors with very little effort or risk. I am recalling another time, I was in a supermarket and an item I wanted was on a high shelf that I couldn't reach, so I asked the tall stranger who happened to be quite attractive if he could grab it for me. He was more than happy to oblige, after which I looked into his eyes, smiled and thanked him, after which HE asked my name, told me his, and asked for my number. He called me the next day and we dated for a couple of months! And I'm shy too, don't typically feel comfortable approaching or talking to strangers. But you gotta get creative sometimes and put yourself out there, be willing to take a risk. Edited August 8, 2020 by poppyfields 3
Wiseman2 Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 28 minutes ago, Veronica73 said: I am shy/resistant to being the one to make a move, like I said before, the few times I have ever initiated dating, it has turned out badly. Be a friendly neighbor, that's all. At this point it's just a hello while walking. ok if hes not initiating, you can accept that he's not that interested.
Fox Sake Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 You’ve had some really great ideas and advice in this thread OP. Makes me proud to be a part of this place with all these incredible minds. You’re going to have to learn to throw yourself out of your comfort zone, in one way or another. Be brave. You got this 3
Wiseman2 Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: But you gotta get creative sometimes and put yourself out there, be willing to take a risk. Great tips and variations on the old 'borrow a cup of sugar" excuse. These are excellent ways to take it past 'smile, hi' without seeming to come onto someone. yep, ask him to jump your engine Edited August 8, 2020 by Wiseman2
Lotsgoingon Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 I'm with onlyhonesty. I think if he has caught your attention and you guys have talked and interacted and he has not extended the conversation or said, "let's get coffee" sometime--which can be a "neighborly" thing ... if he hasn't take any initiative, I'm inclined to think approaching him is a waste of time. Most likely you have already communicated your interest. I can sense just from the tone of your writing voice here that you really like this guy ... there's a 99 percent chance that came through when you have run into him or chatted with him ... remember: even nervousness is one sign of interest ... but likely your body language has already signaled interest. So if this guy can't read that, then I would say leave him alone. I'm a guy and look, sometimes I'll extend a walk with someone or chat them up extra even if I find them just half-way interesting ... So with someone who I feel a spark with, I'm definitely going to chat and show some interest ... and I'm not particularly aggressive in approaching people. 2
Fox Sake Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 (edited) Sorry to put the fox amongst the pigeons - I’m also a guy, and I am pretty bad at picking up on when a girl likes me. Maybe it’s getting better now I’m older but there are occasions where I just can’t tell- I have an idea but I’m unsure. Might I also point out I’m pretty confident. Edited August 8, 2020 by Fox Sake 1
smackie9 Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 (edited) 15 hours ago, Fox Sake said: Sorry to put the fox amongst the pigeons - I’m also a guy, and I am pretty bad at picking up on when a girl likes me. Maybe it’s getting better now I’m older but there are occasions where I just can’t tell- I have an idea but I’m unsure. Might I also point out I’m pretty confident. But that's the thing....confident guy doesn't need to know if she is or not, if he really finds her attractive, he just goes for it....shoot first ask questions later. Edited August 9, 2020 by smackie9 1
poppyfields Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 (edited) 34 minutes ago, smackie9 said: But that's the thing....confident guy doesn't need to know if she is or not, if he really finds her attractive, he just goes for it....shoot first ask questions later. Fair point, but guess what, guys get nervous too! Anxious, insecure all of it. And just like OP, he doesnt know her dating status either, and since they're close neighbors, he doesn't want to cause an awkward situation. So perhaps he's waiting for the right opportunity. OP, this is where you can help. Don't know where you live but it's summer here, why not take a stroll around the block, during sunset or something and if/when you see him, give him a smile and wave? That creates a great opportunity for him to approach! Smile be friendly! I dunno there are so many things you can do that don't involve a direct approach. But you need to do something. I wouldn't wait on him, like Fox said, many men can be clueless, and like I said, get nervous and anxious too. A gentle nudge. Edited August 9, 2020 by poppyfields 1 1
elaine567 Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 Pity he has no dog, dogs will greet each other, getting you closer too, and are an easy topic of conversation.
smackie9 Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 Just now, poppyfields said: True, but guess what, guys get nervous too! Anxious, insecure all of it. And just like OP, he doesnt know her dating status either, and since they're close neighbors, he doesn't want to cause an awkward situation. So perhaps he's waiting for the right opportunity. OP, this is where you can help. Don't know where you live but it's summer here, why not take a stroll around the block, during sunset or something and if/when you see him, give him a smile and wave? That creates a great opportunity for him to approach! Smile be friendly! I dunno there are so many things you can do that don't involve a direct approach. But you need to do something. I wouldn't wait on him, like Fox said, many men can be clueless, and like I said, get nervous and anxious too. A gentle nudge. Even the shyest guys I have met, make it happen in almost an instant. If this guy is attractive, seem cool and collective as she has described him, he wouldn't waste his time waiting for a strong signal.
Wiseman2 Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 Throw him a bone at least be friendly and approachable. If he's remotely interested, at least you'll know. 1
Fox Sake Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: But that's the thing....confident guy doesn't need to know if she is or not, if he really finds her attractive, he just goes for it....shoot first ask questions later. Maybe I’m just not as confident as I thought! I think there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. I’ve had my fair share of troubles and humility in my life, so maybe that’s why I can be unsure at times, nervous and anxious too.
poppyfields Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: Even the shyest guys I have met, make it happen in almost an instant. If this guy is attractive, seem cool and collective as she has described him, he wouldn't waste his time waiting for a strong signal. It's not always so black and white, and imo that type of thinking is one reason why folks have so much difficulty coming together. These broad assumptions have no place. He/she "should" do this or "should" do that when interested. It doesn't always work that way, there is a huge gray area, and people are complex. You say it's been your experience but you really don't know how many men may have wanted to "make it happen" but didn't due to shyness, nervousness or whatever, do you? You only know of the men who did. You also admit to being pretty assertive, even aggressive, which might help. I mean, read Fox's posts. He's a good looking man, but admits to feeling nervous and anxious, and being clueless at times. That's the real world. To the OP, gentle nudge. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Edited August 9, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Fox Sake Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 12 minutes ago, poppyfields said: It's not always so black and white, and imo that type of thinking is one reason why folks have so much difficulty coming together. These broad assumptions have no place. He/she "should" do this or "should" do that when interested. It doesn't always work that way, there is a huge gray area, and people are complex. You say it's been your experience but you really don't know how many men may have wanted to "make it happen" but didn't due to shyness, nervousness or whatever, do you? You only know of the men who did. You also admit to being pretty assertive, even aggressive, which might help. I mean, read Fox's posts. He's a good looking man, but admits to feeling nervous and anxious, and being clueless at times. That's the real world. To the OP, gentle nudge. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Thank you , I agree with everything there. The world is not black and white. And the really super confident guys are often arrogant and think they can get anyone. that’s not me. I think there is also the possibility, that if the OP does not like to put herself out of her comfort zone ever, that this can also come across to this guy as disinterest or she was just being polite because they passed each other in the street a few times. going by the posts it seems like she isn’t the sort to even make much eye contact , let alone strike up a deep conversation. If I was the Guy, I would probably question these things and wonder if there was interest there. Sometimes it’s obvious when someone likes you , but sometimes it just isn’t. So, OP, most important question. Would you consider this guy out of your league looks wise? If so then move on. If you think you’re good looking and would be a good match , then grab the opportunity to speak to him and find out more about him. You have nothing to lose apart from learning to hold your head a little higher 1
smackie9 Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 22 hours ago, poppyfields said: It's not always so black and white, and imo that type of thinking is one reason why folks have so much difficulty coming together. These broad assumptions have no place. He/she "should" do this or "should" do that when interested. It doesn't always work that way, there is a huge gray area, and people are complex. You say it's been your experience but you really don't know how many men may have wanted to "make it happen" but didn't due to shyness, nervousness or whatever, do you? You only know of the men who did. You also admit to being pretty assertive, even aggressive, which might help. I mean, read Fox's posts. He's a good looking man, but admits to feeling nervous and anxious, and being clueless at times. That's the real world. To the OP, gentle nudge. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. IMO the men who did are the ones I would appreciate more anyways. I get turned off by guys that hang back and are afraid to make a move. I personally think the OP has given this guy the green light by waving, smiling each time, saying hi.....plenty there to strike up a conversation....she has acknowledged him. And the OP mentioned, this guy seems pretty relaxed and sure of himself. 1
Allupinnit Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 I don't think you should ask him out. I'm old-school though, and every time I got up the guts to ask a dude out or even move in his direction without prompting, it didn't end well and I felt stupid and desperate. He knows how to find you and I'm with the others who say if he wants to hit you up he's had ample opportunity. Plus, I'm against sh*tting where you eat (his being your neighbor). Even if you just hooked up it would be incredibly awkward going forward. 1
Author Veronica73 Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 So, I’m just going to try to make sure I smile and wave or say hi when I run into him. Maybe introduce myself and my dog if it seems right (like somebody suggested). Somebody asked if he was out of my league looks-wise. I’d say yeah, probably. But I’ve had a couple of guys who I thought were out of my league fall in love with me, and one of them even married me. So...who knows. No accounting for other people’s taste I guess! Thanks everybody! Some really good suggestions and perspectives 3
Backinthesaddleagain Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 On 8/7/2020 at 7:20 PM, Veronica73 said: So, there is this attractive neighbor guy who I frequently cross paths with when I’m walking my dog in the morning. We usually smile and say hi. I feel like I might be interested in getting more friendly with him. But he hasn’t made any attempt to get to know me better (and he doesn’t seem like a shy guy at all). And I’m not usually the one to initiate things, and the few times I have, it has gone badly. They were totally “he’s not that into you” scenarios. But it seems like he does always take notice of me when we cross paths, even if he is in his car. Is there anyway I can low-key act more friendly towards him to slowly warm things up a little? (There is no way I’m going to just ask the guy out. He hasn’t given me much, if any encouragement (he’s probably just a naturally friendly guy), and I don’t want to make things weird with a neighbor who I will continue to cross paths with.) How can I show a little more interest and warmth, without making him uncomfortable in case he has zero interest at all? I think I’d be interested in getting to know him a little better. Or should I rely on my default position of “if he was interested he would initiate”? Yes, god forbid you make any sort of move and have a chance of getting rejected. You better just fantasize about him and get yourself a few cats. Seriously though, quit with all the brain damage and ask him if he is single. Then listen to his response and read his facial expression and body language. This should be enough for you to decide your next move. I swear you people make me laugh. Quit with the games and put yourself out there! Your "default position" is the reason your still single... Go get him girl!
Allupinnit Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 (edited) I'm not single. Happily married. EDIT: I think a lot of men who are struggling with dating would encourage you to "make the first move" - I'm just telling you from my own experience and those of my female friends and can say confidently that men don't like being chased, especially the attractive ones. They assumed I just wanted a booty call. YMMV. Edited August 11, 2020 by Allupinnit
Author Veronica73 Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 I know that me doing the initiating has always turned out badly. And in this case, he lives just half a block away. I *really* don’t want to make things awkward. Also, I wouldn’t exactly say that my “default position” is the reason I’m “still single”, considering I just got divorced a few years ago, and have dated a few people casually since then. (None of whom I made the first move with.) But thank you for the encouragement 2
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