ohso Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 I had a crazy ex years ago who continues to stalk me until this day. I'm sick and tired of going to the police that doesn't really help at all until something really serious happens. My ex is probably a sociopath who uses his crazy friends to stalk me too.I know this sounds crazy to you, but it's true. This group of people is out of control. There's no point in trying to reason with them. They seek revenge and enjoy scaring me. I'm not in a position to move countries and I'm tired of running and being stressed out all the time. I try to take care of myself, but mentally I'm exhausted. My psychologist told me that I need to accept this situation if I can't change it and it will change everything on the outside. That I need to empower myself. Honestly, this made me mad because I don't see how can someone just be ok with having many stalkers. She tried to explain it me, but this just doesn't make sense to me at all. To me her advice is very stupid and dangerous. But I don't know what else do to? Any help about this would be appreciated. Or should I just change my psychologist? What do you think? Thank you.
stillafool Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 So you've been to the Police station several times and they do nothing about it? Have you shown evidence? Have you requested a restraining order? 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 9 minutes ago, stillafool said: So you've been to the Police station several times and they do nothing about it? Have you shown evidence? Have you requested a restraining order? Agree. You need to pursue that route. You also need to reset your social media to completely private. Only known trusted individuals should be able to see your content. Google yourself and make sure your address, job, name, pics etc are not popping up all over. Never allow tech companies to protect your data, that is your job. Theirs is using users content for ad revenue. Make sure you are not posting TMI publicly. You also need to make sure you block restricted numbers and only accept calls from known contacts. Not sure what your psychologist meant by 'just accept it" since stalking is a crime in many jurisdictions. You need to bring hard evidence to the cops. Did your psychologist mean that stalking is hard to prove or that in your country/area, it is difficult to manage from a law enforcement standpoint?
Author ohso Posted August 7, 2020 Author Posted August 7, 2020 (edited) There's no evidence. I don't exist on social media. That's the problem. How do you prove stalking if I have no messages of threats or nothing. Stalkers are not stupid. They do this only in real life. They know that system doesn't work in my country at all. I'm not in the USA. The cop told me my ex is just a guy who is in love and it will pass eventually. I have nothing to say to them anymore. My psychologist didn't mean that from the jurisdiction standpoint, but purely from the psychological perspective. Edited August 7, 2020 by ohso
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 ohso, I've dealt with several stalkers and have taken three different ones to court. Here's what you need to do: Document every single instance of what your stalker does to you. This means, write it down (in long hand, could be type but to me long hand is more convincing because when looking at it a person can tell it was done at different times due to different pens used, etc.) including the date and time. With this, you'll most likely be able to get a restraining order. When your stalker defies the restraining order you can have him arrested. At least this has been my experience in two different states. Then a court date is set. The judge will deal with the guy for you. A person who hasn't been stalked has no idea of the stress it causes. It's no small matter. 2
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 Are you in the USA? If not, I don't know what to tell you.
Realitysux Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 I had cyber stalkers but they were actually helpful and I learned to appreciate them. I don't care what you say
GorillaTheater Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 7 minutes ago, Realitysux said: I had cyber stalkers but they were actually helpful and I learned to appreciate them. I don't care what you say I've been meaning to tell you that I like what you've done with your hair. 2
Realitysux Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 17 minutes ago, GorillaTheater said: I've been meaning to tell you that I like what you've done with your hair. Thanks!
Ami1uwant Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 As the other poster said you need to document writing notes. Take a video from your cell showing what this person is doing. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 You shouldn't have to be OK with it. The stalking needs to stop. Is this the same guy you were complaining about who was stalking you in 2018? At that point you said you broke up with him 4 years earlier -- so 2014. He had been in fights & was into drugs. Back then he was trashing you on line but now you say you have no on-line presence. You complained he walked close to you & stared so you wouldn't talk to him & you would go in the other direction if you could. You also said that you could not go to the police because technically he wasn't doing anything wrong. Now you say you have complained but the cops do nothing. Did you do any of the other things that were recommended to you back then? Have you taken pictures of him approaching you? Do you document every instance with date time & place in a journal of some sort? Try doing those things. Invest in some security cameras around your house & save any footage of him or his friends around your property. You need to be gathering evidence. What exactly are these people doing? How are they scaring you? What revenge do they seek? If this has been going on for 6 years, that alone should be enough to get the authorities to act. Another option should be if you are out & about go to a safe location with people & wait for them to leave. Call the police from where you are when you are approached by the stalkers. Maybe you will get lucky & the cops can catch them in the act. Make note of any witnesses. Maybe take a self defense class so you feel less vulnerable. Since you can't change countries, can you at least change neighborhoods? Vary your routines. Do not take the same routes when you are out. Go at different times during the day. Be more unpredictable. 4
Fair Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 There's no easy answers. look to the Bible maybe... be a passerby. As long as they know they're affecting you, they'll continue to do it. People are all nuts these days. 4
Author ohso Posted August 7, 2020 Author Posted August 7, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: You shouldn't have to be OK with it. The stalking needs to stop. Is this the same guy you were complaining about who was stalking you in 2018? At that point you said you broke up with him 4 years earlier -- so 2014. He had been in fights & was into drugs. Back then he was trashing you on line but now you say you have no on-line presence. You complained he walked close to you & stared so you wouldn't talk to him & you would go in the other direction if you could. You also said that you could not go to the police because technically he wasn't doing anything wrong. Now you say you have complained but the cops do nothing. Did you do any of the other things that were recommended to you back then? Have you taken pictures of him approaching you? Do you document every instance with date time & place in a journal of some sort? Try doing those things. Invest in some security cameras around your house & save any footage of him or his friends around your property. You need to be gathering evidence. What exactly are these people doing? How are they scaring you? What revenge do they seek? If this has been going on for 6 years, that alone should be enough to get the authorities to act. Another option should be if you are out & about go to a safe location with people & wait for them to leave. Call the police from where you are when you are approached by the stalkers. Maybe you will get lucky & the cops can catch them in the act. Make note of any witnesses. Maybe take a self defense class so you feel less vulnerable. Since you can't change countries, can you at least change neighborhoods? Vary your routines. Do not take the same routes when you are out. Go at different times during the day. Be more unpredictable. Thanks so much for all the advice I'm already doing a lot of it. I deleted my social media accounts in the meanwhile and I went to the police since then. I'll try to make videos as evidence. But really I get so scared that it will take time for me to set it all up. I'm afraid they'll just grab my phone if I do that. They're twice my size. Besides what evidence is a recording of a guy standing and looking at me. What crime does that prove? I should have many videos I guess. They let me know I'm being watched. I exposed some things about them in order to help some people. They obviously didn't like that. Edited August 7, 2020 by ohso
Fair Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 Just smile and walk on.. Or pretend you don't see them and or you don't give a s*** they're there. throw them off. Don't put energy into them. It's like feeding the wolves. you'll give them power. I've had stalkers. This is the only thing that worked.
major_merrick Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 If they are stalking you in person or with a vehicle and you have no way to prove that they were there.....turnabouts is fair play. They have little to no way to prove YOU were there. So, you can harass them and prank them with little to no legal consequences. These people thrive on your fear. Show them anger and retaliation instead. If they show you anger in return, there will likely be an altercation, so be prepared. If it escalates, you might solve the issue physically. Or they'll make a mistake and leave some proof that you can use against them legally. At this point, the status quo is your enemy. Do something, anything to alter it. But in the process, be prepared for it to get worse before it gets better.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 I'm sorry this is happening to you and that you can't do anything about it. I'm sure it's disconcerting at least, terrifying at most. To answer your question, there's no way to be "OK" with this. I would not be OK with an ex or his minions randomly showing up where I was just to watch me or driving by my home to see if I'm there. That's a sign of a mentally unwell person and you have a right to not be "OK" with it! 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 (edited) If you are in the USA and you keep documented notes with dates and times you can get a restraining order. It's very simple. Photos would be great but you don't need them. All you need is a list of incidents with dates and times. The first stalker I had was a stranger so I had to pick him out of a lineup with the police. The other two I knew and was sent by the police to a magistrate to get the restraining orders. These were separate incidents. The stalkers didn't know each other and happened years apart. It's not hard. It's very very simple. You've been living with this for six years! That's way too long! Edited August 8, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 (edited) Also, do you have a friend or relative you respect who would be there when you talk with the police? A pastor or a counselor? It will help you to have some support. Let them know what you are doing and keep them posted. There is no reason for you to put up with this type of treatment. I had support with me when I went to court all three times. Edited August 8, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease 1
Author ohso Posted August 8, 2020 Author Posted August 8, 2020 Thanks everyone. My friends have no clue how to help me. We don't want to do anything illegal or take matters in our hands as it would only make the situation worse. It's a very complicated situation. I sort of used to work for my ex and I quit. Long story. I kept this going for so long because I was afraid it will escalate into violence if I go the police. Restraining order is very hard to get here and it's not a guarantee I'll be safe. My ex can always send his people to harass me while in jail or something. So I was hoping this will just go away if I ignore it.
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 15 minutes ago, ohso said: Thanks everyone. My friends have no clue how to help me. We don't want to do anything illegal or take matters in our hands as it would only make the situation worse. It's a very complicated situation. I sort of used to work for my ex and I quit. Long story. I kept this going for so long because I was afraid it will escalate into violence if I go the police. Restraining order is very hard to get here and it's not a guarantee I'll be safe. My ex can always send his people to harass me while in jail or something. So I was hoping this will just go away if I ignore it. I am so sorry to read about your situation, ohso. 1
chillii Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 (edited) Sorry to hear about your sitch op , God almighty what a pathetic pain in the arse , and when all you probably wanna do is forget it all and start your life again. l'm male but still l did have a situation once it went on a few mths even after l left the state , no sm either don't believe in it. Cops couldn't touch them but to me it was insane that they were wrecking my life enough as it was yet l was expected to wreck it myself too by filming and getting evidence and getting dragged into the very world l was laving behind. l got lucky in the end with one female cop who just happened to giva damn and had a pet hate for the crap going on. So they couldn't touch them but l talked her into grabbing a partner and just knocking on their doors, just showing themselves so they'd know cops were watching. She was happy to do that and even parked outside he's house a few times. Well things slowed right down then and within a few wks completely stopped. Well worth a shot if you can talk one of the cops into it, No one likes cops watching even if they can't touch them. YET ! Edited August 8, 2020 by chillii 2
lana-banana Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 Does your therapist agree with your assessment that you are being stalked? If she believes you, then yes of course her suggestions are irresponsible and dangerous in the extreme. Nobody can empower their way out of stalking. But based on what you've provided here it's not clear to me that she necessarily believes you, or the behavior that's happening here could legally or even colloquially be classified as stalking. A written record is your friend. I had an ex who was very mentally unwell and contacted me incessantly when he was going through schizophrenic breaks, at one point asking why I was hiding a secret love child from him (we didn't have one). When he moved to my area and began contacting me again, I reached out to the police, who said they couldn't legally do anything but were kind enough to simply file a written report about my concern. That helps. Similarly, sending emails and text messages to friends saying "hey, X is happening and I'm worried for my safety" can help you protect yourself in case something bad happens.
smackie9 Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 There's safety in numbers.....the more phones taking video the less control they have.
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